hey you guys! im soo sorry for the delay , both me and my beta had our own little things to deal with , ur probobly like ya ,ya , but i am sorry , oh and you guys are freackn diabolicle man , harsh and cruel mother fuckers let me telly uo...but i wouldnt have you any other way. so enjoy the ch. let me know what you think , if you want anythign specific to happen , the more you tell me , the faster , the fatser and more you get in a ch.
to my ass kickn beta: borntodance94
BPOV
I couldn't move. There they were― the objects of my affection. Just standing there, looking just as broken as I was. A part of me had to be honest; I wanted to run to them. The look on little Alice's face made me feel like a puppy-killer. It wasn't right for a stupid little pixie vampire― who broke my heart― to look at me like I as the one who left. It wasn't right… or fair. She left me… they all left me. They could have stayed with me, even if Edward had left.
Then that other stupid "forgiving" part of me said I couldn't be selfish. They probably had a reason to leave me, too. Yeah, because you weren't good enough for them, either, you idiot!
I couldn't keep all my emotions at bay. I could see Jasper flinch from time to time until he was clutching at his sides. He fell to the ground as I pushed waves of resent, hate, and sadness full blast into them all― I wasn't specifically targeting him. I didn't mean to make him suffer so much. Who I really wanted to watch suffer was Edward. It used to be hard to even think his name…. Now all I wanted to do was shout it; to tear him limb from limb and let him feel all he had done to me. It was too hard to reign in the amount of hurt he had caused.
There was no "normal" life for me. I was never normal, and I never will be. I was broken beyond repair from both my human life and my vampire years. There was no in-between. No compromise.
I could feel the familiar tingling in my fingertips. Deciding it wasn't safe for either humans or vampires, I grabbed my stuff from the bench next to me. My family wouldn't try to look for me because I was usually out today anyway. I could be alone for a bit. I needed to breathe… I needed to think. For fuck's sake, I needed to have a minute to myself, where there were no stares or ogles. No pathetic attempts at "not remembering" today. No Edward or Alice. No Savanna― as good as her intentions were― trying to help me "remember." In fact, I remember everything from my human life quite clear and perfectly. I could only wish that I didn't remember.
I would only be so lucky. I don't want to remember. I wish I could forget everything. Or at least let go of the memories that other vampires seem to be able to wish they could preserve. They can have it! There is nothing in the world that could make me want to see everything that was done and said, replayed in my mind every time I close my eyes. Every minute of every day, I can see them… see the people I had once loved... the people that had left me behind to die a slow, long, painfully torturous death.
I scoffed in the silence of the halls; like they cared. They weren't following me. They weren't desperately trying to earn my forgiveness ...or even making themselves known― well, besides the fact that I had seen them. They might not even know it's me….
No. The looks on their faces told me all I needed to know. They knew who I was, whether or not they liked it, wanted to admit it, or even saw it themselves. They knew.
Not watching where I was going, I just ran where my legs took me.
EPOV
Her voice was… indescribable. There were no words that could match the description of how it seemed to snake through all of the kids' voices here. How it seemed to physically reach out and touch my dead heart.
There was no way to say how I felt. There was a tugging in my stomach... in my soul. Normally, I would never even think about the fact that I could have a soul. But that voice of hers was like a visible cloud of smoke, a dark black cloud with a line connected to it. Fishing for the souls of everyone in the room, including me. Demanding to be heard.
I could feel from her the sorrow and the pain. I wanted to shed tears imagining what she was referring to― the innocence of being naïve and ignorant to the world around you…. The way she never was. The way she probably wished she could be. The way we all, at one time, had wished to be. And sometimes still do.
There was no doubt on my mind as to who she was talking about, someone walking away. But did she really feel that way? Did she really want me back? For some reason, I found that impossible. Maybe she really did want me back. Maybe I would have a chance.
No. I probably didn't. She was probably referring to some undeserving twit that now had her attention. She could never want me again. I was a monster. A liar, and a sinner of the highest sins. There was nothing that could cleanse me enough to make me worthy of her shadow.
The thoughts of all these children came rushing back at me. The little they had seen of Bella wasn't exactly the way I had pictured her. Broken and torn. Even the humans could tell there was something wrong with her.
The thoughts, although juvenile as they were, weren't too far fetched. There was someone who had broken her heart. Someone who had torn her security to shreds; Left her to die in the cold world.
But I had wanted her to live a normal life, to get better from her past. Not to make her future worse. Alice had seen them coming for her. Who they were, we never knew. Never found out. But they were there, and then when we left… they disappeared. I had thought my plan had worked out perfectly.
I thought that she was safe, now that we weren't in her life anymore. But obviously, I was wrong. They had come and found her. That, or she had suffered the same fate― if not worse, anyway.
Cellar door -cellar door- cellar door- cellar door-cellar door- cellar door- cellar door-[cellar door by escape the fate]
BPOV
It was already dark by the time I headed back home. I could say that I had thought long and hard, that I had an answer to my questions― but, in reality, there was nothing. A whole bunch of unanswered questions… and a whole bunch of answers that made no sense.
I felt like I was waiting or something. But I couldn't think of anything I would be waiting for… there was nothing for me to be waiting for. I knew that. Without a doubt, there was nothing and no one that I needed; it was all up to me. I would take care of myself. No one else. When I walked up to the door of the house, I took a step back off of the shimmering porch to take in the view.
The house was magnificent, almost better than the Cullen's old place. A picket fence surrounded the lush green gardens― a utopia of color and texture, spiraling in a whirlwind of color and shapes. Just looking at it, you could imagine yourself in another world. A world filled with humble magical creatures, like fairies and nymphs, their beauty subtly shining through every move they made. The look of innocence in their eyes. They are naïve figures of a world beyond humans. They don't trick you, lie to you, or steal from you. The world is their playground.
They don't hunt. They fool around, creating mischief, not havoc. There is a difference between the two. Savanna looked at me from between the shades of the blinds. She could tell there was something wrong, and with her power, she could see it had to do with the Cullen's. That was, if she didn't know almost exactly what was going on.
Unfortunately, that meant that she probably also knew that I was hiding something from her― like my whole life.
I looked back up to gauge her reaction, to see if she would let me see into those deep gold-ringed eyes. She was already away from the window. She was giving me my privacy, but also telling me that she knew what was going on. She was basically telling me that I was in trouble.
A humorless laugh escaped my sealed lips. It sounded cold and cynical even to my ears. I could either go through the front door and cause a scene or ignore everyone there, or , I could try my hand at sneaking in the back past everyone, and avoiding confrontation altogether.
I laughed again, wincing at the sound. I decided to take my chances in sneaking in. I was going to have to face them anyway, but it was for the best if I had a better feel of it, being on my time, not theirs.
I passed the familiar silver Volvo that was parked next to a deep burgundy jeep. Holding in a wince as I walked around back, I hissed when I heard Savanna telling everyone that I had something to tell them.
I did not have anything to say to anyone. There was nothing to make it better. It was already done. What was said was said, and couldn't be taken back. Not that they would want to take any of it back.
"And, uh…when exactly were you planning to tell us about you?" Savanna was right there at my bedroom window. Not even waiting for me to get inside― or to even answer her stupid questions― she just began shooting them off.
"Do we even know the real Bella? You obviously still remember them! Why in God's name you wouldn't tell us you had another family that still loved you is beyond―"
"Um, correction," I cut her off. "They don't love me― that's exactly why I didn't tell you. They haven't been there for me since I was―"
"What do you mean they don't love you?!" It was now her turn to interrupt me. "Anyone with half a brain can tell that they've missed you!"
"No, San, they don't. They wouldn't have left me if they did."
"But―"
"No! If you would actually listen to me, you'd understand. I wouldn't tell you about my human life. Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have let you think I didn't remember, but I had a reason for not telling you. You guys felt bad enough for me already. I didn't like the pity; if you felt like that for me being changed and left alone, how would you have felt if I told you I had a family before you. They were vampires, too, but guess what? They kinda left me before I changed. So not only would I have had the means to either stay human, but also I would have had a leader…. What would you have done then? Hmm?"
Her silence was enough for me.
"Exactly…. That's why I never told you."
Savanna had a tendency to go overboard on things. She reminded me of a mixture between Edward and Alice. She loved fashion and shopping, and when it came to my well-being, she was like a mother lion protecting her cub.
It could get on a girl's nerves, but I knew she was only trying to help. There was no Carlisle or Esme or Rosalie in our group. There was an Alice/Edward… there was an Emmett/Jasper. That was the extent of it
That was another reason why I loved this family― but I also resented them for it.
Everyone was pretty much speechless. I left them all to go into the attic. It was one of my favorite places in the whole world.
There was nothing extra special about our attic― no, it was just a regular insulation-filled, dust bunny attracter. I just liked it because I loved it. It was as simple as that. It was a place for me to be alone. I wrote my best songs in attics or on roofs. There was always a basement, but I seemed to like the attic more.
I loved the basement, too, don't get me wrong… but there was just something about watching the rain. Now, I'm not a huge fan of it or anything, but the rain was connected to me. It was imbedded into very my essence.
I let myself drift into a state of numbness….
I felt powerless as I saw the scene unfolding before me. I couldn't change it now, it was too fuzzy. I had to wait for more information, for it to clear it up. There were people, lots and lots of people. The smell of fresh and old blood mingled in the walls, like they were made of bones. The walls were soft, so very wet and cold... like they were made of human flesh.
The smell told me they were; the people locked in cages, eyes clouding in pain― yet glassy with tears― told me… it was. The tile I stepped onto was sluggish. With every move I made, I could fee the screams vibrating around me.
They were so loud it almost shattered the walls… almost. The halls began to form a V-shape, lowering until they met at the very tip of the 'v.' There was a door; I could touch it.... I turned the rusting knob.
"Leave her alone! She's in The Wake! Leave her! Brace!"
Savanna's voice took away with her the rest of my Walk. I felt two cold hands gripping my forearms, shaking me.
"Bella! Bella! Isabella, answer me!" A silky smooth velvety voice I would know anywhere― even if an eternity had passed me by― threw me off guard. Edward's voice screamed out to me.
The shocks quaking through me where catastrophic. I had been was so close to opening the door! That stupid cellar door that I had been waiting to get into for weeks and weeks. I was so close I could taste almost it. The fact was that I wouldn't have gotten to open it, yet I knew that was irrelevant right now. Edward― no matter how much I loved him― had just interrupted my Walk through the Wake. My eyes snapped open... and I was pissed.
You want to be loved but you won't let anyone in.
You want to push me away, but when I'm gone you cry.
I'm tired of not feeling good enough.
sorry for the corny wlk throught the wakr crap , couldnt think of anything else. my comp is officially freaking out on me so ill be working from the library at school , not aot of time , the more info i get the more youll get so you guys give me ideas!
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