hey you guys have my amazin cuz jojo for this. if she hadnt i dont know when i would have gotten this out so..shout out to jo , i 3 ya. ne-waz , i love yall and im sorry it took soo long , lots of crap to deal with , wish me luck [on life]. And there is a poll up , a new one , need to know for the nxt ch! have fun kiddies , enjoy!

33

"If you don't get off of me right now I swear to God, you will regret it." My voice clipped. I didn't even wait for Edward to take his hands off of me as I shoved him to the side.

It felt good to push him to the ground. I guess after all of that thinking that I wasn't good enough it was all coming back, all of the hate and anger. I was pretty okay before they came back. I was just a little quiet and sarcastic, only a little cynical and not too cold just enough to keep people away for good. I didn't want anyone else to be hurt by me. It wasn't right to do to them. If they wanted more than a quick glance-they were sadly mistaken.

"Bella? I'm, I'm so sorry. I- I just....I thought...I don't know..." he sighed.

Completely ignoring him I turned back to Savanna, "Is there something you guys needed?" To be honest, I was being a bitch with my clipped tone and hard eyes, but she should have known better than to let him anywhere near me especially when I had just explained my situation with her and the others...where were they during all of this?

I turned to see Brace against the wall being held by Emmett. Brace was a big guy and could handle himself on any known occasion. Don't get me wrong...but Emmett? Who could take him down besides Rosalie? My point exactly, I growled low from the back of my throat warning Emmett to let go. I had no qualms with him or Jasper, hell, even Rosalie was okay enough in my book-and that's the only book that mattered-but Alice and Edward were far from okay with me.

"Emmett, please, behave yourself. We are in someone else's house." Esme came into the room chastising Emmett. He immediately let go of Brace and stepped away as he scrambled from the floor and walked to Savanna. Carlisle walked ahead of Esme and came to shake my hand.

"Bella, is such a pleasure to see you again. All is well I hope?" He asked trying to be the only civilized one in the house besides Esme. Honestly, if it wasn't for her I'd have ripped Edward to shreds already.

"Yes, everything is fine…nice to see you again too Carlisle." I took his hand in mine. The temperature wasn't like what I was expecting. Instead of the cold stone hands I had once left I felt they were slightly warmer, softer hands of a vampire. I don't know why it shocked me but it did. Esme looked so broken in the corner waiting for me to come to her or at least acknowledge her presence. Smiling as warmly as I possibly could, I looked over to her.

"Esme, how are you?" I asked with my arms spread for her to step into. Immediately, she cried out and fell into my arms. Alice hid herself behind Jasper more and let a small almost inaudible sob escape her- almost.

I couldn't let Alice cry like that ever again. As much as she had hurt me, I could never hurt her.

"As much as it pains me to say it....come her Alice." She didn't hesitate-not once-as she ran into my arms. Lie it was a sanctuary, a long lost home for her to finally feel the warmth after a snow storm, and the light to see after years of darkness. It made me feel loved and wanted.

"You are," Jasper said. It warmed my heart to hear that knowing he knew everything I felt.

"Thank you." He just nodded obviously afraid to say too much in front of the rest of the family; it was a good thing too because I probably would have kicked his ass if he told anyone anything out loud. At that he chuckled probably feeling my rage and relief, putting two and two together. A small chuckle escaped my lips; I turned to the only other person in the room-Edward.

****

She had never had so much...passion in her voice, so much assurance, but there was a hitch when she said my name. I tried not to give it to much thought especially not now seeing as she looked about ready to murder me. If I slept, I'd have been very scared. She had a fire in her eyes that did a very good job of hiding her pain and hurt. Not the same pain and hurt I had seen in those very few weeks I had been with her but a different more vivid pain. I hadn't thought she would react like this to our departure. I thought she secretly hated what we were anyway. She couldn't love me could she? After all that we had done in our pasts? I hadn't thought it possible, and then that day in the woods, the day she almost said it. I could tell what she was going to say before she had even opened her mouth. That's why I knew…thought I knew. I had to say what iI did then. It was cold, hard, and cruel, but I said it anyway hoping that she would get over us and go on with her life.

God, how cliché is that?

The arrogant man doing what he thought was right for his women no matter the costs; doing something he knew would hurt her but thought it best this way instead? His way instead.

If I had been in my right mind I wouldn't have done any such thing, but the way they had looked at her like she was a piece of meat. There was nothing more that I wanted then to have them away from her. I had mistakenly thought they would go if we left her. Maybe they did, maybe she was turned another way. My logic whispered, but it was so faint. I didn't know if it would do any good although that was true. She had a family now, but she could have picked them up after the fact. Maybe she even made them herself.

That thought was pushed aside as soon as it had entered. She wasn't the type of person, but then again, I didn't think she could hold all the anger she had then. Now, she obviously held even more. No need to ask who that hate is for you idiot. The only thoughts I could never escape-my own. I had become rather resistant in the time when I was nothing more than a shelf of my former self. A few times I almost stooped to hunting humans, but I couldn't go through with it. Not because of Carlisle or Esme, Alice, Jasper or even Emmett, it was because every time I got close-I saw her-my angel from heaven, Bella.

The name sent a pang of need and desperation almost consumed me before the hate did. I hadn't felt that in a few hours. After seeing Bella my body seemed to just shut itself down. There was no more feeling and for that I was glad, but now that it was all coming back, it just didn't feel very good. That's not saying much.

"Edward, you should probably answer the question, stop daydreaming, it won't help your situation any if you are zoning out all the time."

I almost jumped at Jasper's words, pulling myself out of my thoughts I looked to him, who was looking at Bella, who in turn was looking at me...murderously, great.

"I'm sorry of I'm not interesting enough to hold your attention Edward, but then I should have been more sensitive to knowing my place." Her words cut me deep.

I thought about the night I had left her to deal with the "death" of her father and boyfriend. There was enough fabricated evidence that she would be free and clear. Oh, we made sure of that, but it still wasn't right to do. If I could have stayed I could have helped and I could have saved her form a worse fate.

Then again, she would have grown closer to us and the family would have never let me go. I can't recall how they let me go in the first place, but I do remember they weren't very happy. They didn't let me go very quickly.

"Maybe I should reiterate? I asked if you planned to stay the night as everyone else has. I need to get somethings taken care of. If there is going to be a problem with you staying here then I need to take care of it now before I leave." Looking at me expectantly, I felt a little on edge. I couldn't read her mind, and the cold dead look she was sending me was just a little terrifying.

"Well?" she snapped.

I don't know what it was. I just couldn't keep my emotions in check, but I regretted it as soon as it came out.

"I'm thinking," I snapped back.

"Think faster."

"Learn some patience."

"You should talk."

"I have patience little girl-more than you do."

"Screw that." I don't know what it was about, that word coming out of Bella's mouth, but it always got me. She knew that. Through snaked eyes, I was practically spitting words.

"Screw you."

"You wish," she scoffed.

Damn she's right. I couldn't help but think about how all those nights, all these nights seeing as I still have those feelings, how all I really wanted to do was screw her.

Screw her until she couldn't walk; screw her brains out; make love to her; hold her; kiss her; hug her, as if sensing my thoughts, she had a mixture of smugness and cynical satisfaction and resentment on her face. In her eyes they were light like a fire, gold and brown clashing together. Doing a double take, I looked again. Her eyes were the most beautiful I had ever seen. Yes, she had the golds of a vegetarian family, but she also had a starburst of the chocolate brown they used to have.

Just seeing it, it could bring tears to my eyes. Remembering her in my arms, it was like a bitter sweet torture. She just scoffed and left.

After about 2 minutes of complete silence Alice came in through the door.

"What was that?!" she yelled. "Edward, you know I have tried to be patient with you. Hell, I'm probably the only one who doesn't plan on killing you every 5 seconds. But, come on you can't honestly be that stupid can you?"

"Stupid?" how was I being stupid? She was snapping at me."

"How long has it been? Do you even know what year it is? And, it's not like you couldn't try to get off your ass and-"

"Get off my ass? What the hell Alice? It's just a little shocking. She fucking walked out on me, and its my fault? I'm being stupid? How do you figure that? I mean really, come on! I just found out the love of my life is alive, maybe not well, and it's my fault. I know, but I'm acting stupid? Excuse me-if my brain cells haven't caught up with me!"

She sat there giving me a pointed look, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"You know exactly-"

"Give it a rest Alice-please for one fucking minute- give it a rest!" I stalked out of the room not wanting to hear the rest of what she had to say.