Chapter Thirty Eight:
Conundrum
"You fought. Like a shinigami." He deadpanned, looking at her. He was there, steady, effortless, as he always was.
Why? WHY?! Why did she ALWAYS end up in bad situations?!
"Ul-Ulquiorra, I-" She stuttered.
"You need to come with me. Now." His voice was monotone, solid.
"That- that was-" She frantically searched for some excuse- a random finding of power? Maybe she could say it was a zanpakutoh attack of hers? Maybe she randomly read a shinigami book?? No, those were all stupid- It was a shinigami attack, and to do that, she much have been trained as one.
That would mean admitting that she remembered her shinigami memories- and Aizen might not believe that she had told the whole truth before. He would probably be angry at her, and if he didn't believe her- she shuddered at the thought of his reiatsu crushing her again, or worse- maybe he would hand her over to Szayel for testing-
"Seren." His voice came again, steady.
Damn you, Ulquiorra. Damn you!
It had only been a moment inside her head, but it had all felt like a century. She looked up at him, willing defiance into her limbs, even though they felt like lead weights attached to her seizing heart.
"Fine." She pronounced through her teeth. She picked up Fuerda and walked towards Ulquiorra, avoiding the shocked glances of Grimmjow and Kimi, the scandalized looks of Mila Rose, Sunsun, and Apache, and the plain dumbfounded looks of Grimmjow's fraccion.
She walked past Ulquiorra, leading the way back to his room.
The cards lay scattered on the floor, forgotten.
Seren furiously stalked ahead of Ulquiorra. She didn't care if he was supposed to take her to Aizen- he was going to have to chase her down- wait, maybe she could pretend to be innocent and dumb, not knowing what she had done, faking confusion. Wait, it was too late for that. Ulquiorra knew that she realized what she had done. And she knew better than to rely on him to lie for her. Darn it. She bit her lip. What was she supposed to do? She had to figure something out before they got to his room. And since they were flash stepping, that would be in a minute.
What could she do?
"Seren." His voice came again, but she ignored it, inflicting her fury and fear on him. If only he hadn't come- Grimmjow might not be the brightest bulb in the box, but he wasn't a brainless follower of Aizen.
A thousand plans and idea flowed into her head, all rejected, all drowning in the growing whirlpool of fear and hopelessness in her. Maybe she could escape, she thought desperately. Jump out of the window- the necklace could shock her, but it couldn't derail her entirely- right? Or, there was always the third option, which she chose not to think of. Fuerda lay at her side, heavy, a reassuring weight.
Now would be a good time to think of something, Rabaeth. She hissed inside her head.
But Rabaeth lay silent.
Dammit! She thought, gritting her teeth together. YOU got me into this. You told me to test my powers! Answer me, Rabaeth!
Wait, maybe Ulquiorra could help her. He liked her right? She didn't bother him too much. Maybe he could just keep quiet about it. He was her protector- could she trust him? He had saved her life! He was so kind. And she did trust him, even though she hated to admit it; perhaps feel something for him…
Then she felt a sharp twisting of her gut in anger. Of course not! He was Aizen's little pet, probably sent to befriend her just to confuse her and lead her to believe that she might actually have some loyalty to this place!
She wouldn't put it past him, Aizen was such a twisted guy.
"Seren." He said again, angrier this time. Seren spun around. She knew she shouldn't be so mad at him- he probably hadn't intended to come in at the wrong moment- but that like a dam of sticks before a raging river.
"What?!" She spat.
He raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise.
"You," she shot, "are such a conundrum, you know that?"
He blinked at her. "What?"
"You," she pointed a finger at him, advancing slowly, "always come in at the right moment, don't you? You ruin everything for me. You stood by for the whole lamp thing while I was tortured, the necklace that traps me, whatnot! Do you have any idea how it feels not to be able to control your own life? Do you have any idea? And yet, you are so unbelievably courteous about it, for some reason! You can confuse anyone, even somebody like me!" His eyes slowly grew wider, not understanding where she was going. She didn't, either.
"You, yes you, Ulquiorra Schiffer, are nice about this, like you believe that what you're doing is right!" Where was she going with this? She felt a moment of confusion, but the words poured out of her mouth. She wanted him to understand, to be confused for once! To at least watch the emotion play across his face. "And you can even perhaps, fool me, the one you're keeping under lock and key, to believe that you might even consider sticking up for me! I almost, I am this close to believing that you might even like me, that I can trust you." She was an inch away from him now, her lavender eyes glaring into his. "You are twisting my heart!"
"And now, of course now that common sense is kicking in," she finished, "you are going to tell Aizen about this whole thing, and he is going to punish me or whatever. I get to be crushed or tortured or handed over to Szayel for testing or whatever the hell they do in this place!"
An open expression of surprise- no, amazement- blanketed his usually calm face.
She stood there, panting, eyes burning. She was amazed that she had ACTUALLY just said that, to ULQUIORRA of all people. In about a minute, he was going to kill her. But she had to take advantage of this opportunity, now that she'd finally opened a weakness in him.
She was so close to him, face to face. She could feel his breath on her face.
"What do you want from me, Ulquiorra?" She asked quietly.
He looked at her- his green didn't seem hard as emeralds anymore, but soft, melting. For a moment all they did was look into each other's eyes. Then, ever so slowly, he raised his hands to her face.
Seren didn't show any fear, only impatience for his answer.
His white fingers rested on her cheekbones, touching her face.
Seren didn't even blink- she was holding her breath.
His eyes were intense, burning. The tension built. Seren felt her heart speeding up, for no reason she could pin down-
Then in a moment, the tension collapsed, and he broke away.
"You are a tool to Aizen," he said quietly, but there was no feeling, no force behind it.
"You don't mean that. Do you even understand what I'm talking about?" She whispered softly, not moving an inch. "Do you even know what feelings are?"
He blinked at her.
" Of course not." Her eyes slid to the floor, then she walked away. She prepared to flash step-
"I won't tell him if you don't want me to," he said softly.
She turned around. "I don't want you to get hurt on my account," she whispered. Then she raced away before he could say another word.
Ulquiorra wondered what all that had been.
Apparently, coming from Gimmjow, women were crazy, especially once they started talking about their hearts and love and feeling or whatnot.
He would know.
Grimmjow was a womanizer.
Not for a second time, did he sense again, the thrill that maybe- no. It couldn't be. Could Seren maybe be as confused as he was? Could she perhaps feel the same about him as he did about her?
He felt something inside him flutter at that thought.
Seren got all the way to the room before he caught up. Well, at least she'd gotten faster. He probably could have caught up if he wanted to, but he must have let her go ahead. Well, of course. Ever courteous Ulquiorra.
Sometimes she wished he was flat out mean; at least he would be easy to understand!
God, she was so confused!
"Explain what happened. How is it that you, after lying comatose for a week, have suddenly gained shinigami powers?"
Oh, he was here.
"I'm not going to send you to Aizen. Just explain." He was gentler this time, with the patience only Ulquiorra could possess.
Grimmjow or Aizen would have ceroed her by now.
"I don't know." She almost spat it.
"Yes, you do."
"Fine," she muttered. She started to yell it, then stopped. She didn't want him mad at her.
Seriously, why couldn't she ever play nice?
"Well, fine, I'm through with secrets. Do you wanna know why I care about people? Why I'm a nice person? How I have feelings? Well, here's why: I remember my life as a shinigami, before I was turned into a hollow!"
His eyes widened.
He seemed to be doing that a lot more often lately.
Oh well, she thought. You know me. I'm just a jack-in-the-box full of surprises. She sighed and rubbed her forehead.
"I was a vice captain of the Gotei Thirteen." Why was she telling him this, why?
Shut up, mouth. Seriously, just close. Don't let anything else out. And tongue, stop wagging!
"Then I was promoted to one of the royal guard. And then I was killed by one of Aizen's early experiments, a hollow with my powers created from my DNA. And then my friend the mad scientist, that Urahara guy, used a primitive form of the Hougyoku to turn me into an Arrancar. I remembered my life- which is weird now, apparently. Unfortunately, it had flaws. I lost control, and he sent me to Hueco Mundo, and sealed my memories out of kindness so I wouldn't remember and be tortured by it." She paused for breath, letting the tirade and tension slide out of her mouth.
"Then your mad pink-haired-apparently-not-gay scientist Szayel undid his block, I remembered part of it, but my zanpakutoh spirit held the rest back. After I was attacked by Nnoitra, my zanpakutoh revealed this to me after he took me out of my body. That's why I was out in a coma for so long. I was having a nice long chat with my Zanpakutoh. There. You have the whole story. I hope you're happy." She finished bitterly.
"And the thing is, I don't even know why I just told you that! I shouldn't trust you! I should hate you!" Seren was pulling at her hair. "But I don't! I can't bring myself to hate you! You've saved my life, you're so damn nice to me! Why?!"
Only silence.
Uh oh. What if she had just admitted that to an empty room? Maybe he ran off while she was rampaging, or maybe she had actually succeeded in scaring him off! Perhaps that was it! She didn't dare hope-
"Seren."
Of course not.
"Well, if you really did just tell me the whole truth, I will tell you mine."
She looked up. That one was a surprise.
"…What?" She whispered softly.
"If you are confused because you wonder why I'm polite, Aizen wanted me to befriend you because he figured that if you love something, you will stay by it. Thus my being kind- it was only for Aizen's purpose and his purpose only- and your confusion. He was right, his plan worked." He didn't even change his voice.
Seren looked up. "I… I should have known." She put her face into her hands, willing the pain to go away.
She heard the swish, swish of his pants as he walked towards her. He stopped right in front of her.
She held her breath. If she spoke, she would surely break.
"Seren."
Why? Part was remembering the full tragedy of her past life. Of course, Aizen's plan had been working perfectly. She hadn't realized that she had liked him until it was severed and crushed- and now she realized just how deep she had allowed herself to feel for Ulquiorra Schiffer.
"Seren."
She couldn't take it anymore.
She looked up at him, tears lightly spilling down her face. "I should have known! Of course!" She cried. "I should have known better! Do you know I trusted you, relied on you? I- all right, I'll admit it- I was this close to loving you! All those times you were nice were fake?! I'm just glad that whoever this awful thing that controls fate finally took pity on my heart and had you tell me the truth, before I got too attached! I actually liked you!" She stood up, an inch away from him. "I was fooled!" She turned to the side, avoiding his gaze. "Thanks for telling me the truth, anyways. Go ahead and tell Aizen about my whole lying about the memory thing. I hope he kills me." She spun around, viciously wiping away the tears that traveled down her face.
"Seren. I said I won't tell him."
She turned around. "You said so if I told you I didn't. Well, I do. At least if he kills me I won't have to face tomorrow morning."
She strode towards the door.
"Where are you going?" He called behind her.
"I'm going to Grimmjow's. At least I can trust him!" She ran out the doorway and slammed the door shut behind her.
