ROLLERCOASTER

-x-

Risk Assessment

-x-

A hideous silence hung over the group, like a stifling fog. Tasha focussed on her knees as she sat in the motionless, gloomy huddle of friends. She wondered whether the others' hearts were thrumming and minds whirling under their superficially placid stances, as hers were. For some time, the only movement Tasha was aware of was the automatic nervous jiggling of her own leg.

'Two hours,' announced Geordi, suddenly. The others looked at him for a moment, before falling back into their own silent introspection once more.

There was another long pause.

'This gathering was not intended to be a vigil,' added Data, eventually, breaking the silence.

'What else could it be?' replied Geordi.

'I had hoped to spend the hours before the hearing amongst friends,' Data responded, 'much like yesterday evening when we assumed that I was resigning…'

'You just wanted more presents…' muttered Wesley with a faint smile.

'Not so, Wesley.' Data frowned. 'Is that what you believe? Is that the reason why you all appear to be so… uncomfortable with this gathering?'

Wesley shook his head, a little embarrassed. 'Gallows humour, Data.'

'"Gallows Humour"…?' Data's frown of confusion deepened. 'I do not believe that any outcome of this hearing will result in my being sent to the Gallows. Not only has that method of execution not been used since…'

'Stop trying to make us feel better,' Tasha snapped, suddenly.

'I am not,' Data told her, calmly. 'I am merely…'

'Yes you are!' Tasha tried to stop her knee jiggling, but couldn't. 'Stop being so... so Data about this,acting like everything's gonna be OK. It's not.'

'Tasha…' Deanna put a soothing hand on her friend's shoulder, but Tasha batted it away.

'How can we stand this? How can you expect any of us to stand this?' She got to her feet, impulsively. 'I can't bear this any longer.'

'Tasha?'

She marched briskly to the door, without looking back, and let herself out into the corridor before she could give herself chance to change her mind.

The door slid open again almost as soon as it had closed behind her.

'Tasha.'

She ground to a halt, taking in a deep breath, but didn't turn around. 'Go back to your party, Data.'

'You appear to be taking my unfortunate predicament particularly personally, Lieutenant. Need I remind you that this is not your battle to be won, but mine.'

Tasha finally turned on her heel to look at him. She found that his blank, collected stance only infuriated her more.

'There shouldn't be a battle, Data! The very fact that they're making you fight like this is proof that it's unfair. Don't you understand? They're going to rip you apart…'

'They will not,' replied Data, calmly, 'as far as I can help it…'

Tasha threw her hands up in the air. 'Oh, and how are you going to do that? Sit politely in a dock and ask them nicely not to abuse you? Let me tell you, Data,' she continued, pointing furiously at the android, 'I know men like that Bastard Maddox. I've seen that look in his eye a hundred times before. That's the look people get when they want to pull the legs off a spider or pour salt on a slug just to see what'll happen. That's the look people get when they want to tear something insignificant to pieces and put it back together again all wrong, and no amount of talk is going to make them stop.'

'How else do you propose that I should attempt to defy Maddox?'

'Run,' Tasha hissed. 'You're fast enough, you're strong enough… what is there to stop you turning tail right now, stealing a shuttle and vanishing into the infinite?'

'There is you to stop me.' Data quirked his head a little at her. 'As the Chief of Security, surely it would be your responsibility to do all that you could to prevent my escape.'

'Data,' she whispered, even though the corridor was empty, 'please, just run, OK?'

Data paused for a second. 'I believe that you are suggesting that your personal support of my cause might lead you to wilfully neglect your duties to the ship in the case of my attempted flight; the consequences of which would be considerable. I do not wish for you to jeopardise your career or your liberty for the sake of this argument.'

'Data…' Tasha warned.

'Therefore,' Data concluded, 'I shall not give you the opportunity to do so. I shall attend the hearing as planned. For many years now I have placed my trust in Starfleet, and have found kinship and protection in return. I have faith in their judgement.' He paused again. 'Do you not, Lieutenant? You have devoted your life to serving Starfleet. I sincerely hope that recent events have not dissuaded you from that loyalty.'

Tasha shook her head, slowly. 'I just don't know any more, Data. Starfleet seemed so pure to me, so right and just after the world I'd known growing up. But this…? If they do this, Data, if they go through with what Maddox has in mind… then they're no better than the rape gangs that used to trawl through the sewers of my colony.'

'You equate Maddox's proposed experiments with the rapes you endured?'

'I saw the innocent and defenceless being dehumanised, enslaved, violated and often killed,' Tasha replied, fiercely counting off each point with her fingers. 'They've already started dehumanising you by making you beg for your right to self-autonomy. The rest can't be far behind. And you're supposed to just sit there and take it? We're all just supposed to simply carry on as normal and let it happen? No way, Data. I'm not gonna stand idly by. I'm gonna get you out of this.'

'As much as I welcome any assistance being offered to me in this case, and as advantageous as it would be for me to, as you put it, "get out" of this situation, I must still refuse to allow you to help me through any illegal means. Perhaps you can assist the Captain in building a solid defence.' Data took a step closer to Tasha. 'Would you please return to the gathering in my quarters with me? Should the judgement not fall in my favour, it would be unfortunate for my last memory of you to be one as angry as you are now.'

'I most certainly will not,' Tasha seethed. 'You need that anger, Data. You deserve that anger. You… you…'

Without thinking, she lashed out both hands, grabbed the front of his uniform, pulled him into her and crushed her lips to his. She was vaguely aware of how aggressive an act it was, and that the corridor they were standing in, while still empty for the time being, was far from secluded, but the fury and desperation jangling through her nerves overrode her misgivings. She grabbed the back of his head and forced her tongue into his unprotesting mouth. It took a moment for Data to react in any way, only bringing into sharp focus Tasha's memory of their brief tryst – the occasional pauses as he processed which would be the most suitable response to her desires – and then… and then…

It was just as he brought his own hand up to her hair, and ran his tongue against hers that she pulled away from him.

'You keep hold of that anger, Data,' she gasped. 'Just you remember how angry this has made me. I will see you again. I am going to get you out of this.'

'Tasha…' he frowned as she speedily backstepped away from him, 'with regards to what just…'

'I'll get you out of this,' repeated Tasha quickly, drowning out his voice. This was not the time to discuss her reasons behind having just kissed him. Not least, because she honestly had no explanation to give herself. She turned tail and hurried away from him before either of them could do or say any more.

-x-

Tasha sat in her little corner of the bar, sipping slowly at a coffee and pretending not to watch Picard – pretending not to see him wrack his brains, and worry, and silently despair.

She had to go over to him. She had to help him. She had promised. She just wished that there were some other way. She knew where the information she had to tell Picard would lead, and how little she wanted to go there, and how little she believed it would even make any sort of difference. But it was all she had, and she'd promised. She had to try. She had to try.

She got up from her corner and moved over to the Captain's small table, breathing deeply in an attempt to calm her nerves.

'How's it going?' she murmured.

Picard peered back at her from beneath a creased forehead. 'How specifically do you mean?'

'As specifically as you're allowed.'

'Not well,' admitted the Frenchman, quietly. 'I know that's the last thing you want to hear,' he added.

'It's the last thing any of us want to hear, right?'

Picard nodded in sad agreement. 'I know that you've been particularly vociferous in your opposition to this… this…' The Captain trailed off.

'This travesty?' completed Tasha. 'Yes, I have, Sir. But then, it wasn't much more than a year ago that it was us who were in his shoes; called to defend our right to exist against a conceited being who considered us little more than playthings, and I protested against that until I was very literally blue in the face. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to sit back and let somebody else do exactly the same thing to another person.'

'Another person who stood shoulder to shoulder with us in the dock for mankind's judgement,' Picard added with a sigh. 'I know, Tasha. The irony is certainly not lost on me, either.'

'This shouldn't be happening, Sir. He's sentient. He has a personality. Anyone can understand that…'

'Apparently not,' Picard replied, quietly. 'At least, not in the short space of time I have to make them understand.' He paused. 'I need something… something to show them the Data we know. Something to show them his… well, for want of a better word, his soul. I've even gone so far as rifling through his personal artefacts, and I'm afraid I really didn't find terribly much. I need something else. If only I knew what it was I was looking for.'

There was a long pause. Tasha closed her eyes, pressed the sweaty palms of her hands together and took a deep breath.

'Sir, I'd like to testify.'

'Tasha,' replied Picard, softly, 'believe me, if I could, I'd have a line of character witnesses queuing out of the door…'

'It's not like that.' Tasha swallowed. 'I think I have that "something else" that you're searching for.'

Picard didn't reply, but regarded her with a serious silence.

Tasha got to her feet. 'I think you'd better come with me, Sir. There's something I think you should see.'

-x-

Tasha sat alone in her quarters, staring out into the middle distance, yet again her only movement a tensely jiggling knee and her fingertips drumming against her table.

It wasn't going to be enough, she told herself. After all that she'd given them, it still wasn't going to be enough to save him. She had weighed up the options, and taken the risk, and it had still fallen short.

She had given them Wonderland. Her beautiful gift - their secret place. That had been her initial sacrifice. Walking around the simulation with Jean-Luc Picard, explaining how Data had built a childhood for her to recover and basking in the Captain's astonished marvel, she had felt strangely emboldened, and had begun to actually feel quite good about setting that secret free in the courtroom; letting their probing, dispassionate eyes see the thoughtfulness, sympathy and creativity that this so-called automaton was capable of. But, of course, the secret of Wonderland came with other, deeper secrets attached.

(…his tongue on hers… get you out of this… fingers in his hair… her hair… his tongue… fingers…)

She had hoped that giving them Wonderland would have been sufficient, that the reasons behind its creation and maintenance wouldn't be searched, but had known deep down that that couldn't be the case. Believing that it would be best not to reveal anything unless she knew she absolutely had to, she had taken the risk of not informing Picard, prior to her taking the stand with her small holo projection of the simulation, of the full series of events that had lead Data to build it. But, of course, the Captain had asked the android what the nature of the gift had been, and after a brief confusion in which Data had tried to explain about the ruined surprise party, the loss of Tasha's childhood and the point of birthday presents in general, Picard had clarified that a description of Data's relationship to Tasha might help the adjudicator to understand why he had put so much effort into such a gift.

And Data, damn him to Hell, had said nothing.

She cringed again, recalling the sinking feeling she'd had in her gut as Picard had – with a slight element of surprise – repeated his question and again received only silence as a reply.

Data - who she was now considering damning different parts of to several different Hells, and thinking of asking Worf whether the Klingon culture had any particularly good ones she could condemn a large portion of him to - had just looked at her, stuck between two opposing vows, appealing to her for a way out.

(…get you out of this… his tongue, his tongue…)

Of course she'd had to speak up. Of course she'd been forced to explain that the reason Data couldn't reply was that he couldn't truthfully do so without contradicting an earlier promise he had made.

She closed her eyes as she relived, for what felt like the thousandth time that day, that moment – Picard's expression as he gently prompted her to tell the assembly what promise that was, and her own voice stating that the persecuted android had promised to keep secret the fact that his relationship with her was, in her words, 'not platonic'.

(…changes everything… different now… fingertips drum drum tongue hair lips skin tongue…)

She recalled the silence that had descended after that. She couldn't rightly remember whether Picard had asked her whether she had meant that it was a romantic relationship or not, but she had a concrete memory of her voice speaking out in the hush, giving the only further description of the nature of that relationship that she honestly could – namely, that it was 'complicated'. She recalled turning her gaze from Picard to Will Riker, awaiting his cross-questioning. His face… Will's face… the look of horror she had seen in the eyes of that dear friend of hers was going to haunt her for the rest of her days, she was sure. Riker had declined to cross-examine her testimony. At the time, she had been glad to have been able to scurry away from all those staring eyes without another word, but the more she contemplated it now, the more pessimistic she grew. If what she had had to say had been of any importance, Will would have had to at least try to discredit it. Her revelation had been immaterial. Of course it was immaterial. Sex was just another function to Data – that he'd once obliged a lonely, frustrated friend (…fingertips tongue tip more yes more…) made him no more human than… than would making a cup of tea for somebody who said they were thirsty, or scratching an itch for someone who couldn't reach. It was no good. They were going to take him anyway. She had risked it all, given everything that they had together, betrayed his discretion, prostituted his gifts to her and destroyed her reputation with those she admired. And it still wasn't good enough.

(…good yes good slower slower soft slowly lips kiss tongue yes good…)

She drummed her fingertips harder (harder, harder) on her table, screwing up her eyes as though somehow that could squeeze out the errant visions that had been playing in the back of her mind ever since she'd surprised them both with that kiss (his tongue on hers, his tongue). Her friend, she reminded herself, was about to be carted away in order to be experimented on and abused by the very people who were supposed to protect him… by the organisation that she worked for. Perhaps it had already happened by now. Perhaps the judgement had already been passed. Perhaps Maddox was already pulling him to pieces, pushing his filthy hands beneath his skin (hands fingers skin not yet not yet). How could she be thinking about what it was like to screw the guy at a time like this? It wasn't even as if she was ever going to get to see him again… She jiggled her knee a little more violently and berated herself again for thinking so selfishly. This wasn't about her. It wasn't her that the wolves were baying f…

Somebody was at her door. She leaped to her feet, her heart hammering at what felt like double time. It took her so long to compose herself enough to call 'Come in' that the alert at her door sounded a second time as she was saying it. She had taken the few fast strides she needed to get to the door by the time that it finally opened. She found herself almost nose to nose with the one person she had just convinced herself that she would never see again.

'Data.'

She stepped back a little, hit by a rushing maelstrom of relief, regret, hope and… and that elusive whatever-it-was that had caused her to desperately kiss him before. And the older, holo-sharp, pornographic memories, of course. There was no escaping those.

(…him here it was him his tongue skin lips right here in here back alone again again oh yes again please now in here…)

Apparently taking her retreat back into her quarters as an invitation to join her, he took a few steps inside, allowing the door to slide shut behind him.

(…inside here in here we are again…)

'Here we are again,' she echoed her own runaway thought-train, under her breath.

'Indeed, we are.'

'You won?' Tasha tried folding her arms across her chest, but somehow it didn't feel right. The adrenaline rush that had surged through her when she'd heard the alert at her door still hadn't died down. It itched inside her, quickening her breath, churning her stomach, urging her to do… she wasn't sure what it was urging her to do.

'The judgement was made in my favour,' Data replied, serenely. 'I have opted to withdraw my resignation from Starfleet. I am returning to my post tonight.'

'You won,' breathed Tasha again, still unsure as to the best thing to do with her arms.

'I thought that I should inform you first,' added the android, 'for several reasons. This trial appears to have tested your trust in Starfleet, so I wanted you to be aware of its outcome as soon as was possible. I hope that the decision has gone towards restoring your faith in Starfleet as a reliably scrupulous organisation. I also wanted to thank you for your furious defence of me during these difficult few days. Although it is my belief that the anger you have shown may well, in fact, be misdirected rage against those who mistreated you as a child, it did indeed prove advantageous to my case.' He took another step closer to her, barely pausing to draw breath before babbling on. 'Although it makes no difference to my own state of mind whether either the Holodeck simulation that I created for your birthday or our… indiscretion, shall we say, should be kept a secret or not…'

Tasha bit her lip, her arms still awkwardly searching for some way of occupying themselves, as the indiscretion in question played itself out in her mind yet again. Still, Data rambled on, mercifully not pausing to demand any sort of response from her.

'…I respect that you have your reasons for wishing to keep these between ourselves,' he continued, blithely. 'I can only imagine the emotional fortitude that it took for you to reveal such personal details, particularly in front of the Captain and Commander Riker. I am curious – was it purely your outrage which furnished you with the necessary courage to speak up at the hearing, or were there other factors also at play?'

Data halted his monologue as abruptly as he had began it, leaving her shaking her head at the various misconceptions he had managed to come up with.

'Data, what in the cosmos would make you think that what I did was just about me? Maybe I am still mad about what happened to me as a girl, maybe I was worried about Starfleet betraying the morality I believed in, but didn't you ever stop to think that maybe – just maybe, I did what I had to do to keep you here?' She took a small step closer to him. 'Didn't you think that I might have done it because I know I'd miss you like crazy if anything happened to you?'

Data nodded, barely perceivably, to himself. 'I was wondering why you had kissed me.' He returned his gaze to her. 'It was because you were concerned that you were going to miss me, should I not return…?'

(again…again…again…)

Tasha jerked her head in brisk affirmation. 'Yes.' She paused. (againagainagain…) 'No… not entirely.' She could feel a prickly sweat forming on her brow. She wiped it with the back of her hand.

'Are you unwell, Tasha? Do you require assistance?'

'I'm fine,' she breathed. 'You'd better go.'

He placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. 'Are you certain?'

(handskintouchlipstongueagainagainpleaseyesagain)

'Just go,' she barked, turning from him.

Data's hand swung back limply to his side. 'Very well.' He turned to walk towards the door. 'I shall see you tomorrow…'

Data's route towards the door of Tasha's quarters suddenly took a very strange tangent indeed. The weight of a human woman barrelled into him from behind, catching him unawares, and hands gripped his shoulders to spin him around 180 degrees. He briefly caught Tasha's face and her whispered word -'don't' - before she pressed her lips against his once more, and all that he could see was her tilted forehead. He moved sideways with her, bounced briefly off a wall and let her guide him towards the bed, which, unfortunately, they both missed as she pulled him down beside her. There was an ephemeral moment of confusion as his hair got stuck in the fastening of her uniform. And the rest, as the saying went, was history.