CHAPTER NINE
Buffy hammered on the door, rattling it in the frame, and Doyle pulled it open mid-hammer with a smile, nearly getting bonked in the nose for his efforts. "Well hey there, Princess, what can I do for you?" he asked brightly, making no mention of the way her fist was still raised.
She lowered her arm then pushed him aside and entered the apartment, her tone demanding as she spat, "Is he here?"
Doyle smiled innocently and shot a confused look at her that was patently fake. "Who?"
"You're stupid ass younger brother who can't keep his big mouth shut!" she raged.
"Oh c'mon, Buffy, don't hold back, tell me how you really feel about me," joked Spike as he stepped up behind her.
She spun to face him and shouted, "You! You're an idiot!" then planted her hands in the centre of his chest and shoved him into the wall.
He looked down at her small hands still pinning him to the wall and sputtered, "What the bloody hell did I do?"
"Maybe I should leave you two alone," stuttered Doyle as he slipped past Buffy and practically jogged down the corridor.
"You went and told a man that I was pregnant with his baby!" she yelled.
"Well you are!" he yelled back as his eyes cut to her belly, the only part of her body that was touching him aside from her hands on his chest.
She stepped back, breaking all contact, then her hand shot out and slapped him hard, rocking his head back to bounce off the wall behind him. "It's none of your business, Spike! You left me! Remember?" she yelled again.
BUFFY AND SPIKE'S APARTMENT
MAY 30, 2010
The apartment was bare; no furniture to be seen, just a few odd boxes that the whelp said he'd pick up and put in storage. Even as much as he didn't like Spike, Xander had still agreed to help him for Buffy's sake, plus he was only too happy to help Spike leave town.
Buffy pushed the door open to find Spike taking one last look around. The place was full of memories and although they hadn't spent much time there since Joyce had passed away, it had seemed easier to keep it handy just in case they'd needed a break from teenage Dawn drama or each other.
"Weird isn't it... looks so bare," said Buffy as she walked up behind him.
"Yeah... a lot of memories here, pet." He smiled bravely even though he knew he'd be falling apart any minute now. "What are you doing here?" he asked.
"Uh… I thought I left a few things and I figured you'd be gone by now," she stuttered nervously.
"It's okay, luv, I wanted to say a proper goodbye as well."
He smiled as she threw herself into his arms and squeezed him tight. "This is really it?" she asked, slowly letting him go.
"I guess so," he sighed.
She smiled weakly and motioned toward the door. "I'll walk you out?"
He grabbed her hand and held it as they walked out of the apartment and down the hall to the elevator. Spike reached out and punched the button just as Buffy tugged her hand out of his with a strangled, "I can't..."
His chest tightened as he dropped his gaze to the floor in front of his feet. "I understand, pet." He stepped away from her, fighting back the tears whilst Buffy's were flowing down her cheeks.
She wrapped her arms miserably around her torso and mumbled at the floor, "I can't just go down there and watch you drive off into the sunset, Spike. It's probably better if I stay here."
"Okay," he sighed, even though nothing was okay about this situation. Nothing at all.
She threw herself at him and clung fiercely as she whispered into his chest, "Goodbye, Spike."
He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled against her head, inhaling deeply to etch her scent into his memory as he whispered into her hair, "Goodbye, Buffy."
They parted as the elevator doors opened and he stepped in. Buffy started to follow him then hesitated and stepped back. She watched him turn to face her and took a deep breath. "Oh, what the hell… one for the road." She lunged forward, slipping through the doors just before they closed and crashed her lips against Spike's. Her arms snaked around his neck, her fingers slipping into his hair to hold him close because she knew they only had seconds left before he disappeared from her life and she wanted to make sure this was a memorable kiss. Something she could have that would keep her warm during the cold, lonely years she saw stretching out in front of her. The doors opened and they broke apart. Spike dipped his head, tears streaming down his face, and walked out of the apartment building, leaving Buffy sobbing in the elevator.
PRESENT DATE
"Look, I know I left but you can't use that as an excuse for everything Buffy. What's going on? I know you… at least I thought I did. There's something you're not telling me," he said as he restrained her by holding onto her wrists.
She twisted free from his grasp and walked across the room then sat down on the couch, putting her head in her hands. Spike tilted his head in her direction just as she looked up at him and she sighed internally, 'Damn that stupid head tilty thing he does. I'm trying to stay mad at him!'
"So? Buffy?" he asked as he dropped warily onto the couch next to her.
"You hurt me so much. I didn't think it was possible to feel that bad..." she croaked, her eyes filling with unspilt tears.
"I know... If I could take it back…" He laid his hand reassuringly on her shoulder.
"I followed you..." she began.
"What? When?"
"You sent a postcard to Dawn one time, telling her you were going to London next... I followed you there."
"Buffy, I…"
"No, please let me finish. I'd just found out about the baby and my head was all screwed up…"
He stared at her, his hand still resting on her shoulder. 'Dawn did say she did some stupid stuff when I left...'
"…And I thought that if I saw you then everything would become clear." She took a hitching breath and fought to blink back her tears. "You were in a bar, as usual."
LONDON JUNE 30, 2010
Spike propped up the bar on a nightly basis, and this night was no exception. It seemed the best option… the only option. He'd used a desire to see the world before he settled down as his excuse for leaving, and to that end he'd gone from country to country, but hadn't ended up seeing much of anything except the inside of various pubs as he'd sampled large quantities of the beer they had to offer. It had been somewhat amusing at first, but the bloom was off the rose now and all he wanted to do was go home, but that wasn't possible. Even though he was wracked with guilt for leaving Buffy, he knew that if he were to go back the only welcome he'd get would be a punch in the nose. He'd burned that bridge to ash and it tasted bitter in his mouth, refusing to be washed away no matter how much beer he poured down his gullet.
A blonde woman plopped down on the stool next to him and huffed loudly, pulling him out of his sombre thoughts. He glanced over at her and schooled his features into what he hoped would pass for a pleasant smile. "You all right there, luv?"
She shrugged. "Yeah, I guess so."
'Oh hell… Blonde and American?' He rolled his eyes skyward, silently cursing his luck. 'Why do you hate me, God? I know I've been a right prat, but honestly… this is just malicious.' He heaved a giant sigh and curled his hand tighter around his beer glass as he looked back over at her. "A yank, eh? What're you doing in this neck of the woods?" He quickly drained his glass then signalled the bartender.
She smiled at the bartender when he stopped in front of them and said brightly, "Cosmo, please," then turned slightly on her stool as Spike raised his glass. The bartender nodded and stepped away and she answered Spike's question, "Uh, travelling. You?"
He shrugged and held out his hand. "Same, I'm Spike."
"Harmony." Her smile widened as she shook his hand.
He accepted his fresh glass from the bartender and took a quick sip before he asked, "So, where you from?"
She sipped the Cosmo that had just been placed in front of her. "LA. You?"
"Here, originally, but I've got family in California. Sunnydale, to be exact."
"Oh, that's so cool!" she enthused, flipping her hair back.
XXXX
"Oh God, what am I gonna do when I see him? I can't just casually walk up to him and say, 'Oh hi, what a coincidence... Why am I here?' Oh God. Great, now I'm talking to myself like a lunatic." She took a deep breath and entered the bar. Her skills as a secretary for a private detective had really paid off and she'd found him in no time, not that he'd been trying to cover his tracks or anything, but still. She glanced around the barely lit room and finally spied him at the end of the bar furthest from the door. 'With a blonde? Geez, he really does move fast!' She stood there in the shadowed corner by the door for a long time, watching them as they laughed and joked. 'I haven't seen him laugh like that for a while. Guess he's over me.' With tears threatening to spill, she bolted for the door and stumbled out into the night.
PRESENT DATE
"Why didn't you approach me, pet?" he asked.
"You looked busy and to be honest, I had no idea what I was going to say to you. Guess there really wasn't anything I could say," she sighed.
He let out a groan of frustration, "If I had known you were in London, I would've gone home with you."
She looked into his eyes. "No you wouldn't have, Spike. You left because you can't deal with getting close to anyone. You think that if you get close you might actually start to feel something!" she ranted.
"Hey! That's not fair, Buffy, you know how much I love you!" he shouted.
"Yeah? So that's why the slightest hint of commitment sent you running for the hills? You're afraid to love somebody because you're scared they're gonna leave you so you pushed me away, but that wasn't good enough was it? No! You had to go and 'find yourself' and I get that, I do, but finding yourself doesn't mean you have to shut out those who love you!" she yelled as pain ripped through her swollen stomach. She doubled over, clutching at her belly as she let loose with an agonized scream.
"Buffy?" He scooted close and wrapped his arm over her back.
She pushed his arm off and jumped to her feet, yelling, "Just leave me alone!" as she stormed out of the apartment.
Doyle sheepishly entered the room and stood next to Spike who had gotten up and moved to the window. "Didn't go too well, I take it." He put a reassuring hand on his younger brother's shoulder. "She'll come round; she never could resist the charms of a handsome British bloke, but since I'm taken… guess she's stuck with you."
"No, it's over, Doyle. Completely and irrevocably over. She hates me so much… I saw it in her eyes just now. I fucked it up good and proper this time," he sighed.
Doyle's cell phone chirped and he pulled it from his pocket, smiling as he saw the caller ID. "Hey, Princess. What? Okay, yeah." He slid the phone back into his pocket and started for the door. "Let's go."
"Where?" Spike asked, not moving a muscle.
"That was Cordy. She found Buffy in the lobby… in labour." The pair made a dash for the door without another word.
