It wasn't going to do it. Not any other single drop of whatever the hell John was drinking was going to change the fact that Dave wasn't there and probably will never be.
John threw the glass at the sink hard enough to make a loud noise but not enough to break it. What was the point? Why would he care anyway? Dave clearly didn't: he went out on a date on the only day they have together. If a friendship that's lasted some 8 years wasn't going to help, nothing would.
He didn't want to stay there anyway; he wanted to go, to run away, the last thing he wanted was to Dave show up and watch him like this, that wouldn't be pretty at all.
John walked into his room, put on some clean, nice clothes and walked off like that. He didn't care at all where he just didn't want to stay there for the moment and probably for the whole night. He stopped at the little drawer next to the front door, wondering if he should write Dave about this, to tell him he wasn't going to be there for the night so he didn't have to worry.
"No… no he didn't even care what I felt, why would I?" John clenched his fists and walked out; he wasn't going to stay there to think of the possibilities or what he could do to tell Dave. For what it mattered, Dave wasn't going to know anyway, not anytime soon, maybe ever.
-o-o-o-o-o
People were walking by, talking, groups laughing and a band playing. John didn't have a clue where he was but he thought it couldn't be a bad place. He walked up to the bartender and asked for a drink, nothing with alcohol, he already had enough of that, probably.
The feeling in the place was friendly and it was cheering John up, his usual smile was back on its place and he looked like nothing had happened.
"Forgive my rudeness, but you do not seem like the kind of person to find in a bar." A female voice attracted John's attention, a woman who was sitting two seats away from him, she was wearing a fancy dress and her hair was short, she seemed really classy and her voice was sweet and the way she talked seemed like she liked to pronounce each words carefully.
"Excuse me?" John added, narrowing his eyes slightly.
"Please, don't think I'm trying to be rude. I just think you look like such a nice young man to be in this place, you seem more like a person who likes to be indoors, if you know what I mean." The woman stood up and walked up to John, stretching out a hand for John to take. "Forgive my manners, my name is Kanaya."
John took Kanaya's hands within his own and shook it slightly. "My name's John, and don't worry about that, I must admit I have no idea where I am and what I am supposed to do here, so I just figured people come here to drink." John chuckled and Kanaya took a seat besides him, a gentle smile always placed on her face.
"You can say that's one of the main reasons people come here, they try to find redemption in the hands of alcohol, a really bad decision if I do say so myself." John nodded and looked down at his glass that only had lemonade. "At least I can say that you are not here for that, or are you?" Why would John want to tell anything to a woman who he just met moments ago? But, somehow, he felt like someone needed to know, she was a complete stranger, nothing could ever go wrong, the worst thing that could happen is that she could freak out and walk away. John sighed and looked up at the woman.
"Well, you can say I'm here to forget things, I just don't want to end up doing something stupid by drinking alcohol, I just needed to get out of my apartment." John finished his lemonade and Kanaya nodded.
"I see, I do not mean to pry but, as I said, you do not seem like the kind of person to find here, would you care to talk about it? I am an excellent listener." John hesitated a little before talking.
"Well, I have a roommate, we've been best friends since we were 13, talking through the internet, we used to live so far away from each other and, somehow, we ended up in the same city when I went for college and he had to walk out of his brother's house. Anyway, I've always looked up to him in some way, he is really cool and he has a lot of girls, he could have all the girls he wanted, he knows how to handle all kinds of situations, he's funny, he can be grumpy but that's okay I mean, everyone is, right? Well… I've always liked him, in a more than friends way, the thing is that he probably doesn't like me back and I'm just too scared to tell him, what if he freaks out and kicks me out? What if he…" And then, silence, there was a gap of silence and Kanaya nodded.
"What if he doesn't like you back? Is that what you tried to say?" John nodded and Kanaya's smile grew a little wider. "It's alright, dear. Fear lies within all of us, but it is defeating that fear to do big things that makes us strong. Tell him, don't be afraid to tell him, if he kicks you out well, I'm sorry to be the one to bring the bad news to you, love, but that would mean he wasn't a true friend. The truth hurts, but it's better to move on, it's good for you." Kanaya placed a soothing hand on John's shoulder and stood up, John looked up at her with teary eyes and Kanaya placed a kiss on his cheek. "I am sure everything will turn out to be magnificent dear, fight your fears to get what you want, if you do not get it, well, something else will show up eventually. Now, I must go, I wish you the best of lucks."
John looked as the tall lady walked away, her hips moving with such harmony, he stared until she was out of sight. It was probably faith, could it really be? What are the odds?
John stood up, left some tip for the bartender and left the place, all that talking made him think: he started thinking about the pros and cons about telling Dave and, if Dave was truly what John thought he was, the pros list was at least twice as long as the cons, that lady was right, there was no hiding it anymore. Dave had the right to know the truth and John just couldn't keep hiding all of this inside his chest anymore. Saying nothing more, he started walking towards his apartment, to wait for Dave, even if he had to stay up late.
