CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Spike paced across his brother's living room carpet, turning at the coffee table to make another pass. "Careful... You're gonna burn a hole in that and I don't think Cordy would be too pleased. Buffy trouble?" Spike shot him the two finger salute and Doyle smiled. "C'mon, Spike, I can read you like a book... one with big pictures and small words."

"Not now, Doyle," he spat, throwing himself down on to the couch with a mumbled, "She loves him. She bloody loves him."

Doyle stood there for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. He'd never seen Spike this broken before. "Loves who?" he asked softly as he sat down next to Spike.

"Captain Forehead, of course. I've lost her, Doyle. I always knew it was a possibility - I was away for a long time. I thought she'd have probably moved on... but seein' it for myself... havin' her look at me like that..." He dropped his head backwards, resting it on the back of the couch as he sighed loudly, "I'm startin' to wonder why I came back in the first place."

"You came back because you had to. You needed closure on the whole Buffy issue plus you needed to see your handsome and intelligent brother," smirked Doyle.

"I've another brother? Funny... I always thought it was just the pair of us." joked Spike half heartedly before he sighed again, "I don't know... I think I should just go, leave town for good."

"You can't just leave because of a girl, Spike. If you'd done that before her then we would've had to move around a lot. Wouldn't even have had time to unpack," chuckled Doyle. "Besides, this is your home too. Buffy doesn't own Sunnydale."

"I just don't think I could stand it, runnin' into her and Amelia with that wanker, playin' happy family. There's nothin' keepin' me here, Doyle, not anymore."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true!" Spike stood up and started pacing again out of frustration. "I've got no job, no girl, and I'm moochin' a place to sleep off my brother and his wife like some soddin' loser! Maybe it's time I moved on. You said it yourself... I've gotta let go."

"Yeah. Let go of Buffy, not just go, dumbass. Just think about what you're doing here, Spike." Doyle stood up and clapped Spike on the shoulder then walked out of the apartment.

XXXX

Buffy gently laid a still sleeping Amelia in the bassinet on the coffee table then nodded to a nervously fidgeting Angel as she pointed to the couch. "You can sit, you know." Angel nodded and sat down uneasily at one end of the couch and Buffy sat at the other end, leaving a large empty space between them. "So why did you leave her?"

"Sometimes you realise when things just aren't working," he smiled sadly.

"Right, I get that, but why now, Angel? I waited for you for months and now you just decided what? That maybe the grass IS greener on the other side?"

"No, Buffy, I know I was a total jerk to you but I want to make up for it. We were good together. Minus the sneaking around we had to do, we had the perfect relationship."

"No we didn't, Angel, let's not kid ourselves. Me and you? We just didn't want to be lonely. That's all it was."

"Maybe that's what love is, Buffy, two people not being lonely together, and just because our lives are messed up doesn't mean we have to be cursed. Look, I'm leaving town and I was thinking that if you really meant what you said the very last time that you'd come with me." He slid down the couch, closing the distance between them and laid his hand gently on her thigh.

She looked down at his hand then nodded toward the bassinet. "I'm a mom now, Angel, and I have to think about Amelia. Any decision I make for myself has to put what she needs first."

"I know that, Buffy, and I know I'm not her father, but I can be there for her... for both of you." He leaned in and kissed her softly but passionately.

Willow and Tara stepped through the door chatting away then stopped abruptly when they spied the couple on the couch. The silence spun out until Willow cleared her throat loudly. Angel broke the kiss and whispered, "Just think about it, Buffy." He gave her a hopeful smile then kissed her gently on her forehead and left.

Willow closed the door then turned back to the living room with a scrunched up nose and a yelped, "What the heck, Buffy? Smoochies with Angel? Now?"

"It's okay, he left Darla." She smiled as she reached up to touch her lips.

"But hasn't he told you that before, Buffy? And okay, I'm not judging here... I'm so large with the not judginess... but I thought you and Spike were..."

Buffy bolted up from the couch with a shouted, "There is NO me and Spike! Not anymore!" She glared at the two shocked women then stomped past them up the stairs.

XXXX

Cordelia stepped through the front door loaded down with grocery bags and walked quickly toward the kitchen. She dropped the groceries in a haphazard pile on the countertop then clapped her hands over her ears, blocking out the music that had been assaulting them since she'd opened the door. "Holy crap, Spike!" She walked down the hall to his room, the music increasing in volume the closer she got.

*On the floor of Tokyo

Or down in London town to go, go

With the record selection

And the mirror's reflection

I'm dancing with myself

When there's no-one else in sight

In the crowded lonely night

Well I wait so long

For my love vibration

And I'm dancing with myself*

She burst into his room and shouted his name, getting absolutely no response. Her irritation rose exponentially with every shout and she finally stomped across to his dresser and snapped the CD player off. "Spike!"

His head swayed in her direction from his place on the floor in the corner. "Cordelia! I didn't know you'd be home this early, luv," he said, slurring his words.

"A bit early in the day for The Ramones and Jack Daniels, wouldn't you say?"

Spike tried to look indignant and failed miserably. "Soddin' Americans. Don't know anythin' 'bout music. That was Billy bloody Idol."

Cordy rolled her eyes and huffed, "Like it matters," then she sat on the floor next to him and started playing a mini game of tug of war over the bottle of Jack. A well placed poke to the ribs finally sealed her victory and she snatched the bottle from his hand. "I know this is rough on you, Blondie, and I don't particularly like Buffy... or you, for that matter. But seriously, you both have to stop being such freaking babies and figure out what the hell it is you want. If it's each other, great! If not, then move on!" She stood up and set the mostly empty bottle of Jack on the nightstand then crossed her arms over her chest.

"That's the thing, pet, she's chosen. She chose him and she loves him and it's my own soddin' fault for leavin' 'er in the first place. I'm a stupid, gormless twat that practically gift-wrapped the woman I love and handed her to another bloke." He looked up at her, tears tracking down his cheeks as he sobbed, "And you really don't like me?"

Cordy rolled her eyes again. "Yeah, I like you. You've kinda grown on me... like a fungus. And your precious Buffy has never been the sharpest crayon in the box, Spike. One of these days she'll figure out what an awesome guy she lost." She reached down and hauled him to his feet with a smile. "C'mon, let's sober you up a bit before Doyle gets home."

Spike wrapped his arm over her shoulders as they stumbled toward the door. "If you tell anybody I cried in front of you I'll rip your throat out," he said in mock seriousness.

Cordelia grinned evilly. "And if you tell anybody I was nice to you then Little Spike will win an all expenses paid trip down the lovely garbage disposal."

Spike cringed, his hand moving to cover himself as he muttered, "Evil bint."

Cordy just laughed as she dragged him toward the kitchen to make a vat of black coffee.