Disclaimer: I don't own BLEACH I just like warping it into something that most would probably not approve of. Kubo-sensei you are the man!

Originally posted Feb 22, 2010…edited on 6/27/10

TO: BONNENUIT, I WROTE THIS FOR YOU!

Warnings: Canon/AU combo, plot holes, humor (it wasn't intended but sometimes these things just happen) crack, cliché, non-crack, non-cliché. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, language, mountain of dialogue, break scenes, switching views, a warped spin on shinigami, human and every other type of living, past lives, reincarnations, brief mentioning of death, implied violence, implied pairings, both one-sided and not. And oh so freakin' much more!

New Author's Note: SAY YES TO PAST-LIVES AND REINCARNATION! And thank you for reading and expressing your liking for this fic!

Rating is probably too high but shrugs.

Characters: Ichigo, Shiro, Starrk, Grimmjow, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Kenpachi, Yachiru, Renji, Rukia, Zan, Aizen, Byakuya, Matsumoto, others.

Official Pairings: KenpachixIchigo, IkkakuxYumichika, RukiaxRenji, brief mentioning of others.

One sided pairings: ShiroxIchigo, GrimmjowxIchigo, StarrkxIchigo (to a lesser degree) MatsumotoxKenpachi (meant to amuse more than anything, StarrkxYumichika (also meant to amuse) AizenxIchigo (because the "good" taichou can) RenjixIchigo (loosely implied)

Separate category as in not quite official or one-sided. Rather somewhere in between: ByakuyaxIchigo

Summary: Yumichika and Ikkaku want to get their favorite taichou something nice for his "35th" birthday—what better gift is there to give than a cute Ryoka boy from the human world?

Ryoka Boy: The Non-Traditional Mail Order Bride

PART 2/3

"Did you hear, Madarame and Ayasegawa have returned and they brought a Ryoka with them."

"A Ryoka you say?"

"Yes one with bright hair and an angry scowl."

()()()()()()

"A Ryoka? Are you certain?"

"Positive."

"Are we having some kind of outlandish "take the humans on a tour day?"

"Not that I know of."

"Hm."

()()())(()()

"Do not let them take one step further into Soul Society!"

"You want us to capture them?"

"Yes and then bring them in for questioning."

()()()

The tea bag had turned a vibrant orange color. The teapot had cracked straight down the middle.

Right on schedule.

It was time to prepare.

"Hinamori-kun, please come away from the window."

"But Aizen-taichou there's some kind of big commotion going on out there, aren't you the least bit curious to find out what it is?"

()()()

It was a bit complicated to stay focused on the task of giving a proper blowjob when a bright new energy had appeared from seemingly out of nowhere.

"Izuru-chan you're getting that far off look in your eyes again."

"Forgive me, I just—didn't you feel that?"

"Hm, can't say that I have."

()()()

"Shit I knew we forgot something."

"Is there a problem?"

"Yeah we got company. Correction, angry company."

"And you call me an idiot, you guys didn't even alert the old geezer of your plans."

"Renji, stop! This isn't the time."

"But Rukia th—

"Am I missing something here?"

"Nothing to worry your pretty little head about Ichigo-kun, just a minor delay."

()()()

Yamamoto Genryusai Shigekuni wasn't the most patient man.

He did not tolerate lying. Nor did he tolerate games.

However, he was a bit of a softy when it came to romance.

And the Ryoka boy was technically family (well at least he had been in a past life anyway)

He decided to let Madarame and Ayasegawa have their fun.

"Very well, Kurosaki Ichigo can stay."

"Oh thank you so much Yama—

"Under the watch of the 11th division."

"Naturally."

"But if he should step one foot out of line or threaten our peaceful world—

"He won't, we promise he—

"All of you will be punished!"

Like Dominos, Yumichika, Ikkaku, Renji, Rukia and Ichigo dropped to their knees and started gasping for air.

()()()

Inside Ichigo's suitcase, the guardians weren't faring much better. Grimmjow's fur was turning a sickly shade of green, Shiro's head was pounding violently and Starrk was whining pitifully in his sleep.

()()()

(Kenpachi)

It was no secret that Yachiru had a terrible sense of direction.

Always leading him into dead ends.

Then she'd giggle and say "Oops!"

And naturally Kenpachi couldn't scold the young girl, for he could never unleash anger on Yachiru. She was like the daughter he'd never have.

"This way, This way!"

She tugged on the left side of his hair—signaling to turn that way.

Kenpachi grunted and did just that.

()()()

(Yumichika/Ikkaku/Renji/Rukia/Ichigo)

"We'll take it from here Rukia-chan."

The raven-haired woman looked reluctant to part with Ichigo but she did have to get back to her duties."

"See you tomorrow Ichigo?"

"Ah."

"Don't think you'll get away with out givin' me a rematch Ry—Ichigo."

"Anytime," brown eyes flashed "Renji."

"Hurry up and get out of here you idiot! Don't let your woman walk off by herself at this hour."

With a swift kick, Ikkaku sent Renji flying.

Yumchika smiled approvingly at the sight. He then turned to the orange haired youth "Follow me."

()()()

(Grimmjow/Starrk/Shiro)

"I don't trust these damn Shinigami for a minute!"

"Ah so you noticed it too?"

"How could anyone not notice? Those fucktards have somethin' up their sleeves and King has no idea."

"What do you propose we do then?"

"Not sure yet. For now we'll just sit and watch."

()()()

(Kenpachi)

Sunset…

Another dead end.

"We're lost."

"Na-uh."

"Then where are we?"

"Um an alley?"

"We're lost."

()()()

(Yumichika and Ikkaku)

Inside their shared quarters Yumichika and Ikkaku were trying to figure out the next step they should take in order to trick the Ryoka boy into becoming their taichou's bride."

"We could always drug him."

"Forced love is not pretty, Ikkaku."

"Well maybe we could find some type of potion or something from the 12th division."

"Are you suggesting a love potion?"

"What? It's romantic."

"For humans, yes. For us? No."

"We could just knock him out and tie him down to taichou's bed."

"Best save any kinky thoughts for their honeymoon, Ikkaku."

"Well why don't we just make up a story then? We could tell him that our taichou is dying and his final wish would be to—

"What? Wed some random Ryoka boy for kicks? Honestly, Ikkaku I'm beginning to think Abarai-kun's stupidity is rubbing off on you."

()()()()()()

(Ichigo)

Okay so the old man had forbidden him from wandering around on his own but what harm could a little jogging session do?

Ichigo was feeling restless. He couldn't sit around and wait for Yumichika and Ikkaku to return—he'd go crazy from sheer utter boredom.

Mind made up, the orange haired youth slipped on his borrowed outfit (sure it was a bit snug but-) and left the room.

()()()()

(Grimm/Shiro/Starrk)

"Did you hear that?"

"Seems like King took off."

"So are we just gonna stay here or are we gonna go after him?"

"Not too bright are ya pussy-cat?" Shiro tumbled out of the suitcase and shifted into his human form "Course we're going after King!"

Grimmjow snarled, ready to charge at the arrogant liger but Starrk held him back.

"No fighting. Right now we need to focus on finding Ichigo. Nothing else."

Shiro cackled madly and then flew out the door.

Starrk and Grimmjow not far behind him.

()()()

(Ichigo)

An alley.

An alley that led to nowhere

What next misty fog followed by a-

"My, my what's a lonely little Ryoka boy like you doin' wanderin' 'round all by yerself?"

Ichigo whipped around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice.

Silver hair, crimson blood red eyes opened to the tiniest of slits, fox like face twisted into a-

Okay so that wasn't the creepiest looking grin he had ever seen—but it was pretty damn creepy.

The silver-haired man cocked his head to the side "Hmm yer seem ta be a tad bit uneasy there, somethin' wrong little Ryoka?"

Ichigo swallowed hard. Right now his gut instinct was telling him to back far away—run even.

Because the man with the silver hair was dangerous.

/ 'Damn if only Shiro, Starrk and Grimm were here.'/

"Back away from the brat!"

That voice. It couldn't be?

"Ya weren't about to harm King were ya?"

Him too. Could it really be?

"Mind introducing yourself so we know what name to place on the grave stone?"

It was…but how?

()()()

(Kenpachi)

"Its here Ken-chan, this time I'm sure."

The scent was getting stronger.

Seems Yachiru was right on target.

Kenpachi grinned—and kicked open the door as if to announce his arrival.

()()()()()

"Taichou!"

"Hn."

"What brings you to er—

"Where's the meat?"

"I beg your pardon."

"The meat. The scent is all over but its strongest here, so where is it?"

Yumichika and Ikkaku shared a look.

Shit this was too soon. He wasn't supposed to…

()()()

(Ichigo)

If he was scared before—right now he was ready to piss himself.

How the hell had one guy knocked out all three of his guardians with a single blow?

"Hmm," the silver haired man stepped over the unconscious forms and advanced towards Ichigo. "What say you and I have a chat, little Ryoka?"

()()()

(Shiro/Grimm/Starrk)

Shiro had never felt more humiliated in his entire existence.

Grimmjow groaned from behind him and held his head "Who the fuck was that guy?"

"Who cares? I'll find him and rip him ta shreds and when there's nothin' left to shred—I'll grind him down until he's nothing more than a pile of dust."

Starrk ignored his throbbing knee and rose to his feet "Worry about grinding and shredding later. We need to find out where he took Ichigo."

()()()

(Ichigo)

"Don't worry so much little Ryoka Boy, Aizen-sama won't harm you."

For some reason Ichigo was not entirely convinced.

Might have something to do with the tune the silver haired man (now known as Gin) was currently whistling.

Eerie wasn't even a strong enough word to describe it.

The silver haired man was leading Ichigo down what felt like a dark, long and seemingly endless corridor.

()()()

(Kenpachi)

Kenpachi frowned uncharacteristically.

Why were his subordinates being so stingy?

Why were they hiding the MEAT from him?

"We have rum taichou, would you like some rum?"

"Or whiskey?"

A grunt.

"Perhaps a nice steak, medium rare just the way you like it?"

Another grunt. He did enjoy steak but that was not the meat he wanted at the moment.

"Or I could go out and slaughter a boar for you? Would you like that Zaraki-taichou?"

"Do remember to skin it first, Ikkaku."

()()()

(Renji/Rukia)

"Thanks for letting me back in the bedroom Rukia."

"Hmm."

"Hey Rukia, think Ichigo's okay?"

"Why wouldn't he be?"

"Dunno, I just got this funny feelin' all of a sudden," a shrug "It's probably nothing."

The raven-haired woman sat up and switched on the lamp. "Be honest Renji do you have some type of romantic feelings for Ichigo?"

"Don't be ridiculous! Yumichika was just saying that because-Renji trailed off.

"Because?"

Brown eyes met silver blue "Well I kinda had a thing goin' on with Ichigo in a past life I mean uh it was nothin' serious times were different and well I guess when I saw him er rather the guy who looks like him-technically it wasn't a he but a she and I was-well anyway it's nothing, just old feelings I was confused for a minute or something."

"So you were sexually confused in a past life?"

"Not even! I uh wasn't well that is to say-brown eyes lowered to the floor and Renji mumbled the last part "we were both women."

"So you wish to be a woman again is that it Renji?"

"What? No! Never!"

Rukia started laughing. "I get it, I know exactly what Yumi-san meant now, you and Ichigo are soul sisters."

"No we're not!"

The laughing continued "Now I understand why you spend so much time on your hair each morning."

"Rukia!"

()()()

(Ichigo)

It was odd.

He couldn't even begin to explain it.

But Ichigo felt a sense of calm wash over him upon entering the room.

The scent of Sakura blossoms and green tea reached his nose.

The lighting in the room was warm, friendly, inviting.

Completely unlike anything he had been expecting.

He wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting but—

Suddenly a dark energy tainted the room.

"Aizen-taichou, I'm ready to continue now."

A girl had swept into the room. Short, petite, round faced, pink cheeked and brown eyed. Everything about her painted the picture of innocence—all but the dark energy and the single vein twitching on her neck.

Her brown eyes narrowed at him "What are you doing in Aizen-taichou's chambers?"

"Hinamori-kun."

The man turned and spoke at last.

A smooth baritone.

Weird—the way the man spoke and the way the man looked did not add up at all.

Perfectly parted short brown hair, dark brown eyes hidden behind large heavy framed glasses, broad cheekbones, nothing particularly special or exciting about the nose or mouth, sharp chin. Height? It was difficult to say because the man was sitting down but he looked to be about 6 feet or so.

"Yes Aizen-taichou?"

"Return to your chambers. I will see you tomorrow."

And just like that—the dark energy left the room.

Ichigo blinked and then demanded to know what the hell this guy wanted with him?

"It seems they were not exaggerating," a smirk "You are indeed no ordinary looking Ryoka Boy."

The way the man said Ryoka was very different from the way all of the others had said Ryoka—there almost seemed to be a hidden meaning in the term.

Ichigo felt heat rising to his cheeks and quickly tried to stamp it down.

He glared at Aizen.

"You look a bit flushed. Perhaps you should lie down for a while?"

Ichigo was about to protest when he suddenly felt a wave something he couldn't quite place, overwhelm him.

He swayed a bit and then fell to the floor with a dull thud.

()()()

(Aizen)

The boy looked positively delicious.

And it would be all too easy to strip the youth out of his clothes.

All too easy to tease and fondle what surely must be a lovely tight little virgin body.

All too easy to bring the cute little Ryoka to the edge and beyond

()()()

(Guardians)

If Masaki could see them now she'd be so very disappointed. Searching high, searching low and having absolutely no luck finding Ichigo.

Shiro was very close to just blowing Soul Society to bits in order to get to his King but-

"This is pointless. We aren't getting anywhere."

Way to state the obvious Grimm.

"Well then what the hell do you want to do?"

"Let's go find Rukia-chan, maybe she'll have some type of idea."

Ah Starrk always the sensible one.

()()()

"What do you mean Ichigo was kidnapped!"

"Puh—and you guys call yourselves guardians."

"Shh! Keep it down I just got Zaraki-taichou to finally fall asleep."

"Huh? Yumchika-san?"

"Where's the cue ball."

"Ikkaku went hunting."

"Huh?"

"Shh, just walk. We'll talk once we reach the woods."

()()()

(Ichigo)

Ichigo was dreaming.

What he was dreaming about he couldn't really make much sense of.

He just seemed to be sailing along the ocean on a white, red and brown colored ship.

The water was warm, the sky clear.

He continued sailing.

()()()()()()

(Yumichika/Shiro/Starrk)

"Wait! Back up I thought you were joking, you're not really going to turn Ichigo into a bride are you?"

"The Fuck? King ain't no one's bride 'cept mine!"

"Guardian spirits can't have brides or mates."

"You seem to know a lot about our kind Yumichika-kun, tell us what else you know."

()()()()()

(Grimmjow)

Grimmjow was a stubborn ass. Would always be a stubborn ass no matter how many times he had been re incarnated.

Human, hollow, shinigami, spirit guardian, he'd done it all—more times then he could count—and each time his stubborn nature increased!

He figured it was at it's maximum by now but—

There was a loud ringing in his already oversensitive ears.

It was the brat—there was not a single doubt in his mind.

He didn't give two shits about anyone else right now, he'd deal with Shiro and Starrk's wrath later—right now the brat needed him!

Giving no sign or warning to his immediate departure, Grimmjow leapt into the trees in his panther form.

()()()()()()

(Ichigo)

Octopuses were strange creatures. Their color alone was so strange—and those tentacles—he giggled, they kind of tickled.

Stranger yet the octopus started to sing or hum—whichever.

()()()()

(Kenpachi)

Kenpachi was not the type of person who would sleep walk—or sleep run in this case.

Running through the nearly pitch black streets with only one thing in mind—

MEAT

The smell

It had come again

10 times stronger this time

He must have it!

()()()()()

(Byakuya)

Byakuya had seen many strange things in both this lifetime and the last but he never could have imagined a sight a bizarre as this one.

One, Zaraki Kenpachi running all around Soul Society in the late hours of the night, dressed in what he assumed must be the man's sleep wear (a plain white t-shirt and gray sweat pants—no doubt from the human world—he concluded.

The man was swinging his blade carelessly, no doubt lobbing off some poor unsuspecting Shinigami's limbs as he did so.

"I do not care, so long as he does not come any where near the Kuchiki estate, I do not care what he does."

()()()()()

(Aizen)

The boy was moaning. And whimpering.

He hadn't even touched him yet.

Well not in the physical sense, anyway.

()()()()()()

(Ichigo)

He was still dreaming. But now he was in the jungle.

There were many dangerous creatures around here.

He had to be careful.

A rattling sound reached his ears.

He panicked and willed himself to morph, change into an animal.

Hell it was his dream—he could do what he wanted!

Damn it.

Why the hell did he have to turn himself into a tiny mouse of all things?

()()()()()()

(Grimmjow)

Grimmjow abruptly stopped in his tracks—why did he suddenly have the urge to go hunting for a mouse?

He shook his head—

Focus. Stay Focused and Find the Brat!

()()()()()

(Kenpachi)

This time…

There was no mistaking it.

He had found it.

The perfect piece of meat.

A mad grin split onto his face.

He raised his foot and put it right through the flimsy rice paper.

()()()()

"Oh my! Zaraki-taichou you really should warn a woman before coming in."

Matsumoto dropped her mint green towel and made her way towards him, "Not that I mind too much,"

Her eyes said it all.

She was simply ravenous.

For him!

Kenpachi wanted no part of it. He didn't really like to be rough with a woman but right now he just didn't care.

Matsumoto let out an excited cry of delight when Kenpachi tossed her none too gently away from him.

He grunted, threw her towel at her and then stormed away.

()()()

(Byakuya)

There was a loud crashing noise waking Byakuya from his slumber.

He was going to slowly and painfully kill the person responsible.

Throwing his night robe and fuzzy slippers on (What? Even a nobleman such as himself liked some treasures from the human world every now and then)

Byakuya flicked on the lamp and then made his way out into the hallway.

Zaraki was standing there looking well—the man always looked unstable but this?

There was a wild, positively beast like look in his eyes, his reiatsu was almost at its peak, barely being contained with the eye patch, blood dripping from his chin and both of his knuckles. His pajamas –Byakuya raised a brow—they had certainly seen better days.

"Hot tea."

"Hot tea? Surely the man didn't expect him to—

"Now!"

Silver-violets narrowed. Byakuya did not appreciate being ordered around—by anyone.

()()()()()

(Ichigo)

Hawks. Now they were fascinating creatures.

The way the swooped down and captured their prey.

It was—wait a minute! Why was there suddenly a large cat glaring at him—no it wasn't glaring at him, it was glaring at the hawk—well actually glaring wasn't the proper word—

WTF?

()()()()()

(Aizen)

"Seems someone is trying to come between us, my dear sweet Ryoka Boy."

Said "Boy" shifted in his sleep.

"This is where we part."

A single kiss—just above the boy's brow.

()()()()()

(Ichigo)

There was a sudden breeze sweeping over his body, Ichigo shivered and woke up.

To find himself alone. In a bed that most definitely was not his.

He shrugged and fell back to sleep.

()()()

Being a shapeshifting spirit guardian sure had its advantages some times.

All too easy to scale the walls and slip pass the guards.

All too easy to break into a door that was bolted shut.

Of course having been a locksmith in a past life was another plus.

"Are we getting any closer Shiro?"

"Yep. King is here and the pussy-cat is with him."

()()()

(Grimmjow)

He had watched the brat sleep many times.

He'd never tire of it.

He wished, dreamed that he could just bend, break the law and truly call Ichigo his own.

This boy was his entire world. The one he had searched for throughout all of his lifetimes.

Never finding him until this lifetime.

And even now—like a bad love song—the orange haired brat was far out of reach.

He seethed with anger.

It was beyond unfair.

"What happened puss?" Shiro cracked his knuckles "Heads will roll if King was harmed."

"Why did you run off with out letting us know? Why must you be so reckless?"

Damn it not now! He had no desire to listen to Shiro's bitchin' and Starrk's lectures right now.

He just wanted to spend time with the brat.

The other two guardians had a lot of shared moments with Ichigo, because they had been around a lot longer than he himself had been.

There was a special bond between the 3 of them. One that he was not part of.

He hated it.

"Grimm snap out of it and tell us what the hell happened!"

()()()()

"Wait so are ya tellin' us that you can suddenly experience the same dreams as King?"

"I'm not sure what it was exactly but yeah something lead me to him."

"Did you see anything else—something that might—

"The guy was gone before I got here."

"Was it t—

"No. This one was different. Stronger. Even though a great amount of his power was masked."

"What do you think h—

"Wanted? Hell if I know but the brat wasn't harmed, just scared."

"Fuckin' bastards!" Shiro shifted the sleeping orange haired boy in his arms "Thinkin they can touch King."

"Look I think we all know what this means."

"All bets are off. Screw the agreement."

"Yes. We're leaving and taking Ichigo back home."

()()()

(Byakuya and Kenpachi)

"You don't get it, its here, somewhere around here and I can not and will not leave until you tell me where it is."

Byakuya looked totally and completely confused. He had no idea what Kenpachi was talking about.

The area smelled completely normal to him. Nothing out of place or unusual—well except fro the slightest trace of Ryoka—but it wasn't a bad smell—quite the opposite.

He concluded that the excitement of the unknown Ryoka boy was getting to everyone—including Kenpachi.

It made no sense to him. The last time he had visited the human world, he had found nothing particularly special there.

"This is ridiculous I'm going back to bed."

()()()()()()

At Dawn..

(Yumichika, Ichigo Shiro and ?)

"Rise and shine Ichigo-kun!"

Yumichika's voice was cheery and full of life. He was practically floating around the room, reminding Ichigo very much of a bird.

/Which is fitting considering his zanpakuto'/

Ichigo yawned and made to rise from his bed but found the act to be quite impossible.

He furrowed his brows.

What the hell?

Yumichika noticed the orange-haired youth's frown "Is something wrong, Ichigo-kun?"

The last thing Ichigo wanted to do was ask for help to get out of bed. The very thought was utterly ridiculous.

"I'm fine."

Yumichika didn't seem to buy it for a minute.

He approached the bed only to fall flat on his ass.

Yumichika was not a clumsy man. And he damn sure did not trip over his own beautiful feet.

So he concluded that it could only be the spirit guardians—they were messing with him.

He was not amused.

"Hiding like cowards is ugly, come out and show yourselves!"

There was a snicker and then a single popping noise.

"Shirosaki?"

"Morning King."

"That was not funny."

The liger guardian ignored the feminine man in favor of pouncing on the berry "So guess what King?"

"Shiro, get off me!"

"No. Now guess what?"

Ichigo rolled his eyes "Fine what?"

"We're leaving."

Yumichika felt his brow twitch "Do my ears deceive me or did you just say you were leaving?"

"Ya heard right pretty boy, we're going back to our world and there's nothin' ya can do about it."

Shiro was in brat mode. Ichigo couldn't help but laugh. He hadn't seen that elfish grin on the liger's face in a long time.

"Oh yeah and who made that decision?"

"We all did. Last night after we rescued ya."

"Rescued?" Ichigo scratched his head. He couldn't remember much of last night, just bits and pieces, a scrambled mess. "Rescued me from who?"

Shiro started playing with the orange-haired youth's hair "Does it really matter?"

"Yeah actually it kind of does. I'm sure you heard that old man who runs this place, there will be hell to pay if we cause some type of disaster while we're here in Soul Society."

"Relax King, Grimm and Starrk are on their way to the old geezer right now."

()()()()()

"This is stupid Shiro, I'm not going to run back home just because that strange silver-haired guy freaked me out a bit yesterday."

"He did more than freak you out or have you forgotten?"

"Look Shiro I can understand if you guys were caught off guard but you don't have to prove anything, I'm sure if we ever crossed paths with him again, he wouldn't stand a c—

The door banged open.

"GOTCHA!"

A strange, large muscular beast with spiky black hair and an insane grin had knocked the liger to the side and was now merely a couple inches a way from Ichigo's face.

Yumichika's eyes shot open to the size of dinner plates. He had to think fast—and get Ichigo away from his taichou—it was still too soon not to mention he hadn't even gotten the boy to agree yet.

He bit his bottom lip, grabbed Ichigo and fled so fast it was as if hellhounds were at his heels.

()()()

(Ichigo and Yumichika)

Ichigo had no idea who the large burly man had been but he was kinda glad that Yumichika had grabbed him—otherwise…

A shudder ran down his spine.

"Um Yumichika-san?"

"Yes Ichigo-kun?"

"Who or what was that?"

Yumichika debated about whether or not he should play stupid.

He decided against it.

"That man back there was your future husband."

"WHAT!"

()()()()

(Shiro)

Oh that was it! That was it!

No more nice Shiro—he didn't care how, big, bad and dangerous this guy might be.

He was going to kick his ass!

()()()()()

(Kenpachi)

Kenpachi grinned.

A shape-shifter guardian. He certainly hadn't encountered one of these in quite a long time.

And this particular one seemed to have a certain blood lust.

Things were finally starting to look up.

()()()()()()

(Shiro)

Shiro easily dodged the blade and leapt backwards into a crouched fighting stance.

He licked his lips. He was going to enjoy this.

()()()

(Grimmjow/Starrk)

"So do you believe it?"

"What?"

"What that woman in there said."

"Yeah I believe it but I damn sure don't like it. Seems a bit unfair if you ask me. Who the hell do these shinigami think they are anyway? And what the hell gives that old bearded geezer the right to run the brats life?"

"The same law that prevents us from being with Ichigo."

"It's bullshit! All of it! Stars my ass! Contract my ass! Prophecy my ass! I swear if I ever come across that damn goat chin in another lifetime, I'll kick him so hard he'll be shitting out of tube for the rest of his life!"

"If Masaki was still alive she wouldn't let them come anywhere near Ichigo."

"Never met the woman sadly but—

"Trust me, Ichigo got all of his best qualities from her."

A sigh "How are we going to break this to Shiro?"

"Hm something tells me we won't have to. I'm betting he already knows."

"Bastard. Keeping something like this from us."

"Forget about our feelings. Ichigo is the one who—

"Yeah, yeah I know," another sigh "I damn sure hope this doesn't break the brat."

"I don't think so. He's a lot stronger than we give him credit for."

"Yeah don't I know it?" A grin "Course with guardians like us, there's no way that brat could be a weakling."

"Couldn't have said it better if I said it myself."

()()()

(Ichigo)

"I realize it's a lot to digest but my taichou is actually a v—

"I'm not saying I'm happy to learn that I was tricked, nor am I saying I'll agree to all of this but—

"What are you saying?"

"I—I need to just get away and think for awhile."

"When you say a while."

"I'll see you later."

"Wait but when will you be back?"

Ichigo did not give an answer. He just continued walking away.

Maybe he'd go find a garden.

Surely there had to be one around here somewhere.

Sitting in the garden always brought upon a sense of calm to him back in the human world.

He supposed it was because of his mother, while the woman had been alive she had loved spending time out in the garden, painting on a canvas or playing with him in the soft grass.

Yes he would go search for a garden.

()()()

(Kenpachi)

The liger guardian hadn't backed down in their fight, did not turn and run.

Didn't even have a scratch on it. Nor had it appeared to be out of breath or energy.

And yet almost abruptly, it had simply stopped.

And grinned at him.

"So you're the one."

It had not been a question but a statement.

Kenpachi was quite confused.

The liger (currently in its human form) put its hand out, expecting a shake.

Kenpachi complied.

()()()()()()

(Shiro)

Shiro did not release the large hand right away. He had a few things to say first.

"Number one: If you hurt King I will rip your eyes right out of their sockets and feed them to our centaur back home. Number two: King's real name is Ichigo, as in one who protects. Not berry, not brat, not punk or any other retarded pet name got it? Number three: Never treat King like a woman," Gold eyes narrowed "Think you can handle that?"

()()()()()()

(Ichigo)

No signs.

There were no signs telling him "Do not Enter"

No signs reading "Keep off! Private Property."

And yet the signs were not necessary. The area was clearly secluded from the rest of Soul Society.

Ichigo was not the type to just wander into someone's home (or in this case a back yard ) but something was pulling him towards this place.

There was not a single question or doubt in his mind—this place, this sanctuary was right where he needed to be.

()()())()()

(Kenpachi)

In order to find everlasting romantic bliss one must always remember the 4 basic steps.

Track. Catch. Court. Mate.

One and two would be easy.

Three and four however, that would be a little more tricky.

()()()

(Byakuya)

Rain in Soul Society was a rare thing. But when it did happen, the thunder gods must've been having a fucking field day.

Not sprinkles or small drops but heavy raindrops and even heavier wind.

Sometimes the wind pressure was so strong it would knock over the rare china perfectly placed inside the cabinets.

The windows would shake and sometimes crack due to the force.

Only a fool would be outside in this kind of weather.

Apparently that fool was the orange haired Ryoka boy.

Did he think it was fun to go wandering around in the middle of a storm?

Think it was perfectly normal to run and jump like some sort of love struck idiot?

Okay-perhaps that was a tiny bit of an exaggeration but still—why sit down in the wet grass?

What did one gain from that?

()()()

"Are you simply an idiot or do you have a reason for sitting out here in the rain?"

()()()()()

(Ichigo)

Ichigo stood up and turned around at the sound of an unfamiliar voice.

Wet, medium length glossy black hair, partially held back by a delicate hair piece, perfect needle point thin brows, vanilla creamed toned skin, eyes, not quite gray, blue or amethyst. Nose, mouth and chin (thin, sharp, pointed) Scarf wrapped around a swan like neck, standard shinigami attire with a different type of insignia.

One of the taichou's then.

And a good looking one at that.

Clearly a woman even if she did have a deep voice.

"I didn't mean to cause any problems miss, I simply felt drawn to this place,"

Eyes narrowed "What did you just call me?"

"Well uh miss since I don't actually know your name."

()()()

(Kenpachi)

Yes three and four might be a little challenging but not impossible.

Since it seemed that he and Ichigo were quite possibly (most likely) destined to be together.

For Kenpachi had already encountered the boy in at least 5 past lives.

In the first lifetime he'd been in a King in Scotland married to Rangiku by law, title and obligation only. The only one that he had truly had eyes for had been the cute little servant boy with bright orange hair. While the buxom blonde ran off into the late night to go dancing with the knights in the dangerous parts of the woods, the cute little orange haired servant would sneak in to Kenpachi's chambers and stay with him until sunrise.

The second lifetime Kenpachi had been your standard bad boy and had not cared much for school or well anything really. He'd spend his weekends and free time working in the auto shop run by Hirako Shinji and Sarugaki Hiyori and the triplets. Kon, Ogi and Ichigo. Non Identical. Since Kon and Ogi were boys and Ichigo was a girl. A girl who had streaks of lilac in her long orange hair. A girl who wasn't ashamed to flaunt her goods. A girl who put the blow back in blow jobs.

In his third life time he'd been a photographer filming a young model and his lover. The young model (Ichigo) was rumored to be quite an angry, blushing mess on film. Funny, the berry had seemed quite lively (even dare he say?) flirtatious while Kenpachi had been filming him. The lover had been completely oblivious to the looks that were being sent back and forth between the boy and himself.

In his forth lifetime he had been sailing on the high sees in search of an adventure only to crash land on an a desert island with his only companion a rare Neko!hybrid.

In Kenpachi's fifth life-time after much whining and begging, Ikkaku and Yumichika had dragged him into a brand new night club. The club itself hadn't been anything special but the one on stage, not the one sitting on top of the piano and singing her heart out, no the one playing the piano. Orange brows furrowed in deep concentration as perfect fingers danced across the keyboard. It was cliché but Kenpachi had fallen hard.

All other life times remained a blur but…

If that wasn't a thumbs up, a go for it!—he didn't know what was.

()()()

(Byakuya)

He could simply slice the Ryoka brat into millions of tiny pieces.

Barely bat an eye as the humans' delicate skin was sliced to fine ribbons.

Yes he could very much kill this smart mouthed punk.

But oh—there was a much more satisfying alternative.

Well (smirk) for him anyway.

()()()

(Ichigo)

The woman moved at lighting speed—no faster.

One minute she'd been glaring daggers at him and the next?

She was behind him, strong fingers grabbing him by the hair, forcing him down on his knees in the wet grass.

Less than a split second later, she was on top of him—and he came to realize that this was NO woman at all.

TBC