ROLLERCOASTER

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Terra Firma

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Two

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Kate Pulaski cut herself another fat wedge of Will's coffee cake and sat down by the window with a cup of tea. She'd never had to fatten herself up before in her life, but it seemed that, if she was to do so, Will Riker's cooking was the stuff to do it right with. The man's culinary offerings were simple, satisfying and unashamedly calorific. She supposed that it was a good thing the Commander almost always replied on replicator food in space – otherwise, they'd all be the size of houses.

She ate, and thought back to the happy year she'd spent on the Enterprise D – the friends she'd made - how time had changed them… some, more than others…

The door to the kitchen swung open and Data shuffled through.

That in itself was odd. Data wasn't supposed to shuffle. And, while she was used to the android having a blank, far-away expression, as though constantly distracted by millions of different concepts and images all whirring through his mind, he had in the past always seemed attentive to the situation in front of him. Over the past couple of days in the lodge, there had been several times when she'd been sure that were she capable of back flipping right past his eyes, she could do so without him so much as noticing.

'Where are the others?' Data asked in a subdued voice.

'They went hiking,' replied Pulaski. 'They only left an hour ago – you should be able to catch up with them in a few minutes.'

Data exhaled deeply, gazing blankly out of the window at the gorgeous wilderness beyond. 'No,' he concluded.

They sat in silence as Pulaski finished off her slice of cake.

'Did you enjoy your nap?'

Data glanced round at her. 'I do not "nap". I activated my dream programme.'

'Of course,' replied Pulaski, dryly. 'So, how were your dreams?'

Data ruminated this for a moment. 'Mediocre.' He paused. 'At least they were not nightmares.'

'You get nightmares, then?'

'Sometimes.'

The android fell quiet again, and went back to staring out of the window. Jeez – time was, you couldn't get him to shut the Hell up – now having a conversation with him was like getting blood out of a stone.

'You sleep an awful lot for somebody who doesn't need to,' added Pulaski, 'don't you? Geordi mentioned that while you two were sailing, you'd go off to activate your dream programme up to three times a day.'

'Did he?' Data replied, absently. 'I happen to enjoy the experience of dreaming.'

'Even when they're mediocre?' Pulaski asked. 'Even when they're nightmares? Wouldn't you rather be experiencing the real world? I can't imagine you've ever had quite so much free time on Earth – the human home world – I'd have thought you'd want to explore it more.'

Data turned around to face her properly. 'You are aware of my current situation – the emotion chip?'

'Still can't switch it off, huh?'

'Although I am determined to eventually find a way to do so, you are correct, Doctor. At present I am forced to experience emotional responses at all times. I am finding this particularly difficult. Dreaming often helps – I find existence easier while I am in a sleep-like state. That is all. Why does everybody seem to have such difficulty understanding that?'

'I'm not the first person to bring this up?'

'Both Geordi and Counsellor Troi have repeatedly approached me on the matter, as though it should give them some concern about my wellbeing, and repeatedly I have had to tell them that there is nothing wrong.'

Pulaski nodded to herself. 'Do you want my opinion?'

'I believe that you may well be about to tell me whether I wish for it or not,' Data replied, 'so please do continue.'

The Doctor took a sip of tea. 'I think you're depressed.'

Data's lips twisted slightly into a faint, incredulous smile. 'A depressed android?'

'How is that any stranger than an android who likes to dream?'

Data didn't reply.

'You're exhibiting several outward signs of depression,' continued Pulaski. 'You seem lethargic, you're detached, you've lost interest in the world around you…' she paused. 'I should know – I sank into a dark place myself recently.'

'When you became ill,' Data deduced.

'No,' replied Pulaski. 'When I got better.'

Data frowned at her.

'When I was sick, everything I did - every thought I had, every dream, every plan – was working towards the time when I'd be well again. I became consumed by that single goal – to overcome the disease and come out the other side. Only, once I'd achieved that goal, I had no idea what to do with myself any more. It's like I'd passed the finish line of a marathon and had no idea where to run to next. Not only that, but recovery turned out to be nothing like I'd hoped it to be. On top of that, all of a sudden I had nothing to do with my life but sit around and think. People like you and I are used to keeping ourselves busy, Mister Data. And here you too are now with nothing to do but sit and think, and occasionally sleep.' She paused. 'For how long has being able to feel emotions been an aspiration of yours, Data?'

Data's gaze shifted off into the middle distance. 'For the entirety of my existence. It was made a more tangible goal when Dr Soong tried to install the chip in me, and the acquisition of the stolen device from Lore made the possibility of gaining emotional responses even more… even more real. I have always striven towards emotional capabilities, but during the year that lead up to my activating it, the physical presence of the emotion chip served as a constant reminder of the possibilities it presented. Only…'

'Only,' Pulaski concluded 'now you've got them, you don't know what to do with yourself any more. You've found they're not all you'd built them up to be.'

'It is more difficult than I had expected,' Data admitted, quietly. 'And more negative. I had not been anticipating that. The anger… I had not thought myself to be an angry person.'

'Everybody has to deal with anger,' Pulaski replied. 'You haven't killed anyone yet – how bad can it be?'

'I am considering requesting a transfer.'

The Doctor set down her teacup. 'What?'

'I have a problem,' Data explained. 'There is a fellow Senior Officer with whom I was once particularly close friends… more than friends. We had several dalliances of a sexual nature.'

Pulaski smiled to herself. 'Yes, I heard you and Commander Yar had a bit of a Thing for a while.'

Data paused, his immature emotions making him incapable of hiding his irritation at even Pulaski, out of the loop as she was, knowing about Tasha and he.

'She claimed to love me,' continued Data after a moment, 'and I thought, perhaps, given our previous closeness, I might be able to love her too.'

'But in reality, you don't?'

'In reality,' Data replied, 'I can hardly bear to be in the same room as her. Every time I am in her presence, I am filled with infuriation over memories of our past.'

'So an old romance left you feeling bitter,' Pulaski shrugged. 'Join the club. I bet it's no picnic for Tasha either. But how could that possibly warrant a transfer?'

Data gazed across at her, his expression set with an unfamiliar air of worry. 'I do not believe that I can work with Lieutenant Commander Yar any more.'

'Data, that's ridiculous.'

'Is it? Commander Worf and Counsellor Troi terminated their romantic relationship shortly before the crash, and now he is not to return…'

Pulaski stared at him, aghast. 'Are we talking about two different Worfs here? Do you seriously believe he would make an important career decision like that just because he split up with a crewmate? That's not the Worf I know. That's not like any Starfleet Officer I know – it's certainly not like you, either.'

'How is that not like me?' Data retorted. 'Am I not an individual who struggles with social and romantic relationships, just as I have always been? Only, now I am able to notice when it causes me to be mocked, and feel distress, humiliation and rage when I am laughed at.'

'Nobody's laughing at you, Data…'

'Everybody is laughing at me!'

'So you're depressed and paranoid now…'

'I am not paranoid. It is all because of her. She lied to me. She used me. And now that she has begun making protestations of love, it makes me appear the uncharitable one.'

'That doesn't sound like Tasha,' replied Pulaski. 'Are you quite sure you're not exaggerating these wrongdoings?'

'Quite sure, Doctor. Why would I do that?'

'Sometimes we do these things without meaning to,' Pulaski told him. 'I remember one old flame of mine used to make me mad as all Hell every time I so much as heard his name… turned out I just hadn't got over him yet.'

'Believe me, there is no "getting over" Tasha Yar. I am not enamoured with her, and never was. She just…' Data paused. 'She bothers me.'

Pulaski nodded, sagely. 'You know what, Data, there's an old Earth saying that applies pretty much perfectly to this situation.'

'What is that?'

Pulaski leaned in towards him. 'Tough tits.'

Data frowned. 'What does that relative turgidity of hypothetical mammary glands have to do with…'

'It means hard luck, Data. You weren't forced into any sort of sexual relationship with Tasha, were you? You made your own decision, right?'

'Correct, but…'

'Do you know what your chances of getting involved in an on-board romance is for starship dwellers?'

Data blinked 'As a matter of fact, I do not have that information to hand…'

'It's over eighty percent,' interrupted Pulaski. 'And two out of three of those don't last more than six weeks.'

Data regarded the doctor with a peculiar gaze. 'You just made that up.'

'Maybe…'

'Please do not jest about statistics, Doctor. They are not a laughing matter.'

'Look, that's a good approximation of the relationships I've seen spring up and fall apart through all my time working for Starfleet. It's all that Space outside, I think… or the distinct lack of space inside. Does something to people. And I'm afraid, when you end up stuck on a ship in the vast reaches of space with your Ex, you really have no option but to learn to work with them. Especially if you and that other person are Senior Officers.' Pulaski paused. 'From what I heard through the grapevine, you and Tasha actually go back some way – didn't you split up a couple of years ago?'

'Officially, yes,' Data replied. 'Although our dalliances began before you so much as came aboard, Doctor.'

'I honestly couldn't tell,' Pulaski told him. 'And the simple fact that you're still both on Jean-Luc Picard's Senior crew tells me that whatever's gone between you can't have affected your work – your Captain would never put up with that.'

'But I feel emotions now…'

'That's true,' Pulaski nodded. 'You don't have that advantage any more – you're on the same playing field as the rest of us poor saps now. So what? You're surrounded by failed couples all the time, Data – you're vacationing with one, for pity's sake – and they all just have to make the best of it. That's just what you're going to have to do.'

'But…'

'Look – you were always saying you wanted to live as a human, and seeing you now… you're more human than I ever imagined you'd be. But you've got to take the little heartaches that come with a human life. You want to be a man, Data? Be a man. Be a man about this and deal with your feelings for her - don't run away from them just because they're particularly strong, particularly bewildering. And cut Tasha a little slack, for pity's sake. It took two to tango.'

'And if I were depressed, Doctor – which I remain unconvinced about, by the way – is being sternly told simply to learn to deal with the issues that are plaguing me really supposed to cure me of the condition?'

'No,' Pulaski replied, 'that was just a free bit of advice. I'm not the one to go to for psychological ailments – that's not my department. I'm a Doctor, not a therapist.'

'Without meaning to cause offence, Doctor, it shows.'

'So, who would you rather talk to about your problems with me, or with somebody who is actually qualified to help?'

Data sighed a little. 'This is not the first time that I have been cajoled and tricked into seeking counsel from Deanna Troi by a third party.'

'I'm surprised you'd need to be – I had no idea before today that you were capable of being quite so proud and wilful. Anyway, this isn't a trick – I'm telling you straight. Talk to Deanna – and don't quit the Enterprise because of one failed romance. We both know that would be cutting off your nose to spite your face.' Pulaski paused. 'Metaphorically speaking, of course…'

'I am aware of the expression,' replied Data.

The android turned away from her and stared out of the window again in silence. After a while, he rose to his feet.

'I believe,' he announced, 'I shall go for a walk. Alone. It seems to be a nice day outside. Your advice to enjoy Earth while I can was helpful, Doctor. If I am to take a position on the new Enterprise, it is uncertain when I will be given as much opportunity to explore this planet again.'

'You're welcome, Data,' smiled Pulaski. 'While I'm on a roll, may I offer you one more piece of advice?'

'You may.'

Pulaski turned back to her tea. 'Take that last slice of cake with you. It really is terribly good.'

Data looked at the final slice of coffee cake on the stand, then picked it up carefully, set it on a plate and left it, covered, on the end table next to the chair that Tasha had commandeered over the last few days.

'She likes coffee,' he muttered, a little sheepishly, before opening the door and stepping out into the golden sunlight.