Hello :))...Here it is...the next chapter...I hope my muse will not go on vacation any time soon...I really want to write this story, plus "His past, her present, their pain"..keep your finger crossed folks :))

I do not own NCIS, never have and never will...By now I am pretty sure you guys know what I own :))

Read, review and enjoy :))

xoxo LT


Helping Hands

She was freaking out and she knew it, but could do nothing to stop herself from sliding down that path. She had promised Becka and Caleb that she will take care of Noah, but now she wasn't sure she could fulfill her oath.

She had slowly rocked the boy to sleep, and it seemed that for that short amount of time the world around them disappeared leaving them in a protective shell, suspended in time and grief. At one point she had decided that Noah needed to be moved to a bed or at least a couch so he could get some proper sleep. Ziva had knocked on Vance's door and asked permission to leave the boy there. The director, toothpick in his mouth, had given her a short nod, stood up and retrieved a blanket from a drawer and draped it over the sleeping form. He had ushered Ziva out of the room, following closely, leaving the door of his office slightly opened so Cynthia could monitor him in case he woke.

Now her hands were free, no longer sustaining the clinging boy and she felt useless while trying to focus on her paperwork. Her fingers started shacking making it almost impossible for her to write a damn thing and her breathing was becoming labored; she could feel chills going down her spin.

"I'm not fit to be a mother. Who am I kidding? He would be better off in a foster home then with me." She thought, letting a sight escape her tight pressed lips.

On the other side of the bullpen, a younger agent was studying the statue that was his coworker. She stared intensely at her computer screen; one could not tell that she was bothered by something, but that she was only working very hard. Yet special agent Timothy McGee knew that she wasn't actually focusing on the pile of reports lying on her desk that had to be submitted to the data-bank. He had been monitoring her movements since she had left director Vance's office some thirty minutes ago.

It was a shock for him to find out that Ziva had lost yet another dear person, and it was more shocking to find out that she had become a foster mother. After the emotional reunion of Ziva and Noah, officer Bashan and Mili had left the conference room, Tony had fled through the open doors and Gibbs had dragged him out of there, allowing the two heartbroken people some space. He had been fascinated by how Ziva's features had softened once she had seen the little boy flung himself into her arms. When she had walked back into the almost empty bullpen, McGee could see that she was thinking intensely and he had a pretty good idea about what. Numerous times he had tried to speak to her, but it seemed that words, forming in his brain, would not escape his lips. The more he was looking at her, the more he wanted to talk to her, only to distract her from her thoughts that evidently were eating her alive. The cool Mossad mask she had always put on without any sign of effort was now lacking and she was growing paler by the second. The moment he heard her sight, he knew that he needed to speak to her, and now, seeing the panic in her features, the bewildered eyes, he knew that he had to help her somehow, because she was his friend.

Silently he stood up from his chair, and inched closer to her desk. Ziva did not seem to notice him, and, McGee could see the sweet on her forehead, the tremor of her hands and her shallow breathing. It dawned on him, that the ex-Mossad assassin was having a panic attack.

Stepping a little closer towards her, and taking a deep breath, her decided to speak, in spite of his instincts that were telling him to run.

"Ziva, are you ok?" he breathed out, but she did not seem to hear him, instead she let her head drop in her palms, a sob escaping her petite frame.

McGee, who was now standing next to her desk, extended his hand so he could touch her shoulder, but stopped before making contact with her frame, remembering how much she hated to be touched.

"Hey." He began "you know everything will be ok?"

After what seemed to be an eternity, she raised her face from her palms and looked at him.

"Nothing will be ok, McGee. I can't do this."

"That's not true Ziva." He responded, his voice comforting.

"Yes! It is true. I'm not fit to be a mother. I have taken lives McGee, not nurtured them, and not raised them to be good and healthy people." She yelled back at him.

Her voice echoed in the bullpen, and McGee did not dare to contradict her. He could read the growing panic clearly now, and he was at a loss of words.

"I'm sorry Tim. I didn't mean to yell at you." She spoke, her tone calmer.

"It's ok, Ziva. You can take it out on me if you want, I don't mind." He replied sheepishly.

"No Tim, it's not fine, and I am sorry for snapping at you. It's just that, I am lost. I don't know how I am supposed to give this little, damaged boy a proper home. I can barely keep my own nightmares at bay, how am I going to protect him from his own. McGee, Noah has seen both his parents getting shot by terrorists." She explained, pushing her chair back and letting her head fall into her hands once again.

McGee moved swiftly and kneeled in front of her looking at her head intensely.

"I am sure you will make a great mum Ziva, and we are here to help you. You are not in this alone. I'm sure Abby will me more than thrilled to help you out with him, and I am here as well. Gibbs can give you advice, and Tony, well he can go and play ball in the park with him, when you need a break." He said, laying his hand on her knee.

"Huh! Yes, I am sure, Tony would be more than happy to help. He ran for the seas when he saw Noah." She said.

"The hills, Ziva. It's ran for the hills, not seas." He corrected.

"Yeah, never mind. I'll shut up. Sorry." He apologized after seeing her murderous expression.

"Do you think we would let you handle this all on your own Ziver? A warm voice spoke next to hear, a gentle palm on her back, rubbing small circles. He put a steaming cup of jasmine tee in front of her, causing her eyes to light up.

"Come on Ziva, let's get you some fresh air. McGee, find DiNozzo and go down to Abby's lab. Wait for me there." He smirked, walking towards the elevator. Her brows furrowed, and she swiftly turned to McGee for answers. He had risen from his crouching position and looked at her, nodding his head towards Gibbs.

"Today, David!" Gibbs barked, and Ziva grabbed her tea and ran to the elevator, sliding in just before the doors closed.

The ride down was silent and in the beginning a little bit awkward, but she could feel also a small wave of relief wash over her. Once the elevator doors open once more, they were greeted by the warm September air and Ziva took a deep breath, feeling how the air invaded her stressed lungs. In front of them, the NCIS Park, was filled with life and discussions. Agents were taking advantage of the few spare minutes they had, by unwinding. Ziva could see a group of four sitting around a small table, sipping from their steaming cups of coffee, bouncing ideas of each other, while checking for facts in the papers lying in front of them. It was a calming sight and Ziva wished nothing more than to be doing just that. Both her and Gibbs walked towards an empty bench and set down side by side, no words exchanged. It was becoming uncomfortable, but she couldn't gather her courage to talk to him about the problem. She was taking deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves, but it seemed that every breath she took would only bring on another wave of panic.

She finally spoke when she noticed that the senior agent would not begin the conversation.

"I can't do this."

Her words were a soft whisper drowned by a small sob, feeling the panic starting to rush through her system again. She was playing with her cup refusing to look Gibbs in the eyes.

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs shifted his body so he could see her better. Seeing her so broken filled him with pain and he couldn't help the anger bubbling up inside of him. What had this woman done to deserve yet another burden?

"Ziver, you know that's not true. You are a capable of this, you have it in you. For the past five years you have been taking care of both McGee and Tony, always watching their six." Gibbs explained, fighting the urge of wrapping her in a hug.

"That's different Gibbs. Tim and Tony are grown men." Ziva said, still not meeting his gaze.

"Says who? I'm pretty sure Noah is more mature then both McGee and DiNozzo put together." Gibbs chuckled, causing Ziva to laugh and turn towards him.

"You might have a point there, but there are some issues here. For starters I live in a one room apartment with a couch fitting one person. I do not even own a mattress. Where is Noah going to sleep?" She explained, panic creeping in her voice once more.

"I know where the both of you will be staying until you find a bigger apartment. I have enough space and you can sleep in my house and be sure that the team will help you. Ziva, you don't have to face this alone, this isn't Israel anymore." Gibbs explained.

"Thank you Gibbs, but we couldn't burden you. We'll find another way."

"I see you don't want to take it as a friendly offer, so I will turn it to an order. Ziva, both you and Noah will be sleeping at my house. Right now, that little boy need shelter and peace, a stable way to cope with his lose and pain." He trailed away, giving the Israeli his famous stare.

She took a deep breath, smiling slightly. "Thank you."

"Vance knows of this and strangely enough the bastard has offered his help." He said, chuckling at Ziva's surprised stare.

"Yes, cut me off guard as well. Never thought the man had a sensitive bone in his body, but I think being married and having kids softened even the unkindest heart."

"I need to look for a day care. I can't take care of him during the day." Ziva said, looking at the four agents still talking.

"Vance has covered that as well. He will keep the boy in his office and Cynthia is more than willing to keep an eye on him. In case the director and his assistant are busy I'm pretty sure Abby will be happy to care for him. Ducky and Palmer are in as well and they have offered to help when needed. Noah is a quiet boy, he will not cause problems." Gibbs enlightened the exhausted woman next to him.

"Ziva, I don't want to give you time off. You need to stay focused and busy; I know where your mind travels when you're alone and I am determined to prevent that as much as I can." The older agent explained softly.

She sighted deeply her eyes closed, while taking another small sip from her cup.

"Thank you." She said, her eyes still closed.

"You're welcome Ziver." He said wanting to get up.

"Gibbs."

"Yeah."

"I do not want my father to find out about Noah's whereabouts. Could you please speak to Vance as well about this matter?" she asked, her brown eyes boring intensely into his.

He nodded, lifting himself off the bench, only to be followed by Ziva.

"I think we should get back. Noah won't be happy waking up alone.

The elevator trip was silent, but Ziva felt at peace. She knew that with the help of her team she would be able to take care of Becka's son.

Once the elevator doors opened with a soft sound she was greeted by Noah's cries. The Israeli ran towards the stairs leading to the director's office, climbing two steps at a time. Once inside the office she could see Cynthia trying to calm the crying boy.

Noah spotted Ziva and ran towards her, circling her thighs with his arm, burring his face into the soft fabric of her cargo pants.

In-between sobs, he spoke, his words tearing Ziva apart. "Iva please don't leave me.