Chapter XI: About Selling Your Soul
It is easy to imagine, when reading a piece of fiction or watching an action movie, what we would do if we were in the hero's shoes. But when faced with real-life danger, chances are we are not so composed. As for me, when I saw Erik standing between me and the door, a silent menace in his eyes, I panicked. I felt my heart beating violently and a tingling sensation spread from my fingertips throughout my entire body. In an instant, I went ice cold and moist with sweat, my chest tightened so that I could hardly breathe, and my legs couldn't carry me any longer. As I sank down on the floor, I was convinced I was going to die.
"Please..." I moaned as I gasped for air. The room had started spinning around me.
Erik said nothing. I tried to speak again.
"I won't tell, Erik, I promise..."
Erik looked at me without moving. He seemed to be considering what to do with me. If he wanted to, he could easily kill me with his bare hands, there was no doubt about that. I was left wondering for a while just how far he was ready to go in his insanity.
"Let me be wrong about him", I thought over and over, like a mantra. "Let me be wrong about Mme Martin."
I don't know how long I was sitting on the floor, but eventually my pulse calmed down and I was able to breathe normally. It was only then that I came to think of it: Erik had, in fact, not hurt me yet. I began to feel slightly hopeful. This could only mean that he had the intention of talking to me.
"What do you want?" I asked, my voice still shaking.
"Nothing", said Erik simply. "I want you to do nothing, say nothing. Just keep up that admirable discretion which you have displayed so far. And stay away from Christine's practice room, it is not safe to go there alone."
I opened my hand and showed him the earring. Even though I was terrified of the answer, I had to ask.
"What about this?" I said. "It belonged to the institution secretary."
"Ah yes, the poor Mme Martin", Erik mused. "That was an accident."
"How?"
"She accidentally found the trapdoor", he said innocently.
I had an unsettling feeling that Erik's definition of "accident" was radically different from most people's.
"If I had fallen asleep just now, would... would you..." I stammered, "would you have done something similar to me, too?"
"I might have", said Erik casually. "But I would have been reluctant to do so. You see, I have a certain degree of sympathy for you, Meg Giry. You are an essentially good person, and you have been helpful to me in the past, even though you would not have realized it at the time. And you are making progress at music theory, that is another good reason not to kill you, isn't it? It would be most un-pedagogical of me to sabotage your efforts in such a crude way. Mlle Popeau would not approve."
Erik was quite insane. I knew that now. He was also strangely humorous in a very morbid way, and I think it was this trait in him that made me feel a little more relaxed, so that I dared try to challenge him.
"If you spare me now and let me go", I said, trying to make my question sound like a joke, "what's going to stop me from going to the police, or telling Christine the truth about you?"
"Only your intelligence and sense of self-preservation", Erik replied with what was most likely a smile.
"And if I keep quiet and don't go near the practice room or the trapdoor again?" I asked.
"You will be safe", Erik said. "More than that, your loyalty will be rewarded. You will find I am not such an unfriendly fellow after all. I am, in fact, a very peaceful man if I am not disturbed."
"What about Christine?"
"I would never hurt her", answered Erik emphatically.
Once again, I was struck with the thought that Erik was deeply in love with my cousin. But she didn't even know that he existed in the flesh - to her he was only the bodiless voice of the Angel of Music. What was the reason behind this charade?
Could it be that this forceful man, this brilliant composer and virtuoso pianist and singer, was too shy to approach a woman in person? It seemed unlikely, but I had heard about people who were so disabled by social phobia that they couldn't even leave their homes. A similar explanation could account for the fact that Erik was always wearing a mask. I had never seen him without it and had never asked him about it, knowing that he would not want me to. He seemed to be so used to it, as if he had always worn it, and if so, he must be a very troubled person, I thought. A person I had serious doubts about letting my cousin be taken in by. Erik, seeing my hesitation, continued:
"My only goal is to give Christine a chance to become a great singer. I see remarkable potential in her, and I want her to achieve the success and recognition that I myself never got. If the only way to achieve that is by letting her believe she is tutored by an angel sent to her by her father, so be it. She will learn the truth when she is ready. But Meg, you have seen for yourself the change in her. She is radiant, she has hope! Can you deprive her of that?"
Erik spoke convincingly, and even though I was not sure whether he was completely honest about his intentions, I had to agree with the points he had made. Christine had made extraordinary progress under Erik's guidance, and in her current fragile state of mind I was afraid of what she might do if she were to find out that there was no Angel of Music. Besides, knowing what Erik was capable of, I feared for my own safety if I should interfere with his plans. I guess these were my excuses for making a decision which would later have catastrophic consequences.
"I will keep your secret", I said to Erik.
As I finally was allowed to leave that dreadful room, I had the uneasy feeling of one who has just made a deal with the devil.
