Dedication: To my Papaw, who, after a minor stroke, drove the nurses up a wall by asking to go for walks every five minutes. Thank you for inspiring this fic and fighting so bravely to recover.

Disclaimer: The restraining practices used in this chapter are completely fictional and should not be tried on an actual elderly person!

The Geriatric Winx Club

2. The Dispensing Dilema

It was a bright, sunny morning at the Restful Valley Elder Care facility, meaning that very few of the residents were happy. They also weren't happy because it was time for their medication to be given out.

"Miss Ophelia, you need to take your pills." Darcy said in a bored tone. The old fairy she spoke to shook her head defiantly. "Come on, now, don't make me cram them down your throat."

"Young lady, I was a nurse for fifty years! I know what I do and do not need to take, and I certainly do not need those pills!" Ophelia exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at the brunette witch.

"These are for your arthritis and blood pressure." Darcy said. "It's not like I'm giving you a hallucinogen."

"May as well be!" The elder fairy huffed. "I don't need any pills!"

"Me either!" Eltrudite spoke up. "They taste yucky!"

"But they make the aches go away." DuFor protested.

"I'm still not taking them." Eltrudite shouted.

"Neither am I!" Ophelia exclaimed.

"Both of you sit down and take your damn pills before I…"

"Any problems here, Darcy?" Tecna, the head nurse, asked as she walked by. Darcy froze in mid-threat, before smiling and grinding her teeth.

"No, ma'am."

"Good." The magenta-haired fairy nodded. "Now, you ladies all behave for Darcy."

"Of course, Tecna." DuFor smiled sweetly.

"Speak for yourself! I still won't take the pills!" Eltrudite bellowed.

"Madam, you need to take your medication." Tecna said sternly. "And Ophelia, don't you even start trying to pull rank again! You retired decades ago!"

"I still know what's best for my body!"

"Okay, that's enough." Darcy growled. "Paralyticum totalum temporarus!" Ophelia instantly became perfectly still. Seizing the opportunity, Darcy opened her mouth and placed the pills on her tongue before sealing the older woman's maw once more. "Reversitum!" She called out, and the paralysis vanished as quickly as it onset.

"Darcy…" Tecna frowned.

"What? She took her pills. We don't have to hold her down to do it. Everyone wins." The hazel-eyed witch growled as Ophelia sputtered and coughed, having swallowed the pills as soon as the spell was reversed.

"That's not how we are supposed to deal with difficult patients." The magenta-haired woman glared.

"No, but it's what works, so I use it." The brunette stated. "Now, is anyone else going to protest?" She asked, holding the tray of med cups out with one hand and placing the other hand on her hip.

"Charge!" A male voice rang out as a blur in a wheelchair zoomed by, knocking over the meds. Dufor put her hands up to her mouth in wide-eyed shock, while Eltrudite gave a cry of celebration. Darcy shot the old witch a glare.

"Just because they hit the floor doesn't mean you get out of taking them, you old bat!"

"All available staff to the sitting room!" Tecna shouted into the com link. "Saladin's jousting with his chair again!"

"Do we have to?" A feminine groan floated over the communicator.

"Afraid so." Tecna stated as an aging wizard walked up to her. "Mr. Darkar, what is it now?"

"Do you have any snacks?" He asked hopefully. She sighed.

"No, Darkar, I don't. Why don't you go ask the cook?"

"Because he can't, and I have no money for the vending machine." He pouted. "Please?"

"Why don't you go ask Mr. Riven or Ms. Mirta?" Tecna offered. "I bet one of them might have some."

He smiled brightly. "Thank you!" He exclaimed before shuffling off to find one of the people mentioned.

"Um, Tecna?" A timid male voice asked. She sighed.

"What is it, Brandon?"

"Cordatorta's trying to fence with his cane again. I think that may be what set Saladin off." The man replied.

"Get him calmed down." She replied. "I'll go try to re-capture Saladin."

The magenta-haired fairy set off in the direction she last heard the old wizard go. She didn't have far to go, as she soon spotted the nearly-hairless wizard trying to beat the cook up with his cane.

"You dastardly knave! Trying to poison the lot of us!" Saladin exclaimed as the cook tried to shield himself with a plastic serving tray.

"Get away from me, you old kook!" Valtor shouted back.

"You won't get away with it!"

"Saladin!" Tecna shouted, gaining the men's attention mid-fight. "What in blazes are you doing?"

"He's trying to kill us with poisons!" The old man protested, waving a cane at Valtor's head.

A groan escaped the technology-fairy's lips as she searched her brain for the best way to handle the situation. Although Valtor's inability to cook anything more complicated than canned soup or grilled cheese was a well-known fact, she had to convince the aged wizard in the wheelchair that he wasn't intentionally trying to kill the residents. "Saladin, I know that Valtor can't cook, and I understand why that upsets you, but he is not trying to kill us."

"Give me SOME credit!" Valtor huffed, but refused to drop his plastic shield. "I don't do it on purpose, you know!"

"I don't believe it!" Saladin bellowed. "He's trying to kill us, I tell you!"

"I am not!" Valtor protested.

"Saladin, stand down before I force you to!" Tecna glared.

"I will not! I've been fighting longer than you've been alive, girl, and I tell you he's trying to kill us!" The old man shouted. Groaning, Tecna realized that she had but one option left: Magic.

"I'm sorry, but you leave me no choice." She stated, summoning her magic. "Digital Web!" A network of bright green energy enveloped the wheelchair-bound man, keeping him from trying to further threaten the cook.

"Let me go!"

"Not until you're safely back in your wing." The head nurse stated as Sky entered the area.

"Come on, Saladin, let's get you back to your room…" the blond man stated.

"He's trying to kill us all! You'll see! You'll see I'm right!" Saladin shouted as Sky rolled him out of the cafeteria.

"Finally!" Valtor released a relieved sigh at the old wizard's departure. "I thought I was about to be beaten to a pulp. Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Tecna replied. "It's my job. No matter how exasperating it may be, I still have to do it."