Welcome back to the drama. I thought I'd give you guys the bottom to the cliff I left last time. This is personally one of my favourite chapters.

Enjoy!


I sucked in a breath and scowled. Did I honestly just say that? I mean, it's true, but it's against my own personal creed to ever fall in love with someone. And I just ruined everything.

I head in shame. God, I was such an idiot. Stupid fucking caffeine, stupid Edward, stupid sexual desires, stupid everything.

"Just, uh, forget I said that?" I murmured hopefully. I looked up to try and figure out what was running through Edward's head right now.

No such luck. He was as blank as a slate.

"I'm sorry," I continued, hopefully making up for my slip-up. "I–I..." I tried to say I didn't mean it, but I couldn't lie to Edward about something this important.

So I told him.

"I meant it, I'm not taking it back," I informed him strongly. "But I am sorry if that took you by surprise and you're totally not ready to hear something like that."

Edward smiled weakly at me. "You really are intense, Bella."

I nodded shamelessly.

"Well," Edward began slowly, rubbing the back of his neck, "I can't honestly say...those words back to you. I mean, I really like you, Bella, I really do, but I'm definitely not in love with you."

Love has always been a curious thing to me. I've never been in love, and I know that. So how do I know I'm in love now?

"How do you know if you're in love?" I murmured, swinging gently.

Edward sighed loudly. "That's a hard question to answer. With Tanya, I just sort of had an epiphany one day on the job. I almost got shot, and she was the first thing in my mind. I wasn't ready to leave her yet. Then everything just fell into place after that. She was my first priority, I protected her from everything, I spent all of my free time with her... I should have told her the truth from the beginning, but only fools fall in love, right?"

I shrugged. "I guess I've done some pretty stupid stuff. The first one being seducing you in Italy."

Edward chuckled and shook his head. "I still can't believe that. You had me even before hello. When our eyes met for that second on the plane, I knew I had to see you again. Luck was on my side that night."

"Mine too," I agreed softly. "I don't think I've ever felt so vulnerable in my career."

"Me either," Edward admitted. "I wasn't really supposed to tell you my real name, but it slipped. But can you blame me? You were fucking naked on the balcony in the middle of January. You were a bit distracting."

A smug smile made its way onto my face. "I distracted you?"

Edward laughed quietly and nudged me with his shoulder. "Yeah, quite a bit." He paused. "I really meant it when I said you're beautiful, Bella. You're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever met."

Those damn tears tried to escape my eyes again. These were the times when I was grateful to Project R for taking my tear ducts away.

"Hey," Edward murmured, grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him. His eyes bore into mine. "We could – we could work this out. You don't need to kill James. Come with me to Washington, Bella. There's no doubt in my mind that I'll fall in love with you if you stay with me. Just stay, Bella, please." He closed his eyes and swallowed, pressing his forehead to mine.

I couldn't close my eyes. I studied his face intensely, forcing my mind to remember this. I willed myself to never forget this night. It would be, undoubtedly, the best night of my life.

"Edward," I whispered softly, my eyes fluttering shut.

Edward's hands slid up my arms, bringing my swing and body closer to his. He gently pressed his lips to mine, and for once, I didn't need more. A soft, promise of love kiss was exactly what I needed right now. No tongue was needed to make the electricity snap and crackle between us. Just the perfect synchronization of our lips.

I pulled away and rested my chin on Edward's collarbone, kissing his Adam's apple once before resting my cheek against the rising and falling of his chest.

I think I know why I am in love with Edward Cullen now. He gave me that contentment that I had literally killed for. Sure, there were times when I wanted to hurt him, even kill him, and there were the times when I thought I would burst if I got any happier. It was the times like these, though, that counted.

God almighty, I was more deeply in love than I thought.

This was going to hurt a lot more than it was going to hurt ten seconds ago.

"Edward," I murmured in a shaky voice. "I think you should leave tomorrow."

Edward's hands, which were previously rubbing calming circles on my back, froze.

"What do you mean?" he asked stiffly.

"I think you should go back to Washington," he relaxed a bit, "without me." He tensed again.

"Why?"

"I can't give up," I answered simply. "I'm so close to becoming my old self, and even though I used to hate who I was, I miss being clumsy, easily embarrassed Bella. I'm literally giving up everything to find myself, Edward."

"But you're wonderful the way you are right now," Edward attempted to reassure me. "Sure you're intense and aggressive and ridiculous and cocky, but you're also kind-hearted and considerate and sexy and beautiful. Please, Bella. You need to understand that."

I sighed. I could go with Edward and try to forget about all of this, but I knew the idea of James not knowing how much I hate him would always be with me. There would be times that I would forget, and I'm sure over time I'd thank Edward for stopping me. But, right now, I needed it.

"Thank you, Edward," I murmured, my eyes filling up again. "I could probably listen to you say that all day." I half-laughed/half-sobbed.

Edward gripped my hands tightly. "I will, Bella. I'll tell you all those things every day you're with me if you'll just come to Washington with me."

I half-laughed/half-sobbed again. Why did I have to fall in love with someone so damn perfect? I didn't deserve to even be near him.

"I still don't think you understand the severity of all of this, Edward. I could come with you, and be happy and in love, but James will always be there in my mind. I'll never forget him. He ruined me for anyone else and until he at least knows how much I despise him for that, he'll always be in here." I tapped my head.

"And I need answers, Edward. I don't know what I am. I'm not ordinary and I'm not extraordinary. I'm at the stupid in between place, and I want to be normal again. And to do that, I need answers."

I breathed a shaky breath and looked at my dirty bare feet. Now it was all out on the table. You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em...

"Bella, you will never be ordinary." I sobbed, my face contorting with that awful love mixed with pain feeling that I already hated. "You will always be extraordinary to me."

I pulled away easily, getting off the swing. I turned to face him.

"Why are you making this so God damn hard for me, Edward?" I demanded, my pain and love mixture bubbling into anger. "I'm trying so fucking hard. Can't you understand that? I love you and I'm not good enough for you. If I do this, I'll get better. I still be tainted and probably a bit psychotic, but maybe I'll be better than I am now."

Edward stood up and my breath caught in my throat, tears welling in my eyes. Spill over, you fuckers. I could use some tears to my advantage.

"Bella, you are so fucking modest and cocky at the same time that it makes my head spin," Edward informed me quietly. "And I'm going to keep making this hard on you until you stop being so damn stubborn and give up for once."

"Never," I whispered fiercely, trying to rise to his eye level. Even on my tiptoes I was a nearly a head too short.

Edward smirked that tantalizing crooked grin at my attempts to continue to be stubborn. He rested his hands on my shoulders, automatically drowning the anger in me. How can a person remain angry with the person they're in love with?

"I'm serious, Edward," I warned him. "I'm not giving up yet. Give me two more weeks and I'll find you."

"Don't bother," Edward mumbled, turning away from me and going towards the house.

My brow furrowed and my mind digested what had just happened. Had I – had I been dumped before we were even together?

Then the realization of it hit me. It felt like someone was sawing the strings of my heart apart with a blunt blade, making the process of dismemberment long and torturous.

I let out a strangled sob and my whole body started shaking. The grass got closer and closer to my face until everything just went black.

God only knows how long I laid there for. I wasn't dead, but I certainly didn't feel alive either. I vaguely remember the sun painting the sky before Jacob found me.

"Bella? What the..." he trailed. I could hear his bare feet splashing the dew from the grass into the air as he ran to me. "What happened?" He cautiously touched my back with his fingertips. "Where's Cullen?" He paused. "Oh my... That cock sucker! Did he hurt you, Bella? We – we could do something about that." He pulled me up, looking over my pathetic body.

"Jacob," I murmured, stopping his rant. "I told him to go. He was going to stop me. He won't tell, I know he won't. He's...he's gone, Jake. Back to Washington."

Jacob still looked like he was ready to kill Edward. I should be feeling the same way, but I just couldn't find the will to be mad at anyone. Except James.

I would kill that son of a bitch if it was the last thing I ever did. Nothing could stop the rage burning and bubbling inside me now.

But for now, I needed to mourn my already broken heart.


Le sigh. It's the most depressing chapter of the series, I promise. No more adult-angst after this. Hope you don't mind gettin' back to the guns and spy-ness after this.

There are going to be about four more chapters and then an epilogue, I think. I didn't even realize how close I was to being done until I was figuring it out in my head as I wrote the last bit of the chapter. Crazy, eh? It'll be my first fully finished fanfic! Woo!

Songs:
Santa Monica – Theory of a Deadman
Reason: Edward leaves Bella. Bella's feelings about Edward leaving.
Breathe
– Taylor Swift
Reason: Bella doesn't want to go on after Edward leaves but she knows she has to.
Almost Lover
– A Fine Frenzy
Reason: Bella giving up on her love for Edward.

Don't forget to review! They make my happy. :)