[...We Weren't In Love]
Ludwig was right, Arthur Kirkland loved children.
"Louise? I've a surprise for you…"
It didn't matter if that child was his enemy's one.
"This is yours, right?"
Louise looked up at the smiling man, he was holding a little puppet, a red-eyed white rabbit. Her blue eyes shone, "it's Fritzi!" She exclaimed happily taking the toy in her arms hugging it like a dear old friend. Arthur knelt down, "its name is Fritz, it's a good name!"
Louise shook her head, "it's not Fritz, it's not a boy! It's Fritzi, it's a girl!"
"Oh…" Arthur nodded, "I see…"
Louise sat on the carpet again holding the puppet against her chest, she blushed lowering her face, "thank you very much, Arthur."
Alfred giggled reaching out to caress the child's hair, "you're so cute, little one!"
"Angleterre is very cute when he acts like a lovely mother," Francis replied smiling up at his lover. Arthur blushed sending him an embarrassed and angry gaze, "shut the hell up, you frog!"
"Mon Amour!" Francis exclaimed looking down at the girl, "we're in front of a lady."
Arthur became redder turning towards Louise and forcing a smile, "I'm sorry, child," he said gently holding out his hand, Louise grabbed it standing up, "it's not a problem, Mama speaks in the same way sometimes. Papa scolds him when he did it but I know that I don't have to say those words."
"You're so polite," Arthur commented glaring at Alfred who was sitting on a chair with his feet on the table, "I've completely failed, your parents have been very good with you," he added frustratingly lifting the girl in his arms to make her sit on the table's edge. Louise smiled proudly, "because Mama is awesome and Papa is the best Papa of the world!"
The Allies' smile died quickly but no one dared to say something: that child didn't deserve to suffer anymore. "Louise?" Alfred called, "when is your birthday? I mean… do you know when you are born exactly?"
Arthur rolled his eyes, "she is very smart, Alfred, differently from you."
"I didn't even know about her before the Great War!" Alfred tried to justify himself, "and she wasn't so much younger than now, I'm only curious…"
"Papa and Mama said that I'm born at the start of their Empire," Louise explained looking at the American young man, "it has been in 1871, Mama and Papa were still fighting to unite their territories."
Francis snorted, "oui, I remember those years very well!"
"Don't act like a child, you've always been a loser!" Arthur replied but Alfred shook his head, "I'm sorry, little one, I didn't understand… Was Gilbert knocked up with you before the foundation of the German Empire?"
Louise frowned confused, "what does knocked upmean?" She asked looking up at Arthur, he smiled running his fingers between her blond hair, "It is when a Mama has a baby inside her… his… its belly."
Louise nodded, "ja, I was inside my Mama's belly before the start of the German Empire."
"I remember that, as well!" Francis exclaimed with a smile, "Gilbert didn't fight the French-Prussian war because of the baby. Your Mama didn't want to hurt you, little one!"
Alfred frowned, "I'm a little confused…"
"It's not a news…" Arthur sighed deeply.
"Seriously!" Alfred looked at the Brit and then at the older blond right in front of him, "you're trying to say that Ludwig was a teen when he has become a father?" Francis stared at the ceiling thinking about it for a while, "He was seventeen if I remember correctly…"
"What?"
Louise held her puppet closer, "is it a bad thing?" She asked worried and confused at the same time, Arthur smiled gently, "no, little one, Alfred is a little stupid but you ignore him and everything will be alright!"
"Language, Arthur!" Alfred said sarcastically.
"I don't accept it from you!" Arthur replied hastily as someone opened the kitchen's door. Everyone stopped to speak when Ivan Braginski smiled at them, "good evening, my friends!" He exclaimed friendly, Alfred snorted and Arthur glared at him silently as the Russian came closer the them, "oh, we've our little lady with us!" The Brit stiffened when he saw that big hand on Louise's head, "why aren't you with your Mama and Papa?" Ivan asked with a smile.
Louise pushed that big hand away sending a cold gaze to the Russian and Arthur took advantage of it to lift the child in his arms protectively, "she isn't a real prisoner, she doesn't have to spend her entire time inside a cell," the Brit explained. Ivan nodded without stopping to smile, "da, it's very good to see you three act like the perfect babysitters while our enemy is free to do what he wants."
Francis snorted, "don't be paranoid, Ivan. Ludwig is where he has to be, he's helping us to find those bastards and you're making him pay, aren't you?"
Ivan continued to stare at Louise, "he is not suffering enough…"
Arthur held the child closer and Alfred and Francis stood up at the same time, "don't act like you're a poor innocent victim, Ivan," Alfred said, "Ludwig is paying but he wasn't alone that day in Poland…"
Ivan's expression turned dark, "Ludwig is paying but we allow him to stay alone with Gilbert, right?"
"Oh, please!" Arthur snorted, "we're in front of their child, for God's sake!"
Louise continued to glare at Ivan but the Russian smiled down at her, "the child doesn't have to stay here," he said almost innocently. "Oui! Oui! We can give her to an house for war's orphans!" Francis exclaimed sarcastically, "the child doesn't have to pay!"
"But if we have to punish her parents, we have to protect her, right?"
Arthur frowned, "we don't have to punish Gilbert, he is here only because our bosses want it."
"He was a part of the Nazi Germany, no one knows what he did and what he didn't during the war!"
"We all know!" Francis replied trying to defend his old friend, "he was in the resistance, he has left Berlin… no, he has left Germany before the end of the war! He is not different from Feliciano for me!"
"I've to agree," Arthur said and Alfred nodded silently. Ivan just continued to smile, "it wasn't a public thing, my friends," he said, "Feliciano has signed an armistice, Gilbert has left his house like a common citizen, it was a private thing, it doesn't safe him as a nation."
"Why are you saying that?" Francis asked shaking his head slowly, "we all know your feelings for him, why are you acting against him?"
Ivan tilted his head, "I don't know what you're talking about," he lied without stopping to smile, "but your bosses are doing exactly what I need and…" he came closer to Arthur brushing his fingertips against Louise's cheek, the girl hid her face against the Brit's shoulder, "… I don't want to make this child see what's going to happen to her family."
Gilbert closed his eyes tiredly, a smile bloomed on his lips while he ran his fingers between Ludwig's blond hair, "it was awesome, West!" He exclaimed proudly kissing his lover's temple. Ludwig nuzzled his face against his neck smiling gently he tried to move but Gilbert blocked him wrapping his legs around his waist another time, "nein…" he murmured maliciously when Ludwig looked down at him confused, "I spent years trying to not forget this feeling," the albino wrapped his arms around his little brother's neck pulling him down, "I want to feel you inside me a little longer."
Ludwig nodded kissing his brother slowly, sweetly, "I've hurt you at the start, I'm sorry," he murmured sincerely against those soft lips, Gilbert shook his head sucking the blonde's lower lip gently, "I can forgive you when you are still able to make me feel so good!"
"I'm glad…"
"I'm happy," Gilbert admitted, "I missed this place, it's awesome here…" He closed his eyes resting his legs on the bed allowing Ludwig to move next to him. "Where?" Ludwig asked confused pulling Gilbert against his chest, the albino smiled placing a kiss over his little brother's heart. In your arms, West…
"It's a secret of the awesome me!" He giggled and Ludwig rested a kiss between his light hair, "but I miss our old bed very much! I loved when we made love and then we got dressed to stare at our sleeping child for the rest of the night."
"We'll do it again a day, I promise…" Ludwig murmured. Gilbert shook his head tiredly looking up at him, "don't make me promises anymore, West, please," he said coming closer to his lover, "stay with me, stay with Louise, what will happen tomorrow it's not our business, yet."
Ludwig made a face, "you said it that morning, too."
"When?" Gilbert frowned.
Ludwig shook his head stroking his lover's back slowly, absently, "it's not important…"
Arthur made them call one hour later, the two Germans didn't understand and Ludwig began to be worried about their daughter but, when he asked, the soldiers didn't answer and Gilbert grabbed his hand quickly, "Louise is fine, West," he said smiling optimistically, "she is with Arthur and Francis, they aren't going to hurt her, calm down."
Ludwig nodded, he had always been the paranoid parent, Gilbert had never been anxious with their child and it was a good thing because it made Louise felt safe. Ludwig was able to see dangerous things everywhere and it wasn't good at all, he wanted to protect his child from the entire world but… but… at the end the bigger danger in her life had been him.
Gilbert stiffened next to him when the soldiers led them inside a little room where Francis and Arthur were waiting for them. Ludwig looked all around them in panic and Gilbert did the same thing, "where is Louise?" The younger one asked worriedly but a brief smile compared on Arthur's face, "your daughter is with Alfred, he is very good with children, don't worry."
"Why isn't she here?" Gilbert asked. No, he wasn't the paranoid parent but he didn't like to not know where his daughter precisely was while a psychopathic Russian could kidnap her right before their eyes. "We have to talk with you about her," Francis exclaimed gently, "but it's better if she doesn't hear us."
Gilbert stared at Ludwig, Ludwig stared back nodding slightly and they sat on the two chairs right in front of the table.
"I will be direct," Arthur said staring at them intensely, "Louise is a good child, seriously! But this place isn't good for her."
Gilbert widened his eyes squeezing Ludwig's hand, "my daughter is fine where me and her father are," he replied calmly.
"I know what you're thinking Gilbert, but…"
"You're not going to take my daughter away from us!" Gilbert shouted and Ludwig squeezed his hand harder, "stay calm, Gilbert…" he muttered and the albino sent him a cold gaze, "do you agree with them, West?" He asked angrily. "No!" Ludwig replied firmly, "I don't want to lose Louise after six years without you and her but you've to stay calm!" He turned towards the two allies, "if it is a punishment for me, take Gilbert and Louise to a safer place but you can't take her away from both of us."
Gilbert widened his eyes in disbelief, "you're leaving us again, West…"
"Nein!" Ludwig exclaimed looking at his lover, "but Louise needs one of us and I can't come out of this place! Try to understand, bruder…"
"Gilbert can't leave," Arthur said darkly and the two Germans stopped to argue. "What are you saying?" Ludwig asked confused, "he knows nothing about the Nazis, he is useless for you!"
"He was officially part of your territory during the war, Ludwig," Francis exclaimed, "we wanted to consider him like Feliciano but Gilbert has abandoned you without a public proclamation."
Gilbert was holding his breath and Ludwig didn't fail to notice it, "what are you trying to say?"
Francis closed his eyes sighing deeply, he didn't like to say that, "he is considered guilty just like you, Ludwig."
The younger blond widened his eyes in disbelief, "it can't be possible."
"I'm sorry, Ludwig…"
"He has betrayed be before the end of the war!"
"Gilbert has betrayed you, not Prussia. It was a personal thing."
Gilbert took a deep breath trying to stay calm, "West…"
"Nein!" Ludwig exclaimed, "you're not going to pay because of me, our daughter isn't going to pay because of me!"
Gilbert tried to ignore his little brother's eyes, he looked up at the allies firmly, "you want to take Louise away from this place because you don't want to make her see both her parents destroyed, right?"
Francis decided to not answer, Arthur nodded, "we don't know what will happen tomorrow but… It probably will not be good for your child to see."
"But…!"
"Shut up, West!" Gilbert shouted without taking his eyes off of the allies' faces, "you aren't going to punish my daughter, right?" Arthur shook his head quickly, "absolutely, Gilbert. We will never touch her, never."
Ludwig was trembling, "Gilbert…?"
"Can we talk about who will take care of our daughter from now on, please?" Gilbert wasn't the arrogant Prussia anymore, he couldn't be arrogant when it was about his daughter's life and happiness. With or without them. Arthur and Francis nodded leaving the two Germans alone in the little room. "You aren't serious, right?" Ludwig asked kneeling before his brother's chair, Gilbert looked down smirking and nodding at the same time.
"But you're innocent, Gilbert!" Ludwig exclaimed. "I know that!" Gilbert replied, "you know that! They know that but the world doesn't and it will never do!"
"Gilbert our daughter need one of us, at least!" Ludwig replied desperately, "you've a been an orphan, do you want to leave Louise alone?"
"Of course, I don't want!" Gilbert exclaimed, he wanted to cry but he was too proud to do it, "but if they will decide to do something to us, I don't want to have Louise next to us to see it! I see our father and the Holy Roman Empire die, I'm not going to make my child see the same thing if it has to happen!"
"Nothing is going to happen to you, I promise!" Ludwig said hysterically taking Gilbert's hand in his owns, "they won't touch you!"
"Stop to make prom…"
"I promise! I promise! I promise!" Ludwig exclaimed kissing that hand, "I promise!"
"We can't protect each other in this fucking situation."
"I will try anyway…"
"West…" The blond rested his cheek against Gilbert's lap and the albino began to caress his hair slowly, "we have to think about Louise, now."
Ludwig nodded, "I was thinking about Feliciano…"
"Me too but he is not much better than us right now and he has a child like me and you…"
Ludwig looked up at him, "there is another person I'm thinking about…"
"Who?" Gilbert tilted his head.
"You will not like it…"
[1864]
Ludwig was surprisingly happy when he woke up that morning, so happy that he found a brief smile on his lips and a warm body in his arms. Gilbert' back was pressed against his chest, both of them were still dressed with the clothes of the previous day but Ludwig didn't care: he had opened his eyes and he had found Gilbert next to him, it was the most wonderful day of his young life.
He rose himself on his elbow staring down at his brother's profile: someone said that they have the same nose and it was right but someone else said that they have the same mouth, too. Ludwig wasn't so sure about that because when he had touched those lips with his owns they had tasted like heaven and it wasn't a very common thing, he guessed. Ludwig turned towards the big window right in front of the bed: it was a sunny day, it looked almost symbolic.
He thought about his empty bedroom at the end of the corridor, he hoped that Roderich didn't go to wake him up: he didn't want to justify his absence so early in the morning, especially not when he had slept in his brother's bed. Yes, without undressing himself but it was always his brother's bed! One of his forbidden desires!
"West…?"
He looked down, two red eyes stared up at him sleepily and Ludwig blushed deeply without knowing the reason: they had slept together, yes but they had done it during the blonde's childhood, too! The real embarrassing thing was what had happened between them the previous night. Yes! It was only a kiss but it was Ludwig's first kiss and he had kissed his older brother and… Ludwig's thought's stopped when Gilbert sighed deeply turning around to hid his face against his chest, he held his breath.
"Light…" Gilbert muttered grabbing his shirt's fabric blindly.
"We've to get dressed, bruder…" Ludwig murmured trying to sound calm and relaxed.
"We've already dressed, West," Gilbert growled something else coming closer to his little brother, "cold…"
Ludwig nodded wrapping his arms around Gilbert's body awkwardly, the Prussian smiled happily, "it's better now…"
"Are you going to fall asleep again?" Ludwig asked a little annoyed. Yes! He liked to stay with Gilbert in that way but Roderich was surely looking for them all around the palace and he wanted to come back to Berlin where they could be completely alone for the entire time talking about the Empire, talking about the next step, talking about them, kissing… Yes, kissing!
"I want a good morning kiss!" Gilbert exclaimed moving on his back waiting for something to happen, Ludwig sighed deeply: his older brother always wanted a good morning and a good night kiss since his childhood. He bent down placing a quick kiss on his cheek and Gilbert opened his eyes immediately, "What was that?"
Ludwig shrugged, " a good morning kiss…"
Gilbert snorted and rolled his eyes, "you brat…" he murmured, Ludwig tried to reply but his older brother wrapped his arms around his neck pulling him down to kiss him passionately on the lips. At the start, Ludwig stiffened but then he closed his eyes resting a hand against his brother's cheek kissing back with the same enthusiasm. Gilbert smiled against his lips and Ludwig pulled him up making them sat on the mattress: their arms were around each other's body.
Gilbert moved his hands between Ludwig's hair spreading his legs to sit on his lap, his hands went down resting on Ludwig's chest where the shirt was unbuttoned, they slid under the fabric touching the muscular chest beneath it. He almost moaned: his little brother had become so virile, so strong…
Someone knocked on the door, they stopped looking at each other confusingly like they had just woken up from a good dream. "Gilbert?" Roderich's voice called from behind the door and Ludwig blushed deeply again but Gilbert didn't move while he talked: "what do you want?" He asked buttoning up Ludwig's shirt completely.
"I'm looking for Ludwig, I can't find him."
"He is still out, probably," Gilbert said smirking and kissing his little brother's lips another time but Ludwig pushed him against the pillows to stop him, "he is right out of the door, Gilbert," he whispered. The Prussian giggled, "try to image his face if he find us like this."
"It won't be funny!"
Gilbert pulled his little brother over him tangling their legs together, "ja, it will be…" he murmured against his lips.
"Gilbert? Gilbert, are you still here?"
The albino snorted, "Ludwig is with the younger soldiers, probably, stop to babble and make me sleep!" He exclaimed annoyed. Out of the door, Roderich sighed deeply muttering something about Gilbert's irresponsibility.
"We're safe…" Gilbert tried to kiss Ludwig again but the blond didn't look so amused, "come on, West! I knew what I was doing!"
"He was going to find us together."
"Is it a real problem?" Gilbert asked maliciously looking up at him, "he has already found out, right?"
"He has found out about me, not about us!" Ludwig exclaimed moving to rest his back on the mattress, "there wasn't still a uswhen we've talked."
Gilbert smiled gently resting his cheek against his brother's chest. "I'm happy there is one, now!"
Ludwig stared at the threes outside of the window, "I was so afraid to be rejected."
Gilbert giggled, "say me a thing, do you see yourself ultimately? No one will ever be able to reject you, my little perfect beby brother."
"It was the real problem…"
"What?"
"I'm your little brother."
Gilbert widened his eyes like he hadn't thought about it until now but he just shrugged sighing deeply, "it's not a problem."
Ludwig frowned, "How can you say that?"
Gilbert pouted, "a lot of brothers and sisters fuck with each other secretly if they are nations, you know?"
"No… no, I… I didn't know…" Ludwig felt strange but he didn't know the reason: Gilbert was too calm, too natural, like he had always known his little brother's feelings for him. "Well… it's not a very problem if you want to fuck with your awesome older brother: you're so beautiful, my beloved West," Gilbert moved on top of him bending down to kiss his neck, Ludwig stiffened, "No one has touched you, yet. Right?"
"S-Shut u-up, bruder!" Ludwig said a little angry. Yes! He was a virgin! Yes! He didn't like to know that Gilbert wasn't at all!
"So cute…" Gilbert giggled unbuttoning his brother's shirt again moving his mouth to the younger one's collarbone, Ludwig grabbed his shoulders pushing him away, "what the hell are you doing?" He shouted and Gilbert widened his eyes in surprise, "I'm trying to have sex, West!" He pouted again, Ludwig hated that childish expression.
"I don't want!" Ludwig exclaimed and Gilbert tilted his head confused, "What?"
"I don't want to fuck you! Why don't you understand?"
Gilbert thought about it for a while and then he moved away quickly like he realized only now what he was doing, "are you serious?" The albino asked sitting on the end of the big bed, Ludwig didn't understand, "are you serious, West?" Gilbert looked confused, surprised like he had understood something in the wrong way.
Ludwig was silent again.
Gilbert laughed, "Oh Gott! I've been an idiot, my little adorable West!" A pause "you can't be in love with me!" It hurt. It almost killed the poor teenager who held his breath trying to not faint here and now. It hurt too much!
"West…" Gilbert had turned into the good older brother again, the malice was disappeared completely, "you're so young, West, you don't know what love is. I've been an idiot, I was sure you wanted to taste a lot of my awesomeness during a hot round of sex but…"
Shut up, you're killing me.
"I thought that you felt attracted to me and you wanted to…" Gilbert shook his head snorting and then he tried to touch his face, "I've been an idiot, my little West is too sweet to do it so easily."
You're killing me! How can you be so calm while you kill me?
Ludwig pushed that hand away, Gilbert froze, they stared at each other. "You wanted to fuck me…" Ludwig muttered, his heart was going to explode, "I was stopping myself, yesterday. You've convinced me to kiss you, you wanted to fuck me!"
Gilbert's expression turned dark, he lowered his gaze, "you've kissed back."
"Because I was sure you loved me!"
"I love you…" Gilbert whispered, "I love you with all my heart, West, you're my baby brother."
"I don't want to be only your baby brother!"
"But I couldn't be your first love!"
"Why?"
"Because it isn't fair! I don't love you as a lover and you only think to love me but it's only a phase," Gilbert exclaimed, "I kissed you only because you've started everything, I didn't want to touch you but you were so close, I see that light in your eyes and I… I… I kissed you, that's it!"
You didn't understand…
"You were thinking that I was acting like a horny teenager, right?" Ludwig asked in disbelief.
"I've been an idiot," Gilbert admitted smiling, he didn't look worried or sorry at all, " but you're seventeen, I've been with you since the start of your life. I wasn't thinking about how much you are sensible, I wasn't thinking that you are not an adult unprejudiced man. It's just that… you're a beautiful young man and you looked so happy to fuck with me, so…"
Stop to talk about it like it is just a common mistake, you're hurting me!
Ludwig wanted to cry, he wanted to punch Gilbert, he wanted to hurt him badly. He hated him, he hated him!
"West…" Gilbert wasn't smiling anymore.
He was crying, he was crying like a loser.
"I loved you…"
"No! No!" Gilbert came closer taking his little brother's face between his hands, he was smiling again "you've to say it to the right person…"
"You're the right person…"
"West…" Gilbert sighed deeply.
"I loved you… I loved you… and you were thinking about me only like a sex adventure to get an orgasm."
"It's not true, West. I didn't understand, that's it…" Gilbert sounded cheerful, "come on, stop to cry! I know it's embarrassing but it's okay to fall in love with the awesome me. It will go away quickly and you'll find a good boy or girl to love properly."
"Stay away from me…"
"I stole your first kiss, eh? A day we will laugh rethinking about this day… What did you say, West?"
"Stay away from me!" Ludwig pushed his brother away, Gilbert fell on the mattress. Everything froze for a while and then Ludwig stood up running out of the room. Gilbert stared at the open door without really seeing it, "Seriously, West?" He asked to the empty room, "I'm an idiot…"
[1945]
Ludwig and Gilbert were sitting on the edge of their cell's only bed when Arthur took their daughter to them.
Louise smiled brightly running to them and Ludwig took her in his arms smiling back, "hi, baby girl…" He hugged and kissed her. "Papa! Mama! Look, it's Fritzi!" Louise exclaimed showing the puppet to her parents while Gilbert stared at Arthur who nodded slowly closing the reinforced door of the cell. "Love…" The albino called sweetly and Louise turned towards him resting her cheek against her father's chest, "love, Mama and Papa have to say something very important to you."
"What, Mama?"
Gilbert opened his mouth but he bit his lower lip closing his eyes for a while, when he opened them again he was looking at Ludwig, the blond looked back and then he smiled down at his beloved child but he had never been able to lie to his daughter and his brother. "Why are you smiling if you don't want, Papa?" Louise asked worriedly touching her father's face. Ludwig sighed deeply placing a kiss on his daughter's forehead, "Louise, you will live in another place for a while, sweetheart."
Louise frowned confused looking at her mother, "Mama?" She didn't want to believe what her parents were trying to say but she was too smart. She was like her father and she had already understood everything. "Mama?" Louise almost sobbed, her blue eyes were full of tears. Ludwig hold her closer kissing her cheek and she lifted her eyes on him, "Papa?"
"Come here, sweetheart," Gilbert muttered taking the child in his arms, "you won't understand but it is to protect you, my awesome baby girl," The albino rested his forehead against the little girl's one, "can you come with me?" Louise asked while the tears rolled down her red cheeks, "Mama! Papa! Please…"
"My love," Gilbert said holding her against his chest, "my little precious love," Louise cried against his shoulder grabbing his shirt's fabric and the albino placed some kiss between her golden hair. Ludwig stood up walking around the room like a beast inside its cage. "West?" Gilbert called holding out a hand, "West, calm down…"
"I can't be calm, now!"
"Papa?" Louise turned towards him and Ludwig stopped to walk: his daughter was crying desperately and it was his fault, again. "Papa…" Louise sobbed. Gilbert closed his eyes sighing deeply and resting his forehead against his daughter's temple, he wanted to cry too but it wasn't awesome, he have to be strong for his child, he have to be strong for West, too. His little brother would had done everything to make Louise stay with one of them and Gilbert had to look awesome or no one of them would had found the courage to let their little one go.
"Don't you love me anymore?" Louise asked, "Did I do something wrong?"
Ludwig shook his head quickly kneeling before the bed, "no… No, Louise!"
Gilbert kissed her all over her wet face, "you don't have to say it," another kiss, "you don't have to say it anymore, my baby girl!"
"But… But… Papa was back, at the end! We can stay together forever, now!"
"Louise…" The child looked down at Ludwig, "Papa has done a lot of bad things and he has to be punished. I've involved Mama in this bad thing and it's my fault if he can't take care of you anymore…"
Gilbert sighed deeply, "West…"
"Papa have to stay here to protect Mama, you've just to be patient, little one, and then we'll have another beautiful big house and then… but only then, sweetheart, we will be able to be together forever."
"Can't I protect Mama with you?"
Gilbert smiled slightly, "Mama is awesome, he doesn't need to be protected but he can protect you and Papa with his awesomeness," he placed a sweet kiss on his daughter's cheek for the hundredth time cuddling her against his chest, "you don't know how much we love you, Louise."
"It's true…" Ludwig murmured forcing a smile.
Louise looked calmer, she stopped to cry but her little back was still shaking a little because of the sobs, "a big house... it's not important, Papa. A little house is better so we can stay closer to each other."
Gilbert laughed and Ludwig sat next to them again wrapping his arms around his family, the albino rested his head against his shoulder and Louise moved between them and closed her eyes feeling the warmth of her parents surround her one last time.
[1864]
Gilbert hated balls, they were so boring and so useless and he was always forced to stay silent to not make his King feel ashamed of him. He couldn't get drunk, he didn't dance because it wasn't awesome, he had to spend the rest of the evening refusing women and men who couldn't resist to his natural awesomeness but he have to be elegant, gentle, composed with everyone. Yes, Gilbert hated balls very much!
"I didn't hope to find you here, white rabbit!"
Gilbert turned around quickly, "Ivan?"
"Da, me, white rabbit," the Russian said with a gentle smile.
Gilbert snorted, "stop to call me white rabbit! I'm not a rabbit and it's embarrassing to hear it from you!" Ivan sighed deeply wrapping an arm around the Prussian's waist, "you used to love it, Gilbert. Do you remember?"
Gilbert shook his head quickly forcing an arrogant smile, "remember? Do I have to remember something about you and me?" The Prussian remembered everything very well because it had been a good thing, after all… but it had ended like every good thing in his long life. Ivan's expression turned sad but he didn't stop to smile, he never stopped to smile, "why do have to act like this, Gilbert?"
Gilbert rolled his eyes, "what do you want, Ivan?"
"You already know the answer..."
Gilbert smiled proudly, he felt so awesome when his older lovers came back to him begging him to be together again. Ivan had always been so honest about that, but not Roderich. That useless Austrian was too in love with his pride, his piano and himself to accept the cruel truth: he hadn't been able to conquer Gilbert like he hadn't been able to conquer Prussia. But Ivan… Ivan had almost done the first thing and he had destroyed everything with his owns hands.
"And you know who I will choose at the end," Gilbert replied but Ivan didn't use to give up so easily, Roderich did. The Austrian hadn't lifted a hand for him, Ivan had fought to have him back, at least. He had failed but he had tried. "Do you love him?" Ivan asked simply. Gilbert stopped to smile immediately, "he is my brother…" He muttered.
"You know what I mean…"
Gilbert chuckled, "he is a child, Ivan. I can't fall in love with a child, it's ridiculous!"
"But you would fuck him if he…"
"Ja!" Gilbert answered quickly, "but it's different! It would be like a game and I would like to play it because he is so beautiful and I would be very happy to be his first lover."
"He didn't look so childish about these things, Gilbert."
"I'm not childish, I'm a free spirit!"
"Whatever you want…"
"But you're right!" Gilbert nodded with a smile, "Ludwig isn't like me, he is so serious about feelings and he is so sweet and naïve! He thinks to be in love with me, you know?" The albino laughed and didn't notice the new expression on Ivan's face, "what did he say?"
"He said…" Gilbert stopped to talk when he looked up at Ivan's face: he wasn't smiling, his violet eyes were dangerously dark and he looked tensed. "Ivan, are you alright?"
"What did Ludwig said to you?" Ivan repeated clearer and Gilbert sent him a venomous gaze, "it's not your business!" He exclaimed turning away but Ivan grabbed his wrist blocking him but Gilbert continued to ignore his gaze stubbornly, "did you already broke his heart, Gilbert?"
Gilbert sighed deeply, "he is only a child."
"He is a man and you know that."
Gilbert laughed staring at the Russian over his shoulder, "he will stop to be in love with me very soon!"
"This is what you hope…" Ivan muttered.
"No, this is what will happen, Ivan."
The Russian smiled shaking his head quickly, "Ludwig will never stop to love you but he will began to hate you if you didn't stop to play with his feelings."
Gilbert blinked, "I'm not playing with his feelings, I'm protecting him and…"
"Don't you dare to talk about him anymore!"
Gilbert and Ivan flinched like everyone in the room: a young red-haired boy fell on the pavement, next to a broken glass. A red stain of wine was extending on the carpet, the boy was holding his bleeding nose with a hand cursing the other young man right before him. Gilbert widened his eyes staring at the blond teenager dressed with his military uniform, his blue eyes were burning like the ones of a general during the most bloody battle of his life.
The Prussian shook his head slightly, "West?" He called coming closer.
"You piece of shit!" The red-haired boy muttered standing up quickly, "you aren't even a Prussian, you bastard!"
Something rose inside Ludwig, a dangerous thing and Gilbert saw it very clearly, "West… Ludwig!" He moved between his little brother and the red-haired boy, "Ludwig!" He called again placing his hands against the younger one's chest pushing him away, "Ludwig!"
Everyone was staring at them but Gilbert didn't care, he wanted only to take Ludwig away from that place, away from that people and their curious eyes. The albino sighed in relief when they reached the empty corridor, Ludwig was growling some nonsense trying to push his older brother back but he wasn't lucid enough to use the right strength, "Ludwig? Ludwig!" The albino pushed the blond against the nearest wall, "what the hell is wrong with you?"
Ludwig turned numb immediately, he tilted his head tiredly staring at the pavement.
Gilbert continued to stare at him, "what's wrong with you, West?"
"Do you know that Austrian boy?"
"Austrian boy? Who?"
"The red-haired one!" Ludwig shouted and Gilbert pressed him against the wall, "lower you voice or my king will punish you, he can do it and you know that!"
"I don't fucking care!"
Gilbert widened his eyes, "you use to swear now?"
Ludwig hit his fist against the wall behind him and Gilbert took his face in in his hands, "Ludwig! Calm down, talk to me! I don't understand if you didn't say a word," Ludwig took two deep breaths, "he said you've been his lover for a while…"
Gilbert blinked, "what?"
"He said that you like to act like a whore… Roderich has said the same things to me."
Gilbert closed his fists, he tried to calm himself, he tried to repeat to himself that it was just a young stupid Austrian's dirty joke. He couldn't begin a fight right during a victory's celebration. He couldn't… He was the awesome Prussia… He… "Go to hell!" Gilbert shouted to no one turning around to come back to the ball, find that damned brat and kick his ass badly. But he took only three steps before someone's hand grabbed his wrist, "don't go!"
"I have to defend my honor!"
"Defend your honor with me!" Ludwig replied grabbing the albino's other wrist, "tell me the truth for one single time in your life! Talk to me about Gilbert, the real Gilbert, not only the warrior or old brother!"
"The truth…" Gilbert repeated lowering his eyes for a while, "you're too young, West…"
Ludwig didn't reply he just pushed his older brother against the wall at his place violently. Gilbert closed his eyes growling something, "West, what…" He couldn't finish because Ludwig's lips shut him up with a quick, childish kiss but it was enough to make the albino freeze. Ludwig pushed himself away slightly, "I'm not too young to do it!" He said firmly.
Gilbert pretended to look annoyed, "West, we've already talked about it! I'm awesome and you're a romantic teenager with a crush for his beloved older brother and it can be normal at your age but you don't have to act so violent with the first guy that said sexual nonsense about me."
Ludwig closed his eyes frustratingly, "Gilbert, stop to look at me like a baby."
Gilbert giggled, "but you'll always be my baby brother forever and ever."
"Stop to do it!" Ludwig shouted violently grabbing the albino's shoulders strongly, "West…" Gilbert stopped to smile, "West, you're hurting me!"
"You desire me, right?"
Gilbert snorted, "West you're beautiful, you're perfect! Every man or woman would be happy to be your lover."
"Why did you stop that morning?"
"Again? It was my fault, West, I'm deeply sorry! I had to reject you before the first kiss but… you know… I'm a human, no one had touched me like this for a while and I… I couldn't restrain myself! I know! I sound like a horny brat and… and… Yes! I would have fucked with you but… but… it was a stupid, bastard thing, because you didn't want to have sex and I saw only what I wanted to see… West, please! Forgive me and forget everything!"
Ludwig nodded, "you don't want the feelings but you want the sex, right?"
"Ja… I mean, nein! I'm not going to break your heart, if you want a romantic thing, you will have a romantic thing because you deserve it! A day… with the right person!"
Ludwig took his older brother's hand placing it over his heart, they stay still, Gilbert stared at that little spot confused feeling the strong beat inside that strong chest, "you've already broken it, bruder."
Gilbert held his breath, he wanted to look up at Ludwig's blue eyes but he wasn't so sure about his reasons anymore. It didn't look like a childish feeling anymore, it didn't look like a teenage phase… it scared Gilbert a lot…
"West?"
Ludwig didn't act like a child that time.
He grabbed Gilbert's chin lifting his face, his stormy blue eyes made the albino freeze. They looked at each other for a while until Ludwig bent down slowly, slowly, slowly… if his brother didn't like him at all, he would have had all the time to push him away but Gilbert didn't move a finger. He waited for those wonderful lips closing his eyes automatically.
Ludwig kissed him slowly, tasting his lips, licking them shyly and waiting for Gilbert to answer and the albino did it quickly opening his mouth slightly, deepening the kiss and wrapping his arms around his little brother's neck. The Kingdom of Prussia desired his little brother, yes! He had admitted it since the start of that sweet incident! But he didn't want to hurt his little beloved brother, if Ludwig loved him… in a childish way, in a mature way, he didn't know… but he couldn't risk to lose Ludwig, his Ludwig.
It wasn't important if they weren't lovers, Ludwig was his, he was his child, his creature, his unconditional love.
His deepest and forbidden desire…
When they stopped Gilbert took a step back because that desire was too much to bear when that brat continued to tease him so selfishly.
He is a man and you know that.
Ivan was right, he was trying to deny it because if he was still able to see how much Ludwig was young, he could suppress that burning desire a little longer… "West…" He muttered at his little brother, he was deadly serious this time, "I can't fall in love with anyone… I love you, I love you more than anyone else… but it's different from a lover's love, do you understand?"
Ludwig only stared down at him firmly, "do you like when I touch you?"
Gilbert wanted to shake his head, he wanted to deny but it was too late. He had been so stupid undervaluing his brother's feelings!
"Ja…" he nodded blushing a little, "Ja, I like when you touch me."
"Would you like to touch me back?"
Gilbert nodded again, "ja…"
"Then…" Ludwig rested his forehead against the albino's one, "let me touch you. Nothing less, nothing more…"
Gilbert blinked two times, "but… West!"
"I can survive with it…" Ludwig interrupted him, "but don't ask me to let you go."
"I don't belong to anyone, Ludwig," Gilbert replied firmly.
"But if you want to touch me, you don't have to be touched by anyone else," Ludwig's eyes darkened a little.
"Is it a deal?" Gilbert asked smirking, if he had to look at Ludwig like a man he had to begin very soon.
"Ja, bruder…"
"I accept it," Gilbert said sensually against his little brother's lips.
A.N. Thank you for the reviews, they always make me happy and thank you to everyone else to read this... thing. Gilbert and Ludwig don't look so romantic right now in the second-line and it is only the start of the angst...
In the next chapter we'll meet Roderich at the end of the WW2, it won't be funny.
No real history-notes this time.
