A/N: Just wanted to say thanks to those of you who reviewed! It super duper brightened my day to see that I had more than 10 reviews in like, 3 hours! I've had almost 7000 views! YAY! All thanks to my wonderful beta, Kikithebookworm! You're a doll!
Chapter Three: Valse d'Amelie as performed by Liz Story
My chest felt like it was exploding. My dead heart felt as if it was being torn to shreds. I meandered through the halls and finally found my room. I entered the room and closed the door behind me, sliding down the hard wood, collapsing on the floor. I brought my knees to my chest and began rocking back and forth, hugging Jacob's t-shirt to my body. He's not yours to return to. He's not yours to return to. He's not yours to return to. I replayed the sentence over and over in my head, unsure of how to deal with it. I was vaguely aware of the other people in my room.
Eleazar and Carmen had entered my room through the bathroom and were now sitting beside me, Carmen cooing slightly, trying to make me feel better about my decision.
"Sweetheart, it's okay. You'll find someone you can spend your life with. Don't you worry about some dog." Her words only hurt me further, and I continued sobbing.
"He was my best friend," I said slowly, exhaling loudly. "I never even told him goodbye. I wrote him a stupid letter, oooooooh what did I do?" I wailed. I felt like my heart was ripped out of me again, just like when Edward left me.
"Darling Bella, there is no need for all this. If he truly is your best friend, he would understand if you told him, I'm sure." Eleazar said. Slowly he added, "However, I may write or call him first before you show up at his doorstep." I saw Carmen give him a stern look, but I gave him a weak smile.
Carmen and Eleazar helped me up and walked me over to my bed. I sat down on it and that's when I smelled him. Edward. "Edward?" I said out loud. Then I remembered that Tanya had said that he stayed in this room when he came to visit. Ugh, I am so stupid. "Carmen, will you close the blinds please, I'm just going to lie down for a bit." I got in to my bed and rested my head on my pillow, shaking slightly. I heard Carmen and Eleazar leave the room quietly. I began to think.
I could call Jacob. He would notice that your voice changed.I could write him. He would try to find you. He's going to try and find me no matter what; I might as well let him know that I'm okay. He's going to hate you.Jacob could never hate me; he loves me! He loved you as a human, not a vampire.I don't care! I have to tell him! He should know the truth!
Eventually my mind drifted off and I found myself in yet another memory.
I was sitting in Jacob's Rabbit and he was holding me close to him, his arm around my shoulders. Again, I felt safe and so warm. He was good for me. I knew that. But I was damaged goods- I could never love him fully.
His hand reached up and grazed my chin and my breath hitched at his tender, warm touch. It was so different from what I was used to, and I nestled into his palm further. Our eyes connected and I saw the fire in his eyes.
"Bella?" he asked. His beautiful face moved closer to mine. His soft, supple lips were centimeters from mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. His eyes were begging me for acceptance, for permission.
I could have done it- I could have just allowed him to kiss away all my pain and try to make me feel whole again, but there was a quiet lion in my heart roaring at me—it wasn't ready to let go.
Quickly, I moved away from Jake and his arms. All too soon, I felt the cold of the night without his embrace and I wanted nothing more than to clamber back to him, but I couldn't.
"Jake, I can't." I refused to make eye contact. I refused to see the hurt look in his beautiful brown eyes.
"Why? Because of him?" he hissed.
I winced and my hand stretched for the door. Jake's strong arms reached across me and took my body in his grasp. I was unable to fight him as he pulled me—not only physically, but mentally. There was a small part inside me that wanted this- wanted Jake. In his arms, the world didn't feel so bad. Curled up against his chest, I thought maybe I could make it through my life.
"I can give you everything he didn't Bella." His voice was ragged in my ear. I felt his lips press softly into my hair.
I took a deep breath, inhaling his musky scent. "Jake- I'm damaged. I'm broken. You shouldn't want me."
I heard him chuckled, "Is that what you think? That you're broken?"
I nodded my head.
"Is that supposed to scare me away? In case you haven't noticed, I'm pretty good at fixing things."
I smiled. He had a point- if anyone could fix me, it was him. I timidly looked up at him and the look on his face startled me. Other than Edward, nobody had looked at me the way Jacob was- with such tender devotion, such complete, unrequited love.
I spoke softly, "You are so important to me Jacob. Please see that."
"I do see that Bella. I just want to be more- I want…"
"Jake- I'm not ready for that. I need more time, please."
He growled, "You've had months, Bells. Months of moping around and crying- isn't it about time to move on?"
I was taken aback by his anger. Again, I scurried out of his clutches and glared at him. "How dare you Jacob! You know what he meant to me! It's not something I can just get over! Believe me, I've tried!" I pushed the door open and scrambled out of the car. I heard his door open and his footsteps as he neared me. I brought my hand up and placed it on his chest, pushing him away. "Don't Jake. I can walk myself to the porch."
Again, he growled. "Whatever. Night Bells."
I ran to the porch without so much as a goodbye. I heard the Rabbit start up and he spun out as he sped out of the drive.
I opened my eyes and found myself sitting in the dark. "Oh Jake." I whispered to the silence. I rolled over on my bed and again closed my eyes. I inhaled so deeply I thought my lungs would burst. Edward's beautiful scent surrounded me and I dove into yet another memory.
"Bella." His beautiful angelic voice called to me. "Bella, I love you."
We were lying in my small bed, and it was dark outside. I could hear the rain pattering on the window, and Charlie's quiet snores coming from down the hall. There, in his cold, strong arms, I was at home. I smiled up at his sweet face. I knew his words to be the truth. "I love you too Edward." The words came so easily- as easy as breathing.
He gently kissed my forehead and tightened his embrace around me. I slowly drifted off to sleep, but not before hearing him say, "I'll never leave you Bella."
My eyes shot open- he promised he would never leave me. He lied to me- he broke our trust. And yet, I found myself wanting him. Why? Why did he have such a vice-like grip on my heart and my soul?
The battle of thoughts continued in my head for the next couple of hours, until I heard a knock on my door. "Come in." I said weakly. Kate opened the door and walked over to the bed.
"Bella, I think it's time to get out of bed. You've been up here long enough!" She seemed a little perturbed. She walked over to the window and threw open the curtains, allowing bright, sparkling sunshine to brighten the room and cause her skin to glow. I pulled the blankets over my eyes in protest.
"Long enough? It's only been a couple of hours!" I yelled, the blankets muffling my voice. I was annoyed that she thought she could end my pity party. I poked my head out of the blanket slowly to see her.
She was pacing in front of my bed, her hands pulling at her hair. She looked truly concerned. "Bella! It's been three days! You haven't showered or eaten or spoken, nothing!"
At this, I threw the blankets off my body and sat up. I knew my hair would be a ratty mess and the burning in my throat that I had been ignoring was now nearly unbearable. "Three days? I guess… I guess I just lost track of time. I was trying to figure out the best way to tell Jacob. I think that I'll just write him a letter, maybe that will help," I said trying to convince myself more than Kate.
Kate sighed and took my hand leading me to the bathroom, "Come now Bella. Let's get you showered and fed. Come on."
I agreed and followed her lead. Kate turned the shower on and I waited for her to leave so that I could strip down. I stepped under the hot streaming water and felt the water strip away my pain, my hurt, and anguish. The hot water reminded me of Jacob's skin, which was always so warm. I washed my hair and scrubbed my body and when I finished, wrapped myself up in the big fluffy towel, and dried off. I walked over to the window, slightly pulling open the curtains. I was nearly blinded by the sunlight pouring it. It had apparently snowed over the past couple of days, leaving the forest and lake frozen in time.
I walked into my bedroom and found an outfit laid on my bed; very comfortable looking jeans, a navy blue wool sweater, and a pair of wool lined boots. At least it looks warm. I slowly slid on the clothes and laced up the boots, which I noticed were a tad small, and made my way down the hall and down the stairs. When I reached the base of the steps, Kate met me and took my hand.
"I hope you don't mind wearing my old clothes, but I noticed you didn't pack much. I figured you could use a change from that t-shirt you were wearing." She said with a smile. "Come, it's time to eat, I'm sure your ravished." She led me through the door and out into the frozen forest.
As we walked, I felt the snow crunching beneath my boots. I heard the birds chattering away, singing happy songs. I saw the trees and their branches blanketed with ice and snow. It truly was beautiful. I was not in the mood for beautiful. I groaned inwardly, and realized that I really was hungry. I began to smell the air, trying to pick up a scent. I heard faint rustling and hearts beating to the north of us and took off running. I must have taken Kate by surprise, because she fell behind for a moment, but caught up quickly. As we broke through the tree line, I saw my prey. A herd of caribou was moving through, looking for food. I didn't even wait for Kate before I pounced. I sunk my teeth into the neck of the unsuspecting caribou and felt its blood make its way to my stomach. I fed until I was full, feeling completely rejuvenated and strong once more. I stood up and wiped my mouth and walked over to Kate.
"Has Irina returned home yet?" I asked. I wanted to talk to her, to apologize again, to do something.
"She has not, but she will. She just needs some time to think." She smiled warmly and began to walk back in the direction of the house. I traipsed behind her.
She turned around to face me suddenly and said, "Bella, I think we should work on your ability."
"Oh Kate, I'm not too sure I'm ready for that. I mean, what if I turn my shield off but I can't turn it back on?" I was scared of that possibility. The shield was what was keeping me from being an uncontrollable newborn.
"You can't be afraid Bella- besides, we were all newborns once. We know how dangerous it can be. I still think it's important to practice though. How about we work on channeling your ability, maybe? Instead of trying to turn the shield off, maybe increase your shield to include others?" She was just as intrigued by my ability as I was. She wanted to know my limitations. I glumly agreed just as we reached the property line. I saw Carmen and Eleazar had come outside to join us and Tanya was watching from her bedroom upstairs.
"I really don't know how to do this Kate! I don't know where to begin or how I'm even doing it!" I whined.
She responded, with a hint of annoyance, "Stop that Bella. That's what I'm supposed to help you with. First of all, we need to figure out if you can even form a physical shield. I want you to think of one. I'm going to stand right next to you, okay. Visualize a shield surrounding us."
I closed my eyes and began to think of a shield, almost invisible, encompassing both of us, protecting us from what evils are out there, protecting my new sister. I opened my eyes and much to my dismay, nothing was there. "Urg! What am I doing wrong?" I was starting to get frustrated with myself.
"Oh Bella, surely you didn't think you would be able to do it on your first try! Silly Bella! Try again! Think harder!" Kate continued to encourage me and I closed my eyes again and imagined the shield.
I opened my eyes again, nothing. "I am apparently not doing this right."
Carmen and Eleazar stepped forward and Carmen began to speak, "What if we tried something?"
I looked at her, skeptical. "Alright, but what?"
Carmen just looked at Eleazar and he nodded his head in agreement. They crouched low, as if ready to attack. They're going to attack us? What if I can't get the shield up in time!
"Think Bella! Think of the shield! If you don't get it up, they will attack us. Think Bella!" Kate pleaded with me, as if truly worried about her own life.
I began to think again, realizing that Eleazar and Carmen could truly kill us if they wanted. I began to imagine if this situation was real- if they were true attackers who wanted to kill my new family and me. I wouldn't fail them as I did Edward. I thought hard and imagined a shield bubbling out around us. I opened my eyes just as Carmen pounced, and I saw the most miraculous thing. Carmen pounced towards us and fell backwards as if she ran up against a wall! Eleazar attacked as well, but did the same thing. Kate began to laugh.
"It worked Bella! You did it!" She hugged me and smiled. I smiled too, happy that I had actually done something right in my life. I had done it; I had created a shield to protect my sister and me. I looked up to one of the many windows in the house and found that Tanya had a small smile on her face. Maybe this could work out for us I thought. Carmen and Eleazar were both clapping and smiling and as I looked around and saw the happiness on my new family's faces I realized that I was finally home.
We continued to work on my shield for the rest of the day and much into evening. By the time night fell, I was completely exhausted. I had accomplished raising and lowering my physical shield and I was at the point where I could raise it at a moments notice. I was still uneasy about lowering my mental shield, but I knew it could potentially be necessary. We all decided we needed to hunt, as we were all exhausted. After a quick hunting trip and having feasted upon more caribou, we were all feeling much better as we returned to the house. Carmen and Eleazar made their way upstairs, leaving Kate and I in the living room. Kate approached me about working on my mental shield.
"I've been thinking about something, and I think that your mental shield might block what you want it to block," she said slowly.
"Oookay, but what do you mean?" I responded, not fully understanding.
She pulled me over to the couch and sat down. She patted the seat next to her and I sat down. She took my hands in hers and said, "Let me in Bella. I want you to focus on just letting me in, nobody else. Focus on letting my electricity flow through you."
Again, I closed my eyes. I focused on my hand touching hers; I wished my shield away, wanting to feel her ability. I relaxed my body and my mind, and imagined my mental shield coming down, allowing Kate to break through, and then I felt it; a tiny, little shock. I gasped, excited and happy to feel that tiny shock. Kate smiled too and pulled me into a hug. She whispered in my ear, "Thank you for letting me in, Bella." I just hugged her back, happy to have seemingly bonded with this woman.
I told her I was going to retire to my room, to think and relax. I closed the door behind me and smiled to myself. I had done it! I had managed to control my shield! I was embracing my new life and my new family. Finally, I found myself feeling happy again. I decided to take another shower, wanting to further relax my body from the day's tension. As I showered, I thought about the day, of how Kate, Carmen, and Eleazar were honestly treating me like family, of how Tanya seemed to be accepting me. I wished that Irina was around; I wanted to talk to her, to apologize, to make amends. I finished my shower and wrapped up in the towel and walked over to the sink. As I peered into the mirror, I noticed two things: the color of my eyes, and the bite marks on my neck. The color of my eyes was nearly golden, having only a tinge of red. I was happy that I no longer looked like a freaky, red-eyed vampire. With my golden eyes, I was more like part of the family. As I pulled my hair up in a bun, I noticed the scars on my neck. They were beginning to fade. I was honestly worried that I would have the bite marks forever, and was very happy to see them disappearing, slowly. I, again, applied the lilac lotion and decided maybe it was time to write that letter to Jake. I opened the door to my room and was surprised by what I saw: Irina.
"Irina! When did you come back? Where did you go? I am so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you." I ran over to her, wanting to hug her, but instead placed my hand on her arm.
She pulled back, not ready for this type of physical attention. "I needed to go away to think. I am truly sorry about Laurent. He had no right to do this to you." She was apologizing when I should have been.
"No Irina, don't take the blame. It's not your fault, it never was! I should be the one apologizing!" I couldn't have her thinking that it was her fault! She had no part in this, it was all me! I was the one that killed him, not Irina. I asked to be changed! "Irina, I asked for this. I wanted this, I wanted Edward to turn me, but he refused. Although I didn't get here the way I wanted, I still got here. And I'm also happy that your family has welcomed me into their coven. I would be lost without all of you." I smiled at her, weakly.
"Bella…. I… I… I'm so sorry" Irina again was sobbing, "I'm afraid that I may have done something in the heat of the moment."
"Irina, whatever it is, we'll get through it, just like a family!" I was worried as to who or what she told. Did she tell the Cullen's? Did she go to Forks and kill someone?
"I… I… When I went away, I went to Italy. I was so angry with you, with Laurent, with everything, that I went to Italy and saw the Volturi." She seemed quite scared when she said the name.
"The Volturi? Who are the Volturi?" I had heard Edward speak of them once, but I couldn't quite recall what he had said.
I heard someone behind me and felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I looked up to see whom the hand belonged to and saw that it was Tanya. She was the one who answered my question.
Briskly, she explained. "The Volturi are an organized coven of vampires, not unlike us, but they are larger and far more powerful. You could say they're sort of royalty; they are the foundation of our peace and civilization," Tanya then turned to Irina. "What did you tell them, sister?"
Irina looked frightened, but continued, "I told Aro that Bella Swan, Edward Cullen's mate, killed my mate and that she should be punished, that she was a young vampire, unable to control herself…. I told him… I told him that she was wreaking havoc and causing death every where she went." She looked at me, then to Tanya, then back at me. "I'm so sorry Bella, I was so angry with you."
My face vacillated between looking angry and frustrated. Eventually, my eyebrows furrowed together and my voice was loud and forceful, "So you LIED! You tell these, these Volturi people a lie about me, and now they're after me?" I was starting to worry for my safety, and I began to think of a way to escape them, when I saw Irina's eyes divert to the floor. "What aren't you telling me, Irina?" her eyes meeting mine, full of fear.
"They're not after you Bella... They're after Edward. "
A/N: Oooo, wee bit of a cliffhanger! :)
So, I have a question for my readers: Say you really like this guy/girl and you have for a VERY long time. In the beginning, you told them various times that you really like them, love them even. But they continuously refuse to accept that there is something there, and it's definitely more than friendship. This person decides to give you reason upon reason as to why it would never work, but you don't back down- you can't stop feeling for him/her. So, years fly by and you move forward and start seeing other people, but that person is still there in the back of your mind. Recently, the feelings are rekindled and set afire and you push for it once more to be with this person. Now, usually a person gets annoyed by this kind of action and will start to ignore you, but this person seems to revel in your attention and continuously hangs out with you and your family, touching, laughing, smiling, whatever. Everyone that is around you two swears you're in love, but this person refuses to see it. Here's the question: does this person have feelings for you? And if so, why don't they just say so? More importantly, how do you make this person see/feel how you do??
Sorry- wee bit of a long question, but I figured it'd help to have a little background. Please- respond and review. I need that sunshine! Thanks loves!
xoxo
