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"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending." – Maria Robinson
Edward
I fucked up. I fucked up good and hard. I shouldn't have let that kiss linger. Hell, I shouldn't have let Rosalie anywhere near me!
It was too late though. Bella had seen us.
Rosalie approached me during our supper break before I could follow the rest of the crowd into the cafeteria.
"Edward, you promised me anything if I did this play with you," she reminded me. "Anything within reason."
"Yes," I replied slowly, not sure where she was taking this conversation.
"Well, I think I've found something within reason." Rosalie grinned. "Come with me to the dressing room, please."
Reluctantly, I followed her. She led me into the large dressing room and sat down on the couch. She patted the spot next to her.
"Sit, Edward," she commanded like I was a dog.
I obediently sat down beside her, hoping this request wouldn't be ridiculous or take a long time.
"Here's the deal, take it or leave it. Make out with me once, right here, right now, and I'll leave you alone."
Needless to say, I was in shock.
"I-I don't think so, Rose," I stammered. "That wouldn't be very good."
"Why not?" she whined. "Just once, Edward, please. I promise I'll leave you and Swan be after."
My throat bobbed as I swallowed. This couldn't be happening. I couldn't kiss Rosalie Hale. I just couldn't. I had spent all noon hour making out with Bella, and honestly, she was the only girl I wanted to kiss. God, I was falling hard.
"No, Rose," I muttered, running my hand through my hair. "I'm with Bella now. We're together."
Rosalie scowled. "When did this happen?"
"Saturday."
"H-how?" she spluttered.
"I invited her over, we watched a movie with Des, and then we were hanging out by ourselves together." I cleared my throat, trying not to yell out "Just kidding!" after. "We're not dating yet, but we will be soon."
"What the fuck happened to you?" Rosalie whispered menacingly. "Two months ago, you would have raped a goat over even touching Swan."
I choked out a laugh. "I don't know, I think I would have touched Bella before doing something like that."
"Whatever!" she screeched. "You hated her! You hated her more than anything or anyone in the world."
"I was misled by my dad's anger," I murmured, already sick of trying to defend a perfectly healthy relationship.
"Edward, you aren't the person I grew up with." Her eyes filled with tears, and guilt bubbled up in me. "Please, just let me have this one kiss."
"I'm sorry, Rose–"
But, she didn't listen. Her lips were on mine quicker than I could react. Her tongue tried to jar my mouth open, but I kept my lips sealed. I wanted to push her away and yell at her, but part of me said that she needed this.
I heard the door creak open and Rose's mouth left mine. It was Bella. Oh fuck my life. Rose smiled evilly at Bella. This was all a fucking trick.
"Bella–" I started to say.
"Don't you dare say anything," she growled, tears already streaming down her face. "Don't you say a fucking word."
Rosalie cackled. "See, Edward? The bitch doesn't want you."
"She's right," Bella agreed coolly. "How could I ever want you?"
"Bella–" I tried again.
"No," she murmured, shaking her head. "Don't call me that."
I was shaken. Everything I worked towards all this time was lost. All because of someone I thought was my friend. I didn't know what to do. Bella would never be mine now.
"Goodbye, Edward," she said as she turned and left the room.
Silence. Not even Rosalie said a word.
"You fucking bitch," I growled. "You did this on purpose."
She nodded, still not saying anything.
"Why?" I demanded.
"Because I want you for myself," Rosalie replied smoothly. "I'm the only girl, besides Alice and Swan that you haven't fucked."
"Rosalie, did you ever think that maybe that's because I love you?" I murmured, seeing the terrible reason why. "I fuck those girls, but I'm not friends with them after. I care about you too much to lose our friendship."
Tears slipped down her cheek. "I felt unworthy. I felt like you didn't want me, like you were keeping me around just in case you end up alone. I was praying that you'd end up alone."
I pulled my old friend into a hug. "You're worthy of someone else, Rose. I want you, but just as a friend. I didn't 'keep you around'; I wanted you around because you're my best friend."
She sniffled and tightened her arms around me. "Thank you, Edward, and I'm so sorry. I'm such a bitch."
I couldn't tell her that everything would be okay, because everything wouldn't be okay. My hopes had gone up in flames.
--
Rehearsals were hell. My scenes with Bella were so fake and I felt like she would rather eat crayons than be around me. I wanted her back. I wanted to talk to her. But she wouldn't listen.
I tried everything. I cornered her in the hallway, I texted her, I even drove to her house and threw rocks at every window until Chief Swan came out with a gun. I saw her looking at me drive away from the curb without any emotion on her face.
When I talked to her in person, she was catatonic.
Like the day after it happened. I cornered her in the dressing room. We were the only two left.
"Bella, let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain, Edward," she sighed, trying to twist away from me.
"Yes, there is," I pressed, putting my arms on either side of her, caging her against the wall. "What you saw was wrong, and I feel like an asshole, but honestly, Rosalie planned it. She threw herself at me. I was wrong to go along with it for more than a millisecond, and I'm sorry. There's nothing else I can say."
"Edward, you don't owe me an apology," she assured me. "We weren't anything. I'm not anything to you; you're not anything to me."
It hurt to hear her say that. It hurt a lot. But, I deserved it. And I kept trying to get through to her. It was the same old answer: "We weren't anything."
My eyes followed her everywhere. We had stopped tutoring each other for the time being, but my mom still signed our papers. She understood. I told her everything. She told me to give it time; if things were meant to be, then they would work out.
I didn't want to let things work out over time, I needed Bella back now. All I thought about was her. All I saw was her. I was obsessed with getting her back.
Finally, the opening night came. We were only performing once, thank God, so opening night was also closing night.
We went through the motions. We kissed, but there was no passion. We said heartfelt words, but the heart wasn't in it, from her at least. I was begging for her to look at me like she used to through Shakespeare's words, and she ignored my pleas.
The only passion I saw was when she died.
"Go, get thee hence, for I will not away," Bella proclaimed to some sophomore who was playing Friar Laurence. Then she looked at me. I kept my eyes half closed so I could see what she was doing. I couldn't miss this scene.
"What's here? a cup, closed in my true love's hand?/Poison, I see, hath been his timeless end:/O churl! drunk all, and left no friendly drop/To help me after? I will kiss thy lips;/Haply some poison yet doth hang on them,/To make die with a restorative."
Bella's lips came down on mine and it took all of my restraint to not kiss her back. I'd never experienced a kiss that exuded so much emotion. Although she told me that I didn't owe her anything, this kiss showed me that she still wanted me, somewhere deep down inside.
"Thy lips are warm," she whispered into her mike. She looked at me, her eyes almost panicked, like she was scared to still want me so badly.
The watchman called from backstage: "Lead, boy: which way?"
She sat up, looking back at the audience. "Yea, noise? then I'll be brief. O happy dagger!" She grasped the dagger in my loose palm. "Tis thy sheath–" she pretended to stab herself "–there rust and let me die." Her body fell across mine, keeping me from shaking.
The curtains were drawn and I whispered, "You were wonderful."
"Thank you," she whispered. She stared into my eyes, and she was crying. It fit the scene, but it also fit life for us right now.
"Please," I breathed, reaching towards her.
She looked like she wanted to reach towards me too. She almost did.
"I'm sorry," she uttered before standing up and going back stage.
So am I.
--
Emmett McCarty was having the after-party. I knew Bella would be there. I knew she would get drunk. Hell, I wanted to get drunk, but I knew I wasn't going to. I was going to brood. I was going to sit on the couch and watch Bella get wasted and glare at every guy that so much as glanced at her.
I arrived at midnight, well after everyone else had. Everyone, I was assuming, would already be well past the point of denying my presence. I was Romeo and I was every drunken cast mate's friend tonight.
Jasper and Alice were making out on the porch. Jasper grinned at me and I gave him a half-hearted smile and the thumbs up. Alice giggled before catching his lips again. I shook my head, a small smile gracing my lips.
In the house was every person from the cast. Rosalie was standing beside Emmett, smiling up at him as he talked to Tyler while he carelessly threw his arm over her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Jasper told me they had a thing...
Then I saw Bella, passed out with a full beer in her hand. Angela was sitting beside her, protecting her from all the filth in the room. Thank God for Angela. What a saint.
"Is she alright?" I asked.
"Um, no," Angela replied, looking at me with a cocked eyebrow.
"Well, I'm supposed to take her home," I lied smoothly.
"Yeah right you are," Angela scoffed. "I'm not stupid, you know. Bella and I are pretty good friends, you twit."
Ouch. Who knew saints could have such a sharp tongue?
"I'm taking her home," I announced, pulling the beer out of Bella's hand. "Tell Emmett and Alice that she's gone home."
Angela stood up and crossed her arms. "What makes you think I'm just going to let you take her? You've never been nice to her. For all I know, you're going to take her halfway down the highway and leave her there."
I glared at the girl in front of me. "Angela, you don't know anything. I'm falling head over heels for this girl, and she doesn't seem to get it. So, why don't you back off, okay?"
Angela seemed dazed. "Aren't you... Aren't you guys, like, mortal enemies?"
"Our fathers are, but we aren't. Or at least we weren't until I screwed things up," I told her sullenly. "Let me fix things, okay?"
She nodded vicariously. "Okay, okay. Just phone me when she's home."
"Sure." I grabbed Bella and picked her up, cradling her in my arms. No one seemed to notice me leave the house with Bella. That or no one really cared.
Once Bella was buckled in, we were off. I didn't want to take her straight home. I wanted her to wake up. I wanted her to talk to me.
So, I drove around aimlessly, listening to Sirius Hits One for an hour.
Eventually, Bella started to stir. She asked for a bottle of water. I gave her one. She chugged it, and looked at me with glazed eyes.
"Pull over," she mumbled. Her hand grabbed the volume and cranked it. It was My Life Would Suck without You by Kelly Clarkson. Joy.
I pulled over to the side of the road. Bella slowly undid her seatbelt and fumbled her way out of the car. She stumbled away from the door, and peed. She came towards the door and looked at me again, her jeans still undone, showing a pair of electric blue underwear.
"Why, Edward?" she asked, slurring her words. "Why are you such a dickhead?"
I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my hands. "I'm sorry, Bella."
"I know," she replied before moving in front of the vehicle. She started spinning and dancing and twirling in the headlights. I was mesmerized. She looked at me and screamed the words at the top of her lungs.
Bella pointed at me and screamed, "My life would suck without you."
My hand fumbled for the door handle. I got out of the car as quickly as possible. I grabbed a hold of her and kissed her hard, like I would never get to kiss her again. Her hands ripped at my hair, surely pulling a few unruly strands out, but I didn't care. Soon she relaxed into me, her lips moving with mine instead of against them. Our breathing was heavy and our actions irrational, but damn. I was with her again.
We're closing in on the end. Like, two chapters and an epi, maybe. Maybe only one chapter and an epi. We'll see.
It's been a good run. You guys have been so good to me. I think you all broke my record for reviews... And let's keep it that way! Review if you love Suave Secrets!
Love,
Mary
