"So once again, how did she end up in our loft, on top of me", I asked Effy fiddling with the coffee in my hands.
"For the twelfth time, Naomi, she was trashed, Gerard helped me get her up the stairs and he threw onto one of the lounges. He didn't realise you were on it", said Effy rolling her eyes
"But isn't it kind of obvious when someone is laying on a lounge?" I ask, staring pointedly at her.
"Not when it's dark and you're in a bit of rush. If you get my meaning", she said glaring pointedly back at me.
My mouth formed a 'o' and I shook my head chuckling at my best friends antics. It was rare, she slept with someone but I was glad she had found someone to appreciate her, even if just for a night.
"Oh my god. It's Emily", I stare out the window of the little café and suddenly try and hide behind a menu.
"Naomi. That's a postman", Effy tells me.
"Oh" I say, blushing.
"You've been doing that all morning. Emily, no that's a woman with a pram. Emily, no that's a man. Emily, that's a horse. Seriously, chill. She really got under your skin", said Effy laughing at me
"No. I just don't want to run into her. Cause if I see her again. Well. It won't be pretty" I say staring at the menu.
"Well here's your chance Rocky, shes right behind you", says Effy, looking over my shoulder.
"What?" I say, spinning around and looking all around the café, searching for the redhead.
"Just kidding" Effy says chuckling at me.
"Ha-Ha. You're so funny, Ef. I'm literally wetting my knickers" I say, taking a sip of coffee.
"I heard wetting your knickers" comes a husky voice from behind me. You have got to be fucking joking.
I snap my neck around so hard, that I cringe in pain. Yep. There is my Emily. I mean Emily. Not my Emily. Fuck.
"Naomi and I were just talking about you, Emily. Weren't we Naoms" says Effy looking innocently between Emily and me.
Fuck you Effy. I'm never ever buying your favourite groceries when I go shopping again, or lending you any of my clothes.
"Sorry, Emily no wankers allowed you'll have to leave" I say childishly turning back to my coffee and taking a big gulp.
"Oh I see, well that's a problem because I own the café" Emily replies smugly.
I spit out my coffee, all over the table and begin to cough. Effy hands me a napkin and pats me on the back, all while a smug smirk is engraved on her face. She owned the café.
"You own a café? This café?" I said clearly dumbfounded. Emily laughed softly and I felt my heart melt. I was in shock. I was proud. This was one of the most popular morning and lunch café, known for it's cool and relaxed atmosphere, the midnight jazz and blues on the speakers, the coffee was to die for and so were the casual or light meals.
"Yes, I started working here when it was a dump during university and when the owner kept getting in trouble with the health and safety board I offered to take over. He was old and gross, but apparently he had a daughter my age who had passed away and when he died last year, he left it to me" Emily said glancing between Effy and I, pride and sadness written on her face.
I sat staring at Emily proudly, she had done well, I had never doubted she would be still. The three of us said nothing for some moments taking in Emily's short story. She sure had changed.
"So uhm. What can I get you" said Emily awkwardly, stuffing her hands in her jeans pocket. God she was cute, when she was awkward.
"Would you like to have dinner with us? Tomorrow night? At our home, just outside London?" Effy asked Emily, staring up at her with those unreadable dark eyes.
What the fuck, Effy.
"Uhm. Thank you, but I can't. I'm having dinner with my roommate, he's been out of the country and just returned home" said Emily, staring at the floor.
"Bring him along", Effy stated. It was a statement, not a question. You didn't mess with Effy Stonem. Emily nodded and turned away, while I sat at the table four hundred thoughts processing through my mind.
In the last twenty-four hours, I had met Emily again, been punched by said Emily, slept with her (platonically), fought with her, nearly kissed her, insulted her in her own café and now having dinner with her at my home.
What. The. Fuck.
This was the same girl who had let me go, the only person I had ever loved and she had let me walk away. I couldn't breath. This was too much. Emily didn't get it, she never would. I would never belong to her again. I couldn't.
I stood up and walked out of the café, Emily's café. I needed to think, I couldn't even look at Effy, anger and sadness were bubbling like bile in my throat. I left without a word in the distance I could hear Effy calling my name as I walked through the doorway.
I strolled through the streets of London, fag in hand and tried to process. It was all too much. Life wasn't supposed to bring these turns and coincidences. Emily had damaged me. I had opened my soul up to her and instead of open arms I got bitter silence. I exhaled the smoke and sighed.
I wasn't sure how I felt. On the one side I ached for Emily but I didn't want to let her in. I couldn't. It had hurt too much last time. I was so fucking fragile. I put my head in my hands, I was so torn up inside. Emily's presence brought out a side of me I had long thought gone. The romantic side; the illogical, irrational Naomi. A girl who thought with my heart over my head.
I had left the best of me with Emily when I ran away. The truth that I had buried deep inside of me was coming out, the thoughts that tormented me during the night. Though Emily had broken my heart by letting me go, it would always belong to her and by her being around it brought back the painful reminder that she didn't and still doesn't want me. Being with Emily had taught me to be brave, but when I left, I lost that part of me that wanted to be brave, that wanted to love and fight for love.
I just wanted it simple, sure I had 'loved' a few between Emily but it wasn't real 'love'. It didn't change me like Emily had. It didn't make me feel invincible and yet at the same time so vulnerable. It didn't make me feel on fire. Only Emily had been able to do that, only Emily had written her name on my heart.
"You know you weren't and aren't the only one hurting"
I froze at the voice behind me and shook my head I didn't need this right now.
"Don't. Please" I say, stubbing out my fag and standing up.
Emily stood there staring at me, dressed in tight black jeans, an oversized t-shirt, which I think was mine with a leather jacket over the top. It shook me that she wore my old shirt.
"I won't come to dinner, if that's what you want" she said quietly
"I don't know what I want anymore" I said staring at my feet, in my peripherals I could see her nodding.
"I'll see you tomorrow night, okay?" I say, walking past Emily, she was so close I could almost feel her warmth.
She nodded again, not looking at me but instead ahead, as I left, I heard her call my name.
"We have to talk Naomi. You can't keep running and I can't stay silent anymore" she called to me.
"I know. I just think this talk is over six years late" I reply and walk away leaving her with her thoughts, trying desperately to will the tears away.
