I paced my bedroom, fiddling with my dress, my ex was having dinner at my house, I wanted no I had to look hot. But not like oh I'm dressing up for you, I had to be hot but casual, so I had opted for a dark purple strapless pumpkin dress, it was casual but sexy at the same time. I tried to smile at my appearance in the mirror. I looked hot. My hair was wild and curly down my shoulders added with a light amount of makeup and a dress that suited my figure perfectly.
My palms sweated as it got closer to seven o'clock, I didn't know why I was nervous maybe it was Emily's promise of a proper talk or maybe it was this fluttering in my stomach like a thousand butterflies. I shook my head, and stood up walking out to where Effy was finishing up cooking. The moment she saw me, she pointed to a large glass of wine waiting on the counter.
"You're a saint" I say and take a big gulp.
"Dinner is ready, we have the fridge stocked with alcohol, and you're looking hot. I think we're ready", said Effy laughing at me and clinking glasses with me, "but seriously. It's going to be okay, you need this".
The doorbell dinged.
"Let's get this party started" I said to Effy holding up my glass to hers.
"To getting monumentally fucked up by love", said Effy clinking mine and we sculled our drinks, "I'll get the door, you get more drinks"
As I poured more wine, I could hear Effy greeting Emily and then a familiar male voice filling our house.
"Well, well Naomikins, you have grown up nicely haven't you"
I turn around and nearly broke the glasses in my hand. James Cook. He hadn't changed one bit. I stood staring in shock. What the fuck was James Cook doing in my home?
"Ah wine. Gimme" he said, reaching for the wine. I couldn't believe it after all these years, Cook.
"Ah James, not to be rude. But what the fuck are you doing in my house" I said, taking a sip of wine and blinking hard.
"He's my roommate, Naomi, we've lived together for about two years", I followed my eyes to Emily's voice and my throat went dry. Wow. She looked beautiful. Her short hair was pined up and her fringe was down, her cute retro black dress clung to her curves and finished just above her knee, finished with classical Emily make-up and stockings. I tried not to salivate.
"Yeah been ace, hasn't it Red? We've been carving up the town Red and the Cookie Monster" said Cook, laughing loudly and pouring himself another glass of wine.
"Oh. Cool" I say, offering her a glass of wine and trying to physically shiver when our fingers brush. I look at Emily and stared deep into
"Mum, I think my game is playing up", Freddie strolled into the room, dressed in aeroplane pyjamas.
Glass shattered on the ground and there was a deafening silence echoing off the walls.
Effy stepped forward and picked Freddie up, snuggling him into her neck, turned to look at Cook and his broken glass. His eyes bounced between Effy and the little boy, his face a crimson red and you could see was physically shaking. A defiant and determined look stretched across Effy's face.
"James Cook and Emily Fitch, I'd like you to meet Freddie James Stonem, my son", she said softly. Her eyes never left Cook's as she said it and I could see in her eyes a fierce protectiveness for both of her Freddie's but then also a softness that I had only seen when she occasionally spoke of James Cook.
"Pleased to meet you Freddie James Stonem" Emily smiled at the little boy and waved to him. Freddie smiled a small smile and looked at Cook, his eyes curious.
Cook took a slow step forward, his eyes still bouncing between the boy and his mother, he was still shaking but his face was a normal colour. I glanced at Emily who watched on with interest.
When Cook finally spoke the words were soft and hoarse, his shock and obvious sadness dripping through his voice.
"It is nice to met you Freddie James Stonem, I'm Cook", Cook gently extended his hand towards the small boy, Freddie look frightened at first but then smiled and shook Cook's hand. The older man physically shuddered as his large hand enclosed the smaller boys hand, and I could see Cook trying to blink back tears.
I needed to break this tension, this was too painful; for all of us. I cleared my throat and we all jumped back into reality. Glass was on the ground and I dropped to my knees and began to pick it up. Emily placed a bottle of wine on the counter and gently kneeled beside me, helping with the glass. I smiled quickly and tried to the noticeably inhale her shampoo.
"So what's the game problem little man" Cook asked Freddie, he looked so vulnerable but still so strong, "I'm sure I can help, know a bit about games, I do".
Freddie wriggled from his mothers arm and grinned, dragging Cook and Effy by the hand disappearing into the lounge room as I finished clearing the broken glass away. Leaving me alone with Emily.
"Wow" I heard Emily breathe next to me and I looked at her questioningly
"Effy had Freddie's son. All this time and none of us knew, its just amazing", she said smiling and gulping down her drink in one hand.
" I think we're going to need more wine" I say grabbing the glasses and another bottle and heading to the lounge room.
It was startling sight to see the huge Cook, laughing and playing with the tiny Freddie while Effy watched on silent, a small smile on her face, neither happy nor sad. We laughed at Cook, spoke about old times and the things we use to get up to, the more we drank the it seemed so natural that we were all here. Dinner flashed past, with Emily telling funny café stories and Cook recounting tales from his travels, he now was home returning to a job with his own home security business.
It seemed to have all worked out for us in the end, but underneath our maturity and grown up characters I knew we were all just as broken. When Freddie had hugged Cook before bedtime I couldn't help but notice the way Cook clung and inhaled the scent of the little boy as if he was holding the ghost of his best mate. Cook was no longer the trouble making boy but a full functioning man who was still jilted by his troubled past but nonetheless maturing. It brought a sad smile to my face and I couldn't help but look at Emily and wonder if she thought about where we could've been had circumstances been different.
"James, why don't I take you on a tour of the house and you can evaluate our security", Effy breezed into the room and smiled at him, " I think we and Emily and Naomi have a lot to talk about". Effy glanced at with that and turned towards the backdoor. Cook glanced at Emily as if checking if she was all right and when she nodded proceeded to join Effy outside.
How awkward.
"You look lovely tonight Naomi" Emily whispered to me from across the table.
"Thank you", I replied her words stung but I couldn't help but blush, "So do you"
Emily smiled a little and nodded. We sat in silence, both of caught up in our thoughts.
"I've thought about you a lot" Emily's words came out quickly and I snapped my head up and looked at her.
"Emily. Don't", I said pleadingly. I didn't know if I had the strength to do this. I could feel Emily studying me with a piercing gaze and I had to stop myself from fidgeting.
"Where did you go", her question was simple but it held so much pain in her voice.
"Around. Nameless towns all the way from Bristol to London; there was a lot of alcohol, a lot of drugs" I said, staring down reflecting on past memories
"A lot of sex?" Emily cut in staring at me over her glass.
"No, actually" I replied, she snorted and rolled her eyes and I looked up at her.
"You don't have to lie Naomi, you wont hurt my feelings if you fucked a few people along the way. I did" Emily told me icily.
Anger flared inside of me, and I stood up from the table, pushing my chair over in the process.
"I didn't fuck anyone, Emily. The only person I wanted was you and you ruined it. We were special" she flinched at my use of words and narrowed her eyes.
"You ruined it first, Naomi" she said softly and coldly.
"And you punished me over and over for it. You think I don't feel guilty over six years later, I do. Let it go Emily, because it's sad if you're still hanging onto Sophia after all this time" I snapped at her, I was so angry. She didn't get it.
"Did you even read or listen to any of the messages I left you?" the message stopped me and I couldn't help but look at her, tears were trickling down her cheeks.
"No" I said, my hands dropping from my hips, " I didn't"
"Maybe you should've, maybe you wouldn't have run. I was stupid Naomi. I was surprised. I was so fucking torn up inside. I waited so long for you to say those words and yet I couldn't reach out for you. I was frozen. I was paralysed and terrified, and I've been paying for my own fear ever since", tears rolled down her cheeks as she looked at me and told me.
I went to open my mouth but she put her hand up and shushed me, standing up and walking towards me, I felt my heart pound in my chest.
"It's my turn to speak now, Naomi so keep your big mouth shut or I'll never get this out. You hurt me so much with Sophia but the worst part was I forgave you straight away and that scared me. I was a small bug caught in your web, and that fucked me around something chronic, and I'd been that my whole life and I couldn't be it with you. I loved you. You weren't suppose to fill me with self-loathing and regret so I punished you to make you feel small like I did and to prove to myself I was weak little Emily Fitch and it fucking killed me. Because. Because I fucking love you to pieces. It was like all those gaps I held inside were filled by you, because when I was with you, we were like one person. You made me feel so alive, you made me burn fire, you made me freeze like ice, you filled me and made me empty. You're that bitter-sweet taste on my tongue. I hurt you with my silence I know but I never thought you'd run and I'm so sorry. That you had to run, that you had to escape because of me. It fucking makes me dead to think I damaged you that much, but the truth is when you ran away you took a part of me with you. A part of me that still belongs to you today. Do you get it Naomi? You're still the bitter-sweet taste on my tongue, and I never want it to fade" Emily took a breath and stopped speaking, tears rolling down her cheeks.
I was speechless. I was shocked. I was confused. I was devastated. All these years, all this time, I had clung to my hurt and all the while Emily had still cared for me and was hurting too. Her words echoed through my heart, every beat was painful and the tension that stood between us was thick. I couldn't move.
Emily stepped towards me, and I felt myself begin to shake and I felt myself offer my hand out to her. Our fingers entwined burning my skin as we stood an inch apart our bodies touching, both our breath shaky as we stared deep into each other eyes.
"Just hold me, Emily, please" I whisper to her and my icy heart melts as her arms draw around me and I feel my weight drop into her arms and we cling to each other, tears falling.
