A/N: Here's an update I am so sorry for the delay but my computer charger died and had to wait for a new one.

Disclaimer: I do Not own Stargate Atlantis but if I did you can bet your ass it would still be on.

REVIEWS are the lifeblood of quick updates.


John stood in the shower washing his best friend's blood off. He watched absently as the pink water circled the drain. He couldn't think. His mind was blank with fear. He knew in his heart that this wasn't just the flu or some weird Pegasus Galaxy bug. The city had told him that Rodney wasn't contagious, she also seemed concerned for her head scientist.

As strange as it sounded, Atlantis did commune with all of those who had the ATA gene. With John, it was much deeper; she was always there in the background of his mind and he loved her as if she was part of him, because she was.

John knew Rodney, Lorne, and Carson, understood how he felt because they also had strong expressions of the gene. They could feel her too. However, out of all of them, Rodney sought the city out, always yearning to know her more, to find her hidden treasures and unlock her secrets. He pursued the city of the Ancients like a lover, and she loved him for it. Sheppard could feel the disturbance Atlantis felt over Rodney's illness, she was distraught, and she expected John to do something about it, quickly.


Carson was watching Rodney closely, his friend was intubated, his breathing too erratic to chance leaving it up to his body. He reached over and fiddled with the IV pump's drip rate, and made sure the tubing from the bag of type specific blood was not kinked or obstructed. The Scotsman could do nothing more but wait for the labs to come back.


Woolsey waited patiently until it was clear McKay was stable and Dr. Beckett was available to talk. He gave a quiet cough to get Carson's attention.

"Mr. Woolsey. I'm thinking you'd like to discuss Rodney's condition before the rest of his team arrives."

"You would be correct. Is there somewhere more private we could talk?"

"I'm sure Jennifer won't mind if we use her office." Carson held his hand out in an after you gesture.

Woolsey opened the door to Dr. Keller's office and crossed to the small leather couch sitting across from the desk. The men sat on the couch so they could see one another. When they were settled Carson started to speak, but Woolsey interrupted him.

"Dr. Beckett, before we begin the briefing I have a question."

"Aye, what is it then?" Carson was a little annoyed.

"Do you have any knowledge of an Ancient medical device that can cure all disease?"

"No, why?" Carson looked at him with a puzzled expression, and then it dawned on him what Woolsey was really saying.

"Now Mr. Woolsey we can't make any assumptions about Rodney's condition. We won't know anything definite until his labs come back. I will leave no stone unturned to find out what is wrong and then cure Rodney, but for now let's see what the blood work says."

There was an awkward silence and Carson's eyes pleaded with Woolsey to leave his suspicions unsaid. Richard Woolsey was never one to run from the truth, he faced it and he expected his department heads to as well. After all the lives of everyone on the station were in their hands and they couldn't afford the luxury of denial.

"Dr. Beckett, I think you already have a good idea what is going on with Dr. McKay. I know I do. I have seen this before, and it's bad. I just need you to answer me truthfully. Can you do that?"

Carson sighed; he had no desire to utter the words he knew were floating around in his brain, the words he could see written all over Woolsey's face. All he could muster was a shake of his head.

"First of all let me tell you why I suspect what I do. I have seen this before, I watched someone I love die from it. I was hoping I wouldn't have to see it here in the Pegasus Galaxy, and if I am right I want to know as soon as you confirm it. We will need to prepare a strategy as well as a treatment Dr. McKay will follow. Shall I tell you what I think?"

"Aye, go ahead." Carson was defeated.

"Dr. Beckett I believe Dr. McKay has cancer, more than likely a form of Leukemia. What I want to know is how did it progress so quickly without being noticed and how we are going to handle a cancer patient here on Atlantis?"

There it was, the stark truth Carson Beckett couldn't hide from, whether he had the lab results or not.

"Aye it is in the differential."

"Surely you have more than that to say?" Woolsey was growing irritated with Carson's denial.

"Okay then yes. It is my gut feeling that Rodney has cancer, and yes it's probably Leukemia." Carson's voice was shaking with unshed sorrow.

It was then that they noticed John Sheppard standing in the doorway of Keller's office. The look on his face was devastated "What do you mean probably Leukemia?" He whispered to them.

"Ach John you were no supposed to hear that. It is just a guess we don't know for sure yet. Sit down lad before you fall over." Carson's words came out rapidly and laced with a thicker version of his accent.

John nodded and stumbled to the chair next to the office door. The trio sat in dejected silence until a nurse in Pepto pink scrubs knocked on the doorframe.

"Dr. Beckett, some of Dr. McKay's labs are back." The pretty brunette's eyebrows were drawn together from fretting over the three men.

"Aye thank you Carla." Beckett took the printout from her.

Carla, knowing she was dismissed, took another sad look around the room at the leaders of Atlantis and left. She was a good nurse and no one would hear the news from her but she couldn't speak for all of the medical staff. Knowing the Chief Science Officer had cancer would be information too good to ignore, too salacious for the gossip hounds to let go. It would be all over the city even before there was an official diagnosis.

Carson looked down at the floor avoiding the printout for as long as possible. Woolsey sat patiently understanding all too well, what this moment felt like. John, on the other hand, was tired of waiting and had no patience at all. The only thing he cared about was knowing what was wrong with Rodney.

"Carson! Would you just read the damn thing?"

With an emotion-filled sigh, Carson raised his head and began reading the results of the CBC. He gasped at the numbers reflected there. Not only was Rodney sick, but Beckett couldn't understand how McKay was even able to walk.

Woolsey knew by the stricken look on the doctor's face that his fears were confirmed; the leader of Atlantis leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes.

"Dammit Beckett what does it say?" John wasn't angry he was panicked.

Carson cleared his constricted throat and answered with a croak. "Aye lad, Rodney is very sick. Even sicker than we thought."

"What do you mean? What the hell does that mean?" John threw his hands up in frustration and began pacing the small office.

Carson stood and placed his hands on John's shoulders in an effort to slow him.

"John, lad you need to calm down. Sit."

Sheppard felt his knees give way and he sat down defeated.

Woolsey waited patiently for the doctor to deal with Sheppard's distress before clearing his throat.

"Okay let me explain what I think is going on with our Rodney. From the results of his CBC it is obvious he has a blood disorder, and with all likelihood it is Leukemia. But as bad as this news is, the larger problem right now is the infection he has and his dangerously low platelet count."

John stopped listening after the word Leukemia. His world was collapsing in on him and all he heard was a roaring in his ears.

"How did this illness get past the scanners?"As the head of the expedition he needed to know why such a thing was possible.

"I don't know, it shouldn't have, maybe it has to do with the gene. I'll admit it is very odd."

John shook off the distress that threatened to consume him and asked, "Will he be okay?"

"I don't know that either John. I won't lie to you, things are not good. But, Rodney is strong and stubborn; if anyone could fight this and win, it would be him."

"What about Ancient tech?"

"Mr. Woolsey asked the same thing, I haven't come across a description of leukemia in the database, then again I wasn't looking, but there has been mention of some remarkable devices that seem to cure most anything. The problem is we haven't found any of them."

When Carson finished John stood up and said, "I want to see him."

Woolsey stood as well "Dr. Beckett I want updates on Dr. McKay's condition every few hours, and let's keep this as quiet as possible."

"I'll do my best, but you know what this place is like."

"Can we just get out of here I want to see Rodney." John was getting agitated.

"Colonel Sheppard I know you are upset but I will need a report and I will expect you at the department head meeting in the morning. Beckett, walk me out."

The two left John standing there with his thoughts. He kept remembering his mother; he lost her to the same damn thing. He knew he had to keep it together for everyone's sake but he needed to see Rodney. John needed to see his friend before he went back to his room and lost it.


Carson looked them each in the eye before he answered; he wanted to remember them the way they were before they heard the news.

"Teyla dear, Rodney is not doing so well. Not well at all. John listened to Mr. Woolsey and me talking and became very upset by what he heard and he has been sitting here ever since. I can't get him to leave, eat, drink or even respond to me."

Ronon got up and began pacing "Carson what the hell did he hear? Why would Sheppard be so upset ?"

They all knew exactly why John would react that way but no one wanted to speak its name.

"Ronon sit down please you are making me quite nervous." Teyla's normally even tone was now troubled.

Ronon grunted and sat down.

"Please Carson continue."

"The thing that set John off was hearing what we thought Rodney's diagnosis was."

"Would you just tell us Carson?" Ronon was becoming more agitated, but Teyla calmed him with her hand on his arm.

"Rodney has a severe blood disorder. It may be a form of cancer called Leukemia. But the problem right now is the infection and how low the clotting part of his blood is. We are transfusing him and pumping him full of fluids, and when we get the cultures back, we will treat him with antibiotics."

"What else Carson, what aren't you explaining?"

"Okay, here it is… Rodney is dying and we may not be able to do anything about it. This disease is very aggressive and requires treatments that make you very sick and may actually kill you before the disease does. This infection has made him too weak to start the treatment for the leukemia we must clear the infection before he can start.

Ronon stared at Carson blankly absorbing what he's just been told. Teyla was fighting her tears she refused to give in to the despair that had washed over her with Carson's words.

They sat in silence for a minute before Ronon jumped up with a feral growl, punched the steel cabinet and left. Teyla sighed and bowed her head.

"It's alright love, I'm surprised he took it that well."

John came into the room when he heard Ronon's growl. He walked over to Teyla and sat in the chair next to her. He didn't touch her because he knew that they would both fall apart but he needed to be with her.

Carson suddenly felt the panic and fear he'd been holding back all day since this nightmare began, he the urge to run out of there too. But he couldn't he must stay and try to save his best friends life, and try to keep his other friends from succumbing to their collective despair. They were a family and sometimes Carson felt the onus and the privilege of being the father figure to this mismatched band of adventurers. It was a hard and lonely job keeping the people of Atlantis alive and healthy, and it was made worse by his erstwhile family's continual life and death injuries. Yet, this was an illness so daunting, so devastating, he felt out of his depth like he was in free fall.

"What of Jennifer?" Teyla's voice soft interrupted the morass of thoughts their thoughts were lost in.

"Oh God, I forgot about Jennifer."

"Aye, I know for a moment I did too."

"When are they getting back?" John started pacing his signature cool completely gone.

"I think they'll be back in the morning."

"How do you wish to handle this?" Teyla deferred to Carson though Jennifer was her dear friend.

"Don't worry lass, I will tell her." Teyla gave him an appreciative nod.

"John, you sit down you are making me anxious." Teyla rarely spoke forcefully so when she did her teammates knew to acquiesce.

As he sat down his shaking legs nearly gave way, and Carson jumped from his chair to help him.

"Dammit Colonel, you are going to be in a bed next to Rodney if you don't eat and get some rest!"

"I'm fine." His face was ghostly even his lips were white.

"No you're not lad…none of us are."

The silence took over for several minutes each person with his or her own hellish thoughts, but needing the closeness of one another.
Ronon came back in and joined them in their quiet vigil.

Unfortunately, in the next moment, the silence was shattered by the sound of a heart monitor's prolonged squeal.