Retaliate

Disclaimer: So you all know CBS owns Criminal Minds, not me.

Summary: After an incident involving Morgan with Garcia's computer, it becomes a battle of the men vs women of the BAU, and that can't be good. And Hotch isn't liking this at all...

A/N: So yep, this one's different then the other chapters but it's still enjoy it.

But leaving a review is always a good thing... and if you do I'll give you a virtual cookie ;)


"The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right." William Safire


Hotch groaned, looking into the bullpen he watched as Morgan turned with smirk at Reid when he heard JJ shrieked as she stormed out of her office, grabbing at her soaking wet purse and glaring at Morgan.

"Something wrong, Jayje?" Morgan smirked while Reid looked down intent on focusing on his paper work.

"When I get back you are so done" JJ threatened the athletic profiler.

"Aw, blondie as much as I enjoy being threatened by you, that" Morgan indicated, pointing to the wet purse "Was not my doing."

JJ raised an eyebrow, watching Morgan's impassive face before looking over at Reid who's lips were being bitten raw.

"SPENCE!" JJ shouted.

Dave stood by the window of his office window with a small grin growing on his face as he saw Emily storm through the bullpen with a glare that rivaled Hotch's.

"Uh oh" Dave whispered, hurrying away from his window.

"You are so dead, Rossi" Emily barked from the bullpen, while Dave muttered to himself.

"What happened, Em?" JJ asked pulling her dripping purse from her body.

"What the hell happened to your purse?" Emily asked looking at the wet purse.

"All I know is" JJ said glaring at the two male profilers "That when I went into this" JJ held up the wet bag "I felt something tip over and found an empty water bottle and now everything is destroyed."

Emily's eyes went straight to Morgan who shook his head, saying, "Not me."

JJ and Emily exchanged a look, "Rossi."

"He did that, and this" Emily said holding up her go bag "He cut holes in my change of clothes."

"What?" JJ asked shocked.

Morgan snickered while Reid buried his face into the paper work to cover his pink cheeks.

"Look" Emily said pulling out her top and seeing holes cut through the breast.

"Ew" JJ said "What a pig."

"How could you Derek Morgan?" Garcia exclaimed "Wasn't ruining my computer enough?"

"What?" Morgan said smirking at the blonde analyst.

"What happened?" Emily asked seeing her hold her treasured dolls.

"He cut their hair" Garcia said thrusting her treasured trolls at the two women "He cut off all of their hair."

JJ's jaw dropped while Emily turned towards her partner.

Hotch looked back down and saw the three women on his team hold simultaneous murderous glares.

Sighing he knew this was going way too far, he got up and buttoned up his suit jacket as he made his way to the door.

"Morgan, Reid follow me" Hotch said as he headed towards Dave's office opening the door, "Rossi? Conference room, now."

Hotch marched into the conference room and as soon as the other three men walked in, he shut the door behind him.

Emily looked over at the two women, and smirked, "You know what this means?"


"Remember" Hotch said as he opened the door allowing the men out "Apologize, especially you Morgan."

"But Hotch..." Morgan protested but stop seeing the look the three men were giving him "Fine."

Hotch went back to his office, and sat down watching the bullpen as the men went down to the three women converged at Emily's desk.

Reid went to his desk, looked at JJ and said, "I'm sorry JJ."

The blonde turned her attention to the young profiler as he continued, "It was wrong for me to loosen the cap on the water bottle in your purse."

"Thank you, Spence" JJ said as the three watched Reid sip from his coffee mug.

Morgan was surprised when Reid gasped and spit out his coffee "Ugh!"

"Man, what the hell?" Morgan asked wiping the small spit from his arm.

"This taste like mud" Reid exclaimed, turning his attention towards the smirking blonde "JJ?"

JJ just shrugged her shoulders, while Morgan and Dave teased the younger man.

As Morgan was about to tease Reid some more as sat down, Morgan howled in pain as he fell onto the floor due to his chair falling apart.

"What the hell?" Morgan asked groaning in pain, while Dave just shook his head in amusement "Garcia?"

"Don't look at me, macho man" Garcia said closing Emily's drawer that held the bolts to the chair "My hands are clean."

Garcia turned to the two women with a wink as she headed down to her own office.

"Looks like they got you both good" Dave told the younger men with a knowing smirk as he descended towards his own office in glee.

"Wise ass" Morgan said trying to fix his chair "Where the hell are the bolts?"

JJ and Emily smirked while Hotch shook his head in amusement as Morgan rolled the ruined chair towards storage to get a replacement chair.

Emily and JJ's eyes turned towards Dave's office when they heard his shouts of "What in God's name?"

Hotch got up and headed towards his friend's office, too tempted not to see what the commotion was.

As Hotch stood in the doorway he just burst out laughing as he walked down to the bullpen, unable to control his laughter passing the two women with satisfied smirks on their faces.

JJ and Emily bumped their fists together as JJ headed off towards her own office, while Emily followed Hotch into the break room.

"You were the brilliant mastermind behind that spectacle in Dave's office?" Hotch asked.

"I only have one thing to ask you" Emily said turning to Hotch "Am I good or am I good?"

Hotch shook his head as he placed a light kiss on her forehead, "You are a mastermind. Let's hope you never decide to become an unsub because you would be unstoppable."

"Damn skippy." Emily said and turned when Hotch spoke again.

"Where did you find all those erectile dysfunction pills?" Hotch asked.

Emily just winked and shrugged as she looked over at Dave's office, hearing light cursing coming from his office.


Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Character is higher than intellect."


To Be Continued...

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There will be at least one more chapter in this series.