A/N: Here's another chapter, I can't seem to put this thing down.
Disclaimer: I do NOT own SGA.
Please review.
Jennifer pulled away and wiped her tears off with her hand.
"Thanks Carson, I needed that."
"I did too. This has been a nightmare for all of us."
"Except for Rodney." It was out of her mouth before she could stop it.
Carson raised his eyebrow in surprise.
"You don't really believe that do you?"
"Yes…I mean, no. He just seems to be fine with dying, like it's no big deal to him. Meanwhile I am completely losing it. I don't understand his behavior."
"Have you talked to him?"
"No, not about that, I've been too angry with him."
"I know it's hard, but however this turns out he needs you."
She sighed and walked over to open the door.
"I know he does. The problem is, I need him too."
With that, she left.
Carson went to put a kit together for Rodney,and on his way to the supply closet he ran into Carla.
"Dr. Beckett, where's Dr. Mc Kay?
"What do you mean?"
"I went to take his IV out and he wasn't there."
Dammit, Rodney! "Thank you Carla, it's alright I'll take care of it."
Rodney was walking at a furious pace, ignoring the dizziness he was feeling. A part of him knew he was being stupid, but he couldn't stop the rage he felt. He found himself at one of the more isolated balconies and went out and paced back and forth not noticing how cold it was, not caring how tired he was becoming.
Why am I so mad? Carson would never do that to me. He was just giving Jennifer what she needs…
That was just it, Carson not Rodney was taking care of Jennifer. His knees buckled and he slid down the wall next to the railing. He was out of breath a and he could feel the sweat trickling down his face. Looking out at the cold, dark sea he felt something inside him break.
Oh God I am dying. I am really dying. I will be gone, and never touch Jennifer again, never give her our first kiss as husband and wife, and never hold our baby in my arms. I will be gone, totally and completely gone…
Rodney's realization broke the last illusion he had of control. The truth razed his defenses to the ground and he was exposed. He faced the cataclysmic grief and remorse he had been running from, head on and collapsed under the weight of it. He sobbed until he had no tears left and fell asleep out in the cold.
Carson ran to Rodney's quarters. He arrived in record time. He waved his hand in front of the doors they were locked.
"Rodney? Open the door Rodney."
He thought open as insistently as he could. The doors wouldn't budge. He had one option left.
"Control room?"
"This is the control room."
"This is Dr. Beckett, I need a medical override for the doors to Dr. McKay's
Room."
"Right away sir, but Dr. Beckett, there's no one in Dr. Mc Kay's room."
Where the hell are you Rodney?
"Never mind then, thank you."
"No problem sir."
Maybe he's with Jennifer.
He pushed the comm for her frequency.
"Jennifer? This is Carson, is Rodney with you?"
"No… Didn't you discharge him? He's should be in his room."
"No, he snuck out before I could release him, and he isn't in his room."
"Oh no." Her voice sounded very small.
"Don't worry he's probably went to the mess hall."
"No he didn't. I'm in the mess hall now; I was getting us something to eat."
Great, she takes my advice only to have Rodney run off before she can talk to him.
"I'm sure he's fine, I'll check his lab."
"Carson?"
"Yes love."
"Make sure he's alright. Please."
"I will I promise. Jennifer, why don't you find Teyla and Ronon and see if they can help you find him."
"Thanks I will."
Feeling better after talking with , and choosing to ignore Atlantis' nagging him about Rodney, John decided he wanted to be around people. Three days of solitude is enough for anyone.
He headed to the mess hall hoping Teyla and Ronon were there. He walked in and spotted them across the room talking to Jennifer. He paused suddenly self-conscious he didn't want to interrupt, but the look of fear on Jennifer's face and his team mates swiftly rising to their feet, had him running over to them.
"What's going on?"
They looked irritated with him, but this wasn't the time to talk about it.
"Look, I'm sorry I went off the reservation. But, from the looks of it there are more pressing matters we need to handle. Now, tell me what's wrong."
It was an order not a request. They knew better than to cross John when he used that tone.
"Mc Kay's missing." Ronon growled.
Why am I not surprised?
"Okay, Jennifer you go to your room and see if he's there."
"Ronon, you and Teyla check the lower levels of the city. I'll check the jumper bay and then all of the other, usual places."
They knew if anyone could find Rodney John could. The group dispersed, and John went to the jumper bay.
John arrived in the jumper bay a few minutes later, it was empty but just to be sure he thought open hard enough to open each of the jumpers' hatches, no Rodney, but he did embarrass a couple of scientists using one of the jumpers as a place to make out. He didn't take the time to close all the hatches, he left it for the amorous pair to do.
He hit his comm.
"Carson?"
"Colonel Sheppard, good to hear your voice."
"Thanks, but was he in the lab?"
Jennifer must have told Sheppard about Rodney. I'm glad he's here to help.
"No, Colonel he wasn't. I'm heading back to the infirmary now to see if he came back."
"No, he wouldn't come back there. But why don't you get a medkit together and meet me in the control room."
He's right, there's no telling what Rodney's gotten up to.
"Good idea, John. I'll be there in ten minutes."
"While you do that I'm going to have Zelenka look for his transmitter signal. Sheppard out."
"Chuck, I want you to find Zelenka and tell him to get up here now."
"I'm on it Colonel."
Richard Woolsey noticed all the activity taking place in the control room and came out of his office looking concerned.
"Colonel Sheppard, what's going on?"
Ah hell, busted.
"Well it seems Dr. McKay is missing."John drawled in his most charming fashion.
Just then Zelenka came around the corner his eyes wide and his scruffy hair flying.
"What's wrong Colonel?"
"Dr. Zelenka I was just asking the same thing."
Woolsey was a bit perturbed that they had kept him out of the loop, but old habits die hard, so he let it slide.
"Radek is there any way you can find him using his transmitter?"
John asked him, fully aware he may be stepping on Woolsey's toes.
"No, is very difficult. But I can boost the internal sensors a bit so we can see life signs through more of the city."
Radek waited for the order to go ahead with the modifications, not knowing which person was supposed to give it. This chain of command thing was always so confusing and unnecessary, in his opinion.
Woolsey waited to see what Sheppard would do, making sure he let him know with a look that he was not happy with John for keeping him in the dark. He wouldn't say anything here, but he made it clear what he thought.
Crap, and we were making such progress. I hope he'll understand and let it go without being too pissed.
"Dr. Zelenka, please begin the modifications of the sensors." Woolsey's tone was authoritative.
Zelenka nodded, glad the tension was gone from the room and he could focus on finding Rodney.
"Radek, How long will it take?"John asked.
"Perhaps an hour, possibly two."
"Well we'll leave you to it, ."Woolsey replied.
Sheppard could see Woolsey wanted to speak with him, so he followed him into his office.
"Colonel, do you have any idea where Dr. McKay might be?"
"Actually I do and I need to get started looking, because there are too many balconies that we haven't charted yet. I'll also check the piers."
"Very well, but I want you to put together some search teams to help you."
"Thanks that will be a big help."
Woolsey nodded, and John thinking he was dismissed turned to walk out of the office.
"Just a minute Colonel."
Damn, thought I was home free.
"Yes?"
"Colonel you are the military commander of this base, and I am the civilian leader, but don't forget that I am the final authority here. Furthermore, why would you keep me from knowing the situation with Dr. Mc Kay?"
I screwed up, just when I thought we were over all this…
"I know Mr. Woolsey and I'm sorry I was simply too focused on finding Rodney and didn't tell you."
"Well you know John, I'm not sure I believe that, but in light of our burgeoning friendship and Rodney's disappearing act, I'll let it go."
He smiled a genuine smile at Sheppard and was pleased to have it returned.
"Thanks Richard. I'll remember to keep you in the loop."
"Good, now get out of here and find our Chief Science Officer."
"I'm on it."
John found Carson waiting for him a medkit hanging on his shoulder.
"I'm ready Colonel."
"Good Carson. Let's get going."
They ran as fast as their legs would take them to the first of many balconies Rodney was known to frequent. The day was slipping into evening the air growing colder, and John was beginning to panic.
