A/N: Here's the world's longest chapter. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: Me no own SGA.
Please, I beg of you review. I'm going to hold my breath until I get ten reviews.
Rodney heard voices quietly talking beside him, the conversation drawing him out from the veil of sleep. He caught words and phrases here and there but he didn't really understand them. He was feeling like he'd been beaten with a 2x4, and was confused.
What happened? Why am I so sore? What are they saying? I can't seem to make sense of it. My brain feels like it's muffled in cotton, everything is wrong somehow.
"We need to bring an oncologist in. I'm not comfortable doing intrathecal chemotherapy, that's way out of my range of expertise."
"Where are we going to find an oncologist with the clearance to come to Atlantis?"
"I don't know but I want to ask General Landry and General O'Neill, General O'Neill is supposed to be close to the president and I will pull that card if I have to."
"We need to talk to Carter she can get O'Neill to help us."
"What about the Tok'ra? They still need hosts right?"
"No way would Rodney go for blending, look what happened with Cadman."
"Yeah you're right."
"Radek how's it coming on the search?"
"I was just going to tell you I have found a reference to a lab in the city that may contain what were looking for."
"Well, what are we waiting for?"
"We don't know where it is."
"You mean it's hidden? Like Janus' lab?"
"Yes, in fact he may have helped invent the device."
"Keep working on it. I'll send you some guys to help you search."
"Hey Carson, have you figured out what caused this? I mean how we could miss it?"
"I have a theory."
Carson seemed hesitant to share his thoughts.
"Come on, out with it."
"I think it may have something to do with the ascension device."
"What? How? Is it making him ascend?"
"No, it's not that. I think when we reprogrammed it with Rodney's DNA it set off the gene for leukemia."
"Let me get this straight, Rodney has a gene for leukemia and you think the ascension machine turned it on?"
"According to Rodney's family history five people have died from leukemia that are relatively close to his generation, granted it's a large family but that is still statistically relevant. What makes it worse is that both his mother and his father have first-degree relatives who died of leukemia, his maternal grandfather and his paternal grandmother.
So you see, it was almost a foregone conclusion he would develop leukemia, but I believe what has happened is the machine has sped the process up exponentially. When we first diagnosed him he was at stage three, he is now stage four and fast approaching n-stage, to go from no sign of the disease to close to death in a little over three months is virtually unheard of."
The group grew silent, the seemingly insurmountable odds crushing all hope.
"What are you talking about in there?"
The five of them were huddled around Woolsey's bed the curtains drawn for Richards privacy. They were having a meeting about the Rodney situation.
Woolsey gave his opinion.
"Dr. Beckett, I think it's time to enact our plan. I will contact the SGC about the oncologist. Unfortunately we may have no other option than to send him to Earth."
"At this point I don't care. Let's just do it." John said.
"Yes, why don't we make it easier and send him to the SGC?"Teyla chimed in.
"Because he might die, and I would never forgive myself if he died away from Atlantis." Jennifer whispered.
The only thing Rodney heard was "…send him to the SGC". He sat up and began to get out of the bed but his leg was numb he couldn't get it to work.
He started muttering to himself. "My fucking leg doesn't work, what the hell?"
It was then he started noticing the burning sensation in his feet, and the itching he felt all over.
"Oh my God, make it stop."
The curtains whooshed open and they all came running.
"It itches so bad, make it stop Carson."
"Alright Rodney we can fix that."
"Oh and my feet feel like they're on fire and my right leg doesn't work anymore. What happened? I don't remember any of the mission? Where did we go? I must have picked up some weird bug."
John felt his gut clench, Rodney didn't remember he had leukemia, didn't know he was dying.
"Och, that's alright Rodney, the rest of the Scooby gang can fill you in later. Right now let's see if we can make you more comfortable."
John and Richard both paled at the phrase "…make you more comfortable." it brought back the worst memories of the women they loved last days on Earth, John for his mother and Richard his wife.
Carson saw the men blanch and realized his mistake. He quickly pulled the drugs from the nearby cabinet.
Beckett you idiot! You know better. You need to be more careful.
"Here we go Rodney that should help." He injected the steroids and diphenhydramine into his IV.
"Carson?"
"Yes Rodney?"
"You look like crap."
"Well you're no beauty queen yourself."
"Seriously Carson are you sick?"
"No Rodney I'm just tired."
"Oh, okay. Jennifer, come here and see me."
"She blushed at his seductive tone."
"Uhh McKay we're all still here you know."
"Yeah so?"
"Okaaaaaeee, think I'll head down to the mess. Anyone want to join me?"
"Not so fast Sheppard."
John turned around with a sigh.
"What is it Rodney?"
"Why the hell are you trying to send me to the SGC?"
"Ummm why don't I let Carson explain that to you?"
"No, I want you to explain it."
The group made pained furtive glances at one another each pair of eyes asking 'What do we do?'
"Okay, because we don't have time to screw around anymore I'm going to cut to the chase."
"Please do."
"Rodney you have stage four acute lymphocytic leukemia. It has gone to your brain and central nervous system, you have been having seizures on and off for the last twelve hours…"
It all came back to him in a terrible rush.
"ENOUGH! I remember now."
"How long do I have?"
No one said anything.
"God dammit somebody tell me when I'm going to die! What about you Mr. No-Time-To-Screw-Around?"
John swallowed his sudden anger and looked Rodney in the eyes. He hardly recognized his friend any more. In the past several weeks Rodney had lost so much weight, the bones of his face poked through his skin, and his blue eyes were sunken and ringed with dark bruises. The once azure orbs were faded to a tired sort of blue, like washed out old blue jeans. His elbows and knees poked out sharply, he was beginning to look like a skeleton. Rodney was slipping away by the minute.
"Not long Rodney, not long at all."
"Could you elaborate on that?"
Carson cleared his throat.
"Rodney, your platelets have dropped again, your blood is virtually devoid of iron and your organs are starved for oxygen. You are coming to the end, there is still a slim chance we can turn this around but you'll have to go back to Earth to do it."
Suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe and the room was closing in on him all these people around him were making him claustrophobic.
"Get out! All of you, just get out!"
The others began leaving but Jennifer remained.
"That includes you, Jennifer."
"Fine, but put this mask on, you need oxygen."
She replaced the mask, turned up the oxygen to fifteen liters, and kissed him on his forehead.
"I love you Rodney McKay, and I always will."
She turned and walked away. If she stayed just a few seconds more she would have seen his eyes fill up with tears.
Richard watched Rodney push them all away, and saw what it cost the man. He couldn't hold his tongue any more.
"You are a fool."
"Who asked you baldy?"
"No one, but I'm going to tell you anyway. It's not as if you have the strength to get away."
That hurt, and Woolsey meant for it to.
"You have wasted too much time and now you are days, maybe hours, from death, you're scared, and suddenly all that nobility and dying peacefully doesn't seem like such a good idea."
Rodney glared at him. "Go on, I want to hear it."
"I wanted to talk to you, but then you went on your little adventure. I'll settle for right now. Of course had Carson known you would do something so stupid, or that your cancer had spread to your brain, he would have never even considered, letting you go."
Rodney felt defeated,and he found he didn't have the will to spar with Richard Woolsey.
"So talk, or leave me the hell alone."
His irritation growing by the minute, Rodney crossed his arms and tried to stare Woolsey down. Woolsey wasn't buying it.
"You say you wanted to spare everyone having to watch you drag the inevitable out, seeing you suffer. Never once did you give a thought to what they want. What Jennifer wanted? You applied your logic to the problem and decided to submit to the foregone conclusion of death."
"Yes, yes, move on we covered this."
"I wanted to tell you my story but I don't know if you are selfless enough to understand its meaning."
Rodney's pale cheeks flushed with shame, though he wasn't sure why.
"No, please. I want to hear it."
Richard considered it for a moment and decided to share with Rodney.
"Fine, but you can't interrupt. Besides you need to concentrate on breathing."
"Okay, I'll just sit over here breathing."
"The short version is that my wife of ten years died of this same disease. Her name was Sarah and our life together was amazing, we were soul mates as hackneyed as that sounds, she was my better self embodied in flesh. She was as beautiful in side as she was out, and I asked myself everyday 'what did I do to receive such a precious, gift?
When we found out about her illness I fell apart, and though she struggled to breathe sometimes, and was in terrible pain, she always worried about me, and cared for my feelings. When things began to get bad in the first few weeks during chemo, she saw me crumbling with self-indulgent despair at watching her suffer through losing her hair, losing weight, becoming a shadow. So she decided to stop treatment. I'll never forget the day she called me closer to her bed, she had barely the strength to speak, and started to tell me of her decision.
Well that did it , I snapped out of my pity party and told her in no uncertain terms that if she really loved me she wouldn't quit. Maybe that was selfish of me, I don't know. Nevertheless, she went into remission and stayed there for fifteen months before it came back.
It was the most extraordinary time of our lives. She took a sabbatical and I quit my law practice and sold my partnership. That gave us a few million dollars to play with. We took a list of places she always wanted to see and do and we went and did everyone we could. It was marvelous. I started to hope for our future but Sarah always knew it would come back, and she savored every moment.
The night of our tenth anniversary, I took her to the most exclusive restaurant in Georgetown. I intended to propose to her all over and whisk her away to Tahiti to renew our vows. It was the most relaxed and joyful I had ever been.
Just as I pulled out the diamond anniversary band to ask her to marry me again, she gave me this funny look and slumped over in her chair. I was up and beside her in seconds, but I wasn't able to keep her from falling to the floor, where she went into a grand mal seizure that was so violent she broke two teeth and received numerous contusions. No one would help me, I begged them to call 911 but they sat there embarrassed and shocked. Fortunately, for us, one of the servers had epilepsy himself, and called 911 immediately. It was the most terrified I have ever been.
As we rode in the ambulance I knew our time was up and I openly cried as I held her hand and whispered to her, 'I love you please don't leave me'.
It was the beginning of the end. We still had good days, but as our time wound down, she became less and less lucid.
Her last day on earth was in early summer. The sun was out, and the sky was cloudless. I pushed her in her wheelchair through the beautiful garden of the hospice, and we laughed, talked about our first year of marriage, and how we were so poor we lived on Kraft macaroni and cheese and 10 for–a- dollar packs of ramen noodles.
She was so present, so in the moment, I wondered if she was getting better and had a whisper of hope.
I guess Sarah knew what I was thinking, because she put her hand on mine and pulled me down so I could see her face.
With her voice clear as a bell, she said to me, 'Richard my love, it's time for me to go. I am so tired, I can't fight anymore.' It was then that I understood she had stayed for me and gathered her last bit of strength to spend this day together.
Suddenly I had peace; I knew I could let her go, that I could be there for her when she needed me most.
I leaned in and kissed her softly on her lips and said, 'It's alright you can go now. I'll be okay. I love you Sarah, thank you for loving me.'
She smiled and answered, 'Richard I had no choice, you were the piece of me that was missing. Thank you for giving me such a wonderful life and a beautiful death.' She closed her eyes like she was falling asleep, and I held her hand.
It took a long time for her to breathe her last breath, I had an idea what to expect because the hospice worker told us what would happen.
Her breaths became farther and farther apart, until with one last struggling, wheezing breath. It was her last, and she sat facing a glorious summer sunset and died in the twilight."
Rodney was crying quietly but his crying became more desperate, and he found it harder to breathe.
Carson, John and Jennifer stood on the other side of the curtain and listened to the whole story. Carson had his arm around Jennifer as she wept on his shoulder. John clenched his jaw and held his breath to keep from crying, an occasional tear escaped but he wiped it away before it fell.
Carson was about to come to Rodney's rescue fearing he was headed towards respiratory arrest, when he heard Richard start to speak again.
"Dr. McKay? Rodney? Try to calm down, I have one last thing to say and I need you to hear it."
Rodney took deep slow breaths, his oxygen sats improved and he was able to relax, he wanted to hear what Richard had to say.
"Are you ready? Just nod."
He nodded yes.
"I will never regret the extra time I got with Sarah. All of it, even the bad times when she was so ill she couldn't speak, was worth it just to spend another minute with her.
She didn't have to stay as long as she did, she could have quit her treatments or said no to begin with. But she didn't because she loved me. It was her last gift, and I will carry that bittersweet time in my heart forever. So I ask you how could you deny Jennifer, or John or Carson or any of your family that gift?"
Rodney was quiet for a long time. Then he turned to Richard who sat patiently waiting for his answer, and said, "What if it's too late?"
"Then at least they will know you tried, at least you will show them what they mean to you, and that you care about what they want."
He grew silent again; Woolsey could see him struggling with himself, with his fear and regret. After a minute, he looked at Richard once more.
"Okay, I'll do it. I just hope it's not too late."
Richard just smiled a gentle smile got out of his bed and walked to Rodney's. He bent down and gave Rodney a hug. It was so unexpected Rodney didn't have time to recoil, he found himself with his arms wrapped around Richard Woolsey and appreciating every moment of it.
"Thank you, Mr. Woolsey. You'll never know how much this has meant to me."
"I think you can call me Richard considering we just shared a manly hug of friendship."
Rodney laughed and said, "I don't think first dates in bromances usually end in crying and hugging, Richard."
Richard waggled his brows and said, "Well Rodney, we just skipped to the third date."
John laughed aloud at Richard's innuendo he tried to stifle it, but it was too late. Carson was holding his hand over his mouth to keep his laughter from escaping. Jennifer just rolled her eyes at the entire conversation, and the two boys standing with her.
"You can come out now."
"Yes do come out, it's getting a little creepy." Richard quipped.
"Yeah what are you guys stalkers?" Rodney jibed.
"Oh no what have we done, there's two of them now." Carson groaned.
"Alright boys settle down, we have a lot to do." Jennifer said sternly
