Cardboard Standups

"If I tell him about my job, will I suddenly find myself free to tell him my feelings as well?"

"You are not to tell anyone about your job," iLudovicus reminded him. Kiku knew that well, he was simply considering the possibility of whether it would work and deciding how he would work around that obstacle. After all, there was never just one solution to a problem. He simply had to consider what would work. With Alfred.

That was a confusing topic.

"Also, he is here."

"What?"

"Kiku! Kiku! The door's locked! Can I come in?" came the call from the front door. Kiku blinked in that direction and sighed. Really, why did he have to announce himself like that when it was not necessary? It was not as if Alfred did not know that iLudovicus did the announcing for him.

Okay. I can do this. Kiku went to the door himself and opened it to be faced with a smiling Alfred.

"Hey!"

"Good day, Alfred," Kiku responded with a small smile.

"Heracles off to get back into Gupta's house?" Alfred asked immediately, poking his head in as if to make certain. Kiku decided to not try and keep Alfred from doing so, walking back inside, knowing that Alfred would follow after.

"Heracles has left, yes." He was not quite comfortable calling it 'getting back into Gupta's house'. 'To talk with Gupta' would be more appropriate. "He has... an odd way of dealing with anger."

"Really?" Alfred asked, turning toward him. Kiku did his best to stay calm. He could do this. Just start out with a normal conversation. You can steer it toward what you want to say easily. Do not just jump into it, you will not do it then.

"Apparently he has a life size cardboard cutout of Sadiq at home that he stabs with knives," Kiku went on to say, hoping that something that seemed really weird to him would also sound weird to someone else. Then again, he was hoping that of Alfred. So maybe not.

"You know what would be awesome to have a life size cardboard standup of?" Alfred grinned at him. "Jabba the Hut! I mean, can you imagine that?"

"Actually, I–" Kiku cut himself off. Damn it all! He had forgotten to add in how easily Alfred could lead him along when he thought up what he wanted to say.

"Though..." Alfred frown, rubbing his chin. "I would hate to have one of someone I know. I get why Heracles would want one, but I don't have someone I'd want to stab. I don't need to want to stab people, if someone gets hurt I might get to stab them all I want in surgery or something," he shrugged. "But I would really hate to have one of... like you."

Kiku was a bit hurt by that. "Oh?"

"I think it would be better to have a life sized figurine or whatever," Alfred continued. "Or else it would just be too flat. Lifeless. And a bit creepy."

"True," Kiku blinked as Alfred grinned at him.

"Of course, if I were really straight forward, I would just ask for the real thing!"

They were definitely not talking about Jabba the Hutt anymore. Both of them stared at each other. Here you go Kiku. He has given you an opening. Take it. Um...

"Uh, I need to go. Nice seein' you Kiku!" With that, Alfred practically fled the house. And Kiku just stood there, staring at the empty spot that Alfred had just been occupying, still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

"ちくしょお."

Here he was, still standing still. Why had he not chased after him? Even if Kiku had been obvious up until now about things, he would know now. Why had he not chased after him?

"腰抜け."

Kiku was interrupted from his self-loathing when he was finally able to make out the fact that Pochi was barking in the backyard. With an irritated sigh, Kiku went over to drag the dog in. He was not in the mood for this. He wanted to go and hide in his basement for a few days, not allowing iLudovicus to let anyone in.

"Pochi–" he started, sliding the door open, but stopped when he saw that they had company. At least, Pochi had company. Hanatamago was also adding to the barking he had heard, both of the dogs appearing as if they were trying desperately to climb up a tree. Kiku looked up.

Anastasia glared at him.

God, how Kiku hated that cat.

"Alfred! Alfred!" He rushed back into the house and out through the front door. "Alfred, wait!" Someone else had to deal with that cat. "Alfred!"

I am pathetic.


Notes:

Anastasia is cute in her own way. You know how Kiku is with cute things. Unfortunately, that did not end too well. I want to add that as a one-shot for Hearth, but it keeps being pushed back on my priority list. So you can just know that when Kiku met Anastasia, he lost. Most everyone looses against Anastasia. Even Maddox would loose, that is just how victorious an irritated cat can be with people who do not know how to deal with them. Ivan does not know how to deal with cats, but he seems oblivious to the fact that Anastasia is irritated most of the time. So Ivan is a special case.