I was surprised that our conversation continued with such ease. My mom, my sister, my sister-in-law, and I chatted openly and freely the entire time we finished preparing dinner.
Bit by bit, I found my guard dropping. I found myself relaxing more and more as time seemed to tick away.
That feeling continued as we set the table and we sat down to dinner as a family. I found that I was actually able to enjoy my family's company, and join in the conversation flowing around the table.
Boy was I ever wrong for doing that. Now… I don't mean that to sound like my family is a pack of ogres or something like that, because they're not. Far from it, in fact. I just mean that when you're the baby of the family, you tend to get teased. You get teased A LOT!
I felt very comforted by the fact we were enjoying each other's company as we filled our plates with food. Until my brother and brother-in-law decided they felt the need to tease me.
"Geez, sis."Chris said to me with a chuckle.
I looked up from my plate and locked eyes with my brother. "What?" I responded with confusion.
I remember my brother smiling his goofy, toothless smile as he started laughing. "A little hungry, are you?" he teased.
That is when my brother-in-law decided that he needed to toss his two-cents-worth into the conversation. "Jo Jo…" He laughed a deep, throaty laugh. "You lookin to add to your freshman fifteen?"
Now, don't get me wrong. I know my brother and brother-in-law meant absolutely no harm by their comments. I know that they were only joking. For some reason – which, to this day, I still have yet to figure out why – I took their comments to heart. Did I ever! "That's not funny, you guys." I snapped.
"Jo, they're only kidding around. Lighten up." Nancy piped in.
I glared at my sister-in-law as I heard my sister start laughing.
"What's so funny?" I growled, snapping my head in Lana's direction to lock eyes with her.
"You keep eatin like that, Jo-Jo, and you're gonna look like me." she replied.
As I said before, I knew they were all kidding, but Lana's comment was more than I could take at that moment. I didn't want to tell my family about my baby that way. I didn't want to just blurt it out, and I certainly didn't want them to figure it out by my sister calling attention to her own pregnant belly.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean, Lana?" I snapped.
Lana looked at me with shock in her eyes. "Jo-Jo… relax! I was just kiddin."
I remember glaring at my sister again as I angrily pushed away from the dining room table, and threw my napkin down as I stood up. "Don't tell me to relax! I'm so sick of being told to relax when I don't need to!"
When I was finished with my impromptu tirade, I walked out of the dining room, through the living room to grab my coat and shoes, and out of the house. I was so upset, I sat down on the swing that my parents had on their front porch and started sobbing.
I must've sat there for at least five minutes before I heard the front screen door close and saw Lana waddling toward me. She sat down next to me and wrapped her arm around my shoulder.
"Jo-Jo… I really was only kiddin. You know Mark and Chris were, too."
I took a deep breath to calm down. I felt a little more in control of myself after that. "I know, sis. I just…" I let my voice trail off. I wasn't comfortable enough to finish my sentence. At least not at the point in time.
Lana's eyes filled with concern. And I could tell that much without even looking at her. She, Chris, and I had always been close, despite our age gap. We had always had our own unique ways of communicating with each other for as long as I could remember.
"You just what? What the hell is going on with you?" Lana asked me after a few minutes of silence.
"It's too damn cold out here. Let's head back inside where it's warmer." I replied.
Yes, I was changing the subject. I hadn't built enough courage to tell my family my secret at that point. Lana knew what I was doing. I knew she would catch on. I never really had been able to lie to her, or any of my family.
"Just so you know… I know something's going on with you, and that you're trying to get out of telling us what it is." she shot back as we walked to the front door.
We walked back into the house and slipped back out of our shoes and jackets, then made our way back into the dining room. Everyone had gone completely silent as Lana and I sat back down at the table. I started to feel uncomfortable and uneasy.
I can honestly say that I wish I could find the right words to adequately explain the tension radiating from that dining room, but I wouldn't do it justice by any means whatsoever.
I felt everyone's eyes boring through me, which only served to make me even more anxious and nervous.
