-1Patrick bolted up gasping for air. His heart was racing his lungs felt tight his throat felt as if it was on fire the bed sheets felt wet and damp from his sweat. His stomach tightened and a sharp pain stabbed through his side. Patrick stood up on his shaky legs and made his way to the bath room. After splashing some water on his face he headed back to bed.
"you ok?" Cat giggled
"ya fine"
"bad dream"
Patrick nodded. He was trying to remember what it was that had scared him awake but now it was gone. Other then the shaken feeling he had. He settled back into bed.
"I should get up and do some thing."
"or you can lay back down and do me?"
"that's all I've been doing lately"
"you say that like it's a bad thing"
"trust me its not"
Cat ran her hand around his stomach. Patrick's eyes followed her hand, up down around over under up and down. She was singing in Italian. Patrick sighed and nuzzled his head against her neck.
"so I was thinking"
"hum" Patrick could feel the light vibrations of Cats voice.
"I was planning on going home for a bit."
Patrick held his breath.
"ya" this had been what he was afraid of. Cat deciding that it wasn't time for her to head home. That she missed her brother and her uncle and her parents.
"would you wanna come with me?"
"what?"
"go to New York with me."
"really?"
"ya, I really want my uncle and brother to meet you"
"what about your parents?"
"what about them?"
"you never talk about them, ever"
"there in Africa"
"doing"
"pro bono work"
"that's great"
"it is what it is"
"meaning…"
"they do great things for other people"
"what about you"
Patrick brush a strand of hair out of Cats face. He looked deep into her crystal blue eyes. They were swimming in tears, her lips were pressed tightly together. She was hurting, hurting bad. She was trying not to cry she was fighting with her emotions and it broke Patrick's heart.
"they never came to see me"
"hum?"
She was quiet for the better half of ten minuets.
"never, they never came to see me"
"when?"
"when I called them to say 'HEY BACK IN THE STATES' they never came to see me. My brother did. My uncle did. Friends had but not my parents."
"that's horrible"
"do you know how many birthdays I spent alone? Christmas, Easter, mothers day fathers "day. To know that you weren't important enough for your parents time. Do you know "how many nights I spent crying my eyes out promising myself that one of there's days my "dad would look at me and say your beautiful and you deserve some one who knows it. "Do you know what I would give to have my mom smile at me and say that's my girl"
Patrick was quiet. What could he say to make any of that better. By now there were tears rolling down her face. But she wasn't done, not yet.
"I never had parents I never had my dad smile at me and say things normal dads say. The "longest talks I hade with my dad were in the morning. He called me Reese. He said ya "great Reese with the news paper in front of his face he forgot my fucking name. My "parents wouldn't be able to pick me or my brother out of a police line up. And they were "so happy when I told them I was going to go to medical school. And now look"
Patrick pulled her close to him. And she cried. Hard gasping sobs that shook her whole body. Patrick kissed her tears away. He held her closer then he had ever held any one in his life. Held her and kissed her until the tears stopped. And when they did finally stop he pulled her to his chest and held on even tighter. There was nothing he could say to her to ease the pain and fill the void her parents left. He couldn't say any thing but he could hold her. That's what she needed to be held as tight as he could hold her. And he would and he wouldn't let go until she told him to. And even then he might not let go.
"what about your uncle"
She laughed.
"what"
"he spent lots of time trying to fill up his own void. Drugs sex booze. Any thing. I didn't meet him until I was 16."
"that's horrible"
"it was."
"does he-"
"no quit cold turkey. He has a few vices left. Smoking food me and my brother. He's always been there. You wanna here some thing sick?"
"sure"
"I use to wish my parents hit me."
"…why"
"because at least with abuse I'd get some damn attention."
Patrick was shocked. It was definitely a sick thought. He grew up with out his mother but he had his dad. And his dads countless girlfriends. So that kinda made up for a mother didn't it. His father encouraged him to have a relation ship with her but he just never saw a point. But hearing what Cat said made him wish he had tried to have some thing with her.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put all of this on you"
"no I'm glad you did. I want you to tell me these kinds of things I get what your saying though"
"really?"
"ya I was in a kind of fucked up relation ship. Its really not the same but it fucked me up"
"tell me"
"tell you what"
"you've said that before but you never told me any thing about it"
"oh"
"if you don't want to then-"
"no its probly healthy to talk about right?"
"ya"
"she just used me, cheated on me complained about how I looked, cut me down every chance she got. Say things about how fat I was. It was stupid and I was stupid but"
"it wasn't stupid then"
"ya it was like"
"the only thing that made sense any more. And if you could be a better person if you could "just change and make them happy then you would be happy and that feeling you had "before when you were with them would come back."
"ya…exactly but how do-"
"I've been in more then a few abusive relation ships"
"it wasn't really abusive"
"she hurt you, she hurt you and did it on purpose. Doesn't matter if she hit you or not she "hurt you bad I can see it written all over your face."
Patrick opened his mouth to speak but she cut him off.
"some times after sex, you get this look of shame and utter embarrassment. Like you cant "even enjoy your self. When I touch you and you pull away. Every time you say some "thing horrible about your self. When you look at your self in the mirror and I can see the "hatred in your face. And-"
"Iloveyou" Patrick's words came out fast and jumbled.
"what"
"I Love you Cat. I love you"
"do you mean that"
"I love you Catherin"
"I love you to Patrick."
"I wanna go with you when you go home"
"are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure of any thing in my life"
