A/N: Sorry for the wait, RL had me in her dungeons of despair.

Disclaimer: Not Mine

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Rodney turned his head and he reached new vistas of pain. Someone pushed the little pink kidney thing under his mouth as he began heaving, each spasm was agony, his throat was raw from all the vomiting and the bile burned as it exited his stomach. He shook from the effort, his muscles trembling. He was about to make a decision that no one would like.

"Jen? Is that you?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Jennifer come closer I can't see you."

Jennifer moved her chair up to the head of the bed and leaned in to Rodney.

"Hey." She began stroking his head gently, ignoring the hair being caught in her fingers. I can't let him know his hair is falling out.

"Hey." His voice was almost a whisper. "Jennifer I—I can't take this anymore." The tone was pleading.

"I know it's hard but you only have two more days left."

"Jennifer, it's too much. I have nothing left to give. Please… let me stop."

Her throat constricted and she couldn't have spoken if she wanted to. Tears ran down her face like a cascade of sorrow. She could only shake her head no.

"I'm s-sorry I know I am hurting you, but I just can't go through another day of this—torture." He flinched at the word even as he uttered it, because God knows Rodney McKay was no stranger to torture.

She lay her head down on her arms and stared at him through the tears, his eyes told her how much pain he was in, how sad he was. His eyes begged her to let him go.

"Rodney, I can't. I'm sorry. I just… can't."

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. "Well it's my decision, and I am quitting." He did his best to sound angry or righteous, it only came out as heartbreaking resignation. "I don't understand why you wouldn't want me to stop this suffering. Why Jennifer? And don't tell me it's because you love me."

She had a decision to make too. She had been hiding something from Rodney since he became ill. She didn't want it to worry him in case it didn't work out. However, now there was little danger of things not coming to fruition. Would it be cruel to tell him now? Would he think she was lying? Or worse, being manipulative? She cleared her throat as much as she could, and told him.

"I'm pregnant."

There it was it hung in the air like a death knell. What should be joyous was now something of dread. It would only cause them pain to know he would be dead before his son was born. And yes it was his son, she had genetic testing done to rule out a familial birth defect and found that their baby was not only perfectly healthy but also a boy.

She waited for his reaction. He turned away from her his jaw clenched. His face was rigid, his emotions difficult to ascertain. After what seemed an eternity he finally spoke.

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say to that, or how I'm supposed to feel, but I think I need a moment alone."

His words had a hard edge to them and were tinged with anger.

She knew it would be unwise to push him; it was clear he was at his breaking point, so she nodded her head and said softly, "Okay."

He heard the door close and said as loudly as he had energy for, "If there's anyone else in here get the hell out!"

Rodney wanted to scream. He wanted to cry. All he could manage were epithets thrown at God.

It's so fucking unfair. I wait my whole life for this moment and I find out weeks, maybe days, from my death. God you suck! You weren't satisfied with giving me one of the crappiest childhoods ever, or the desolation known as my twenties, you had to let me feel good, let me relax and think I would spend the rest of my life happy. I guess it made it that much sweeter to take it all away from me now… You sadistic bastard.

He started to weep as quietly as he could, he didn't want anyone to know he was so devastated lest they fawn all over him. He wanted to be left alone. Suddenly the scent of oranges filled the room. Great oranges, well I guess it has a certain symmetry. Then he closed his eyes to the wavering light that clouded his vision.

Rodney's body decided something too. It decided to start seizing; monitors were going berserk as he flailed around the bed banging his head off and on the rails. It was a full sixty seconds before anyone came in, his head was bleeding from its repetitive bouts with the guardrails, and his sats were dropping rapidly.

"Get in here Jennifer I need help!"

Jennifer had walked to the coffee pot in the nearby conference room to get a much needed jolt of caffeine as she was coming back she heard Chris Morgan calling her, and the sound of screeching monitors.

She ran in and held Rodney's arms so Chris could inject the Ativan into his port.

"Damn this is lousy timing."

Rodney had his last intrathecal dose of chemo that morning so he wasn't supposed to be moving around.

The Ativan started to take effect and Rodney's jerking limbs stilled.

"We need a scan and an EEG." Dr. Lam added as she walked into the room. "How long was he seizing? I see he has hit his head."

"I don't know he was already well into the seizure when I came in."

"It couldn't be more than a couple of minutes; I just stepped out for a minute or two and went to get a cup of coffee."

Dr. Lam lifted Rodney's eyelid to check his pupils, and found the violence of the seizure had caused the blood vessels in his face and chest and even his eyes to burst. He was covered in tiny petichiae, like tiny red freckles.

"I wish we didn't have to move him, but we have to get him under one of the Ancient's scanners or an MRI, ASAP. We have to check his brain out."

"I agree we have to do them to see where we stand. But I want to intubate him just in case."

Jennifer struggled between what she thought Rodney wanted, and her hope that the baby would change his mind. Fortunately, or unfortunately she wouldn't have to make that choice, because Rodney began to wake up.

"No." He croaked.

"What are you saying no to Rodney?"Dr. Lam asked.

"No tube." He was exhausted, and each word was using up what little energy he had.

"Are you sure, because you may not have the chance to change your mind later? It will be much harder on you if we have to put one in during an emergency." Chris was praying Rodney wasn't about to say "no" to everything.

"No chemo, no tube. No more, just no." His voice faded out and he went to sleep or became unconscious, either way he could not be argued with.

"That's it then. We stop. No more chemo and no intubation. We'll just keep him breathing with the bi- pap and try to keep him from seizing again. We can keep feeding him parenterally, until he says no, and we can give him meds for nausea and pain. That's all we're allowed according to his living will. And yes he has a limited DNR that says we can try to resuscitate him a reasonable amount of times, meaning no extraordinary measures or last minute heroics. What is deemed reasonable will be determined by his medical proxy."

"Who's his medical proxy?"

"Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard." Chris replied.

"Why isn't it me or Carson?"

"I asked him the same thing, he said that he didn't want you to make that decision, and that Carson shouldn't have to either."

"What about John? I mean… it will kill him."

"Yeah I asked that too. Rodney told me that he trusted John with his death as much as he did his life. He also said that he knew as hard as it would be for John that he would do what the will mandated and what Rodney wanted."

There was an uneasy silence filled with the hissing of the oxygen and the sound of modern medicine at work.

"I'll tell him."

Jennifer needed air; some real air not re-circulated, hundreds of feet below the earth, air. She would find John and make him take her topside for a walk. Rodney was stable for now and if she didn't breathe she was going to go insane. Besides this recycled air couldn't be good for the baby. She felt her hand instinctively go to her slightly bulging belly.

Don't worry uncle John will find a way to save Daddy.