Welcome to chapter seven, everyone! Are you happy to be here? I know I am~. I've had so much fun writing this. But as I write this, I'm in pain! ;-; Today I was bored. I had nothing to do, and I really didn't want to type even though the ideas flowed like crazy from the night before where Nerds were my best buddies and I got a mad sugar high. So after playing some old DS games I've beaten tons of times aimlessly for about an hour and a half(Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days, Animal Crossing:Wild World, and Legend of Zelda Phantom Hourglass, respectively), I decided to do the proper teenage girl thing and mope around the house. I mope my way into the living room, where my step-dad's sitting at one of the chairs watching TV, grab a pillow and press it my face, and fall into the couch. Not only did I get yelled at for 'jumping on the couch', but I landed way wrong. My elbow went between the couch cushions and hit a wooden post. I was so close to crying. My eyes were tearing up. It really hurts to bend and unbend it, and therefore this typing kinda hurts. D= FEEL LUCKY, GUYS. I AM PUSHING THROUGH THE PAIN TO DO THIS!
I HAVE A BIG ANNOUNCMENT~~. (This man is gay AND European, and neither is disgrace~. You gotta- er, sorry. ^^;; Gay or European from Legally Blonde the Musical. Good song, good song... There's various different Hetalia AMVs to tha particular song, actually.) My friend, Avrel the Teller (or Twiggy, Twig, Twigleg...), whom Madge is based on, is doing a companion manual fic to this! It's called "What Nonsense Is This?". It's really funny, from Madge's point of view. Twig is a very good writer, go check it out! She's doing it to help her start writing the Hetalia crew in character. It's hilarious, and she's already got three chapters up, with the fourth one coming up very soon. It could already be up for all I know. The link's on my page!
As I write this, I've finished the first chapter for my new story. So listen to my shameless self-plug and go read and review it. Pleeeaaaseee? Every one's favorite German is there~. No, not Prussia! Okay, yeah, he's technically German, but he's PRUSSIAN. Germany, the nice place! XD
Ugh, my radio/alarm clock really likes being a bitch. There is ONE good station on it, and it takes thirty minutes of adjusting the tuning rotater and moving around the antenna to get it in with the slightest static. And-damn, I don't even think I'm on the right station. But if I am and I fidget with it, it'll take forever to fix... *sighs and goes to fix it* ... I think I was on the right station. DX BUT I FOUND THE SPANISH STATION. XD
Disclaimer: Blahblahblah, own NOTHING other then my various OCs. The manuals are by Loli Dictator.
-/Hetalia/-
"Mother Russia! Mother Russia!" Little Ivan came running down the stairs, his little legs hopping down each one. He held my cell phone in his hand. Oh, I had forgotten it upstairs?
I sat on the couch, browsing the manual that had come with little Ivan. They had sent me adult Russia's manual, so there wasn't much about young Ivan in it. I heaved a sigh before looking up at Ivan. "Ivan, I told you. I'm not Mother Russia. My name is Sasha. SA-SHA. Say it with me. Sasha."
Ivan nodded happily. "Yes, see, the name Sasha is perfect for Mother Russia, because it means defender of men, da? Nevermind that it is for a boy!" It had been two days since I had gotten him, and he still insisted on calling me 'Mother Russia.' It made me feel old.
"I do not think little me will give up that easily, da?" Ivan (the big one, dammit. This was getting on my nerves) giggled, walking inside from the backyard. Jasper trotted in after him.
"Comrade Jasper!" Ivan (the small one!) cried. He launched himself at the animal that was almost as tall as him and hugged him. Jasper twisted around and tried to lick him on the face.
I groaned and leaned backwards on the couch. "Hey, Ivan?"
"Da?" The two Ivans spoke at once and turned to face me.
"Gah! Enough!" I said. I grabbed the manual and looked at the names. Well, Stalin's Bitch was out. "Little Ivan! How do you feel about going by Vanya?"
He looked thoughtful. "That is fine, Mother Russia. It would help the confusion."
"Okay, good. You are now Vanya." I nodded, relieved.
"Little Vanya. It fits, da?" Ivan looked down at his younger self. "Comrade Sasha, I am going to take a shower now." He was covered in dirt. He had probably been working with his sunflowers again. He started upstairs, leaving me alone with Jasper and Vanya.
Until Alfred came running into the room. "Dude! Dude! Sash!" He jumped up and down to get my attention, waving his arms. But was that really neccessary? No, it was not.
"Hm. I guess I'll just take a nap... since nobody needs me," I said, looking around. Screwing with America, a great pastime.
Alfred's jaw dropped, his arms did the same, and his expression was priceless. "Wha.. what?" This was too good. I ruined it by bursting into laughter.
"What, Al?" I asked after recovering from the laughter.
Alfred glared at me for a second before adjusting his glasses awkwardly. "I... er..." He said something softly, which was nothing like him.
"What did you say?" I sat up straighter and looked at him with concern.
He cleared his throat. "I... have an M&M stuck in my nose." [1]
I just stared at him in disbelief. How is that possible? Did he just shove an M&M up his nose? Did he try to snort it like crack? Did he take crack? "Are you high?"
"Huh? NO! The hero isn't HIGH! I just, um... had some issues." Now I noticed it. A small bump on the side of his nose. It was up there pretty high.
"What the fuck kind of issues cause THAT?" I shouted, pointing at his nose.
"The bloody fool was having a competition with this prat," Arthur scoffed as he walked in, pushing Gilbert in as well.
"Which, by the way, the awesome me WON!" Gilbert boasted. He grinned at us all.
"And what was the competition?" I asked, looking between Al and Gil.
"Well, we each put M&Ms in our noses and snorted them out to see how far they would go. Farthest won." ... Ew. Gross.
I smacked my forehead. "And?"
"Er..." Alfred began, "I kind of laughed, and one of them went out, while the other... you know... did this." He gestured to his nose.
A large exasperated sigh came from Arthur. "See what I've dealt with for hundreds of years...?"
"Fuck, that's funny shit," Gilbert laughed.
I glared at Gilbert. "Oh, shut up. I don't think that winning that game really is anything to be proud of. Why would you even play it?"
"Maybe if there was something fun to do, we wouldn't," Gilbert said.
"Don't make me kick you off my old laptop next time you're blogging."
After he shut up and scowled at me, I looked at Alfred. "... Come here, Al. Sit." I patted the seat next to me. He hesitated then sat down. I leaned over him and grabbed a tissue from the side table. I passed it to him. "Blow. Hard."
"That's what she said," Al mumbled (really, Alfred, really?) before blowing into the kleenex. I pressed my finger against the side of his nose above the M&M and pushed down slightly. Soon the M&M shot out of his nose into the tissue. He pulled it away and stared before turning to me. "Thanks so much, dude!" His face was inches from my own, his eyes sparkling. He gave me large smile before hugging me tightly.
"Yeah, yeah..." I mumbled.
He pulled away and stood up. "Well, this hero is going to go into the basement and play that old SNES that's in there." There was a SNES in the basement? (What? I hadn't been down there, because it really freaked me out.) "Gil, Iggy, you coming?"
Gilbert and Arthur looked at each other before shrugging and following Alfred into the hallway that held the door to the basement.
I laid my head on the arm of the couch and watched Vanya play with Jasper. He glanced up at me, seeming to remember something. "Oh, yes. Mother Russia, comrade Madge is on the cellular phone. She wishes to speak to you," Vanya said, pointing at the phone on the ground. "I am going outside with Jasper." He shoved open the door as I stared at the phone.
"SHIT." I threw myself half off the coach, reaching for the phone. If I left her on the phone too long and she hung up, I'd never hear the end of it.
NEVER. On her death bed she would say something along the lines of, "If only Sasha hadn't left me on phone... I would have had a few more minutes of life to remember."
With my body half hanging off the couch, and the arm of the couch pressing into my lower stomach, I brought the phone quickly to my ear. "Hello!"
"Geez, my ear!" Madge hissed. "What's with leaving me waiting then the loud greeting? I don't really appreciate you bursting my eardrum."
"Er... I had some... issues. Then I yelled because I was afraid you might be hanging up," I said sheepishly, shoving myself back onto the couch.
I heard a sigh from her. "Sasha, listen carefully. See, when you're busy, the polite thing to do is to tell the person calling you, then call back later. It's not good to leave the person on the line for..." There was a pause as I suspected she looked at her watch. "Sixteen minutes. Do you understand?" She spoke to me like I was a three year old and she was explaining that hitting was bad.
"Wait, what was that about being busy?" I asked with spite.
"... You have issues."
"So do you." I was going to get myself murdered at this rate. I could practically hear her taking large breaths. Was she counting backwards from ten, too?
After about ten seconds (ha! I bet she was counting!), Madge spoke again. "Hey, I hope you're keeping that little Ivan away from the bastard him."
"Why would I do that?" I laid back on the couch, watching the fan on the ceiling. I kicked my legs in the air absentmindedly as I talked.
"Because little him is decent. I really don't want him influenced by older him."
I rolled my eyes, and suddenly someone else called me. "Er, hold on. I have another call. Give me just a second..." I took Madge's silence as a yeah, sure, of course, best buddy, anything for you, whom I have known since first grade! and switched to the incoming call. "Hello?"
"Sasha! Hey!" It was Jenny, my boss. Well, boss is a loose term. "Guess what!" Before I could even guess (and I had a good one. I was going to guess that rhinos had rampaged through the store and the only think that had survived was a coffee cake, and she wanted her favorite, and only, employee to have it. But noooo.) "Your uniform is finally done! Now you won't have to work in your street clothes!"
"... Oh, joy. Yay."
"I know, right?" Oh, I had said that aloud? Well, Jenny seemed to have completely missed the sarcasm there. "It's so cute! You'll look great in it. I'll be over in just a few seconds so you can try it on." And she hung up.
... What? I went back to Madge. "Um, I have to go. My boss is coming over..."
"Wait! I haven't told you what I needed to!" Madge said that sentence like it was important news.
I glanced at my door. "Okay, shoot. Quickly."
"First off, I love irony," she sniggered. "A new unit came to my house today. Say hello, Yao."
From far off, I could hear a voice. "Ni-hao."
"China," she said smugly as she brought the phone back to her ear. "Somehow I've managed to get two sane units in a row."
"Your luck's going to run out," I growled angrily. Not only a sane unit, but a sane unit that could cook. Out of all of the units that had arrived at my house, none were cooks. And I was paying for it. The other day I let Iggy cook, and the others all teamed up and locked him and me in the bathroom with the food, and then they used my money to order Chinese.
"Eh, we'll see. Also, Bridget's in town."
"Bridget? Your twin sister Bridget?" I said happily. Bridget was a fun person to be around, and she didn't torture me like some friends. If she didn't go to a boarding school, she'd be in our group. The great thing was, I could tell Madge and her apart. Even though they were twins, they didn't look too much alike. They looked like sisters, that was it. Whereas Madge's blonde hair was light and straight, Bridget's was slightly wavy and dirty blonde. Then her eyes were grey instead of blue, but they were the same height and build.
"No, my llama Bridget," Madge snorted. "Yes, my sister. She's coming over with me later. Which leads me to another thing. Audrey's dragging us, China and Canada included, to your house. She says it's important."
"Should I be worried?"
"Knowing Audrey, yes. Last time that happened we ended up on a road trip to New York for pretzels."
"Ugh, yeah, I remember that." That had been... interesting, to say the least. Audrey soon after she got her liscence had a craving, we saw a Food Channel special, and the rest was really all too scarring to speak of...
Just then the doorbell went off, and I heard Jenny call my name.
"There she is. See you later, Madge."
"Yup." She hung up and I slipped my phone into my pocket. I got up, dreading what I would have to wear while working. I like cute things. Really, I do. It's just I don't look good in cute things. At all. I opened the door, revealing a grinning Jenny holding a short mint-green and white poofy dress with an apron. It reminded me of anime dresses, and matched Jenny's work uniform other than the mint-green color.
... I think Jenny really is insane. Loco in the cocoa.
"Hey-o, Sasha. Look what I have!" She skipped in, shaking the dress at me.
"You dyed your hair again," I said instead of commenting on the dress. Now her hair was her normal sandy brown with streaks of lilac.
"Hm? Oh, yeah. I needed a change." She twirled a strand around her finger before throwing the dress a me. "Speaking of change, go change!"
I had been surprised by the dress assault and fell backwards to the ground. I quickly looked around for any of the guys an sighed in relief when I couldn't find any of them. "Um... I really don't think-"
"Silence! Listen to your boss, mon ami[2]!" Jenny pointed at me.
"Oh, bollocks," I heard from the hall. "Sasha, is that frog here now? I really do not want to go through this." Arthur emerged into the living room, scowling. "Oi, frog, leave Sasha-" He stopped midsentence when he realized Francis wasn't there but Jenny was. "Sorry there, miss. Did I call you frog? I thought you were someone else."
"You can call me frog any time," Jenny said quietly, smiling blankly at the Brit. Her eyelashes fluttered at him, and I just hit myself in the face with my palm at her obvious crush.
"Excuse me?" Iggy asked. He hadn't heard her.
She blinked. "Er... n-nothing!" She squeaked. "Um... I'm Jenny, Sasha's boss, and I'm trying to get Sash to put on her uniform. Tell her she has to!"
Thanks. So much. So fucking much. Bring me and the dress back into the conversation.
"Well, I..." He dropped off as he looked at the thing on my lap. "That's your uniform?" He raised a bushy eyebrow.
I nodded silently, afraid if I spoke I'd start freaking out. Because now that one of them knew, they would all know. And I would die of embaressment if any one of the guys saw me in it.
"Hey, unawesome one with the giant eyebrows!" Prussia ran into the room. "It's your turn on the SNES-hey, is that a dress?" He looked over my shoulder and stared at it.
"Her uniform. She won't wear it, Gilbert!" Jenny pouted, crossing her arms across her chest. "And I spent a long time thinking about what color is should be, then ordering it for her."
Gilbert smirked. "I'd like to see that on you, Sash."
"It can't be that bad, can it, pet?" Iggy said, looking sympathetic. He smiled softly.
"AAAUUUUUGGHHH," I groaned loudly. "FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS ." I grabbed the dress in one hand and dragged myself to the bathroom.
"Oh, goodie!" Jenny said, clapping.
As I closed the bathroom door behind me, I heard something I had been dreading. Something that made me mentally go into the fetal position, rock back and forth, and cry into my knee.
... Not to mention physically crawl into the tub and whine into the porcelain siding.
"HEY, ALFRED, UNAWESOME IVAN, TINY UNAWESOME ONE, COME AND SEE THIS! Oh, hey Yao! Audrey, you too. Hello, Madge. And hello there, new girl. How'd you like to see my five meters?"
"Gilbert," I heard Madge, "You get near my sister, that kick from the other night will seem like a love tap. And leave Canada alone, too!"
"Who? Kesesese, sorry, Mattie."
Everybody had decided to arrive right at that moment. I crawled out of the tub, muttering, "Fuck me sideways with a rusty spoon." Maybe if I just didn't think, I could do this. I stripped and pulled the dress over my head. It fell to half-way above my knees. The sleeves were short, and the apron was ruffled.
I felt like the newest member at Cafe Mew Mew. [3]
I took a deep breath and opened the door, walking out. I clenched my fists and looked down at the ground, my face blazing red as I came to a stop in front of everyone.
"Comrade Sasha, you look very pretty, da?" I looked up to see Ivan smiling down at me. He clapped his hands together happily. "You look very nice, like Russian girls who wear dresses often."
I looked around to see everyone staring.
"Mother Russia, I agree with big me!" Vanya said, smiling hugely.
"Sasha, you look good in a dress," Arthur said. "Why don't you wear them more often and be lady-like?" Alfred nodded really quickly in agreement, but then looked disgusted when he realized Iggy had said lady-like.
"I-I don't r-really... I-I'm not p-pretty, s-so there's no..." I stuttered under my breath, my face getting even redder.
"Kesesese!" Gilbert laughed and said with a thumbs up, "I'm glad I made you put that on."
"AIYAH!" Suddenly I was glomped by a man with long black hair in a ponytail who had shouted that word and I let out a scream. Yao(or China), because that's who it was, hugged me and rubbed his cheek against mine from our position on the floor. "It's so CUTE, aru!"
"MY CHEEK BURNS," I cried, trying to scramble away. Luckily, Yao got up and I ran behind Arthur.
"Madge, aru!" Yao hugged Shinatty to him and looked at the blonde. "Why don't you wear cute things like that?"
"I don't do girly," Madge said, staring at Yao with a raised eyebrow. "Does it look like I do?"
I took this chance and said, "Well, I'm going to change!" I ran out of there faster than a midget with his pants on fire. When I returned, wearing normal clothes, everyone sat on the couch or one of the chairs except for Audrey, who stood on the coffee table. My breakable coffee table that isn't supposed to hold people. "Audrey! Get off-"
"Sit your white-ass down before I force you back into that adorable dress and lock you in the closet with Prussia. No offence, Gil." Audrey smiled at us both.
"None taken," Gilbert said, grinning evilly at me.
I fell to a sitting position right on the floor.
"SO!" Audrey clapped her hands together and looked at everyone. "I have gathered you all here today-with one addition, what luck-to do something very neccessary. It is time to do the thing you've all been waiting for, the thing that could not be put off any longer lest I begin murdering people-clothes shopping!"
Crickets would have been the perfect addition to the group at this moment. Their chirps would have filled the uncomfortable silence quite well.
"Shopping," Audrey repeated. "Hello? We're going shopping. You guys can cheer now."
"... Shopping," Madge deadpanned. "You called us all here with an emergency to go... shopping? I called off bringing Bridget to the dojo and hanging out wih Caleb and Josh because of... shopping?" She sighed and pressed the palm of her hand to her forehead. "Why am I not surprised?"
Audrey just grinned at everyone in the room.
Well... there was a number of different reactions.
"Hey, the hero could go for that," Al said with a shrug.
"The awesome me would love that! That would be awesome!" Gilbert laughed and fist-pumped.
"Wha-Er... I really have all the clothes I need," Iggy mumbled. "I mean, I wouldn't mind having a few more vests or pants, but it's not neccessary..."
"I would not really like to go, da?" Ivan said, his smile faltering.
Vanya, on the other hand, was bouncing up and down in his seat. "Oh! Does that mean that I get to get more clothes? I would like more clothes! It would be fun, da?" He clapped his hands together.
"I don't feel like shopping..." Mattie said softly. I barely heard him, and Audrey didn't even look over at him when he spoke.
"Could I get some cute things, aru?" Yao asked.
"We're going to the mall! You guys could get anything you want!" Audrey said, hopping off of my coffee table and shrugging back on her jacket.
"Whoa, whooaaa," I said as I stood up, putting up my hands in the universal 'stop' position. She raised an eyebrow at me. "Who said we were actually going to do this? And who's paying for the guys without jobs?"
"I said we were!" Audrey explained, making me want to hit my head against the wall repeatedly. "And obviously it'll be you or Madge, depending on whether they live with you or her!"
That's it.
"Hey, dude, why're you hitting your head against the wall?" Alfred asked, grabbing my shoulder and preventing me from doing so further.
"She did that the first time we went to go get vodka after Audrey and Madge left," Ivan piped up happily. I glared at him with one eye only to shrink back a second later when his smile widened and I thought I heard a 'kol' coming from his slightly parted lips. [4]
Yeah, I'm paranoid.
"So, who's going with who?" Audrey questioned, twirling a keychain on her finger. It was mine. I could tell because 1) Audrey didn't have a car, 2)Audrey didn't have the /guts/ to take Madge's keys, since Madge was extremely protective of her small little car, and 3) Because earlier Al had decided to clip on the little hamburger he had picked up at lunch the other day.
"Well, you can go with Madge," I said, snatching my keys from her hand. She gave me a look that could only be described as capital D colon in the world of the internet. Which she /knows/ is the face I have a claim on.
"But Sashaaaaa, I wanna go with you and your guyyyyyysss..." She whined, falling to her knees."And I rode with Madge heeeereeeee. And it was crowdeeeeeed. You know her beetle bug only holds four people weeeeell. There was five and I got smoooooooshed." She must've noticed Canada while on the way here, I thought, laughing inwardly.
"No," I said firmly. I was not going to be a push-over. Audrey was a terrible passenger. She back-seat drove and distracted you. I would already have enough trouble with the guys.
"Hey, Sash? Er... can I ride with you?" Bridget begged, clasping her hands together with her eyes sparkling. Oh, right. Prussia and America fangirl.
"... Alright," I sighed good-naturedly with a shrug.
"WHAAAT?" Audrey cried.
"So I have to keep Audrey and I loose my sister? Great," Madge muttered.
Audrey stared at her. "Thanks, Madge. Thanks a ton."
"Oh, you're very welcome," Madge said, snickering.
"So I guess I'll have... Bridget, Alfred, Gilbert, Arthur, Ivan, little Vanya, and Jenny?" I ticked them off on my hand as I named them. That was seven people. Luckily, my car could fit that many.
"Sounds right," Madge said. "That means I've got Yao, Mattie, and Audrey." She looked around at those who she got. "Oh, and keep Vanya away from that stupid Russian bastard."
"Yeah, yeah," I said, waving away her advice. I grabbed my hoodie and opened the door for everyone. One by one they walked out, in varying degrees of happiness. They went from ecsatic and pumped to muttering obcenities under her-I mean, their breath. "Yay, shopping," I said, rolling my eyes and shutting the door behind me. I got into the driver's seat of my car and looked around at the order. Once again, Ivan had insisted on sitting next to me. In the first set of back seats was Al on the right, Gilbert on the left, and a happy Bridget in the middle. In the back back Arthur was helping Vanya into his seatbelt while Jenny stared at the former pirate.
I started up the car and entered into hell.
"I. KNOW A PLACE. WHERE THE GRASS IS EVEN GREENER~!" Jenny, Gil, and Alfred sang along with the radio, with Vanya humming along. Alfred poked Bridget, prompting her to join. And join she did, albeit in a quieter voice. "WARM. WET AND WILD. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING IN THE WATERRR~."
My grip tightened on the wheel, and I quickly shot my hand over to the radio and changed the station.
"Awwwww," the three instigators(Al, Gil, and Jenny) said. "Party-pooper," Jenny snorted.
"Totally not cool," Alfred said.
"Unawesome!" Gilbert agreed with Al.
And then began the other song.
"HEY, HEY, YOU, YOU, I DON'T LIKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND! NO WAY, NO WAY, I THINK YOU NEED A NEW ONE! HEY HEY, YOU YOU, I COULD BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. NO WAY. NO WAY. HEY HEY, YOU YOU, I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE ME! NO WAY NO WAY, KNOW IT'S NOT A SECRET." Now everyone that had sang before sang at full volume, and Russia had joined young him in the humming. Only Arthur looked annoyed along with me. My eye began to twitch and I pounded at the radio and sighed in relief when it came to a station talking about the weather.
"COME ON," Jenny, Alfred, and Gilbert yelled together. Bridget glared at me, and Vanya looked at me with sad eyes.
"What is wrong, comrade Sasha?" Ivan asked, looking over at me from where he sat.
"Distraction," I hissed.
"Biiiitch," Jenny breathed under her breath.
"I-..." I started to say something in my defense, but finished with a sigh. The car was silent other than the news as I drove. For a few seconds.
"Hey. Hey. Hey, tiny unawesome one." I looked in my rearview mirror and saw Gilbert twisted around in his seat, poking Vanya.
"Gilbert," I called.
"Gilbert, quit it!" Vanya squeaked.
"Hey, hey, little unawesome bastard. You think it would hurt if I tossed you out the window?" Gilbert laughed, nodding at the window next to him.
Vanya started to cry. "M-MOTHER RUSSIAAAA! G-GILBERT'S GOING TO THROW ME OUT THE W-WINDOW!"
My grip on the wheel became even tighter. "YO, GILBERT, IF YOU DON'T QUIT POKING HIM RIGHT NOW, TURN BACK AROUND, AND SHUT THE FUCK UP ALL I'M GOING TO BUY YOU WILL BE DRESSES."
Prussia turned around and glared at me, his mouth practically glued shut.
Alfred burst into laughter. "That would be insane!"
"As well as a provocation for Gilbert fangirls everywhere," I heard Bridget mumble.
"Huh?" Al turned to her, looking confused.
"N-NOTHING."
"You were this close to making me murder you, Gil," Jenny said, showing a small amount between her forefinger and thumb. "Little Russia is way too adorable for your bullying to not make me want to punch you."
Prussia just looked out the windw and non-chalantly put his hand in his pocket gently. There was a quiet peep and a flash of yellow feathers from his pocket, and I smiled slightly at how well Gilbert treated Gilbird. I suppose deep down he was a really sweet guy.
"Hey, unawesome bitch! Do we get to eat something? You made us leave before I could force Mattie to make us pancakes again! Kesese!" He was smirking.
... Deep, deep down. Very deep, deep, deep down.
"We can go to Mickey D's!" Al said happily, leaning forward and putting his hand on my seat. He looked at me from the side. His sudden closeness made me swerve.
"AH, AMERICA!"
"I do not think so, Americka," Ivan said, putting his large hand on the patriotic country's face and pushing him back to a sitting position.
"I hate you so much," Alfred said, glaring at Ivan and crossing his arms.
"The feeling is mutual, da?"
And just then the news decided to end.
"WAKE UP IN THE MORNING FEELING LIKE P-DIDDY. GRAB MY GLASSES I'M OUT THE DOOR I'M GONNA HIT THE CITY," Everyone sang along, except Russia, England, and me. I quickly shut it off again.
"THE HELL, MAN. AGAIN?" Bridget shouted, kicking my seat.
"WILL YOU CALM DOWN?" I screamed back. I shoved a CD into the player and mashed the play button down, all while still managing to watch the road.
Everyone was quiet for a minute, just listening to the song that played. It was a certain pasta-loving Italian singing about drawing a circle and that being the Earth.
"... THIS IS BEAST," Jenny yelled, laughing.
"Marukaite Chikyuu!" Bridget said, fist-pumping.
Just then another version came on. "Oi oi Vati, biero choudai! Oi oi Mutti! Oi oi Mutti!"
Prussia was half-crying from laughter. "Kesese! Mein Gott! I wish West was here!"
Yeah, so did I. Maybe he could help me stay sane.
"Who's up next? Who's up next?" America asked eagerly.
"Er... you, then Iggy, then Ivan, and then Gilbert's, then France's, China's, and Japan's. After that comes Buono Tomato and a very special song~." I sang, grinning. I might as well enjoy singing along, right?
And the whole way there we all sang, with even Ivan and Arthur joining in on their respective songs. When we arrived, Madge and the others were leaning against her car, watching us. As we got out, we were still singing the last song. "YES I WORE MY RUBBER BOOTS, YES I WORE MY RUBBER BOOTS, RUBBER BOOTS AND PARTY PANTS, PARTY PANTS TO PARTY DANCE! SPARKLE PARTAY SPARKLE PARTAY. A VERY GERMAN SPARKLE PARTAY."[5]
"... Good trip?" Madge asked, watching me get out and sing at the top of my lungs.
I quit singing and gave her a look. "No. Not really." She looked confused.
"You German Sparkle Partied without me?" Audrey asked, enraged. "How dare you!"
"It was pretty awesome," Bridget giggled, being tickled by a little yellow bird chirping happily against her neck. She scratched Gilbirdon his head, which earned her a happy chirp.
Madge stared at me with exasperated eyes. "You let her sit next to Prussia, didn't you?"
"Uhhh... yeah?"
"Great. Now I'm going to hear her talking about how 'awesome' everything is, including him. Thank you, Sasha. You've made my night." Madge turned to Bridget and just shook her head.
"Well, it was awesome!" Bridget protested.
Gilbert took Gilbird off of Bridget's shoulder, smirking at her. "Oh, how awesome I am?"
"... I SAID NO SUCH THING," Bridget freaked out. "MADGE SAID IT. SMIRK SEXILY AT MADGE, NOT ME." She pointed at her sister, who rolled her eyes.
"I don't know how we're related, much less twins," she told me. "Now are we going to go in or stand out here until it closes?"
"YES. ONWARD!" Audrey said, starting to run towards the entrance.
I watched as everyone glanced at each other, shrugged, then began running after Audrey. I ran after them, the slowest of the pack. Madge easily caught up and passed Audrey, grinning at her as she did.
Damn her and her "athletics".
We reached the inside of the mall, and before I knew it, it was just Madge and me.
"Dammit!" Madge cursed. "They just split up as soon as we got here!" She kicked a metal trash can, only to regret it and hop around on one foot.
Great. Now I'd have to go through all these fucking stores to find them.
"Maybe if YOU weren't so slow, you could've helped me keep them together!" Madge pointed at me, angry.
"Has anyone ever told you that you have anger-management issues?" I asked, gesturing to her foot, which she was holding a few inches off the ground. Then I realized that even the sensible ones were gone, and made a depressed face.
Madge was standing there, looking like she was fighting with herself not to punch me. "And has anyone ever told you that you're bi-polar?" She replied, noting my sudden expression.
"... Okay, that's not the point," I said. Yeah, maybe I was bi-polar. But she definitely had anger-management problems. I pointed to one direction. "I'll go that way, you go the opposite way. We'll gather who we find, and then meet up at that... er... map at the front of the store, okay?"
"Fine," Madge huffed, beginning to limp in her direction. I snickered, and her head whipped around so she could glare at me. "Make one more fucking sound and I will punch you."
I zipped my lips and threw out the key with a shrug. I turned and started to jog in my direction.
I found Ivan first. He was in a pet shop. I walked in quietly, and saw him bending over a little girl.
... Creepy. I could just hear what he was saying.
"Privyet, little girl. You are looking at that little puppy, da?" Ivan looked at the little collie in the young girl's arms.
She nodded and hugged the dog. "Yeah! He's so cute! I love doggies!"
"Really? So do I!" Ivan smiled hugely. "I am Ivan. What is your name, little one?"
"Annabelle," the little redhead said. "I'm five." She held out five fingers, showing her age.
"You are a big girl, da? Annabelle, would you like to be my friend?" He crouched down next to her and she nodded. "Maybe you could come over and play with my other comrade's dog, Jasper."
My eyes widened and I ran over, grabbing Ivan by the gloved hand. "Ivan! We have to go!"
"What? Defender of men, this is Annabelle. She is my new comrade," the large nation said, grinning at me.
I started to use all my strength to tug him away a bit. "Haha, no! K-keep your head down, Ivan, there are cameras everywhere!" [6] I laughed awkwardly and continued to tug him out of the store. "Bye, Annabelle!" Once I got him out of the store, I let out a sigh of relief.
"What was that for, Sasha?" Ivan asked, staring at me confusedly. His face suddenly brightenedas he got an idea. "Were you jealous? Do not be jealous, little Sasha! You will always be my favorite comrade!" He engulfed me in another back-breaking hug.
... Well, I guess that was better than telling him he looked like a pedophile that was about to kidnap that little girl. Once he let me go a gulped in air. "Okay, well, we have to go find the others. Please stay next to me," I begged.
Ivan nodded. "I will stay by you, defender of men."
I continued my way through the mall, looking every which way and listening closely.
"HAHA, DUDE! THE HERO WON AGAIN! WHO'LL VERSE THE GREAT ALFRED F. JONES NOW?"
Well, I didn't need to be listening very closely to hear that. It was coming from the arcade along with all video game noises. I went into the dark room, looking around. I soon found him at a shooting game. At the exact same time he seemed to see me.
"Hey, Sasha! You can go against me!" Before I knew it, he had grabbed me by the front of my shirt and pulled me up next to him, in front of the other gun. "But I'll probably win, huh? HAHAHA!" I hadn't noticed it before, but a crowd of people surrounded him-and now us.
"Um... I really don't think I should," I said quietly, avoiding everyone's eyes. Alfred shoved the second player's gun into my hands. I noticed a pissed-looking Ivan in the crowd. Well, he was smiling, but still.
"Nonesense! Have some fun, dude!" He winked at me and started up the game. It was some sort of alien invasion thing.
"I'm not good at these..." I mumbled, looking at the gun in my hands with apprehension.
A large sigh came from Al. "Geez. Here, Sash." He grabbed my right hand and put the pointer on the trigger and wrapped my left one and the rest of my right hand on the base. "Now lift your elbow," he advised, wrapping his arm around me and nudging my right elbow up. "Got it?" he asked, his face inches from mine.
"Y-yeah!" I said, jerking away from him and pointing my gun at the screen. "Now you're going to get your ass kicked!"
Alfred laughed again. "Yeah, right." He leaned back over to his spot and lifted his gun as well. "It's on."
Well, he kicked my ass. Royally. The end score was 12067 to 119.
"Man, you do suck at these!" Alfred said, blowing the top of his gun and looking over at me from the corner of his eye.
"I already knew that." I scowled. "Now come on! We have to go find the others." I grabbed his jacket and pulled him off the platform for the game. A chorus of 'aw's' came from the crowd. "Al has to go, suck it up," I told them. I left the arcade, the two guys following behind me.
"That was fun!" Al said, grinning at me.
"I do not think my comrade had much fun," Ivan said quietly.
"No... it was kinda fun," I said, looking back at them both and half-smiling. "But we really do have to find the other guy-" I broke off when I crashed into someone standing in the middle of the walk-way. "Ow! Oh, I'm s-sorry." I touched my now-sore nose and looked up, only to find Mattie there, staring up at awe at the giant flat-screen hanging from the ceiling. And what was playing? Hockey, of course.
Matthew blinked and looked down at me. "Oh! No, I'm sorry, Sasha," he said softly. "I was just watching the game."
"It's fine, Matt," I said. "You just kinda ran off."
"I really am sorry. I hope Madge isn't too mad." He looked worried and wrung his hands, looking back at where we came. I smiled at him, thinking how Madge was lucky to have him.
"HOLD ON." I turned and saw Alfred stared at me with a gaping mouth. "I get dragged out of the arcade by a frowning Sasha, and Matt gets a smile and a shrug? HOW IS THAT FAIR?"
"He apologized. And he'll have to deal with Madge," I explained. "Now we still have some ground to cover this way. Can we get on with it?"
And then, with my three followers, I went on, now looking for Vanya, Gilbert, Arthur, Yao, Jenny, Audrey, and/or Bridget.
The next person I ran across was Jenny. She was just casually sitting in a Starbucks and waved us over when she saw us. "Hey, guys!"
"Jenny, what the hell are you doing just sitting here?" I shouted.
"Well, I was following Iggy, but I lost him. So I thought, "Hey, why not just relax?" And so I did." She took a bite of her chocolate cake.
"Ughh." Then I paused. "Iggy came this way?"
"Yeah. But, like I said, I lost him. Sorry."
"Well, let's go find him, then!" Alfred spoke up.
"You took my line," I deadpanned. "You're not supposed to be sensible."
Al just laughed. So, we were hot on the trail of Arthur? Good. We went on, with the addition of Jenny now. Before I knew it, we seemed to have reached a dead end.
"Well," I said, "Seems like Arthur isn't here."
"Comrade?" Ivan asked, tugging my sleeve. "I think that he is maybe in there, da?" I turned and he pointed to a pair of dark doors hidden in shadow. Behind the clear doors I could see skulls and old books, as well as a particular scruffy-headed blonde hidden mostly under a black cloak.
"Really?" I stomped over to the store and jerked the door open. "IGGY!"
Arthur jumped, his hood falling off his head and dropping the book he held in his hands. "Uhh... hey, Sasha!"
"Dang it, Iggy, why did you go off? I expected this of most of the others, but not you!" I crossed my arms angrily.
He looked sheepishly. "I'm sorry, love. I saw this store on the map, and I couldn't resist. It's a black magic store!" He stooped down and picked up the book and showed me the cover, which read 'The Blackest of Black Magicks'. He could see I was clearly unimpressed, so he slid it quietly back into the shelf. "I figured you'd be upset. So I got you this."
He stepped over to me and threw something behind my back. He slid his hands to the front of my neck, and there was a clicking noise. He stepped back, and I looked down at myself. It was a soft black cloak that flowed prettily down to the ground.
"Um... thanks," I laughed, smiling at him. He smiled back.
"... I want a cloak from Iggy," Jenny mumbled quietly so only I could hear her. I also ignored her.
"So I managed to find you, Al, Ivan, Matt, and Jenny. We've reached a dead end, so I hope Madge found Yao, Gil, Audrey, Vanya, and Bridge." I turned around, my new cloak swishing as I did so. "We better head back. Would you mind putting my cloak in your shopping bag, Arthur?" I looked at the paper bag he held in his hand.
"No problem at all, Sasha." He swiftly un-clipped it and stuffed it into his bag.
-/Hetalia/-
When we reached the entrance of the mall, I was relieved to see Madge already there with the remaining members of our group.
"Did you have as much fun as I did tracking them down?" Madge asked sarcastically.
"Ehhh," I 'eh'-ed, shrugging. "I suppose it wasn't half bad. So do we actually get to get the shopping over with now?"
"Yes!" Audrey said. She pulled some sort of elaborate map out of her short's back pocket. "Now, I've put together a battle plan so we can hit the best places with the sales, and so that we can get clothes that will suit everyone-"
"NO!" I shouted, wide eyed. "I am not walking all over this mall again!"
"But-"
"Er, why don't we just go to J.P. Benny's[7]?" Bridget asked, pointing at the large store that took up most of the first floor and even some of the second, who's main entrance was only feet away.
"That'll work," Audrey and I agreed.
"So, we'll head to the Men's Department first?" Jenny asked, looking around at the guys. "Then we could swing by the Boy's for little Ivan?"
"PLAN-SCHMAN," Al yelled, running into the store, "I'M FINDING MYSELF SOME CLOTHES."
"Awesome clothes, here I come!" Gilbert broke into a run after Al.
Everyone that remained looked at Madge and me. "... I'm waiting by the first downstairs cash-register after helping Vanya get some clothes," I said, grabbing the little kid's hand and walking with him into the store. Behind me I could hear Audrey talking about how she was going to make sure everyone got cool clothes. Whatever, she could do that.
"Mother Russia, you look tired," Vanya observed when we reached the boy's section.
I sighed and nodded. I had expelled more air in sighs today than I had all of last year. "Vanya, please, pleeeaaase. I'm not Mother Russia. Would she be tired out by this?"
"Um... nyet, I do not suppose so."
"So will you please call me Sasha?" I begged, kneeling next to him and gripping his shoulders softly.
"... Can I call you big sister?" He asked, looking at me with big purple eyes.
Damn me and my weakness for chibi cuteness. "Fine."
"Spasiba, big sister Sasha!" He cheered. He pecked me on the cheek, and I couldn't help but smile. "Now what should I get?"
"A few shirts and pants, two pairs of shorts, a hoodie, and a pair of sneakers," I said, those being the first things that came to mind.
"Alright!" Vanya ran off, and soon returned with his arms piled high with clothing. I took half the things from him, and looked through them. He got quite a few yellow shirts, and his hoodie was yellow. His shirts were mostly plain, but he did get one multicolored striped one, and a few others had dogs or numbers on them. One of his pants were overalls, which I couldn't help but think would look adorable on him. Being a smart kid, he also grabbed a package of socks and underwear.
"Good job!" I said, ruffling his hair. He beamed up at me, and we went to the check-out. Slowly everyone else scraggled in, each with their individual styles.
Alfred had came next, with his cart full of clothes. He had an assortment of super hero t-shirts, normal t-shirts, tanks, slightly too-large baggy jeans, and straight-legged jeans, two pairs of baggy shorts, a few sneakers, a baseball cap, a cowboy hat(oh, come on! That's just unnesscesary), three different hoodies, and a pair of large headphones with the American flag on them. In fact, one of his hoodies also had the American flag on it.
Gilbert had been close behind. First thing I noticed was that he liked skinney jeans. He had a bunch in different colors. Then he had a few graphic tees, a couple plain white or black shirts, two pairs of normal jeans, skater shoes, a purple short-sleeved leather-ish jacket, a hoodie, and a small checkered scarf. He had also grabbed a pair of headphones, these with small yellow chicks over them.
Arthur was right behind him, who, on the other hand, had a few pairs of brown pants, a few ties, a couple sweater vests, normal vests, then a few collared shirts. However, he did have a zip-up hoodie and two plain t-shirts. He had a few belts, one of which had the Union Jack[8] as the buckle. He also had a pair of black loafers, and a pair of white sneakers.
Next came Mattie, who really had nothing outstanding. A few plain shirts and jackets, and nondescript pants and shorts. Though I did like his soft-looking flannel shirts. No wonder no one noticed him.
Ivan was after Mattie, and he also had nothing really outstanding. He did get quite a few shirts in yellow, and his zip-up hoodie had a sunflower on the back. He got a few tanks as well, and he got another pair of boots. He only got a couple of t-shirts, with most of his shirts being long-sleeved.
Yao was last, with his clothes screaming 'cute'. He even had a Hello Kitty zippered hoodie. Please don't let him get beat up for that. He had the essentials that everyone else had got, and, for some reason, a track suit.
We paid(and now I was seriously broke. Like, ramen noodles every night broke. Gilbert really needed to look for a job. At least Arthur was looking) and got going. As we reached the now-dark parking lot, I looked over at Audrey. She was holding about five bags.
"You get something?" I asked. "What?"
"Nothing!" Audrey said, pulling the bags behind her back.
"Uh, oookaaay."
"Well, I'll leave now," Jenny said, looking over to her store across the street. "That was a strange time. Thanks for letting me come, Sash." She grinned at me and waved before jogging away.
"No problem!" I called after her.
Madge looked at her watch. "Okay, well, I'll take Bridget, Yao, Mattie, and Audrey so I can take Audrey home then just go home. Stay safe, Sasha."
"Mm-hm. You too."
"Bye, Sash!" Bridget said, grinning at me. "See you another time!"
"Bye, Sasha," China added.
"Yeah, good-bye, Sash," Matt said.
My guys and I went into the car. With a yawn, I started up the car and pulled out of the parking-lot.
"Tired, defender of men?" Ivan asked, watching me.
"When we get home, you can go to bed, love," Arthur said, "I'll tuck in Vanya and make sure everyone puts their stuff away."
I smiled sleepily. "Thanks, Iggy."
"That reminds me," Gilbert said. "Danke[9], Sash. That was awesome of you."
"Yeah, dude! Maybe tomorrow we can all go out for dinner. We'll pay," Al added.
Dinner tomorrow? I was just happy to get everyone home in one piece. Yeah, home might not be home anymore without the guys.
"HEY! I KNOW! THE HERO WILL DRIVE!" And Al threw himself over me and grabbed the wheel.
I started to scream as we jerked around. "THE FUCK, ALFRED? JONES, SIT DOOOOWN!"
"Nyet. I will drive, da?" Ivan also grabbed the wheel. Vanya and Arthur started to scream as well. Gilbert was the third one who tried to take the wheel. By then, I just started to pray.
Maybe we wouldn't make it home in one piece after all.
-/Hetalia/-
[1] -... I don't even... *headdesk* It just popped into my head... I needed something funny... Maybe I should get checked for insanity.
[2] - French for my.. dear? My friend? One of those...
[3] - From Tokyo Mew Mew. There's this cafe, and they have poofy dresses and what-not.
[4] - WHICH REMINDS ME. HOW DARE THEY TAKE OUT RUSSIA'S 'KOL' IN THE DUB OF PAINT WHITE? HOW DAAAAAAARE THEY? FUCK YOU, FUNIMATION, AND FUCK YOU, JERRY. FUCK. YOU. *pants* ... I was looking forward to it. DX THEY ARE FOOLISH FOOLS.
[5] - You gotta love the German Sparkle Party song. XDD
[6] - IF YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS FROM, YOU WIN. XDD LIKE, I LOVE YOU.
[7] - Lawl. Parody of a particular clothing store, which I don't own.
[8] - This is England's flag. Also, I'm sorry if you don't like the descriptions of clothes. I couldn't resist. I felt like I owed you more than 'They all got clothes and we left.' D=
[9] - Thanks in German.
OH THANK GOD IT'S DONE. *falls to ground, twitching* That was so long. SO LONG. ;A; Originally, the main focus was going to be the /actual/ shopping, but I just couldn't handle adding much more meat to this story. It wasn't that funny, or good, but at least it's done. I had to force myself to type. -.-' Oh well, at least this monstrocity of a chapter is over.
Okay, so, you probably noticed I tried to get in some things in there. What things? Dang, I don't know what to call them... Er, not romance, but maybe pairing-possibilities? Like America helping Sash with the gun, jealous Russia, and England giving her the cloak? I'm not even sure if I'll put in a pairing. After I publish this chapter, I'm going to put up a poll to ask you guys what YOU think. Though, I can't garantee I'll use the number one result. XDD I would still really appreciate it. And originally I was just gonna focus on Al or Gilbert this chapter, but then I was just, "Eh, noooo..."
THE STEREOTYPE SONG. YOU MUST HEAR IT. SEARCH [APH] STEREOTYPE SONG ON YOTUBE FOR LAUGHS!
Hey, have you ever seen Kids React? Well, there's this new spin-off called Teens React. AND HOW AWESOME WOULD IT BE IF THEY REACTED TO THE FIRST EPISODE OF HETALIA? You guys should ALL suggest it! Then we might have a chance! =D
... I'm insane, dude. O_O I really, REALLY didn't want to type, but when I'm hyper, I type pretty well, right? So I ate some Cool Whip(it's the only thing we have sugary in the house-the pie ran out this morning), trying to pump myself up. I got pretty pumped, almost insanely pumped, so what did I do? I slapped myself and said, "YOU CAN DO THIIIIIIIIS!" (I'm home alone at the moment.) My cheek still hurts. TTATT I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY, BRIDGET AND JENNY. DAMN TROLL FRIENDS. AND TWIG FOR PRESSURING ME AS WELL. EVIIIIL.
Have you ever seen that Halls commercial with the soldier where he screams at the lady to not cough or sneeze? I just saw it again, and I thought, "Germany! What're you doing in a commercial? And old? And bald? And with an American accent? And with a name tag that says Ryan?" XDD
Right, so, I've finished rambling on! xD You guys who stuck with me this far, thanks. I appreciate it. And to those who just joined or recently joined, thanks to you too! I love every single review and alert. The only reason I haven't replied to reviews lately is because i's not been letting me. So danke, grazi, spasiba, de nada, merci, and all those thanks things! Please review!
