"Is everything all well, dear heart?" A kindly voice asked, waking Nerili up from her chain of thoughts.
"Yes, mother." Nerili smiled lightly, and gracefully lifted another piece of grilled salmon coated with cashew and almond sauce from the glass dish in front of her. "Why do you ask so?"
"You just don't seem very easy today." Nelnyra said softly.
"Do you mean that I'm as talkative as the Bards of the Second Circle?" Nerili challenged humorously.
"No, Nerili, and be mindful of the way you speak." Nelnyra frowned. "It won't do to derogate anyone."
"I wasn't making fun of anyone!" Nerili sighed, exasperated.
"Hush, Nerili!" Nelnyra's frown deepened. "What has got into you today, child? Here I am, trying to help you, and in turn you're being angry with me as if I've done something wrong!"
"I'm sorry, mother, if you felt that way." Nerili wiped her mouth daintily with a napkin. "But I never intended to. And I do want to tell you that not everything I say is spoken with a bad sense to it, and that I'm only being slightly worried or impatient or angry because of something big, when you think me to be rude."
There was a long silence, during which Nerili drained the glass of wine adjacent to her plate whilst Nelnyra studied her daughter with a blank face. Finally, she began speaking:
"If you think that way, Nerili, then I've only this to say to you: I don't think you're rude, but merely impressionable. It's natural to be impressionable at this age; hence I must make you more aware of what's right and what's wrong. You're a smart girl, Nerili. I don't want to see anyone think anything bad about you."
"I see, mother." Nerili nodded.
"I understand your impatience, but bear with your elders, Nerili. And I'm sorry if I give you the impression that I'm always dissatisfied with you."
"I understand, mother. And I'm sorry."
"No need to be." Nelnyra reached out to pull a bell which summoned someone from the kitchens to clean the table and rose up. Nerili did the same. "Now, tell me, what are you thinking about?"
The two women exited their private quarter's dinning room out into a small garden overlooking a meadow of the School below, where young children played merrily and young Bards played their flutes and malikons.
"I - I was just thinking about -," Nerili took in a deep breath. "Well, I was just thinking about what it takes to fall to the Dark, and how easy it is for some. I just don't know whether I -"
"Nerili, look at me." Nelnyra gripped Nerili's forearms in an iron grasp, looking directly in her eye. "Why is there apprehension in your eyes? Have you done something wrong?"
"No." Nerili muttered.
"Well, then, don't simper like that! By the Light, Nerili, people might think that you, Nerili of Busk, have invited Hulls into the School!"
Nerili remained quiet, and her mother took in a deep breath, this time speaking more gently. "Neri, tell me child, do you think you're as susceptible as that Cadvan?"
"I might be." Nerili mumbled again.
"No, Neri, you're not. Believe me; believe your mother." Nelnyra lightly ruffled her daughter's hair. After a few minutes, Nelnyra asked her, "Are you feeling better now?"
"Yes. And thank you."
"You're always welcome. Now, go to sleep. You must be tired. Tomorrow we have the boating festival, and you'll even get to swim near the corals!"
"Yes, that'll be fun."
"Don't forget to call your friends; you're wandering alone too much these days. The rest of the Thoroldians are beginning to think that you're Annaren!" Nelnyra laughed.
"I will show them that I'm a true Thoroldian, that I promise!" Nerili also laughed.
"Yes, but do maintain a level, dear!"
Nerili bit back her exasperation and smiled weekly, as they stopped at the atrium. "Yes, mother."
"May the Light shine on your path!" Saying so, Nelnyra kissed Nerili's forehead.
"And on yours." Nerili kissed her mother back, and went along her way to her room.
Before finally stepping into her bed, Nerili brushed her hair. It was the time of the day which, for all its simplicity, Nerili enjoyed thoroughly. As she looked into the mirror, she could look at herself how she wanted to: she wasn't the prodigous Nerili of Busk, she wasn't the fun 'charm of Busk' and nor was she Neri - she was simply Nerili, a person whom no one, besides herself, could understand.
Her friends valued her, her potential was great, and she was an ideal daughter, but everyday, these were only the facades she put on to please people. In reality, she wanted to jump herself silly in the pools, she wanted to be angry enough to slap, she wanted to be treated like a young, but smart girl, she wanted to be known for who she really was.
She wanted her mother to understand that she was capable enough to draw the boundaries, to understand that she didn't want to waste her youth in being too philosophical or reserved. She wanted her friends to look deeper inside her, to look at her like she was similar to them. She wanted her father to be able to speak with her much more often. She wanted to ask the First Bard why he had let her mother go away from him. She wanted to make people realise that for all her calibre, she was only a soft, sweet girl.
Most of all, she wanted to experience love.
She was Thoroldian at heart, but it was the other people who made her seem like she was reserved and cold and, well, Annaren.
And she was sure that a lover might be able to help her shed her inhibitions and be a free, independent and strong girl.
