The Ones Who Had To Be Pushed Into The Sandbox As Kids

"Do not worry. Natalia and Heidi may have a few hobbies in common, but I do not think Natalia is Heidi's type."

"What?" Vash was not certain what he was asking, what he had not caught. Vash was not the type of person who leaped to conclusions (even if a previous line of thinking over the past several weeks would say differently). He did not think so, anyway. Still, what came to his mind when Maddox said those words... could not be right. Therefore the question 'what?' was in order.

"Heidi likes her girls confident," Maddox went on to say. Vash was very aware of the 'girls' part of that sentence. "Natalia is as far from confident as Kiku is (but not Yao). You are always saying that criminals are lacking self-confidence and that is why they are breaking the law. By the way, that hurts my limited range of emotion."

Vash did not quite catch the last part, he was not listening. Not that he was not trying to. He was still trying to make certain he had not misunderstood what had just been said. And instead of putting himself through everything he had just gone through all over again, he simply asked the question.

"Heidi... likes girls?"

In the limited light from the windows it was difficult to tell what Maddox was actually doing, but from the immediate silence which followed his question, Vash knew he had an answer.

"...yes? As much as any person does. Girls can be wonderful creatures."

Vash ignored the obvious attempt Maddox was making to fix what had just happened. Heidi was a lesbian. That really did not matter. What mattered was... why had she not told him? Did she not trust him to not treat her differently? They lived in HEARTH for crying out loud! Everyone here seemed to be either homosexual or bisexual at the least! Not that Vash had ever cared, but really, the majority of the cast leaning in that direction was rather unnatural. Compared to what most people would be used to, at least.

With all of this in the mix, why was it that Heidi had not told him? Maddox knew! Maddox!

Dropping his face in his hands, he took in a deep breath. Have I ever appeared to be anything other than accepting? She knows that just because of that stupid issue with that stupid Edelstein... That was a specific instance, not a general commentary. She knows that... right?

...Heidi?

"I... I am sorry. I just... I assumed you knew. She... she did not tell me, I just thought it was obvious."

Oh, well. She had not told her brother, but at least she had also not told the only person that Vash could admit to himself was a friend and not simply a liked acquaintance. That made him feel better. He kneaded his forehead to keep himself from punching it rapidly.

"Vash?"

"Excuse me. I am just judging how much of an idiot I am and whether I should file for mental assistance," Vash responded dully, still resisting the urge to beat himself over the head.

"Would you like my opinion?"

Exhaling, Vash leaned back. "Why not," he decided.

"You will have to wait your turn."

Vash snorted, amused.

"You both had to be pushed into the sandbox as kids, didn't you?" iMarcus' voice boomed out as the power turned on.

~Okay, ya see, t'was 1983

When we first walked arm in arm

Across the sea it was my destiny

That I'd find her in Hong Kong~

Vash's eyes adjusted quickly to the lights being turned back on, but after blinking only a few times he found himself wondering just what sort of music iMarcus listened to in his spare time. And then he listened to the words. What the...

~There it was, a soldier falls in love

As we walked through Lan Kwai Fong

Limousines and new wave beauty queens

And a romance just begun~

"Are you sure he has not been acting up before this?" Maddox asked over the music, for some reason fidgeting in his seat. Vash sighed, about to shake his head when suddenly he got it.

Oh.

Oh.

It hit Vash like the brick which hit Arthur in the prequel to this story. He did not squawk either.

He simply stared ahead at the wall, then over at Maddox, whose figure was continuing to look rather awkward even though his face was blank. As much as Vash wanted to call Kiku and have iMarcus permanently deleted or the like, he just gave up. Gave up with denial because it never helped and if Vash had been aware he had been doing it earlier he would have done this earlier.

~Now, some more, t'was 1984

Tour of duty's almost over

Begged that girl to join me in my world

But no man could control her~

"I understand, iMarcus," Vash said loud enough to be heard over the top of the music and it was shut off. Before anything else could be said by the Hong Kong citizen, Vash decided to just get it over with. "Before I start this, I do not want you to take this the wrong way. I know you like making fun of every situation, but I would appreciate a sense of decorum for this, just for the sake of my nerves. At the very least."

Maddox stared at him and Vash considered that he was able to tell that Maddox was confused. He was unable to look directly at the other, instead staring at the wall. It was rude of him, he knew, but he could not seem to force himself to do otherwise.

"Please let me finish before you speak." Vash took in a deep breath. "I think... I just realized I am in love with you."

Saying it did not seem wrong, just not completely right. Vash did not know. He thought if he just said it and continued to talk it would not bother him so much but he was very aware at how much his hands were trembling and that his throat was very dry. Still, he continued.

"You deserve to know. Still, you are free to forget about it. I am fine with just being your friend, Maddox. I do not need anything more. I hope you realize that... Maddox?"

Eyes finally alighting on Maddox, he was suddenly aware of the change in Maddox's position. Normally he would have berated him for putting his feet up on the seat, but Vash found himself more interested in Maddox's face. The fact that it was hidden by those large sleeves of his. The little Vash could see of it was bright red. Maddox was blushing. More than that, Maddox had an expression on his face.

Vash stood up, walked over, and removed the sleeves so they were not obstructing his view.

"Your face can move," he commented, rather impressed. Maddox blinked at him a few times, seemingly too shocked to be able to pull his hands back in front of his face and desperately trying to recover his usual facade.

"You... you just declare love and you are more interested in what is on my face?" Maddox's voice sounded a bit strangled, definitely not a monotone. Still, he was doing very well at fixing his face, though the blush was still there and his eyes were definitely wider than they usually were.

"Yes," Vash responded. Maddox let out a sound that sounded almost like it could be a laugh. "Do you need to lie down?"

Maybe it was that teasing statement that finally helped Maddox completely regain himself, face now only a faint flush. "You are being patronizing. Whatever will your sister think?"

"She does not have to know," Vash responded with a shrug, letting go of Maddox's sleeves. That was easy. There was nothing wrong between the two of them. iMarcus could stop making all of those comments. They could go back to normal. Hands still covered completely by those sleeves, they gripped Vash's wrists before he could move away.

"I don't want to forget."

Really, there was nothing else to say. Vash smiled. In return, he swore he saw an upward quirk of the corner of Maddox's lips.

"I will see you tomorrow, when you arrest me for speeding," Maddox said, standing up.

"If it is down Pacific, I will have to lock you up for an extra hour. Again."

"Oh no," Maddox said in perfect deadpan, leaving through the now unlocked door.

"Wait!" iMarcus exclaimed. "Where is he going?"

"I would expect back to his house," Vash responded.

"But... weren't you two supposed to kiss?"

Vash decided that iMarcus had been watching too much television. He would have to ask Kiku how he could restrict that. When Heidi entered, only five minutes later, she asked him if he had seen Maddox, because she could have sworn he was smiling.

"I have no idea." Vash responded, unable to keep from smiling himself.

iMarcus groaned.


Notes:

Re-watching the episodes with Switzerland and Lichtenstein, it never ceases to make me laugh just how self-abusive Vash is capable of being. Hitting his head while it is in a bucket is my favourite.

Believe me, when DF and I came up with Hong Kong's personality, Prozzak's Tsunami became one of the funniest songs I had ever heard. Go listen to it. It will be trapped in your mind forever.

Vash and Maddox are not Alfred and Kiku. Not by a long shot. You can imagine how furious Kiku is going to be with himself when he hears about this.

Anyone who is disappointed about lack of massaging... well, life goes on. Plenty more time for a massage. Maddox owes it to himself to be in control again anyway, when he turns Vash into putty in his hands. Is that saying too much? How surprising is it that Maddox is the one person you almost want to have lay hands on you from Hearth? It makes me think something is wrong with this world...