Cigarettes Are Bad For Your Health

Ludwig coughed.

"Ant den..." Gilbert fumbled through his cards again. "Hey, dis isn't de order I put dem in earlier!"

"Gilbert," Ludwig suggested, "Vhy don't you stop smoking?"

"Ve'fe gone through dis, bruder," Gilbert responded, pulling the cigarette out of his mouth long enough to flip past some more of his note cards before finding the one he wanted, placing it back in his mouth.

Ludwig knew they had gone through this before. Ludwig would not have bothered mentioning it if that was it, Gilbert just could not quit. He had managed to cut back, but the whole no more ever concept appeared to be beyond him. The real problem Ludwig had was Gilbert smoking right now. One right after the other.

"I can't see your face."

"Need glasses?"

"No, I need de smoke out of de vay so I can see vhere you're spewing it from."

Gilbert grimaced. "Cut me a break!" he spat. Ludwig turned his face slightly to try and avoid the smoke, but it did not seem to help.

"I doubt Antonio is going to be very happy dat you are going to smell like an ashtray."

"Dat's de least of his vorries right now," Gilbert moaned, stashing the cards into his breast pocket as he rubbed at his forehead. "Vhy did I say yes, Ludwig? Vhy?"

"You dought being officiant vould be better dan being best man ant you vanted to one-up Francis," Ludwig replied honestly. Gilbert groaned.

"No, dat is not it."

If that was not it, Gilbert had really managed to fool him. Ludwig waved the smoke away from his face again as he looked out of the alleyway at the road. He sure hoped Feliciano had managed to find his shoe. He should still be helping him find that, not standing here with his brother while his brother suffered from a panic attack. The officiant was not supposed to be having the panic attack!

The cigarette dropped down, ground out by Gilbert's heel as he pulled out his pack.

"Don't Gilbert. Do not light up anoder."

As always, his elder brother ignored him. Ludwig ripped it out of his hands right before Gilbert could pull another cancer stick out. "Hey!" Gilbert exclaimed as Ludwig turned and made a toss toward the dumpster.

Ludwig's throw was spot on and the cigarettes fell in.

"Idiot!" Gilbert snarled at him, running over. Ludwig was not phased by that (Ludwig swore that only Gilbert could be so passionate about killing himself), but he was phased by the face Gilbert was climbing up the side of the garbage container. Before Ludwig could even say anything Gilbert had dove in after them.

Spluttering for a few moments, Ludwig only managed to regain his voice after Gilbert's head resurfaced. "You know how good dese ones are? Tino only gets dem in occasionally!" he shouted out at Ludwig.

"Your suit," Ludwig responded.

Gilbert looked down. "Oh, fuck!" He stared back at Ludwig. "Fuck! Vhat do I do?"

"You're asking me?" Ludwig asked awkwardly. Gilbert climbed back out, waiting until he was steady on his feet before staring down at himself again. Then he proceeded to light up another cigarette. "Stop smoking before de vedding, for one. Two, get your damned suit cleaned!"

"Clean suit... got it," Gilbert nodded a few times, pondering something before he pulled out his cards. "Hold on to dese, 'kay?"

"Try not to antagonize Feliks!" Ludwig called after as Gilbert ran off. Ach, my brother is an idiot. He sighed, heading inside, gloved hands mindlessly flicking through the note cards.

I hope he'll be alright.


Notes:

I have not mentioned it since CoE, but I hope none of you had forgotten Gilbert smokes. Oh Gilbert, what a nervous habit you have. That is no good, no good at all. Still, he and Ramon get into fights about whether cigarettes are better than cigars. Obviously, neither of them have given in.