Hola everybody! Once again this title probably sucks, but that's because I don't know what else to call it. Heehee. Ok enjoy chapter 13!
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I awoke the next morning to the same familiar buzz of people in the city. I turned over on my side and opened my eyes to see a thin Nobody asleep, leaning against the bedpost near my feet. His head was faced down and his arms were crossed over his chest.
I slowly got up and slipped on my shoes, which I had kicked off last night. I made my way quietly over to the door, trying not to wake him. As soon as I got to the door I heard a sigh coming from behind me.
I turned to see Axel open his bright green eyes and look over at me. "Good morning," he said smiling and stretching his arms over his head.
He swung his legs over the side of the bed and walked over to me. "I didn't know you slept," I said casually walking out of the room and heading to the nearest descending staircase.
"I usually don't—but I feel quite relaxed. So where ya goin'?" He said following me as I slid down one of the railings of a staircase.
"To get some new robes then to get some grub," I replied heading over to one of the thousands of closets in the castle as Axel followed me by sliding down the staircase railing.
"New robes? Organization robes?" He asked leaning against the wall to the side of the closet.
I opened it and pulled out a new pair of pants and a new shirt. "Yep. I just now realized that I want something else to wear."
"And what made you think that? Your clothes fit fine."
"I dunno. Last night when Demyx came by after the meeting I noticed that I wanted something else." I said casually walking over to a different door to change since I couldn't just change like magic. I could only switch back from outfit to outfit; if I wanted to change, I had to change like a normal person.
"Demyx?" Axel said walking over to the door and leaning against the wall and I changed behind it.
"Yeah. He was fake hitting on me and I just—oh who cares." I said coming out and looking at myself.
I had gotten a pair of less baggy pants that were dark black. They were tighter but still flared out and had several pockets just the way I like it. I decided to just get a shirt that actually covered my shoulders for some reason.
"He was hitting on you?" He said after nodding at your new uniform.
"Fake hitting. He was just messing around with me. Calm down." I said this while pulling the cloak over my head and heading out of the castle and into the town.
Axel and I walked through the city trying to find a little place to get something to eat. There were a lot of people out on this dark, cold morning. They all backed into the houses and shops as Axel and I passed. The two of us exchanged confused looks but continued to find a place for me to eat.
Finally I spotted a little café type place where a bunch of people were sitting down eating. I ran up to the counter before whoever worked here could close the place. I could hear Axel sigh as he sat down to one of the now completely empty tables in the now completely empty café.
I came over to the table Axel was sitting at a few minutes later after persuading the owner to get me something to eat. I placed my Keyblades away as Axel made the fireball he was playing with disappear. "What do ya have there?" Axel asked.
"Some sort of smoothie thingy. I'm not very hungry," you replied taking a first sip of the sun colored drink. "Mmm…tangy."
"Tangy?" Axel asked.
"Yes, Axel. Do you remember what tangy is supposed to taste like?" I asked handing him the mug. I sounded like I was talking to a two-year-old.
He took a small sip and then placed the drink on the table. He smacked his lips together several times, determining the taste. He then smiled. "Tastes good. Kinda sour but not that much, huh?" He said.
I simply nodded and sat down, grabbing the smoothie and continuing to drink it. A few minutes of silence passed. Axel broke it, however. "I'm sorry."
"For what?" I asked not taking my lips all the way off of the curly straw.
"For leaving. I shouldn't have just run off like that. It was stupid to leave and not even say good-bye," he answered leaning forward and placing both elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands.
I swallowed before answering. "Axel, I told you it's alright. I understand that you needed some time to just think. I mean after the meeting you just needed some alone time. It's all good." I took another sip.
"I know—but I just feel so bad," he said sighing.
"Trust me, I'm not upset about it."
"You're not mad at all?"
"Nope. Besides—Axel, something like this wouldn't make me mad. There are tons of other things for me to get mad over." I took another sip and looked at him.
"What would you get mad at me for?" Axel said lifting his head from his hands.
"Oh—nothing. I was just saying…"
"No! Seriously! Is there something that I did that made you mad before?" Axel asked calmly slamming his palms onto the table.
"Well—there was that one time…" I began. Axel leaned forward urging me to continue. "Well, you know when you and Roxas always used to go on those long, one month missions?" I asked. He nodded. "Well, I understood why you went on those; they were your job. You had to. And those didn't really upset me. It's just that one time you went on like a really long three-month mission that was only supposed to last a few weeks."
Axel tilted his head to the side slightly. "And then when I was about to turn ten like in three months, Xemnas assigned you and Roxas to a two-month mission. You promised me that you wouldn't stay any longer than needed. You promised Naminé and me that the two of you would be back so that all four of us could celebrate each other's birthdays. Since you were turning thirteen and Roxas, Naminé, and I were all turning ten."
Axel, at this point, folded his arms under the table and lowered his head, closing his bright green eyes. "I'm sorry," he murmured just loud enough for me to hear him.
"It's ok," I said quietly as well.
"No—no it's not ok. I made a promise to you and Naminé and I didn't keep it. Roxas and I didn't do what we said we would."
"That was five years ago, Axel. It's fine—I'm over it."
"Roxas would apologize even more if he were here, right?" Axel said sort of amused.
I laughed slightly. "Yeah."
"I wish I could have said good-bye to him," Axel said. I looked up at him with a sad look on my face. Axel still had his head bent forward and his eyes were still closed.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
Axel, while keeping his eyes closed, reached out a hand. I handed the smoothie to him and he took a sip before placing on the table once more. "The day he left—I didn't tell him how I felt—how much I didn't want him to leave."
"What?"
"He just said that he had to know the truth—And that no one would miss him," Axel said wrapping his arms around him as if he were cold.
"No one would miss him? That's crazy! We would miss him—all of us, why would he say something like that?" I said.
"He didn't hear me…but I said that I would miss him. He just never understood how much we cared for him, did he?"
"The good-bye that we had was kinda weird too—I'm not sure why he did it…" I said looking off to the side. My eyes came across the building where Roxas and I had stood by when we said good-bye.
Axel's eyes opened and he looked up. "Did what?" He asked.
"Kiss me," I said like it didn't mean anything. I still was gazing at the same spot down the street.
"What?"
"Kiss me," I said once more.
"WHAT!" He said slightly louder.
I turned back to him. When I saw the look on his face, I was taken back. "What? He kissed me, big deal…"
"It is a big deal! My best friend and my other best friend!" He said.
"Big deal—what does that have to do with anything? It's not like he liked me or anything?—I mean, I guess it's good that I didn't like him anymore," I spoke not really knowing what I was saying.
"You. Liked. Him?" He said very slowly.
"Oh, come on Axel. It's only natural for someone to like their best friend at some point. Besides, it was like when I was twelve. I stopped liking him years ago." I tried pushing this conversation away, but Axel kept it.
"Why didn't you tell me that you liked him?" He said seeming hurt.
"That's kinda an obvious answer. You were his best friend!"
"So were you!" He protested.
"Yeah, but guy friends share everything. Just like girls do. If I told you, you would have told Roxas and then it would have been totally awkward. Naminé didn't tell. She knew that Roxas and I might not be ourselves if he found out. That's what happens when one friend finds out that their friend likes them."
"Naminé knew?" Axel said seeming hurt again.
"Well—yeah. I'm sure there are secrets that you and Roxas kept from me and Naminé."
"No," he lied. I could see it in his face.
"What ever, could we just drop this?" I asked annoyed.
"Fine. I mean it was like three years ago. At least you liking Roxas isn't as bad as you liking Sora," he said smiling and leaning back on two legs of the chair.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" I asked getting annoyed again.
"Oh, nothin'. But you gotta admit, you liking someone you never really met is kinda weird," he said.
My face fell. I was really hurt by it. "I can't…help it…" I said so quiet that I wasn't sure that he even heard me.
"But answer this—how can you like Sora if you never met him?" He said leaning forward listening carefully.
"I've told you before, Axel! My sister—I can see everything she sees. And When I have visions of her, I try to keep her feelings separate than the ones I feel. It's just…she loves him, right? And he loves her. I can feel the love for him inside of me whenever I have a vision of her. As confusing as it is, I try to see how my feelings for Sora are, and not let her feelings get in the way."
I paused for a moment to breathe then continued. "Seeing the love for him through my sister and knowing that he feels the same way to her, makes me feel like I'm her and that makes me think that I like him. It feels like he likes me. And that just makes me feel like I can like him. I know this is confusing and sure it's weird since I've never really met him, but if only you knew him the way I do. I guess, separately, I do like him—just him and not having Kairi in the way. I don't know why, but that's just how things are with me."
Axel didn't say anything for a minute. I guess he felt bad for it—I couldn't help that I didn't know him. I couldn't help that I had these visions. I couldn't help that I ended up this way—it wasn't my fault!
"I guess that it's only natural for you to feel that way, huh?" Axel said. I nodded.
"Kairi and I were both born in the realm of light. Kairi was born of a destiny of light, while I was born with that of darkness. Everyone's heart is half darkness and half light. When Kairi's and my heart melted together—in a matter of words—we still had half darkness and half light. Kairi gave me half of her heart. The half that she gave me was half darkness and half light itself, but since she had a destiny of light, it was given to me as all light."
Axel tilted his head, trying to understand everything I was saying.
I continued. "I gave her half of my heart too. Half of my light and half of my darkness. Also, since I was of a dark destiny, it showed up as darkness to her." Axel nodded. "So it ended up with us having, as we started out with, a heart that was half darkness and half light."
I gave a moment for Axel to sit and take in what I had just said. "Back to what I said first, Kairi was of light and I was of darkness. Because of that, it determines whether we can see each other. I can see the light even though I am of darkness because I was born in the realm of light. But since Kairi is of light and was born in the realm of light also, she cannot see the darkness that is me. She doesn't know the darkness. She is completely different than everybody else because she doesn't accept the darkness at all."
Axel spoke finally. "Humans don't want to accept darkness though."
"True, but they have to, it is half of them. Everyone accepts it; they know it's there. But they don't have to give into it like some do."
"I have to ask another question; am I talking to both of you in a matter of words?"
"In a way, yes. I'm me, but she's here—inside of me. People who talk to Kairi are talking to her, but I'm there. It's weird to explain…" I trailed off.
"Nobodies don't have hearts…" Axel started to speak. I nodded, showing him to continue. "If you became a Nobody, how is it that you still have a heart?" He asked.
I didn't know how to answer this question at first. I sat there and thought about it. "I guess…because half of my heart is living in someone else, it doesn't completely go away. I guess the heart that I have is still there, but the only reason is because of Kairi's heart giving it a home."
"You've been feeding the darkness in her heart, right?" He asked.
"What?" I asked confused.
"You were the darkness in her heart, right?" I nodded. "Well, now that you are having to live off of her heart, does she need the darkness anymore? You don't need the darkness anymore because Nobodies live off of nothing, we do not live in darkness or light. If you don't need it now and only have a heart because she is your heart, she doesn't need to keep hold of that darkness because you don't need it either."
"If I don't need the darkness, she doesn't need it—so what?" I asked not getting what he was saying.
"What I'm saying is that if you don't need the darkness, she doesn't need it. She'll be throwing away the darkness—she'll be throwing away the only bit of you that is still a heart."
"I still don't get it."
"If she doesn't need it, where is the darkness gonna go, and what's gonna happen to that half of her heart? That half of her heart is the only REAL part of heart that you have left."
"I guess she'll just shed the darkness and she'll get more light or a normal heart, how am I supposed to know, why should I care?" I said fed up with trying to get the pyro's long-worded questions.
Axel paused. He looked like he was thinking really hard. His eyebrows got all scrunched up and he curled the side of his mouth. "Raene, I don't think the darkness will just go away and magically light will fill the gap…I think light and darkness can't just be created like that—I think they have to come from somewhere…"
Before I could say anything, however, Axel had grabbed my arm and was marching me towards the castle.
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Hey guys! Hope you liked chapter 13. I'll try to have the next one out soon. R&R please.
