CakeWatch

Alfred was not certain how to describe what was going wrong.

The cake was not as straight as it had been ten minutes ago, not as straight as it had been up at the inn. He was watching it, but it did not seem to move when he was looking at it. That was how slow it was moving. What was it made out of that would allow it to do a very slow suicide instead of simply falling over?

He supposed he ought to be grateful that it gave them the time to fix it. If he knew how.

"Of all the days I decided not to have any nitrite gloves on me," Alfred said, not wanting to leave to go all the way to where he knew some gloves were. Matthew was looking around the room for some. It was either that or... well, what? Touching the gloves with their bare hands did not seem like a good idea either. And they had time.

To watch a disaster in slow motion?

"I don't think there are any in here, but someone ought to have some," Matthew said, heading to the door.

"Well, I'll be here," Alfred responded brightly. Just wonderful, he did not want to be the person who had to put his hands on this cake if Matthew did not return in time. Not that his hands were not clean, but it was just the principle of the matter. Plus there was the fact that Alfred was certain Roderich would be able to see a fingerprint on the smooth surface. It was ridiculous how smooth and exact this cake was.

Alfred was no longer as impressed as he was annoyed that this cake was so perfect.

Matthew reached for the door, but Alfred noted that the door opened from the other side. "Matthew!" he exclaimed, moving so that hopefully he would block view of the slightly crooked cake.

Matthew did the same, blocking whoever it was from being able to see in. "Oh, hey Lovino! Do you need something in here?"

Fuck. Lovino? Alfred panicked, staring at the cake in front of them. Okay, he could do this. Fix this, it would look exactly like it had before. He stretched his hands out toward the cake.

"Is hic!– is Alfred in there?"

Alfred stopped right before touching the cake, staring intently at the flowers in front of him. "Yeah Lovino? Can I help you?"

Lovino hiccuped again. "Cure for hiccups. Now. Sughic!–suggestions?"

He thought about that. "The best one I know of is when you are breathing in–"

"But I've hic!– done that!" Lovino exclaimed. Alfred sighed as he tried to keep his hands from rubbing at his forehead.

"It doesn't work right off the bat. It takes a minute or so." He heard Lovino take in a breath, not leaving. Lovino would look in and kill them. Alfred decided not to worry too much about it. The cake was crooked, not ruined. There were worse things. "You just reminded me of a story I heard in college," he mentioned as suddenly as it entered his mind. "A guy from the US hiccuped for sixty eight years once. He stopped, but he sort of died."

"What?" Lovino shrieked, another hiccup escaping him.

"Lovino!" Matthew called after and Alfred turned his head to notice that the doorway was free of the other groom. "What was that for, eh?" Matthew asked him. Alfred blinked.

"It was just one case," Alfred said, not understanding what the issue was. "And... It wasn't as if he died of hiccups or anything! I just thought–"

"You're so dense!" Matthew exclaimed and Alfred wondered why that sounded familiar. He opened his mouth to retort, when suddenly he saw a flash. Turning, he saw Heidi in the other doorway.

"Do not mind me!" she said happily. "The cake looks wonderful, doesn't it?"

She left, appearing to be none the wiser. Matthew walked next to him, staring over there, then back up at the cake. "She... didn't notice?"

"I wonder if it looks normal through the camera's lens," Alfred suggested.

Then the cake slipped. He heard Matthew gasp (or was it himself?) as both of them put their hands out, but it suddenly stopped. Now it really looked crooked.

"Excuse me, but is the cake..." It was Kiku. Alfred wanted to just melt away. He had a responsibility to fix this somehow, without ruining it, without tipping it over the other way, without...

"Going to tip over?" Alfred paraphrased the unspoken words. "Yeah."

This appeared to be the start to a very bad day.


Notes:

Alfred was actually going to suggest breathing in, holding your breath there, swallowing, then taking in more breath without breathing out, repeating that until you cannot do it anymore, which appears to work almost all of the time. Which was not what Lovino did earlier. Oh well.

Before anyone else can say it, they are being rather stupid with the cake. It shows how much Francis and Arthur have pampered them, they have no idea how to treat baked items. Or wedding cakes. Actually, I suppose that could be rather intimidating.