NOTE from the PHOENIX: Warning: this chapter is a bit...erm...racier than my usual stuff.
Chapter Twenty
"Helllooo? Earth to Joanna, this is Starfleet Command."
"What do you want, Tanya?"
"I want you to pay attention."
"I am."
"No, you're sitting there staring at that silly little purple flower like you expect it to start talking to you."
Joanna rolled her eyes before pushing the orchid in its protective sphere away. She had brought the gift that Salen had given her to the infirmary for her shift and when things had slowed down she'd become lost staring at it. She was afraid that he had pulled away from her for the last time. He had seemed so guilt ridden over what had happened that she feared that he figured that he wasn't worth the trouble.
"You want to talk about it?" Tanya asked seriously.
"Talk about what?"
"Your man troubles."
"I don't have man troubles."
"Honey, you've got 'a boy broke my heart' written all over your face."
"He didn't break my heart." Joanna said defensively.
"Ah, but you do admit that there is a boy?" Tanya chuckled. "Wait a minute...it's not that albino Vulcan, is it? He's hot, a total weirdo, but hot."
"He's not an albino."
"No? Why is his hair white?"
"I...uh, I actually don't know." Joanna furrowed her brow in thought. "I think it's kind of like a scar, I know that extreme stress can turn a human's hair gray. I'm guessing stress turns Vulcan hair white."
"How did he get those marks across his face anyway?"
"I don't know."
"What do you know about him?"
"Not much." Joanna admitted.
"Joanna, do you want some advice?"
"Not really."
"If I were you I wouldn't get too close to that one." Tanya said seriously.
"You're not me."
"I mean it, Joanna. He's trouble."
"You don't even know him." Joanna said with a touch of anger.
"Joanna..." Tanya hesitated before continuing "I noticed the bruises around your wrists."
"What?" Joanna self consciously rubbed at the bruising caused by the cuffs when she'd been arrested. "No, that wasn't..."
"And the cut on your lip a few weeks back, there is still a faint scar. I didn't really put two and two together until just now... Just exactly where have you been the past few days?"
"Salen is not abusing me, if that's what you're asking." Joanna said firmly, as she licked the spot on her lip where Salen had struck her during his brush with pon farr.
"If you say so."
"Don't you have patients to see?" Joanna snapped.
Putting her hands up in peaceful surrender Tanya backed off and went back to work. It was near the end of Joanna's shift and she was just going over her records to make sure everything was in order. With her mind more on Salen than the task at hand Joanna's eyes once again wandered back to the orchid that Salen had given her.
"I hope I haven't seen the last of you." Joanna sighed.
Joanna had just brought her attention back to her paperwork when she heard a soft hiss. She looked over her shoulder and saw that it was Tanya trying to get her attention. As soon as Joanna made eye contact with her Tanya pointed over to across the clinic. Joanna glanced over in that direction and caught sight of Salen stepping into the infirmary looking unsure if he should be there or not.
"Speak of the pointy-eared devil..." Joanna muttered.
Joanna smiled as Salen looked over at her and froze in place. She had to wave her hand to beckon him to come closer. Salen around like he expected someone to kick him out of the infirmary for trespassing before walking over to her. He stepped up to her with his hands held behind his back and his head bowed.
"I thought you said we shouldn't see each other for a while." Joanna mocked. "By my watch it's been less than twenty-four hours."
"A friend of mine suggested that I come to you and admit that I was in error."
"Smart friend."
"However, if you desire not to see me I will leave. It would be logical for you to never wish to be near me ever again."
"Trouble does seem to follow you." Joanna smiled.
"Indeed."
"Luckily for me I adore trouble."
"I believe I am the one with all the 'luck' in that respect." Salen brought his gaze up off the floor with a slight smile.
"No doubt you could use a little more luck in your life."
Salen smiled and nodded in agreement. Joanna tapped on the glass desk computer and signed herself out of the medical records. Standing up she held out her hand for Salen to take. Some of the tension visibly relaxed in his shoulders and he took her hand gently.
"Have you eaten?" Joanna asked.
"No."
"Neither have I. Take me out to dinner."
"Yes, Ma'am."
The pair chuckled together and left the infirmary. Joanna led Salen to a small restaurant that served a variety of intergalactic cuisine. As they waited for the food to be served she noticed that Salen kept rubbing at the spot behind his ear that held the jewel like implant. He wasn't very talkative, but that really wasn't out of the ordinary. He was definitely on higher alert than normal, constantly looking over his shoulder and turning to look at source of every noise.
"You okay, Salen?"
"I don't think I like my new Vulcan hearing."
"What do you mean?"
"I can hear everything, every conversation in the room, the heartbeats of everyone within twenty feet, the dish that someone just broke back in the kitchen, the cat yowling out in the alley, the footstep of everyone who walks by on the street...it is very distracting."
"Your mind just needs a little time to learn to filter out the stuff that isn't worth paying attention to. I'm sure it's a little over stimulating right now, but you'll adjust."
"I hope so." Salen sighed as he once again brushed his fingertips against the implant.
"Is that piece painful?"
"No. It just feels...strange."
"In time you won't even notice it."
"That would be very welcome. Right now I think about it constantly."
"We just need to think of something else for you to put your mind to." Joanna suggested. "Where are you hoping to go once you graduate the Academy?"
"I would accept being assigned to any starship with the exception of the Enterprise."
"Really?" Joanna said in surprise. "The Enterprise is every Cadet's dream assignment, except for mine of course...I can't imagine trying to work with my father. Why don't you want to be aboard the Enterprise?"
"I find it difficult to be near Commander Spock."
"I don't understand. I would think that it would be comforting to be around another Vulcan."
"Far from it. He is a constant reminder of who I should be, but what I can never attain."
"Salen, no one expects you to be like Spock."
"I expect it of myself." Salen said simply.
"Are you sure that you really want to live without emotions?"
"Spock is not without emotions, however he controls them, they do not control him."
"Salen, if you ask me Vulcans try to control too much. There is nothing wrong with letting your heart lead your head now and again."
"Perhaps for a human, but not for a Vulcan."
"That's the real problem, isn't it? As long as you are in the company of humans you feel comfortable with who you are, but a soon as another Vulcan steps into the picture you suddenly are ashamed of yourself for not being more like them...and of course shame is a human emotion so the cycle just builds on itself."
"Something like that."
"Sounds like it may be more than just that." Joanna said with a raised eyebrow.
"Truthfully there is one emotion that always surfaces when I am with Spock, and it is one that I do not enjoy."
"Which one is that?"
"Jealousy."
"Jealousy? Because of his rank? Salen, with your talent and skill I wouldn't be surprised if you made Captain one day..."
"Not his rank. His heritage."
"I'm sorry, I don't understand."
"I wish..." Salen looked around and sighed in defeat "I wish that I was at least half human. It would give me a logical excuse for my emotional side, it would give me a reason to not fit in with the rest of Vulcan kind."
"Salen, you don't need a reason or an excuse for who you are. Besides, Spock doesn't exactly fit in with 'the rest of Vulcan kind'. From what my father has told me the Vulcan Council treats him like a disease."
"True." Salen nodded thoughtfully. "Perhaps it would just be best to be fully human."
"Now don't say that," Joanna smiled "I don't think I'd be half as attracted to you if you didn't have those pointy ears."
Salen reached up and self consciously touched the tips of his ears before breaking into a bright smile. Joanna reached out and warmly took Salen's hand. Looking more relaxed Salen brought her hand to his lips and gave her a cordial kiss.
"I suspected all along that my ears were the only thing keeping you at my side." Salen teased.
"The real question is what keeps bringing you back to mine?"
"Is it not obvious?"
Joanna blushed slightly as Salen stared into her crystal blue eyes. The moment was interrupted as dinner finally arrived at their table. Looking down at the plate Joanna found that she wasn't particularly hungry any more. Salen didn't appear any more enthused about the prospect of a meal and picked at his meal with little interest. After forcing down a small portion of the meal Joanna pushed her plate away and Salen did the same.
"Salen, it's gotten dark out...can you walk me home?"
"Of course."
Leaving the restaurant they leisurely walked back to campus. Although he was clearly trying to look relaxed Salen was once again on full alert. He visually scanned every shadow and gently guided her away from any obstacle that an enemy might hide behind. Anytime someone went to walk by, even if they were dressed in an Academy uniform, Salen place himself between Joanna and the stranger.
"Salen, relax."
"I am sorry. I realize that my behavior is not very logical."
"After what happened with Langin I think it's perfectly rational for you to fear another attack, but I think we're safe."
"I believed myself safe before."
"Stay with me tonight." Joanna said suddenly.
"What? No, I do not believe that is a good idea."
"I'm worried about you, Salen. I don't want you walking across the campus back to your dorm alone."
"As you said, I am safe. Langin can not hurt me again."
"I know, but I still want you to stay with me...just for tonight. It would make me feel better."
"If it would put your mind at ease...I would enjoy your company."
Joanna chuckled and leaned against Salen as they continued to walk. She brought him up to her room and found her heart racing in a way that it hadn't done for longer than she cared to remember. Salen looked like his heart rate was up as well, but he looked more anxious than anything else.
"Easy, Salen. You look like you're about to pass out."
"Sorry. I can not help but feel that at any moment someone is going to break down the door and drag me out of here once again."
"I'll kill anyone who tries."
Salen smiled and relaxed slightly. Joanna stepped up to him and wrapped her arms around his waist. In the embrace she could feel his heart beating against his ribs in its unusual location. Knitting her brow together she place her hand over his heart.
"Something wrong?" Salen asked.
"No, I was just wondering why Vulcans developed to have their hearts here, it's not very logical to have the main circulatory organ so far off center."
"I once heard it said that Vulcans pushed their hearts to the side so that it would not get in the way of logical thinking."
"I like that. Is it working?"
"No." Salen shook his head. "My heart tends to take control when I am around you despite its position."
"You know that reminds me of where we were when you did get dragged away last time." Joanna smiled.
"Where was that? I do not recall."
"I believe it was somewhere around page fifty-seven."
Salen knit his brow together, not understanding. Joanna glanced over at her Vulcan anatomy book with a mischievous smile. Suddenly understanding the scars on Salen's face turned a vivid green as he flushed. Joanna smiled and engaged him in a seductive kiss. When he didn't fight her she sought out the edge of his uniform shirt. Salen suddenly broke free and held Joanna out at arm's length.
"I...I am not certain that I am ready to have another child. My first is not even born yet."
"Child?" Joanna asked in shock. "Salen, I'm not going to get pregnant."
"Spock has already proven that our species are capable of intermixing."
"You're so cute." Joanna chuckled. "I won't get pregnant because I'm on medication to prevent it."
"I do not understand."
"I take it for other medical reasons as well, however, it means we can enjoy a physical relationship without that particular consequence."
"I am uncertain if it is acceptable to engage in mating practices without the intent of creating a new life."
"I'm sure it's not acceptable on Vulcan...but this is Earth."
"Logical." Salen admitted.
Joanna laughed and shook her head in mock sorrow at Salen. Feeling that he was receptive to the idea of becoming closer Joanna moved in once again for a kiss. Salen allowed her to run her hands down his sides and this time did not protest when she went to pull his shirt off. His chest was already starting to heave with labored breath, but Joanna was unsure if it was excitement or fear that was causing it.
Looking to encourage him Joanna gently ran her fingertips across his skin. He hesitated at first, but then pulled her closer. Excited that he was receptive to her touch Joanna became bolder. Salen growled in pleasure as she continued to explore his abused skin. She kissed down his neck in increasing passion. When she got to his shoulder instinct made her gently bite down on his exposed muscle. Salen reacted to her teeth on his skin, but not in the way she had hoped.
"Stop!" Salen cried sharply.
"I'm sor..."
"I do not like that." Salen said firmly as he pulled away. "This is a mistake."
"No, it's not. I'm sorry. I won't do that again."
"I am not sure that it is wise for us to continue this."
"Salen, part of a relationship is exploring what one another enjoys and what they don't."
"I fear that we will discover that I do not enjoy sex...it is too violent."
"It doesn't have to be, it can be passionate without being aggressive."
"T'Pring cried out in pain many time because of me, and it did nothing to deter me...I can not risk losing myself and hurting you as I did her. You may not even survive, Vulcan mating can be extremely dangerous."
"Spock's mother survived."
"Spock's father was a highly trained and disciplined Vulcan, I am not."
"Salen, I don't think you are going to hurt me. I am willing to take the risk."
"I am...I am not." Salen looked around for an escape. "This is torture. I need to leave, I am sorry. Good bye, Joanna."
"Salen, no, please, stay." Joanna stepped up and put her hands around his waist. "If you are not ready for this that is fine, but don't leave."
"You do not understand, you are in danger." Salen whispered as he tried to pull away from her. "My blood feels like it is on fire. I am on the verge of losing control...Joanna, please let me go...this is becoming physically painful."
"If I let you leave now, you're never going to return."
Joanna put her hand on Salen's chest to keep him from moving towards the door. She knew she wasn't physically strong enough to stop him, however he respected her touch and did not attempt to move. She could feel him trembling with the effort it was taking to remain a gentleman. Salen looked down at where her hand rested and closed his eyes with an animalistic growl. The idea of having such a powerful creature barely under her control on served to heighten Joanna's own excitement, but she did not wish to force him into anything.
"Salen, I love you, and I trust you...do you trust me?"
"With my life. It is myself that I do not trust, I fear that I will become a mindless animal."
"You're not an animal, Salen." Joanna said softly. "Let me prove that to you."
Salen took a breath to protest however Joanna pressed her lips against his before he got the chance. She found herself trembling slightly with a hint of fear that made her heart pound harder. Salen heard the new rhythm of her heart and pressed his hand against her chest to try and calm its frenzied paced. Joanna put her hand over his and kept his hand over her heart while she reached out with her free hand and pressed it on the side of his ribs.
Salen's heart was fluttering wildly beneath her touch. Joanna took a deep calming breath and then nudged under Salen's chin with the bridge of her nose to encourage him to do the same. She took another deep breath and he did the same. The next breath they took was in perfect unison. After another shared breath both of their hearts settled into a more controlled rhythm. Salen's tense shaking came to a halt as he relaxed. Joanna brought her lips to Salen's ear to whisper to him.
"Salen, please, I want this...but only if you do as well."
"More than anything." Salen admitted quietly. "I just do not want to hurt you."
"You won't."
Joanna smiled warmly and kissed his cheek. She pressed both of her palms against his chest to guide him to lay down in the soft bed. A brief look of confusion touched Salen's expression when she joined him in a position of dominance over him. When she ran her fingers through his hair he relaxed and closed his eyes, peacefully allowing her to take control of the events.
Straddling Salen's taunt stomach Joanna sat up and pulled her own uniform off. Taking a hold of one of Salen's wrists she brought his scared palm up to her face and nuzzled against it. Salen moaned softly and arched his back to press against her harder. Leaving his palm against her cheek Joanna reached down with both hands and carded then into Salen's alabaster hair.
Salen opened his eyes and looked up at her with a smile. He ran his hand down her neck and over her chest and down until it rested on her shapely abdomen. Joanna closed her eyes and tilted her head back with a quiet purring sound. Leaning down she dragged her hands out of Salen's hair and down the sides of his ribs till she found the waistband of his uniform.
Joanna feared that Salen would protest when she started to remove the last obstacle between them, however he peacefully allowed her to free him from the increasingly restrictive clothing. Laying against Salen's scared chest Joanna locked Salen in a deep kiss and with a graceful adjustment of her hips she settled herself against his own.
Salen gasped sharply, tensing and staying motionless he seemed to need a moment to work through his fear. Joanna waited for him to enjoy their new contact as much as she was. After a moment Salen relaxed and then arched his back to press deeper into his willing partner.
Suddenly panting for breath Joanna weld her eyes shut and lost herself to the pleasant chill that prickled the skin at the back of her neck. As the powerful sensation of the intimate encounter spread up her abdomen she took a deep breath and released it as a soft cry of ecstasy. Joanna put her palms on Salen's chest and pushed herself up causing Salen to gasp again as a pleasant shiver stabbed up his spine. Salen looked up at Joanna and chuckled.
"What are you laughing at?" Joanna asked light heartedly with a knowing smile.
"I do not know...this is just so...so different."
"This is what love is supposed to be like, Salen."
"I never loved T'Pring, she had something I need and I took it...right now I am far more interested in giving than taking."
"Same here, which is the key to making it wonderful." Joanna leaned in and kissed Salen before sitting up again. "Now then, be quiet, and enjoy. And as a warning: that's the last time I want to hear you use another woman's name tonight."
"Yes, Ma'am."
Joanna giggle and hit Salen's chest playfully before engaging him in another kiss. When she felt that Salen was ready to trust himself she slipped one hand under his shoulder blade and encouraged him to allow them to switch places. Salen was hesitant at first, but he sudden brought his hands up to grab a hold of her hips and before Joanna could figure out what had happened he had her back pressed against the warm bed sheets.
Salen didn't continue right away, still afraid to abandon himself to the experience. Desperate for further contact Joanna wrapped her leg over his lower back and brought him down against her. Salen cried out breathlessly and reached down to sink his fingers into the back of her thigh. Her encouragement was the last invitation he needed. Matching his now steady rhythm Joanna began to take increasingly shallow breaths as Salen's passion intensified.
Lost in the sensation Joanna didn't even care that their entire floor could probably hear her begging Salen to continue. Sweat beaded against their skin and dripped from Salen's ivory hair as the encounter became wonderfully exhausting for even Salen's Vulcan body. Joanna reached over Salen's shoulder and dug her nails into his flesh as she felt herself coming to the edge of not being able to control the inevitable release.
Joanna gasped sharply as Salen suddenly froze. She experienced a flash of fear as he pressed his fingertips against her temple. However the fear was instantly washed away in a breathtaking wave of shared ecstasy. The brief mind meld at the point of climax was almost too much to bear and Joanna felt the edge of her conciseness actually begin to blur as she arched back and cried out in a voice that could be mistaken for one of agony.
Far from being in pain Joanna relaxed completely and growled in pleasure as they both found relief in release. When she opened her eyes she found that Salen was looking down on her, searching her eyes for approval. Joanna smiled and brought her head up to give him a quick kiss before falling back again. Looking like he was going to pass out Salen laid down on his back next to her. Rolling over onto her side Joanna curled up against him and allowed the after glow to spread across her body. Salen reached over and smoothed out her hair.
"I love you, Joanna McCoy."
"I love you, Salen Pike."
"Thank you, for trusting me enough to show me that physical love can be a beautiful experience."
"Anytime..."
