A Time of Distance
The time in between Christmas and the New Year is always laid-back and a little sad. Boxing Day, or the day after Christmas, especially is depressing, if one lets it be. Georg had given in to the children's pleas of not taking down all of the Christmas decorations until the New Year, but he did insist that they at least start gradually so it wouldn't be as hard of a blow. In order to show how she agreed with her husband, Maria was now carrying a box full of the Christmas china up into the attic. She set it down with a grunt, glad to be free of the heavy load. She put her hands on her back, arching it, before wiping the sweat from her brow.
Remembering that she had nothing else to bring up here, Maria decided to take advantage of her free time and look around. There was quite a bit of stuff cluttered up here, after all. Maria wondered just how much of it was from their old house. Georg had told her once that a lot of the furniture had been sold at an auction, but everything else was up here.
Maria roamed around and only touched with a feather-light touch. A beautiful lamp from Greece…rugs from Persia…artifacts from China, just like the changing screen Georg had brought to their room for her...It was all so fascinating.
But then Maria found something even more fascinating in one of the cardboard boxes labeled: "Georg and Agathe's Wedding." It occurred to Maria that she had never seen a picture of the children's late mother before. Had Georg packed away all of the photos long ago, or only when she had come back after the marriage?
Her curiosity overwhelming her, Maria opened the box and pulled out the first photograph in a fine frame she could see. It was a black and white photograph (naturally) of a young, dark-haired man in uniform and, on his arm, a beautiful young woman with light hair, a lovely oval face, and smiling eyes so pale they must be grey (like Kurt's), wearing a magnificent white gown. Both were coming out of a church, and rice and rose petals were being thrown in the air.
They both looked so happy. Agathe (for it must be her) looked younger than Maria, and Georg looked only a few years older than Maria was now. There was a light and carefree happiness in his face that she had only glimpsed before in the older man she had come to know quite well. Well, obviously he looked like that because this picture captured the happiest moment of his life, before all of the heartbreak began. Maria wondered if he would ever look so radiantly happy again. She hoped he would, for she had felt that radiant happiness all through the last month. Or even longer, if she was being honest with herself.
Looking at the other photographs of that happy day in the box – them cutting the cake, dancing at the reception, Georg dipping his bride and kissing her passionately – Maria couldn't stop a feeling of sadness from seeping into her heart. Closing the box, she thought of her own wedding, if it could even be called that: no reception, no flowers, no cake, no dancing, no music…no happiness and no love. What kind of a wedding was that?
The circumstances, Maria, remember the circumstances. How could it have even resembled his first wedding? Even if you two had been happy and in love, you know you wouldn't have liked fuss and feathers, and he wouldn't like it, either. And since when are you wishing for a happy wedding to a man you love? You've never wished for anything like that before.
She listened to her sympathizing conscience and tried to feel better, but as she walked heavily back down the stairs of the attic, the sadness had not left Maria completely.
The worst part was that she could not talk to Georg about it.
But it seemed that, even if Maria had wanted to confide in Georg, he was not in any mood for confiding.
Two days after Christmas, Georg all of a sudden did not want anybody's company. He skipped dinner and stayed in his study so late that, even though Maria tried waiting up, she fell asleep alone for the first time in months. She didn't like the feeling. When she woke up, Maria was alone. While this was no surprise (Georg always woke up before her), she was surprised to find that his side of the bed had not been touched.
Why had he not come to bed last night?
Seeing him at breakfast, Maria deduced that he must have sneaked in while she'd still been sleeping early that morning and made himself presentable, but his bloodshot eyes told her that he had little to no sleep under his belt.
As they filed out, Maria touched Georg's arm and asked what was wrong. All he said was, in a tone of voice that reminded her of the man he had been when she'd first arrived as governess, "Nothing is wrong. I do not wish to talk about it."
Maria felt as if she had been slapped, and she stood stationary in the front hall, watching him walk into his study without a glance behind him, closing the door behind him. Her first reaction was surprise, and then anger. How dare he?
But just as she had begun to march towards the closed study door, Maria stopped. How many times had Georg reassured her that he would never try to force her confidence? Quite a few times. How would it be if she suddenly demanded his confidence? Do onto others as you would have done unto you.
So, Maria sighed and walked in the direction the children went. She would just have to hope and pray that soon Georg would open up to her on his own, just as she had.
But the days went by and he kept his problem, whatever it was, to himself. However, he never snapped at Maria again or did anything of that nature again, though he did not seek out her lone company. The children obviously noticed something different in the air between their parents, but both acted in front of them as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.
But, of course, Dominik had noticed, and Maria took him into her confidence.
"He's much more quiet than usual," said Dominik, the morning of New Year's Eve. He was sitting at the grand piano, idly playing scales softly, and Maria stood at the instrument. "When does he go to bed at night?"
"Late," said Maria, tracing patterns onto the shiny black surface of the piano. "I try waiting up for him, but by midnight I'm out. It wasn't until last night that I actually saw him in our room, since beforehand he came in while I was sleeping and woke up before me…"
One moment, she had been fighting her heavy eyelids to concentrate on Paradise Lost, and the next she was waking up to the feeling of the book leaving her limp grasp. She opened her eyes and caught his gaze. He immediately looked like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"I'm worried about you," she said softly.
He gave a heavy sigh and said, "I know," as he walked into the bathroom.
Sighing herself, Maria turned off her side-table light and settled under the covers, waiting for him to come back.
He was silent when he came back into the bedroom and came into bed. But although she was lying in such a position to be spooned, he stayed on his side of the bed, as he'd done since after Christmas.
Maria felt like crying suddenly. What was bothering him so much and why had he put this distance between them? Why did he not confide in her? Had it been something she had intentionally done? Maria wanted to reach out and touch him, but she was afraid she would be rebuffed.
So, not even knowing if he could hear her, she breathed, "I miss you…"
Just when she had given up on any kind of response, she got one. "Come here," she barely heard him say. Hoping she was not imagining it, Maria turned around slowly and scooted closer to him. Hesitantly she placed her head on his chest, and let out a breath of relief when she felt his strong arms wrap around her and hold her tightly to him.
"I'll talk to you soon," Georg whispered in her ear a few moments later.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Well, it looks like things are at least looking up," said Dominik encouragingly. "If he has been one thing all along, it is a man of his word. He'll talk to you soon."
Maria nodded. "I just hope that this isn't something that I have done."
Dominik shook his head. "I doubt it. If you had done something then he would have confronted you about it, like on that day."
"Good point," said Maria. She sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I just never thought I would miss not sleeping alone in a bed."
Dominik paused in his playing and gave her a searching look. "Ria, have you two…"
Maria looked up at him, breaking out of her reverie as she understood his question. "Don't you think I would have told you that?"
Dominik shrugged and looked very uncomfortable. "Well, it's a delicate subject…"
Maria chuckled, blushed, and shook her head. "No, Dominik, we haven't. And, truth be told, I don't know if we ever will…"
At that moment, the sound of a car driving up and a quick honk brightened both of their moods considerably. "And here come the demonic twins and their chaperone," said Dominik with a chuckle.
Maria laughed, glad that their conversation had come to a stop.
For the first time in her life, Maria considered putting make-up on her face. As Philomena was arranging her hair, she pulled out a small case of eye shadow and examined it. A lot of the colors were dark, and would probably not look very good on her anyway.
"What are you doing?" asked Philomena.
Maria jumped, then realized Philomena could see her in the mirror.
"I just…maybe I should wear at least a little," said Maria, hastily putting the make-up back in Philomena's flower case.
"Oh, no, you shouldn't," said Philomena firmly. "I've told you once before that you are too young and too lovely to wear make-up." Philomena turned around and took a close look at her friend. "Why the sudden change of mind, Maria?"
Maria shrugged, for she didn't quite know herself.
Philomena walked over to Maria and sat beside her on Maria's bed. "Maria, do you doubt your beauty? Is this for Georg?" Maria opened her mouth but no words came out. Her silence was enough. "Oh, Maria. Georg already thinks you are the most beautiful creature alive. Don't doubt your beauty, for Georg sure doesn't."
Maria sighed and ran a hand over her face. "It's just been a difficult week. He's been distant with me and, though he's promised to confide his problem soon, I can't help but worry."
Philomena nodded, having seen today that something was going on with her brother's best friend. The two of them had practically locked themselves in Georg's study all afternoon, and it was a miracle they had come out to get dressed for the ball in Max's room. "I'll talk to my brother to see what I can find out, but if Georg says he'll confide in you, he will."
Maria nodded, having heard the same thing from Dominik. She got a little more faith.
Philomena wrapped an arm around her and squeezed her. "No more worrying tonight, Maria. You look lovely in that gown, and tonight is all about having fun, especially since Zeller the rat will not be there."
Maria finally smiled, feeling better than she had in a while.
This feeling increased when she, Philomena and Liesl came down into the front hall dressed for the ball. Liesl had been included in the invitation, now that she was seventeen years old. Georg had consented to her going because she was invited and Dominik would be there to be her escort and shoo away any potential beaus.
Liesl was beyond excited for her first real ball. She only wished she had gotten a new dress for it, like Maria, but she was wearing the same sea-foam green gown she had worn to the opera in Vienna with her mother's heirloom combs. This time, though, she wore her hair up, with one or two curls framing her face.
But Liesl had to admit that Maria looked the most stunning of all three of them, even compared to Philomena in her loud dress. Her gown suited her perfectly: the gown was a light-blue silk, form fitting on top and flowing on the bottom; off-the shoulder straps like with her rose-colored opera gown; the simple pearl necklace around her neck; matching shoes with the smallest hint of a heel; her hair, which had grown down to her chin in the last few months, had some flattering feminine waves courtesy of Philomena; long white gloves; no hint of unnecessary make-up.
Liesl looked at her father's enchanted face, the best look she had seen on his face in a week. She was no fool; something was clearly bothering him and mother, but for the moment that seemed out of his mind. She watched from the corner of her eye as her father took her mother's hands and whispered, "You're so beautiful, Maria." Her mother remained silent, but smiled and tentatively kissed his cheek.
Liesl wanted to smile in surprise at how close her parents had become. Looking at Dominik, who was taking her arm, she saw that he had witnessed this too, and looked very happy. Looking at Uncle Max, Auntie Phil, and Uncle Kristoph, they looked just as thrilled. But everyone kept quiet and followed the couple outside to the cars after coats and cloaks had been put on.
Not even an hour in, the ball promised to be a much more pleasant experience than the last one. The gossip about Maria and Georg was all but extinct in Salzburg now, due to both what had happened at the Autumn Ball and the healing power of time which brings along new, and sometimes true, gossip to speak about. The Baron and Baroness Eberfield were delighted to see the party arrive, and made them feel at home right away.
This ball was slightly bigger than the last one, with a few more guests and a bit more excitement and merriment in the air, on account it was New Year's Eve and the end of the holiday block. People were much more cordial and merry to Maria now, and Maria was less shy than she had once been. She never left Georg's side for long, not wanting to go too far from him. He, in turn, was only too happy to stay close to her.
Liesl was having a good time, too. She and Dominik met a lot of new people, and preferred to speak to the people closest to their age. Dominik would dance with her and, whenever a man who passed his approval test asked Liesl to dance, kept an eye on Georg to make sure he wouldn't see them dancing.
Max and Philomena were, of course, the life of the party. They regaled everyone at dinner with funny anecdotes that kept everyone in stitches, and the mood was refreshingly light. After dinner, the women and the men did not stay separated for long, and the dancing recommenced.
When midnight was a little over an hour away, Maria, who had been taking a break with Georg, heard the distantly familiar strands of the Laendler starting. Hearing it brought back distant memories that made her smile, and she rose.
Georg rose, too. "You know this dance?"
"Mm-hm," said Maria. "I learned it a long time ago, but I haven't danced it since I was a little girl. I'm not sure if I would remember it all."
Georg held out his hand. "Want to see if you do?"
Maria looked at the crowded dance floor and bit her lip. "Mmm…it's pretty crowded."
"Then follow me," said Georg, taking her hand and pulling her towards a nearby hallway. Maria giggled and followed, happy to hear a playful tint in his voice that had been missing for a week.
He led her into a spacious drawing room and shut the door most of the way, so they could still hear the music. He turned a light on low and then held out his hand to her, ready to begin. Maria smiled at him, put her hand in his, and their dance began.
Thankfully, all of the steps came back to Maria easily; it was so easy and lovely to dance with him! She remembered their first waltz together tonight; she'd been nervous she would step on his foot, but he just reassured her to follow his lead and keep her eyes on his. She had and it had been fine. Now, dancing the familiar steps of her childhood with the perfect partner, Maria felt as though she were floating.
As they danced, they shared glances and smiles. Maria felt herself blushing with happiness. Everything was going to be all right, she could feel that now; she hadn't lost him for good.
As the dance became more intimate, Maria could feel the temperature inside and around her rising somehow, especially when his arm wrapped around her waist. They rotated each other slowly, their eyes glued to each other. Their movements slowed until they stopped completely, but they did not back away from each other or break position.
Maria felt like her eyes and heart were on fire, standing in the exhilarating heat of his gaze. He'd gazed at her like this before, and she could remember each instance: their wedding day, their wedding night, when he'd sung "Edelweiss," the night of the Autumn Ball, when he'd called her beautiful, Christmas…But somehow, his gaze was more powerful now, that pleading gaze of adoration and vulnerability, blue fire.
Perhaps it was stronger now because Maria was looking at him in the exact same way.
Their hands above their heads dropped, but Georg kept his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer to him. Maria was not afraid; in fact, she stepped closer to him until their bodies were touching. She felt as if a hot cord had been tied around her heart, and the other end of it was attached to his, pulling her to him, binding their hearts.
Their breaths mingled, and Maria felt very light-headed. Their foreheads and noses touched, both of their lips parted slightly. The music had long ago died, but all the other could hear was one another's breaths and heartbeats.
Then, Maria's heart and instinct took her over: she raised herself on her tiptoes ever so slightly, shifted her head, and hesitantly touched her lips to his – not a kiss, more of a hesitant touch.
He reacted immediately. He stiffened, gasped, and tore himself away from her. She barely had time to glimpse the look of shock and fear on his face before he fled the room like a gunshot.
Now, Maria felt as though the cord that had attached her heart to his had been torn out of her violently and was bleeding to death as it was dragged along behind him. She suddenly felt nauseous and her eyes filled with tears. She managed to sit down on the window seat, her hand over heart and stomach as the truth came crashing around her.
My God…I love him…
A/N: Don't worry, the next chapter will be up within a day or two. But don't expect the updates after that to be regular or quick; the semester is ending and my workload is piling high. So please be patient with me – no matter how slowly I may update a story, I never will quit a story before it's finished. Keep reading and reviewing – the latter is a great motivation.
