A Time of Resolution
"So that was your first time dancing the Laendler?" asked Dominik, surprised.
"Well, properly with someone," said Liesl as they moved off the dance floor. "I learned it in school a few years ago."
"That's where I learned it, too," said Dominik with a smile. "You did a good job."
"Thanks, you too…" said Liesl, but drifted off as she spotted her father coming back into the ballroom with a frightened look on his face and a hand over his heart. Dominik followed her gaze and immediately his eyes narrowed, not only at the expression on Georg's face, but the absence of his sister who had been joined at Georg's hip all evening.
"What's going on?" Dominik muttered to himself.
"I don't know," replied Liesl, sounding concerned. "I saw them sneak away together when the dance began. Maybe they wanted more space to dance, or my father is finally talking to Maria…oh, no, what if they had a fight?"
"Then that's bad news," said Dominik. "Did you see what room they went in or what room he left?"
"Um, I think that first door on the left in that hallway," said Liesl, pointing in that direction.
At that moment, Philomena approached the two of them; Kristoph was talking with some friends on the other side of the ballroom. "What's going on, you two? Did I just see Georg all by himself?"
"That's what we were just wondering," said Dominik, as the three of them watched Georg and Max now speaking with each other. Georg certainly looked guilty about something. "I'm going to find my sister, and see if she's all right. Philomena, look after Liesl?"
"I can take care of myself, Dom," said Liesl reassuringly. "I know you want to speak to Georg and Uncle Max, don't you, Philomena?"
"Yes, I do."
So, with that, the three of them split up and headed in opposite directions: Liesl went to a group of girls her age she had become acquainted with; Dominik headed to the hallway in search of his sister; Philomena immediately went to her brother and his best friend.
"All right, what is going on?" she demanded in a low voice to the two of them. Max just gave a pointed, annoyed look at Georg, who sure looked guilty about something. Philomena immediately got a bad feeling. "Where is Maria? Have you two had a fight?"
"No, no, no," said Georg, who was looking at the ground, looking scared even with the shadow of a smile on his face. "My wife just managed to take me completely by surprise, as she has a knack for doing." Noting Philomena's confused look, he said, "We danced, and when the dance was finished…she almost kissed me."
Philomena's eyes widened in surprise and pure delight. "Oh! Georg, how wonderful! I knew this would ha–" She stopped suddenly as she realized what he'd said. "What do you mean almost?"
Georg sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Once I realized what she was trying to do, I…ran away from her." He sounded thoroughly ashamed.
Philomena felt horror at hearing this, and her eyes caught her brother with his hands on his hips, looking at the floor and shaking his head in a very disapproving way. "Oh, Georg, you didn't…" groaned Philomena.
"I couldn't help it!" snapped Georg. "God knows I wanted to kiss her in that moment, but when she made that move I…I was so surprised and I was so scared of how I might react if I let her do it…After all, an ill-timed, too powerful kiss is what started everything…"
Philomena nodded in understanding, glad there was a reasonable explanation, but even still. "Well," she said, looking around the ballroom. "Dominik has gone to find her and talk to her. I'm sure she'll understand your reaction in time, but you'd better explain and apologize sooner rather than later."
"Exactly what I was saying," said Max firmly, looking at Georg like a disciplining parent would look at a repenting child. "And that's not the only thing you should explain to her, Georg. You've already put this off long enough."
Philomena did not know what Max was referring to specifically, but she knew he was referring to whatever was putting Georg at a distance from Maria over the past week, as Maria had described. To help drive her brother's point home, she said, "Whatever is bothering you two, Maria has noticed, and is worried about you, Georg. Let her in."
Georg sighed, and covered his eyes with his hand briefly. "I had been planning on telling her tomorrow, after all of the holidays and festivities are done. She's been so happy, I just couldn't bring myself to dim that."
"Georg, I hate to say this, but you've dimmed it by putting her in the dark," said Max, putting a hand on Georg's shoulder.
"I would agree," said Philomena.
Georg sighed, and then looked up, resolute. "I'm going to make things right." With that, he marched back to the place he had come from.
Philomena turned to her brother. "What in God's name is going on? You two are frightening me with your cryptic talk."
Max sighed and wrapped his arm around her. "It's not good, sister…"
Dominik came into a spacious drawing room to find the lights low and his sister slumped against the window, seated on the window seat.
"Ria?" he asked softly, coming closer to her while his worry rose. It wasn't until he had seated himself beside her that he saw silent tears were streaming down her face, her forehead pressed against the glass windowpane. "Sister! What's happened? What's wrong?"
In a sad, tired voice, Maria told Dominik what had happened in the room not too long ago. She sounded like a person who had both had a revelation and had given up hope.
"Oh, Ria…" he murmured, his hand dropping from his mouth. "Does this mean you…"
Maria sighed and nodded. "Don't sound so shocked, Dom; there's nothing unnatural about a wife being in love with her husband, is there?"
Dominik took her limp hands in his and squeezed them. "Ria, you should tell him."
"No."
Her brother was taken aback by the firmness of her tone. "But why not? He loves you back."
Maria looked at him sharply. "And you know this how? Has he ever told you?"
"Well…no, but–"
"Then you don't know, and I wouldn't believe it even if he had allegedly told you," she said in that same firm tone. "There's no way he could love me back."
"Ria! How can you think so lowly of yourself?"
"I have nothing to do with it," she replied. "Georg has already had his love, has been in love so powerfully that he nearly destroyed him when he lost it. How on earth can a person feel that again? It just doesn't seem possible, and I'm not a person who would be an exception to any rule."
"Ria, you don't know that."
"Neither do you," she retaliated. With one hand she wiped away any trace of her tears, a new resolve in her eyes. "I have to just…learn to be content with what I have. He cares for me, even desires me, and that should be enough; there are women in worse situations."
Dominik could barely stand to hear this. He was reminded of when Maria had told him she had decided to accept his marriage proposal: she had sounded as defeated then as she sounded now. He more than anything wanted to reassure Maria that Georg loved her, and that Max and Philomena knew it too. True, Georg had not told any of them, but the three of them had often conversed of how it was so obvious that Georg was in love with her and she was at least falling for him.
Well, she had fallen now.
But before he could even try to find some words of comfort, a soft knock was heard at the door before it was opened, revealing Georg. Dominik immediately turned at the noise, but Maria just kept her eyes on the window, softly sighing, knowing who it was.
"Maria, may I speak with you?" he asked in an almost timid voice.
Maria didn't turn around, so Dominik touched her shoulder to catch her gaze. Eventually she nodded and said, "Go back to Liesl now, Dom."
Still worried about her, but knowing the best solution to these problems was for these two to talk, he just kissed her brow and walked to the door. Dominik nodded at Georg with a warning look on his face before passing him and heading back to the ballroom, closing the door behind the two.
Once alone with her again, Georg slowly approached her nervously. How would she be with him now? What she had tried to do when their dance had ended was something he had never ever dreamed of happening, and while the surprise was wearing off, his heart rejoiced. Could this mean that she returned his feelings, or that she was on her way to that? Georg dearly hoped that his action of cowardice had not ruined her affections forever. The fact that she refused to turn around and look at him, just staying slumped in that window seat, did not prove a good sign to him.
Feeling restless and nervous, Georg tore off his gloves and stuffed them in his pockets before approaching her. "May I sit down?" he asked.
"Mm-hm," was Maria's only reply; she didn't try to look at him. So he sat down on the window seat beside her. Not wanting to push his luck by touching her, he folded his hands and took a deep breath before speaking.
"I don't owe you just one explanation but several, for each contributed to my cowardly actions tonight and the past week. Will you listen?"
Finally, Maria turned her head to look at her husband. For the first time, Maria looked at him while knowing the truth of her feelings. He'd never looked so handsome, so wonderful, but Maria's heart twisted as well as lifted, remembering what she told her brother. He can never return my feelings…but at least he cares for you. Just hear him out.
In response to his plea, Maria nodded.
He gave her a small, tender smile. "You always manage to take me by surprise, Maria, never more so than tonight. It was surprise that caused me to react the way I did, not repulsion or disgust. I will ever feel something like that for you."
Maria nodded, glad that it was surprise that had caused his reaction. It was the most plausible reaction she could hope for. "I'm sorry I surprised you," she murmured, but before she could turn her gaze away, he gently took her ungloved hand in his own ungloved one (she had taken hers off after they had danced). She had no will and no desire to resist, and let her gaze go back to his.
"Don't apologize, you have nothing to apologize for," he said softly. He took the hand he was holding in both of his, caressing it as if she were trying to gather strength. "It's my fault. Fear was the other factor that made me retreat. Not of you, of myself. From the moment I saw you I was attracted to you, and while my desire for you is not nearly as dangerous as it once was it's still there and very much alive, Maria. I hope I'm not scaring you by telling you this?"
Maria shook her head. No, it didn't scare her – it gave her a slight thrill, but she tampered that down in order to listen to the rest of his explanation.
Georg continued. "I was afraid of how far I might go if I had responded to you; I still remember what happened the first time I kissed you. I got what I deserved then, and I was afraid of scaring you again. But I see now that, by trying not to hurt you I did. I'm sorry."
He was being honest, Maria could feel it. She was relieved that she had not done something wrong, but she still felt the smart of the sting of rejection. "I wouldn't have done that if I didn't trust you, Georg. Nor would I sleep in your bed, let alone let you hold me at night. I've trusted you since the day after our wedding, and it's never wavered. Please don't doubt that again, Georg."
Georg gave her a relieved smile and kissed her hand, his lips lingering. He then held her hand to his face as he took another deep breath. Maria stroked his cheek with her thumb, and knew that he was working up the courage to tell her what had been bothering him all week.
"Georg, what is it? What's happened? I know something's happened."
He took another deep breath but still did not look up. "I didn't want to tell you until after the holidays were over. I didn't want to spoil your happiness, but like tonight, trying not to did it just the same." He looked at her. "Well, you've seen and I've told you before how angry I've been with the inevitable Anschluss."
"Yes?" Maria waited for the rest, on edge.
After taking a furtive glance towards the door and around the room, Georg looked at Maria and said in a low voice, "You know I agree with nothing about the Nazi Party. Neither does our friend, Dr. Hans Falk. He's something of a spy, since he knows and has patients of many Nazi party members. Since he has no family he is willing to take that chance. Well, two days after Christmas, he telephoned me and told me that he'd heard from a high authority in the Nazi Party in Austria that, once the Anschluss happens…I will be offered a commission in the Third Reich's navy. But their offers, as polite as they sound, would be fatal for all of us to refuse."
Maria felt her blood turn ice cold, her eyes widening in horror. The thought of losing him was…like suffocating beneath a pillow. "Dr. Falk is sure?"
Georg nodded sadly.
Still desperate for some reassurance, she asked, "And…when will the Anschluss happen, did he know?"
"Mid to late January," he replied, after a scared pause.
"That's…" Maria felt her throat closing up, and she quickly got up and began to pace. "That's hardly any time at all…at least you probably won't miss Louisa's birthday, she would never forgive us if you…you…you really can't refuse, can you?" She stopped to look at him, desperation in her eyes.
He looked back at her, his agony reflecting her own. "I've spent the last five days going over every possible option. If this were the summer, then there would be more options open for a quick escape over the border. But it's winter now, and with seven children, I can't take that chance." He gave a frustrated sigh and began to pace himself. "I highly doubted I would be called to their command before Hans told me. The Third Reich prizes complete loyalty, and I didn't think they would want someone who has made his bad opinions of them very clear. But I see their intent now," he continued, his tone angry. "They want to make an example of me, either as a 'complete convert,' or an example of what they do to traitors."
This made Maria stop dead in her tracks, and suddenly she wanted to be sick. Her eyes filled with tears and she covered her face. Immediately, she felt his arms wrap around her and she clung tightly to him. "What are we going to do?" she almost wailed, trying desperately not to cry. At this point, she couldn't care less that he could never return her feelings; she just wanted him alive and with her!
"Don't worry," he murmured, rubbing her back. "Plans and preparations are already underway."
She pulled back and looked at him, desperate for any kind of hope. "What plans? Tell me."
Again, he looked furtively at the closed doors and spoke to her in a low voice. "For almost a year, I've been in contact with the American government. My experience and expertise in submarine design and workings have proven useful to them, and once I got wind of the Third Reich's plan, I contacted them. They know where my loyalty lies: with the country I served and the enemies of the Third Reich. They wish me to eventually come to America and be of more direct help to them as a consultant and instructor, for they will eventually join Great Britain and France in the war that is coming."
Maria no longer felt nauseous, but she was beginning to feel overwhelmed. "America? My goodness…that would be safe…oh, goodness, I need to sit…"
Georg immediately led her back to the window seat and sat her down. "I know this is an awful lot for you to take in, and I'm sorry I didn't confide in you sooner. I just wanted to be as careful and sure as possible before I disclosed anything to anyone."
Maria heaved a deep breath and nodded. Eventually the spinning in her mind slowed.
Georg was really worried now. "Are you angry, Maria?"
Maria looked at him and shook her head. "No, no, I'm just…this is so much to take in…there's so much to do, to plan, but…I want to help you, Georg. We're partners, and I don't want you carrying the load alone."
Georg let out a breath in relief, and pressed his forehead to hers for a moment. "Already I feel a little better, having told you this." He took her hands and she squeezed them. "Is there anything else you want to know now?"
Maria took a few deep breath and held his hands tighter. "Not now, I've heard enough for one night. We at least have a little time in which you can tell me the rest and fill me in on all of the plans being made. If I should be angry, I'm too overwhelmed to be. All I ask is that you keep me in the loop from now on, please."
"I will, that's a promise."
Once both of them had managed to calm down their anxiety somewhat, Maria dropped her head onto his shoulder and let out an anxious chuckle.
"What is it?" asked Georg.
"Even though what you told me makes me scared to death, I'm still relieved that I at least know what going on now, especially since it's not something I may have done."
Now Georg chuckled, pulling her up with him so he could embrace her properly. "Never, Maria. Never."
Maria embraced him back, taking this moment for all it was worth. Now their future looked so scary and unpredictable, so Maria knew she had to make every moment with her husband, the man she loved, count.
Suddenly, the sounds of the party guest counting down in loud voices reached their ears, and both of them raised their heads and looked towards the door. Then they looked at each other.
Maria's cheeks went pink under his tender, burning gaze and tiny smile. "What's your wish for the New Year?"
Maria gave a hollow laugh. "Now? For you to always be safe, and for our family to have a successful journey to safety before the year is out."
Georg nodded. "I share that wish, along with another."
"What's that?" asked Maria, as cheers of "Happy New Year!" came muffled through the closed door.
His smile widened a fraction and increased in tenderness. "That you do what you did at the end of our dance again, only this time, I will return the gesture and will not run away."
Her cheeks reddened again, and her heart was filled with happy butterflies. "And if I'm bad at it?"
He chuckled. "Impossible, Maria."
She bit her lip, and put her hands on his shoulders for leverage. Again, she raised herself on her tiptoes and, holding her breath, pressed her lips to his and kissed him.
And, true to his word, he kiss her back. The effect was immediate and powerful – their first mutual kiss. His arms tightened around her back and hers wrapped around his neck. Georg was careful to keep the kiss innocent, but they only parted when they needed to breathe. They pulled their heads back just enough to look into each other's eyes. It was as if they were seeing each other for the first time.
Maria managed to find her voice first, and she gave a slight smile. "Happy New Year, Georg."
Georg smiled back, his eyes shining with happiness. "Happy New Year, Maria."
Maria stroked his cheek. "I think...I know…I have faith that we'll be all right. Tell me we'll be all right."
"Yes, for the first time, I truly believe we will," he said. "Nothing but wonderful things have been happening to me and my family since you came into our lives…why should that change now?"
Maria blushed and lowered her head, but Georg cupped her chin and raised her head again. With his thumb, he stroked her lower lip. His eyes looked hesitant but hopeful. "May I, Maria?"
Maria's eyes filled with happy tears and she smiled. She answered with all her heart. "You need not be afraid or ask ever again."
With that, he lowered his head and captured her lips with his own, and they held each other. The same thought was running through both of their minds:
I love you with all of my heart, and even if you'll never love me back, I'm so happy you're my partner for life.
