5 Weeks Later
Alice's birthday was fast approaching. It was tomorrow. Danny couldn't wit till she seen her presents. His mum had got her one on behalf of her mother and he had got her a present and then there was his surprise. He was still waiting for confirmation of that. It was unlikely that he would hear anything at this late date so he just had to cross his fingers and hope that it came off. He wished he knew though! Easter had been early this year so they were off for the Easter break. Both he and Alice had said they weren't going to buy each other eggs but turned round and got one anyway. She'd got him a basket with a assortment of little eggs in a basket. He'd got her a humongous one from Thornton's with,
Alice 'n' Danny 4eva. (Unlike this egg which will last 5 seconds when Alice sees it :) )
They'd then sat in his room on Easter Sunday scoffing chocolate until they felt sick. Happy times. Because it was half term Alice had been staying at his house. The nightmares had stopped. For that he was grateful, not just because she needed her rest either! Obviously the therapist she'd spoke to and the fact that Josh was leaving her alone had helped a lot. Danny still didn't trust him. He was waiting for him to show his hand! Until then he'd told Alice to keep her guard up around him. There was something else he wanted to talk to Alice about, her mother. But he was going to wait till after her birthday. He'd been reading something that had worried him. He sat on his bed. Impatient for tomorrow to come. He needed to see her!
Alice woke up early. So she was 16. If her mother had been alive she'd be rushing in her room with a cake telling her to blow out the candles and grinning like a idiot. Alice sat there and let the familiar memory wash over her. Would there ever be a time she didn't feel a deep sadness for her mothers passing? She got up and pulled on her tracksuit bottoms and brushed her hair. She walked downstairs and into the kitchen. She went into the cupboard and poured herself a bowl of sugar puffs with loads of milk. She sat down. Her dad came in carrying a box. He sat opposite her. No one spoke, the only sound was the soft tap of her spoon against the bowl.
"Morning Alice." her dad finally said. His voice wasn't slurred. So he decided to stay sober long enough to wish her a happy birthday. It was more than she got last year!
"Morning dad." she replied.
"So your 16 today eh?" he said.
"Yep." she said simply and proceeded to eat her sugar puffs.
"I wanna wish you a happy birthday from me and your mum." he said. "I know how much this day meant to her." he said quietly. "She asked me to give you this when you turned 16." he passed over the box.
Alice frowned. She opened it and inside sat a note and 2 envelopes. She opened the envelope on the top. It had a bank card and a pin number in. she then opened the second envelope. It had a bank statement inside. Jesus! She thought when she seen the balance. 8000 it was dated nearly 2 years ago. She knew she had a savings account but that wasn't released until she was 21. she picked up the note.
I was going to ask your dad to keep this until you were 18 but I had the strongest feeling that you would need it at 16. Don't be daft baby. Have the best 16th wish I was there with you. Xoxoxoxoxox
Her father then walked over and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "Happy 16th Alice." he said. The affection had surprised her. All she'd had from her father in the last 2 years had been indifference and rage.
"Thanks dad." Alice replied as he walked away.
Josh walked into the kitchen with a envelope and a small box. He walked over and handed it to her.
"Happy 16th!" he said with a small grin. That grin had nothing on Danny's. Danny could make her forget her name when he smiled at her.
She opened the box and it held a small hummingbird ornament.
"Coz your small and sweet." he said.
She handed the box back to Josh.
"Josh, I can't take this. After what you did to me we can never be friends!" she said.
"I thought you'd forgave me!" he said incredulous.
"Forgave you?" she asked. "Josh you tried to force your self on me and then terrorised me. For whatever reason you decided to leave me alone but I'll never forgive you EVER!" Alice said honestly. "I appreciate the card though!" she added.
Alice walked out of the room and Josh watched her with narrowed eyes and felt his anger start to build.
Alice was walking to Danny's house. It was warm for April, she pulled her jacket off and walked then felt a surge of happiness and skipped. All was fine with the world. She was going to see the love of her life and the sun was shining. What could go wrong? She reached Danny's house but before she could even raise her hand to knock the door was open and he burst out and wrapped his arms around hers for the hottest kiss she'd ever had.
"Now I don't have to feel guilty about all the impure thoughts I've been having about you!" he whispered in her ear.
"Hey, I'm innocent!" she protested.
"The way you kiss, definitely not!" and pressed his lips to hers for another bone melting kiss. Alice clung to him for fear she would actually fall over!
"I WAS innocent till I met you and then you sent me to the dark side." he said in a Darth Vader voice.
She grabbed his hand and they walked into the house hand in hand. He took her into the dinning room. There were gifts on the table and a small cake.
"Aw Danny I told you not to bother!" she said and tapped him playfully.
"Hey your only 16 once!" he said and hit her back playfully.
This one is off my mum," Danny said.
Amanda walked in. "Actually I got it on behalf of your mum. You'll understand when you open it!" she said.
Alice tore off the wrapping paper. She held in her hands a small velvet box. She opened it and was looking at a necklace. It was a heart with sweet across the top and 16 inside. It had little gems around the heart.
"Thanks." she said choked up. "My mum will appreciate this." she walked over and wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist. Amanda returned the hug. "You're the closet thing to a daughter I've got." she said.
"Not counting Danny." Alice retorted.
"HEY!" Danny said.
He then walked over and tied the necklace for her.
She then opened his gift. Again it was a velvet box but smaller. She opened it and saw a ring. It was yellow gold with light blue gems across. In the middle was a row of white gems.
"I put a lot of thought into that. It's a eternity ring. The blue gems represent your eyes and the white is the innocent playful light I see in them." he said. "I got it engraved too, Look."
Danny & Alice 4eva
He slid it onto her finger, it was a perfect fit. "That won't be the last ring I buy you or slide on your finger." he said seriously, his face had an intense look. He then grinned a cocky grin. He looked so sexy with that grin.
He then turned playful. "I've got one more prezzie for you, but your going to wait till 12 o'clock."
She frowned "What's going on at 12 o'clock?" she asked.
He giggled boyishly. "It's a surprise!" he said and jumped up and down in excitement.
They walked upstairs to his room. They didn't even have to ask. His mum had had a revelation. He could actually be patient and wait! He smiled inwardly. He looked at the clock 10:12.
His mum shouted to Danny up the stairs. "Going to get some shopping with your dad. We won't be long."
"OK Mum." he replied the said to Alice. "How about I tell you the plan for today?" he asked. "My surprise is at 12:00. Then me and you are going to disappear to ton for a few hours. Just the two of us. After that we come home and go out for a meal. Unfortunately since we are under 18 my parents will be going with us!" he said in disgust. "Bummer!" he added.
"Hey we can play footsies under the table!" Alice said and smiled.
"Erm no we can't coz knowing my luck I'd end up doing it to my dad." His face looked like he was in pain. "Talk about scarred for life!" he shuddered.
Alice laughed. The clock ticked by slowly.
"Why isn't it 12 oclock yet?" he asked impatience in his tone. He face her looking serious. "you could distract me you know!" he said
Alice watched him with amusement.
"Danny your like a little boy on Christmas eve sitting awake, nothing could distract you!" she said and laughed.
"Your skinny jeans could! Where are those by the way?" he asked.
"Well I learned not to wear them because they distracted you!" she said in a high pitched singsong voice.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response!" he said. Instead he threw his pillow at her.
She threw it back.
He grabbed the 2 pillows off the bed and shrieked "Pillow fight!"
Armed with both pillows he bombarded her with blows she rolled over his bed.
"Argh!" she spluttered when he hit her in the mouth. She was laughing hard, tears streaming down her face.
"Am I to accept your unconditional surrender." he asked and climbed onto the bed above her pillows held high.
"At what time did I surrender?" she asked breathing hard.
He smiled wickedly and dropped the pillows. He then balanced his hands on either side of her head and placed his mouth close to her ear.
"Looks to me like surrender!" he breathed into her ear. His warm breath caressed her neck and she shivered.
"So yes, surrender to me your lord and master!" he said.
Alice couldn't think. The feel of his breath on her skin was scrambling her brains.
"In your dreams!" she said breathlessly.
"I'm having more impure thoughts!" he said and kissed her cheek softly.
She blushed and exhaled, She had to put a stop to this before it went too far.
He moved his mouth from her ear and brushed his lips against hers. She didn't panic or kick off so he kissed her even deeper. He felt her response. He tasted the passion on her lips. Felt her tongue run across his lips His control snapped. He was slowly losing all rational thought. The blanket on the bed was fisted in his hands. Alice's hands were twined around his neck. His tongue touched hers and he felt a shiver of electricity down his spine.
He heard a little voice in his head. Telling him to stop. That this was too soon. He desperately wanted to ignore this voice.
He rolled off her and lay face down on the bed and groaned loudly.
"We've got to stop doing that!" he said muffled. "It's killing me!" he said.
Alice was breathing hard and nodded. "You instigate it and then stop it!" she said.
"It's you I can't just kiss you, your irresistible. I'm not a maniac but you evoke all these feelings!" he said and groaned again. "Then common sense steps in and I realise that we're not ready. We've only been a couple for 6 weeks, and we've only just turned 16. And I want it to be special. Not a quick fumble while my mums out!" he said. "Good intentions don't stop us losing control though!"
They lay on the bed for 10 minutes. She thought he was trying to smother himself in the blanket.
His head suddenly popped up.
What's the time? He asked and looked at his clock.
11:00.
He got up and turned his radio on. A fast song was playing. He started dancing around his room. When the song finished he bowed.
"If my present was you dancing I am seriously disappointed!" she said playfully.
"I am going to have to make you surrender again?" he asked.
"C'mon a 80 year old granny with a zimmer frame could dance better than that!" she said grinning.
"Like you could do better." he said in a goading voice.
"We'll see!" she said. "Watch and learn!"
He sat on his bed.
A dance song came on and she grinned. Basshunter - Angel in the night. She stood in the middle of the floor. With her head down. The music started and her head came up.
You are my light in the dark, You are the beating in my heart, But that is not enough, Will I ever be by your side
Her head moved to the rhythm of the music, nodding her hips moved side to side. She was getting a feel for the song. Her toes tapped.
Your hair is dancing in the wind, Your eyes are burning off my skin, And I'm so happy when I see, That you are smiling back at me
Her arms were moving fluidly. She threw her head back and closed her eyes. She forgot she was in Danny's room and let go.
You're living burn marks on the ground, Thank you God for what I've found, I don't know how, I don't know why, That you're my angel in the night
She was moving quick and energetically she raised her arms above her head and spinned and her head shifted across her shoulders.
You are my light in the dark You are the beating in my heart Let me hold you now Just like days before you start to cry
She then lifted her right foot so only her toes were on the floor and the slide her right foot across the floor quickly followed by her left and repeated it the opposite way
I try my best to satisfy But all you do is where we make it right don't know what I'm gonna doubt I'm so crazy about you
she did a arm wave starting with the tips of her fingers. it slowly moved up her arms and to the rest of her body, her whole body looked like it shook.
Even if I don't know where to start Even if my love is tearing me apart I just know that you and me We were always meant to be
her body froze but then she turned from one side to the other and then spun really fast as the music got faster she went down on her arms and did a 4 arm spin. She moved her arms out of the way before she hit them with her legs. Danny's jaw dropped.
You are my light in the dark You are the beating in my heart But that is not enough Will I ever be by your side
You're my angel in the night
She raised from the floor in a wave motion them she moved from leg to the other kicking her feet out one at a time. While her arms moved over her heart robotically, like a beating heart. As it reached a crescendo she did a little spin and fluidly moved her arms and blew him a kiss. (A/N i had this big dance in my head which was amazing an ive wrote it so crap! SORRY!)
The music finished and she was breathing heavily.
"Better than you?" she asked.
"Not a chance!" he said laughing
"Wow you should be in a group or something your good. Was that a routine or have you just made it up?" Danny said.
"Danny it was rubbish something I literally made up. There's million of other people better than me anyway. I used to go to a dance school, it was a combo dance and drama school. I only used to go for the drama but used to join in with Shauna sometimes." She smiled wistfully. My mum used to come 10 minutes early and watch me for the last 10 minutes. It became like a weekly thing. She'd hide but I knew she was there. She used to love watching me dance. She said I looked so carefree and happy."
"Why'd you stop then?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I guess I didn't see the point. I had the lead in an adaptation of Alice in wonderland. My mum was so proud and couldn't wait to see me in it. They had some people from the west end theatre company coming. My drama teacher was sure I was going to get noticed. My mum died before the production happened. I dropped out. She was always my support. I floundered for abit when she died. I gave up on the dance and the drama. The football too actually. The boys were happy. They were happy they weren't getting their asses kicked by a girl anymore." she smiled smally.
"Then dad moved here and that's it." she said.
Danny realised Alice had so much talent. So much energy. A massive zest for life. She was very hard on herself. He'd thought that dance was amazing but she just dismissed it. She needed a boost to her self esteem..
"Tell you what if you wanted to go to a dance school around here, I'll come with you." he said.
"No Danny!" she said quietly.
"C'mon or are you scared I'll show you up?" he asked.
".I said NO Danny ok!" she yelled. She walked out of his room and into the bathroom.
10 minutes later she walked back into the room and went to grab her jacket.
"I'm going home Danny." she said icily.
"No your not!" he said.
"You can't hold me hostage here I can go where I want!" she said.
"And you can't push me away!" he said back.
Alice looked at him confused.
"You think I don't know what your doing but I do! We were fine having fun. Till you did something which reminded you of your mum and then you started distancing yourself from me!" he said.
"Oh and here comes amateur Freud!" she said. "I just want my coat."
"it's ok to be angry you know." he said.
"I'm not angry." she said.
"it's understandable, she left you!" he said.
Danny knew what he was doing was cruel. Especially since that it was her birthday but he knew he couldn't let her leave. If he stopped now and she left he knew that she'd never let him carry on anytime else. He had done some reading on bereavement and he had a feeling she had a festering resentment she didn't even know she had.
"She didn't have a choice!" Alice hissed.
"You know that, but you still blame her for not coming back don't you!" he said calmly.
"She didn't want that to happen!" she said nearly hysterical.
"Why do you get angry and lose it whenever someone mentions your mother?" he asked.
"I don't lose it!" she said pacing.
"Your yelling now!" he said calmly.
He waited for a moment then said. "I know why you get angry when people mention your mother. You yell at them because you can't yell at her." he said.
Alice looked scared suddenly. "NO! I love my mum!" she said.
"Tell me Alice!" he said softly. "Why do you want to shout at your mum!" he asked.
"Please Danny don't do this to me!" she begged.
Danny hated it but he knew that it would get worse unless she faced it.
"Your scared to admit it!" he said.
Alice crumpled to the floor. She was on her knees. "Danny I'm begging you!" she pleaded.
"Because she left you and didn't come back. And you hate yourself for letting her go!" he said.
The words were like barbs into her heart. They were both sat quietly.
"No." she finally said quietly. "Because." she hiccupped a sob. "She didn't love me enough to beat it. She didn't love me enough to overcome the disease. The only thing that runs through my head is why did she let it take her away?" her voice broke. "I wouldn't of let it take me!" she said.
Alice then cried big silent tears she held her face and her shoulders shook. She cried the tears that had been bottled up for 2 years. Danny came and wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back. Her tears soaked his t-shirt but he didn't feel it. He felt the devastation and anguish rolling off Alice seeping into his body. His heart ached for her. They sat on the floor for a while. The radio played softly in the back ground. They sat for long after her tears were spent and she quieted.
He broke the silence.
"I'm so sorry Alice! I read this book. you had all the symptoms of this anger. Kids who lose their parents young get to the stage where they can't even hear their name without exploding. It only gets worse. I didn't want that to happen to you! I couldn't let it destroy the memory of your mother! But I didn't want to hurt you I swear I never wanted to hurt you like this!" he said tears in his eyes.
"You were right Danny." she said quietly. " All my friends used to skirt around the subject so I never had to face it, so don't feel guilty it was past time! When she first died I asked myself why she didn't love me enough to live. Looking back I realise I was deflecting blame. It wasn't her. It was the doctors. The hospital. My dad. Me." she said.
Alice felt lighter. "It wasn't anyone's fault, the child in me needed someone to blame." she said.
"I'm thankful you didn't let me push you away!" she told him.
"I'll never let that happen. You and me are going to be together forever and beyond!" he said. "I'm sorry this happened today!" he added.
"I'm not!" she said. "It sounds weird but I feel like I can fully embrace my 16th not that my mums memory isn't in the back of my head. I just miss her loads. At random times I get this feeling like she should be here!" she said quietly.
"Still!" he replied. "What I did was cruel and I hated every millisecond of it!"
"I'll find you a suitable punishment!" she said and tried to smile. Then "Hey it's 5 to 12. Where's this present you promised me?" she asked.
He ran over to his tape deck and pressed record. He then got them settled on the floor. She was sat between his legs her back cushioned against his chest .
