Disclaimer: Not mine. If it was, I would be really rich and I could buy Emmett Cullen for myself! :))

A/N: Important. Please read.

There will be one racist joke here. I am not a racist person, but my cousin is. lol. I just got used to his jokes that sometimes, it gets stuck into my mind. I don't want to offend any person who has a dark skin tone. I think fairly of everyone, so please, don't be offended. I, myself, have a sort of dark complexion. Well, I'm slightly tan. But that's not the point. My point is, I don't want to offend anyone. If I do, I'm sorry.

Oh yeah, thanks for the people who gives me lovely reviews. Thanks for all the compliments and whatnot. I'll just state the names of who reviewed me so far. Cullen4Life, thanks for giving me 4 reviews in a row. Seriously, you are the only one who did that. I LOVE YOU! 3

Thanks also to angei0-7, who gave me a fantastic opinion about what I'm doing so far.

Thanks also to LOVE IS A GIFT, Jazziee and blackREDgreenSILVER who gave me reviews and compliments. :)

Enjoy! :) (R&R)


"WHAAAAT?" She screeched. Man, I think I need new eardrums.

"Of course, she'd stick with us, Lauren. We're cooler than you retards all put together." Rosalie said, smug. But seriously, who would choose Lauren? She looked like she was made in China. Fake boobs, fake hair, fake lips..

That would make a good comeback.

"As if, huns. I mean, we are totes better than you. I'm guessing, Bella, here, feels sorry for you, huns. I mean, who wouldn't? Your face looks so ugly, it looks like black boy's shit." Lauren retaliated. Rosalie's eyes narrowed and started to stand up. Meataloid held her down and started calming here. Well, I guess I could make use of the comeback I just made.

"Well, hun," I said, emphasizing the word 'hun', " I decided to join them because they don't have people looking like they were made in China." I quipped. I heard a whole bunch of laughter around the cafeteria. But one stood out the most. The Meataloid's laugh.

"You just got burned, Lauren!" I heard him say. Lauren started getting redder and redder by this point. She stomped out of the cafeteria, followed by her cronies.

"Swan, you've got some spunk!" I heard Meataloid compliment.

"Thanks, Meataloid." I told him sincerely. By now, the laughter died and everybody went into their respective conversations.

"Meataloid?" He chuckled.

"Well, yeah. I don't know your name and you're beefy." I said, suddenly shy. I sat down beside Rose.

"Oh, how rude of us! This is Jasper, my cousin." Rose pointed and Jasper waved at me. I smiled in return.

"That's Emmett, the meataloid (insert chuckle here), and also, my boyfriend." Then Meataloid, grinned at me, showing his cute ass dimples.

"Then, this is Eddie, the town's playboy." Rose muttered, quite angrily.

"It's Edward." Said a smooth, velvety voice. I could feel the blood rushing up to my face. Down, blood! Must resist blushing. Need..to..fight..back..the.. Oh Goddamnit. I can't. Fine, go and rush up to my cheeks you motherfucking blood you. I'll just make up some random excuse just to save myself from embarrassment.

"I need to fart. I'm keeping this way too long." I told them and farted. Loud and proud. I looked around to see if anyone else heard it, but looks like none of them even noticed. Oh yeah, I must tell you that producing fart even though I don't feel the need to fart is one of my talents. Well, I must say that I am one talented bitch.

"Damn girl, you can rival me with your stink!" I heard Emmett say while coughing. Everyone in our table must be coughing. Wait. Shit. What I did is such a turn off to guys. DAMMIT, but well, I got the blush convo away.

"I, uh, sorry?" I asked. But Edward just laughed with tears in his eyes.

"What?" I snapped at him.

" You are one of a kind, Isabella Swan. You might be the angel for me sent down from heaven." Edward said. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Girl, I know I said you've got some spunk, but not this kind of spunk!" Emmett shouted, his eyes, tearing. I patted his back.

"You didn't tell me sooner, Emmett." I said and laughed.

"Warn me sooner, 'kay?"

"Sure.."

The bell rang and all of us rushed out. I went to my locker and picked out my books. I headed for Trigonometry. I went in, let the teacher sign my slip and sat at the back. I saw Lauren and her cronies at the back of the room. Shit, they have the best location. I decided to sit near the window, front desk, so whatever they do, the teacher will see.

"Well, we've got a new student here. Please introduce yourself to the class, Miss Swan." The teacher said. I feigned shock and stood up.

"Oh well, I'm Isabella Swan. Err, I do modeling and I like the colour red?" I said in a questioning tone. I don't know how to introduce myself. They should check Wikipedia and search for me. DUUUUUH.

"Okay, please take your seat." I hopped towards my seat and sat down. The teacher explained about the law of cosines and whatnot.

SWISH!

Ow. Something hit the back of my head. I looked behind me and shit! It's a fucking wet, slobbery paper ball! I screamed and ran up to the teacher.

"Mister, mister! Someone shot a saliva paper ball!" I screamed at him. He looked very irritated as he looked around the room.

"Michael Newton the third!" He screamed angrily. He stomped over their table and saw Mike, scurrying to hide the straw that he used to blow the slobbery paper ball towards me.

"Uh, yes sir?" He asked nervously.

"Did you, or did you not just shoot a saliva paper ball towards Miss Swan?" He asked venomously. I saw dreads boy nudge him. Then Mike sat up straight and smirked at the teacher.

"Well, yeah. What'cha gonna do 'bout it?" He retorted. I saw him look at me smugly.

The teacher seemed surprised by his answer. Maybe he never did answer him like that. Or maybe, Newton was being a goody two shoes here in class. Ohh...

"I'll have you for detention, Mr. Newton." The teacher spat and stalked off but not before he told me that I could have a minute telling Newton to 'learn his lessons.' I smirked and went towards Newt and Dreadlocks boy.

"Newt. Dreadsboy. This means war, don't you know?" I told him, with the hint of threat in my voice. Newt gulped, but Dreadsboy just chuckled. The FUCK? I just fucking threatened him and he just chuckles at me?

"Are you mental, dreadsboy? Or are you just being black?" I said smugly. He suddenly looked offended. His nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed into slits.

"Oh, so you're being racist now, huh?"

"Oh, so you just pulled off an indirect sexist thing, huh?"

I gracefully walked back to my stool and spent the day creating revenge plans. I could pour glue on him and feathers..Nah, it's not that original. Or maybe, I could put dye in his shampoo?..Stalker much. Uhm, how about, cutting dreadsboy's dreads? HAHA. Not really. Too basic.

I was too busy planning, I didn't hear the bell ring. I quickly launched up my seat and ran off. In my next class, I made the teacher sign the slip and started to furiously write on my binder, conjuring up plans and their pros and cons. I think the teacher called me a few times, but I ignored him.

Oh. Chicken.

Chickens are my worst enemies. They make fun of me and get me embarrassed. One time, I was on a date and we had roasted chicken. From there, it went downhill...

Flashback

"Oh, hey Bells!" I heard James exclaim. I smiled at him in response.

"I'm so glad you agreed to have a date with me after so long." Desperate much?

"Oh yeah, suuuuuure." I answered him offhandedly.

"I ordered chicken for us. I just thought you would like it, since most people do." He said and grinned at me. Shizzors.

"No! WHY DID YOUUUU?" I yelled at him. I started jumping up the seat and thrashing. He looked panicked. I could handle this..I can't.

I sat down and calmed myself. I apologized profusely, but didn't miss the skeptic look on his face. I shrugged at him and smiled innocently.

FING!

Uh, fing? Why'd the heck did it say FING? Shouldn't it be DING? You know, like DING dong? Or something?

"Here's the food, Bells." He said and handed me my plate. I looked at it and put on a face of disgust. I quickly shielded that and took my fork and knife. My hands are shaking. I stabbed the chicken gingerly with the fork and I tried to use the knife to cut it.

No such luck.

I looked at James and saw he was eating already, his chicken meat sliced to pieces, the bone discarded. I stabbed the chicken once again and tried it. It won't budge. I stabbed it repeatedly using the knife. James looked surprised. I stabbed it until it looked like garbage. Then I put it in my mouth and started chomping.

"I EAT YOU CHICKEN!" I said in my cave woman voice. I put it in my mouth and ate it without grace.

"YUM YUM!" I said, still using my cavewoman voice. I heard James excuse himself to go to the bathroom, but instead, I saw him go towards his car and drive off. I looked down at my dress and saw gravy sliding down. I shrugged and still ate it like the cave woman that I am.

End Flashback

Yeah, they make me show the cave woman in me. How embarrassing is that? Your date seeing you act like an uneducated woman? He was like, Am I looking at the woman that I liked? Or am I just you know, being Punk'd! Or something...

Yup. Pretty sure that was what he was thinking. I mean, what else would it have been?

The bell rang again, signalling us that it is the end of classes. I gathered my books and headed to my locker. I opened my lock and stuffed all of my books there. I closed and locked it and headed towards Mrs. Cope.

As I was walking, I heard giggling. I whipped my head towards it and they stopped. I looked back into the direction I was supposed to go and heard giggling again. I groaned.

"What?" I snapped at them. They quickly hid something behind their backs and shook their heads. I made my way towards them and tried to grab the paper. They kept passing it to each other. When I finally had enough, I stood in front of them.

"You girl, you're Brittanie. I know about how you originally had a penis, but then you had to do a sex change."

"You, you're Rachel. I know that your boyfriend has a pencil dick, but you keep on telling people that he has a big one."

"You're Emma. I also know that you make those killer brownies," she smiled smugly, "but I know your so called choco sprinkles were mouse turd." I heard several people saying 'shit' and run towards the bathroom. Emma looked so humiliated. They ran off and left the paper behind. I looked at it and..

FUCK SHIT.

There was a picture of me, well actually just my head, connected to a fat body. That fat body has layers of fat, almost looking like crap. I mean, seriously, crap. It has so much fat. I feel so disgusted just by seeing it. Then, I flipped it on the back. I saw something scribbled there.

Swan,

You totes just announced war between us, hun. You and those retar Cullens and me, with my totes awess posse.

I hope you come out alive and not humiliated, hun. NOT, hun.

Bye, hun! ;)

-Lauren.

She wrote it with her hearts and whatnot. She had her 'HUN' word there. And totes. And retar. And awess. UGH. I wanna bang my head on a brick wall right now and let Humpty Dumpty fall so he can't dry hump the wall anymore. OHHH!

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, I banged my head and he had a great fall, his non-existent penis couldn't take it at all, he died not dry humping the wall.

I just made an amazing version of Humpty Dumpty. I sang that while I was walking towards Mrs. Cope. I left the slip on her desk and made my way to my car. Lauren 'hun' Mallory, believe it or not, (I don't want to believe but, that's life..*sigh*) you just made my life interesting.

Lauren Mallory announced a war, Her China based ego would have a great blow, all of her posse would suffer as well, hearing her say 'hun' all over again.

Aren't I just awesome?