Hey everybody. Here's chapter 28 for you guys. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, by the way. Raene is my only creation. I noticed that I haven't been putting that disclaimer up as much as I should. :) Sorry this one is so long. I apologize. Also, I will have some comics posted on my profile that have Raene in them soon. I'll let you all know.
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The second we exited the portal, Saïx released his grip on my arm. I froze in thought as he walked down the hall.
I can see Kairi? I can see her! I thought over and over again. Of course I wanted to see her. It was one of the things I wanted most in this not-life of mine. I also wanted to go back and stop my friends from dying.
I thought that if I had some way of traveling to the past, I would only stop my friends' untimely disappearances. I wouldn't bother trying to stop myself from even becoming a Nobody. If I didn't become one I would have never met the best friends one could ask for. I would never know what it was like to have people like them so close to me.
Naminé—the motherly friend. She was like a child at times but at others she was the one that knew how to make right decisions and fix problems. My 'other' in a way, just like Kairi was.
Roxas—he was just an average teenager. He was normal and I wouldn't have it any other way. He didn't get angry or sad often. He was always in a happy mood and the adorable expression on his face would always make you smile, even if you were feeling your worse.
Then there was my best friend, Axel—a thousand words couldn't describe him. He was like a god at times. His constant mood swings could tick anyone off, but that was what made him who he was. He made up for it with his smooth way of talking. His captivating eyes, fiery spikes of hair, and dazzling smile gave him the appearance of an angel. Axel was there for you when you needed a shoulder to cry on and…and…like I said…there was no way explain him succinctly.
I was just so worried that I wouldn't be able to see him again before our time ended. I wanted to tell him that this death-fated life was made great because of his constant love. A continuous wave of nervousness passed over me. I had a strange feeling that I wouldn't see his smile, his green orbs, his spiky flames, not until we met again in our heaven. What if his time ended before I saw him again?
No don't think that! I said to myself. I tried thinking of something else. Demyx…great, another sad thought. I had never noticed till this year how great of a friend Demyx was. He had been quiet most of the time. He was friendly when I first came here, then when his acceptance from the superiors became important, he never talked to us. He didn't pay attention at all—not even to his closest friend, Larxene—but I guess that was also because Larxene grew close to Marluxia. But now that Naminé and Roxas were gone and Axel was constantly getting in trouble, Demyx was the only one left to talk to. I still wondered why I had had that dream about him. Was it supposed to be a sign of something to happen in the future? No, it couldn't be—he was gone now. Maybe it was to show me something else, a vision of something, but not of Demyx himself. Hmmm?
Demyx was just like Axel. He didn't have as many mood swings as my redheaded friend but he could easily go from being bubbly and happy to being angrier than a bull. Like Axel, I could always cry on his shoulder and he would always be there for me if I needed him. What were my feelings for him? They could be nothing more than the ones I had for my other friends.
What I had been told for the last nine years about not being able to feel was a load of crap. I could feel, and so could all the other Nobodies. We DID exist. Was I not standing here in the hallways of this castle? Did this castle not truly exist here in this world? And did this world not truly exist in the universe? It was stupid; we were as real as any human. Our feelings were true, too. Did we not get sad if we were made fun of? Did we not get happy if someone did something nice for us? Did we not get angry if someone was mean to us? It was true—we could feel! We did! All the way from the older members to the younger ones. Why were we told this?
"Xarene?" I heard my name being called.
I looked up suddenly. "Huh?" I asked.
"Do you want to see your sister?" Saïx asked.
I stared at him for a minute. "You would actually let me see her? After the fact that I said I would rather be a traitor than be with you all?"
"You didn't mean it," he said. "You were just angry. We all know that you would never betray us—you've seen what happens to traitors. Do you want to end up like the others—Marluxia, Larxene, Axel?" I didn't answer. "So do you?" I nodded.
But did I really want to see her? Well, of course I did. I hadn't seen her in nine years and she was my sister after all. I followed Saïx down the hall to a dark archway. On the other side was a dark spiraling staircase going downward. It was stone and lined with torches. It seamed just like a staircase in an old mid-evil castle. Down to the dungeon we walked.
So I wanted to see her. But I also didn't want to tell her everything now. I had decided that I would eventually, even if it would be putting a lot on her shoulders at once. She needed to know, didn't she? I had to have someone know about me?
I believed that the other Nobodies truly existed despite their name. They were as real as anything. But I didn't. I had been erased from existence when I was six. Because of some stupid prophet, my life had been wiped off the face of the planet. No one remembered me. Well, maybe that wasn't true…there were my parents. But they were both dead. Could they truly know who I was? My mother had been dead before I was forgotten. Did she know that she had another daughter? Or was Kairi her only love still alive? And what of my father? Was I still his little girl? Did he, up in heaven, know that he had twins and not just one girl? Could they see me when they looked down upon us? Or had they forgotten me, too? Just like everybody else…
Saïx and I came to the bottom of the long staircase finally. The hallway that opened up was very long and bright. It was simply tall white walls and a grey patterned floor. Every fifty or so feet there was a large cage where our prisoners were held behind thick, metal bars. Saïx walked on ahead and I followed.
What was I supposed to do? What Axel had said about helping the others made somewhat sense. He was going to disappear no matter what, and since Sora was really Roxas, why not help him out right? Axel was an enemy of the Organization now and would probably do whatever he could to mess with them. And since I knew I was going to disappear also, despite the fact that the prophecy said that I might not, I should side with Axel and help Sora too. That prophecy would obviously turn out to be true—I was fated to fade away, just like my brothers and sisters. I knew I wasn't going to tell Kairi now, but I would when the fated day came—it wasn't too far away.
I looked up at Saïx who was slowly making his way done the hallway, passing groaning prisoners with outstretched arms, begging to be let free. I tried to ignore them. I wondered about the members' true intentions and whether they really wanted to continue with the making of our Kingdom Hearts.
"If you had a choice, would you have still kidnapped me?" I asked Saïx before I could help myself.
He glanced quickly over his shoulder at me. As he kept his yellow eyes on me, I summoned my cloak and changed out of my shorts and shirt, which I was freezing in.
"Because I don't hold a grudge against you, you know," I said looking at the ground.
He turned back around. "It was an order; I must do what my superiors ask of me," he said coldly.
"But if you were free to make your own decisions, would you have done that anyway?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I just was thinking…I'm kinda glad that you did."
He glanced back again. "Glad? You are glad that I took you away from your family?" he said turning back to the hallway once more.
"Yeah. I wouldn't have met these people if you hadn't," I said smiling.
And that was true. I wouldn't have been that happy on the islands. Not only would I not have ever met Axel and my other friends, but I probably wouldn't have that great of a life there. Everyone obsessed over Kairi; it probably wouldn't be that different if I was there too. Like I said, I didn't believe that I deserved to live a normal life. Why? Because I was Darkness. That was what I represented from the moment I was born. I was born with it, that's what made my heart the way it was. The necklace was what proved it. Although my heart was half dark and half light, as was everything, it was destined…fated in fact, to fall to the shadows.
My sister. She, too, had the two halves of a heart like everyone else, but her aura was of Light. She didn't see the blackness in her heart. That's what made her pure. She and the other Princesses of Heart were the only people who had such pure hearts; they couldn't see Darkness. Even if I had stayed on the islands, I wouldn't have been one of the Princesses of Heart. I wasn't pure enough.
"Saïx?" I asked.
"Hmmm?" I heard him say.
"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
"No, seriously. Can I?"
"Do I really have a choice whether you ask me or not, Raene?" he said.
"What?" I said, eyes wide.
"What?" he asked confused as to why I had asked 'what.'
"You called me 'Raene,'" I said. "You never call me that."
"Well, it is your name, after all," he said not caring.
"But you guys always used to get on to me when I used that name. You guys wanted me to use 'Xarene,'" I said.
"You were never supposed to be one of us. We only wanted you to be here with us. We hoped that you would be more like Naminé. You were supposed to be Nobody but not be a member, you understand? But you were too much like the members to not be one. You didn't show enough strange gifts like Naminé. You had terrific fighting abilities and the will of one of us."
I wasn't even like a real Nobody. I hadn't been in a past life at any point. Everyone else had once been somebody. Naminé and Roxas had too, but they didn't have the choice to be one or not. They technically weren't the same person as Kairi and Sora. They didn't have any memories of being them. They were different and weren't supposed to exist.
Even the members like Axel had done something to make them become a Nobody. Axel had told me that he was the reason that his love would be dead if they had ever had that past. He said that he had made stupid mistakes, which led to his creation as a Nobody.
Nobodies like Naminé, Roxas, and I didn't make any mistakes. We didn't have a choice. Roxas and Naminé weren't supposed to exist. They had only been in Darkness for a short time before Sora and Kairi woke up again. I never chose this fate either I didn't have an other. I was the same person I was before. I just lived in this world off my sister; her heart was the only thing that connected me back to being human. Now there was nothing left. I was different now.
"Was it hard to raise the other members?" I asked changing the subject.
"What? Raising five babies is no picnic. Of course it was hard. Not to mention we had no motherly figure to help us out or anything," he said.
I laughed. "How'd you all manage it?" I asked.
"I never really liked you wailing kids. I tried to get along with them but Axel lit me on fire once when I was trying to have one of his first real conversations. Ever since then, I just gave the jobs to the other members until they were old enough that they didn't need a babysitter."
"Who raised who the most then? I can't see Xaldin having the patience to teach a toddler how to talk. He'd probably stab them if they got too annoying," I said laughing at the image.
"Well, Marluxia took a liking to Larxene right away. Not that he had a choice; she crawled after him no matter where he went. Xigbar kinda took care of Axel. Zexion also helped out with him. Naminé was mostly raised by Marluxia."
"What about Demyx?" I asked.
"He had days where he would start screaming in high-pitched whines if he was in Marluxia's arms. We'd then let Zexion take care of him. But then, Demyx, being complicated, would sometimes react the same way when he was with Zexion. He was a handful, I tell you."
I laughed again. "Besides the hard work…wasn't it sort of fun? I mean being together for so long like a big family, didn't you enjoy somewhat?" I asked.
"Maybe just a little," he said in a bored tone but I could tell he was smiling. "I'd rather be with my old family more."
"Your old family?" I said.
"Mm-hm," he said. "I may not look it but I was quite the catch in my past life."
"What?" I said dumbly.
"I was married and had a son. About a year older than you I suppose. They're still out there somewhere. I've been away for fifteen years without seeing either of them."
"Is that the reason why you try so hard to complete Kingdom Hearts…to see your wife and son again?" I asked.
"Yes."
"What happened that made you become a Nobody?" I asked.
"My wife was very ill and needed an organ transplant to survive."
"What organ? A heart?" I asked.
"Yes," he said simply.
"How would you continue living if you gave her your heart?" I asked shocked.
"I wouldn't. But I would have done anything to save her. I didn't want her to die. She was so young and beautiful; it wasn't right for someone like her to have her life ended so early."
That seamed a lot like what Axel thought about me. He would rather have me live without him then have my life ended so early.
"So by giving her your heart…"
"I became a Heartless," he finished.
"And your Nobody?"
"I guess since I lost my heart for a good reason, it proved I was strong-willed and my body became who I am today."
"I understand your reasoning of wanting to become whole again. But still the prophecies say that even though our Kingdom Hearts will be completed, we will fail in becoming whole. Why do you all go against what they say?"
"Pft…Xemnas goes by them and so do those who follow him," he answered.
"But why? You're just wasting your energy. We won't succeed!"
"If you had something dear to you waiting, you would be working just as hard as us! But you don't have anything dear to you back there! All of the people who knew you, all your precious people are either dead or don't know that you even existed! All those people you knew and the people you might have met if you had stayed on the islands are now just forgotten and lost memories of your past!" He yelled spinning around. He stopped and I did too. I backed up a few steps. "What? Are you going to cry now?" he spat.
My lip quivered. Maybe, I said to myself. "No," I lied.
"Good we're almost there," he said spinning around once more.
I quickly whipped the tears away from my eyes so that he couldn't see them. I pulled my hood over my head as we approached a large cell. I didn't look up into the cell, but instead, kept my eyes at the floor right on the other side of the bars.
A yellow dog bounded over to the bars and panted, wagging his tail. This was King Mickey's dog. Why was he with Kairi? The dog turned to look at Saïx and he began to growl, barring his teeth angrily. Saïx kneeled and held a small treat through the bars. Pluto, the dog took the treat from him and pranced off to the side and out of my sight.
"Is there anything I can get you, Kairi?" Saïx asked from next to me.
No one answered. It took all my will and strength not to look up and see if she was actually in there or not.
"Suit yourself," he said. He turned to me and whispered so that only I could hear. "Mind what you say, Number VIII."
"Number XIV," I whispered harshly back but still only low enough for him to hear.
"Like I said before…you were never supposed to be a member. But now that Axel isn't one of us, you are to take his place," he answered. "I'll be down the hall. Mind what you say." And the he walked down the hall.
This was it. I would see Kairi for the first time in nine years. Even being able to see what she was seeing couldn't compare to this. The last time I had had a vision of being inside of Kairi was more than a year ago when she returned back to the islands. After that I didn't see her at all. I didn't know how she had grown up in the past year. Back when I was in Twilight Town I had the most recent vision of her. But I hadn't been inside her; it was like I was another person. And sadly, I can't even remember what she looked like in that vision. That was the last vision I would have of her. Now that I had become a Nobody completely, my heart couldn't connect to hers like it used to. My heart wasn't even real anymore. It was just slowly deteriorating into nothing.
My eyes slowly traveled across the ground of the cell. The small room was cast over with a dark pinkish-purple light. Two lamps giving off the glow hung on the back wall. In between them, on the floor, was my big sister. Her back was facing me. She sat pathetically on the floor, her legs bent by her side and her hands falling to the ground. It looked as if she was in a trance.
When she had her heart hidden in Sora's a year ago, I had trouble seeing her sometimes because she wasn't completely connected to me. I had pictured her sitting like a lifeless puppet on the ground staring at nothing in particular. That's how she looked from the back now.
I was in such awe. There she was—my big sister. She had always been like a little sister to me because she was always protected at home while I was leading this sort of life. It always made her seam fragile to me. But now, as she sat not five feet away, she seamed like such a stronger, capable young woman who wasn't affected by any emotions, unlike me. I was about to break into tears any second now.
Kairi sighed and stood up after a few silent minutes. She had no idea that I was standing there. She turned around and faced me. Her pale eyelids were shut and covering her blue eyes. She was taller and looked nothing like the Kairi I remembered from the past nine years. After we had been separated, she cut her hair. Over the past year, she had grown her long crimson hair out again so that hit her shoulders like mine. She was like a mirror to me almost.
She wore a light pink sleeveless dress. Underneath was a white tank top. Attached to the straps of the tank top was a black hood. It amazed me how similar we were. Not only did we have black hoods attached only to our sleeves that, themselves technically weren't part of our outfit, but our shoes were the same too. They were both high tops; hers an Easter purple, mine a light sky blue. And just like she had black ribbons lacing up her legs from her shoes, I too had black and white ribbons doing the same. Her pink dress had a black belt at the waist with two black straps connecting at the front and back. A small pouch hung from her belt. Zippers crossed all over the front of her dress, some zipped, others not. Three small bangle bracelets were on her left wrist. The black chocker she used to wear was gone but the other two necklaces still remained. A small off-white raindrop, and her black and white crystal heart. I quickly flashed my eyes to my neck to make sure mine was hidden.
I looked back up at her. She slowly opened her big eyes. They were still as big and blue as I remembered. They were just like Sora's, Roxas', and Naminé's. When her gaze fell on me standing just a few feet away, her eyes got even bigger.
"Who are you?" she asked. Her voice was similar in a way, but different also. It was just as bold and fearless as before but it seamed older and not as childish sounding.
I didn't answer her. I just stared on silently in shock.
"Are you with that blue-haired guy? What about that Axel guy who kidnapped me? Are you their friends?" she asked taking a step closer cautiously.
"I—I…" I stuttered. What would I say? She came to the bars and placed her forehead against the cold metal so that her face was as close to mine as possible.
"Please. What are you going to do to us?" she said.
"I don't know," I said plainly. And it was the truth. I had no idea what the others wanted to do with Kairi.
"Do you know that guy, Axel?" she asked.
I nodded.
"He a friend of yours?" she asked with an annoyed tone in her voice.
I nodded again.
"So why'd he bring me here? He said that he would let me see Sora, and so far, I don't see Sora," she said pushing off the bars and crossing her arms over her chest.
"Sora?" I asked.
"Yeah. He's my best friend. So you gonna tell me who you are?" she said.
"I can't do that, Kairi," I said simply.
"Why not?" she asked.
"It isn't time," I replied. Part of being in the Organization was to be able to answer others' questions in riddles or in ways that didn't really answer them.
"Time? Time for what? I'm obviously gonna be here a while, why not just tell me your name?" she said annoyed.
"Like I said, it isn't time. Some day soon you will learn all that there is to know. You will figure out many things that are new to you. But I can't tell you now. You will just have to be patient with me, ok, Kairi?" I said changing my tone to a sweet one.
"Be patient? I want my answers now though," she said sinking to the floor and taking the same trance-like position from earlier.
I bent down so that I was level with her once more. "Kairi?" I said.
She looked up at me. "Hmm?"
"I want to tell you everything, believe me, I do. I just can't right now. I can't explain why I can't, but I just can't. At a time, not too far away from now, you will understand why I couldn't tell you now, and you will learn everything. I want to tell you. I've wanted to tell you these things for many years. Just trust me, ok? Can you do that?" I said.
"For many years? Who are you?!" She said throwing her head back aggravated.
"Kairi…" I said sternly.
"I…I have to wait to learn everything. I guess I can. But I don't even know if I can trust you," she said looking at me once more.
"Well then I guess it can't be helped that you don't trust me. But you don't really have a choice. I'm sorry for what my people have done. I'll make sure you are taken care of nicely. I'll see you later, Kairi," I said standing up and making to walk towards Saïx who was waiting down the hall.
"Wait!" she said grabbing my hand.
I turned and looked down at her. She was on her knees, one hand gripping a bar of the cell door and the other, stretched out desperately, holding me within her reach. "Please don't go! I don't want to be alone. I don't know why, but I think you can be trusted; I just don't want to be down here alone again. Please don't go!" She said.
"I have to go, though," I said squeezing her hand slightly.
"Why?" she asked.
I took my other hand and pried hers off mine. "Because," I sighed sadly, "my friend just died and…and I have to go to his funeral."
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Ok. So sorry for the wait and the length of this one. I just had to get a lot of her thoughts down and have Kairi in the same thing. I didn't think it would take so many Microsoft Word pages to get everything I wanted down.
Thanks for reading.
By the way…when I was talking about Axel and I used the word "succinctly" that means "with few words".
It was a vocab word for English and I wanted to use it for some reason.
Thanks again.
sarah
