Chapter 14: Lonely

Brick

Minutes. Days. Weeks. Months. Years. Who knew? They were all alike. I sat in my room day and night, except when I had to go to school. The second I'd get home, I'd lock myself in and not come out until the next morning.

Time rushed by like sand in an hourglass. Nothing really mattered to me.

I would pass her in the hallway, and we were both too guilty to even look at each other. She had obviously come up with some way to blame herself for everything that happened... but who knew if she was really at fault?

Oh, I had so many regrets...

What has happened to me?

It was like this really big empty gap in my heart. I didn't know what to do with myself. I would sit for hours at a time doing absolutely nothing but wondering what it would have been like if I had heard her out on that one fateful day.

And, of course, that awful thought of: "Go talk to her. She'll understand." And I would find all the right words to say, and think of all the right things to do, and then when I saw her the next day at school everything I had thought of would disappear. My courage would vanish. And I found myself staring at the girl who, too, could not look me in the eye, and I would feel the urge to run in the other direction out of guilt and pain.

I had stopped feeling emotions in order to put up that wall... the one that stopped me from feeling the pain of leaving her crying.

I could not even speak her name.


Blossom

"You've been sitting here for so long. What the hell happened to you?" shouted Buttercup, sitting on the foot of my bed. "It's like your not even alive!"

I stared at the ceiling, studying the intricate patterns of the lamp. I wrapped my arms around my knees and sat there... pathetic.

"I said," she stated angrily, "what happened to you?!"

I looked at her. Words came out of my mouth before I had even thought them through. "It was so perfect..." I replied slowly. "And then there was Riley. He ruined everything..." Tears no longer came to my eyes when I thought of that day. For months I had not been able to even think about that horrible moment without bursting into uncontrollable sobs, but now it was just all nothing. My tears had dried up -- I had used them all. The sobs were gone, too... my voice was too weak from calling out his name.

Nothing really mattered to me anymore...

"Riley... McHurley?" Buttercup hissed. "I used to like, love him. But then, one fine day, I realized that he's a conceited waste of flesh. He did this?"

"He made it look like I cheated on Brick. He kissed me. I know that it was just a kiss, but it felt like rape. Brick saw, and we... we haven't talked since," I said, staring blankly at the wall. I pictured that moment over and over in my mind. It haunted me like a nightmare. The injured look in his eyes... the way he turned cold and hard... like a statue.

"That freaking ASSHOLE!" screamed Buttercup, bashing her clenched fist on the table. "He's the reason you haven't talked to anyone for THREE MONTHS? That little --" She growled a low, animalistic groan of loathing.

I blinked. "It's over. There's nothing anyone can do," I said sadly.

"Yeah? You just watch me. That little worm will regret being born!" Buttercup shouted, kicking the bed. She kicked the armoire and shouted, "Okay! That's it!"

It was almost time for school. Buttercup grabbed her backpack and bashed and flew out of a hole in the roof. I didn't get my hopes up that she would accomplish anything... but maybe there was a chance.

Maybe...

I refused to get my hopes up too high, only to have them dashed.

Well, just maybe...

... there was some way to be with Brick.