Hey everybody! School has started again and it's a long weekend so I decided to take a break from the horrors of the enormous homework piles of sophomore year and update. Here it is, enjoy!

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It was quiet. Just the way I wanted it. With the silence I could pretend I was anywhere, not here where my friend had just taken his last breath. I closed my eyes and pictured myself being anywhere but here.

Memories flashed through my mind. They seemed almost too real to be just a memory. I actually felt like I was a little kid again. At first I was as young as I could remember, barely able to talk. My father was sitting on his throne, in his best robes, sitting up straight. Kairi and I were on either side of him, in beautiful, hand-knitted dresses that flowed behind us. We were posing for a portrait that was supposed to go in the main hall of the castle.

The memory flashed away almost as fast as it appeared and was replaced by another. It was my fifth birthday. Kairi and I were in beautifully matching sundresses, our long hair pulled back into elaborate styles. Everyone from the main kingdom was there. In the main street they had laid out a long carpet down the cobblestones. At the end were two miniature thrones, but Kairi and I weren't sitting in them. We were standing in front of all the people who had come to wish their princesses a happy birthday. Pedals, all white, purple, and pink, were blowing by in the wind, some landing in our hair.

That memory flashed by too and a different one came to my mind. I smiled as I recognized my first day in the Organization's castle. I remembered how sad and scared I had been at first, but the second I ran into him, all my fears went away. His smile warmed my insides and I forgot what had happened just before that moment.

Other memories of my childhood flashed by. Larxene and I getting into a fight while Marluxia and Zexion tried to pull us apart. Naminé and I exchanging secrets while Roxas and Axel sat across the room watching us. There had never been that awkward stage where any of us were nervous or embarrassed around each other. That's one of the things I loved so much about my childhood.

The day when Axel returned from Castle Oblivion followed my childhood memories. I remembered how that moment had been so happy at first. I had jumped on him, wrapping my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground and spun me around. After putting me down, he and Roxas joined in a brotherly hug. It was all smiles among the other members as well, until Roxas asked about Naminé. Axel's smile disappeared and he looked at the ground. Roxas and I stared at him, confused. "Axel, where is she?" I asked. He just shook his head, not meeting my eyes. Demyx then asked about Larxene and the others. Axel again just shook his head. It wasn't until later that we got the truth out of him. Naminé had disappeared according to Axel and the others fell victim to Sora and his friends.

Roxas left soon after that and everything went downhill for a while. Axel barely spoke to me for months. I tried to push those depressing memories out of my mind and replace them with happy ones. But sadly, there weren't many happy ones since Axel came back. Friends were separated, killed, and nothing seemed like it could be happy again.

I opened my eyes and wiped away the last of my tears. "Raene," Sora said from next to me.

"Yes?" I asked slowly turning to him. He was holding a scroll tied with a red ribbon.

"Axel wanted me to give this to you," he said. I grabbed it from him and stared at it for several seconds. "He also…" I looked up as he paused. "He wanted me to tell you something…" he said.

"…Yes?" I asked not meeting his eyes. I turned back, only keeping them locked on the ribbon.

"Well, he wanted me to tell you that he's sorry for hurting Kairi and everything else," he spoke quietly. I looked up slowly trying to focus on his eyes without crying. "He told me you'd understand what that meant." I nodded, looking down quickly but looking back up as he continued to talk. "He said that…that you meant everything to him…"

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes. I knew that trying to talk when you're on the verge of tears would only make you cry more, so I tried desperately not to answer him.

"He told me to tell you that…that…" he stopped, unsure of how to say it.

I tried to show with my eyes that I wanted him to continue.

"…that all the feelings I have for Kairi are what he has for you…"

I raised my eyebrows as if saying, 'what?'

"He said that he would give up his heart to darkness in order to save you and that he'd travel the universe, fighting everything in his way, away from his loved ones just to save you…"

"That's what you did, just to save Kairi," I said smiling, forgetting my silent vow not to speak.

He nodded. "I just know that he said that all the feelings I have for Kairi are the ones he had for you, Raene. I'm not sure exactly what that means."

"Nor do I…" I said looking back down at the scroll in my hand. "Maybe this'll explain." I slowly pulled one end of the ribbon and the scroll unrolled in my hand. I relaxed my position before casting my eyes to the beginning of the letter.

Raene,

I'm not sure how to put any of this in terms that sound right. "I'm sorry," seems to be the only thing that fits. I'm sorry for everything that I've done in these past nine years. Anything at all that might have upset you or hurt you in anyway. You know I never meant to. One thing I'm know I did truly wrong was coming home after several months without half our family. I sent five of our own to their deaths, and caused two to leave, and I know how much it must have hurt to see me come home without them by my side.

I'm sorry for all the fights I ever picked with you. I'm sorry for my constant mood swings, I bet the got annoying—one moment I'd be happy, the next angry…and it was always at you…well not really AT you—but I got angry a lot when I was around you. I never figured out why that was. Maybe it was just something in you that jump-started emotions I wasn't used to holding.

I want you to know that I never meant to hurt Kairi. I've said it so many times but I feel that the only way you can really understand is if you read my thoughts on paper. I just didn't want to lose you. I believed that you deserved a real life and not one of a Nobody. You say that you got this life because it was your destiny to fade to Darkness and that was decided at birth…but I just always thought that you weren't supposed to become one of us. You never chose this path, and I believe people get to choose their own fate. Every Nobody, including Roxas and Naminé, chose to, in one way or another. You were forced and I never thought it was fair. But, I never regret that Saïx brought you here that day all those years ago. I would have never got to meet you and then my 'not' life wouldn't be complete. Man, that sounds gushy, doesn't it? But you understand, don't you? I just couldn't sit there and not at least try to give you a second chance at a normal life.

But now that I know what is about to happen in these next few hours, I want you to do me a huge favor. Will you do that for me? I may not want you to lead the life of a Nobody, but I just can't wait to see you again. Yes, I knew that this moment would come. When I was in the library looking for evidence of the prophecies, I found the ones of the Organization's defeat. I read them just a few hours before now. I knew how I was going to go, and I knew I had to leave you with something that explained and apologized for everything. About that favor, I want you to do your best in helping Sora, okay? You fight now matter what and be sure that you tell Kairi the truth. I know you said that you feel it's unfair to drop it all on her, but I think it's the right thing to do. She deserves to know the truth even if she isn't aware that there is a truth to it all. You make sure you get to her before the end and you let her know who you are. Just do that for me will you?

Then the biggest favor ever… make it to the next life, Raene. I want you to be able to have a second life. As I'm writing this, I still don't know if Nobodies even go to another place. It's not that I don't want to see you, never think that for ONE second. I just want you, since I know you'll disappear, to go to a heaven. Let's say that there is a place that I am now, I want you to go there too, so I can see you once more.

Raene, I don't know what's wrong with me. I've always had this weird feeling, one I didn't recognize until I started remembering things about Amaya, the girl from my past life. I knew that I had this feeling since the day I met you. It makes me feel strange on the inside, like I can't be myself around you, even though I always do. I love you, Raene. At least I think I do. From what I know, love is the feeling you have when you know you can tell someone anything. The feeling where you know you'd fight for someone…die for someone. I'd do that for you, Raene. I think that's what this feeling is. Love… I can't ever tell if it's just a big brotherly protection with you or more. I don't have a heart, so I don't really know, right? I feel like I have to always protect you, like you can't take care of yourself or something. I only hope that this makes at least a bit of sense to you. I love you, Raene, and I never want to lose you, not again. I couldn't save Amaya. I think you are her reincarnation or something, and I want to be able to keep you safe from this moment on. Sadly, there are still a few hours before I can see you again.

Help Sora, talk to Kairi, and meet me in the next life, wherever that is. I don't care what else you do. When you get here, we'll look for Roxas and Naminé together, okay? I have to go though; it's time for me to serve in this war. Know that even though I'm gone, I'm still with you. See you in the next life, Raene…Goodbye…until we meet again.

Love always,

Axel

I stared at the words, quickly but elegantly written on the crackling paper. I tried to sort through the feelings I had left in the small bit of Light left in my heart. It seemed that all the feelings possible were swarming through at incredible speeds, all except one. Sadness didn't seem to be present. I began to think that I had used up all of the sadness I could feel.

One feeling was bubbling up more than others. Confusion. I didn't know how to react to the letter. How did I feel about his feelings? Did I love him back? Well, of course I did, but in the same way? I wasn't sure. I didn't get to ponder much on the confusion and try to sort out my reactions. Suddenly, a few words in the middle of the letter disappeared. I stared at first in curiosity. What was happening? Then many words began to fade away, into the paper it seemed. My eyes widened in utter fear. No… Quicker and quicker the words disappeared out of sight. "No!" I whispered harshly to myself. "No! Don't go! Please…please don't go…" The words continued to fade as the sadness finally returned. Everything was going wrong again. All of what Axel had worked so hard to explain to me was now leaving me, like everything else in this world. Pretty soon the only words left on the paper were Love always, Axel at the bottom. I held my breath in horror as I awaited the dreaded moment when his name would too fade off the paper.

And eventually, after what seemed like forever, those last three words left the paper empty. Sadness overwhelmed me; I thought it had all been used up. "No…" I whispered to myself. "No…please don't go," I told the words. "Please come back…don't leave me along again…"

Anger soon drowned out the sadness. I placed both hands on the top of the scroll, gripping my hands into tight fists, about to rip it in two, when suddenly the letter C slowly came into view on the faded paper. I loosened my grip and returned my hands loosely to the sides of the paper. Flowing script quickly streamed itself across the paper. The handwriting wasn't familiar but I felt this strange connection to it.

When words stopped appearing, I read it slowly to myself.

Could you have only known the fullness of my heart,

But death was swift, and death was cruel; we thus were torn apart,

And only now I know the truth in what I say,

The joy you brought into my life was like the light of day.

I knew it wasn't his handwriting, and I knew that Axel couldn't himself write anything so poetic, but for some reason, the words seemed to speak that they were written by him, or someone, something related to him. A spirit? His past life? I wasn't completely sure but I knew that Axel had something to do with these few words.

"Raene?" I heard Sora say. His soft voice seemed so far away as I sat in my own dream world.

"Hmmm?" I answered slowly taking my eyes off the letter to look at him.

He was looking at the letter, pondering on what he had seen occur over my shoulder. "You ready to go?" he asked glancing up.

I took a deep breath. I slowly rolled the letter up, retied it with the ribbon, and placed it in a pocket on the inside of my cloak. I nodded and stood up. "Yeah. Let's go," I replied flashing him a smile.

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Ok guys. Sorry for the wait. Hope this was a good chapter. I worked on it for a while. I tried to make the letter depressing but not TOO gushy lovey and stuff. The words that appeared after the original letter faded away are the translations for a song I found in a music book one time. I'm trying to find it for copyright reasons. Don't rush me, it's hard to find stuff on the web these days. Anyhow, like you didn't see that coming right, Axel liking Raene a bit more than normal. I really tried to make this story so far very non-mary-sue-ish. I was originally gonna have Demyx have a thing for her too, heehee and before he fought Sora in Hollow Bastion we was kinda gonna let it slip and then get angry because she only paid attention to Axel. But I was talked out of that idea by my better self. Ok, so a few more chapters left. Review please, I've been getting less hits lately, partially my fault for slow update I guess. :)

Sarah