A Time to Numb
From the moment Maria heard seven bells chime, which meant Georg was gone, all of the beauty and magic she had loved about this place disappeared. The rest of her time in Italy passed in a numb blur she would later thank God for putting her in after she had cried on Julietta's shoulder. The sound of the seven bells had instigated it, and she went outside to sit by the ocean while Julietta made a hardy breakfast for her. The sounds of the waves and the gulls, the feel of the sea wind and the water against her bare feet, and watching the mist lift around her was somehow greatly healing to Maria's soul, bringing her a certain equilibrium that she needed for the days ahead.
During their brunch, Julietta and Maria were careful not to talk of their husbands but of their children. Julietta's husband had been a soldier, and she had lost him years ago in action, so she knew well what Maria was going through. This also brought comfort to Maria, even though the younger woman certainly couldn't tell Julietta the circumstances of her husband's current enlistment.
When midday approached, Julietta called her a taxi while Maria went upstairs to pack. The whole time she packed and changed into her traveling suit, Maria's gaze avoided the bed like magnets with opposite polarities. Her good-bye to Julietta was another comforting embrace of gratitude and hope.
Maria was very glad that, on this train, she had a compartment to herself. She leant her head on the window and watched the village and the sea disappear. Forever she would treasure the time she spent in that village in Italy, for it was there that she and Georg had said they loved each other both in spoken word and in body. Somehow she knew in her heart that she would never see the village again.
The only thing Maria wanted to do was sleep, but the train bumped along so much that she couldn't get comfortable across two seats (Maria wasn't one of those people who could sleep anywhere at anytime). So she spent the trip in that numb daze that had settled over her at seven o'clock that morning, her head against the window as she looked at but didn't really see the Italian countryside change to Austrian landscape outside her window...
When the sun was close to the horizon, the train pulled into the Salzburg station, which made Maria a little happy. She may not have Georg anymore, but at least she was home, and about to reunite with people who loved her. She would be in a safe haven, like the last one was, but more familiar.
As she got off of the train and onto the platform, Maria realized that she didn't know who would be here to welcome her. She felt so tired and vulnerable that she hoped the children weren't there; all she would be able to see would be Georg, and then she would cry again.
But it wasn't the children whom she spotted amongst the crowd of people; it was the curly head of her beloved brother. Dominik stood there, standing solid and tall like a tree, looking at her like a loving brother would be. In the instant she saw him, Maria felt the numb daze she had been in for over ten hours lift off of her, because now she knew she was home and safe. Wordlessly she hurried to him, and gladly returned his tight embrace, which they held for a long time.
One of the best qualities about Dominik was that he only used words when necessary with her, especially when she was in a less than happy state. She couldn't count how many times she would run to his house to hide after a beating, and he would always be there to sneak her in and give her a place to stay for the night. He would guard the bathroom while she cleaned herself up, and afterwards would ask no questions or demand any explanations; even as children he had that ability to understand what she needed. It was moments like that – and the one they were having now – that made Maria shocked that there was no blood shared between them.
When he finally pulled back to look at her, he gave a warm smile and, wrapping an arm around her shoulders protectively, lead her out of the train station and to the car outside.
"You look exhausted," he said as the drive began.
"Mmm," groaned Maria, rubbing her eyes with her fingers. "I just want to sleep for at least twelve hours…only slept for two or three last night…" Only when the words were out of her mouth did she realize what she was implying, and blushed.
"Two or three hours?" asked Dominik, confused, not right away. "Why did you only…" Then he understood what she must mean. He gave her a brief sideways look of wide eyes before turning them back on the road. "Oh…I guess, then, you weren't…I mean are you…" Now he was blushing.
Maria smiled to herself and answered what he couldn't voice. "He took good care of me, and he made it more wonderful than any words could describe…Now I miss him so much, it feels like I've been ripped in two."
Dominik, his eyes focusing on the road, reached out a hand to squeeze her shoulder. "Would the pain be worse if you…had gotten a full night's sleep?" It was the best way he would put it.
She looked at him, and there was no hesitation in her eyes. "A thousand times worse. No question."
Dominik nodded. "I'm happy for you, Ria." And he meant it. Knowing they had consummated their marriage and that Maria did not regret it meant that his sister was in safe and loving hands, no doubt about it. She hadn't had that since before they started primary school.
She covered the hand on her shoulder with her own. "Thanks, Dom."
When they arrived back at the villa, Maria looked somewhat apprehensively at the front door, almost expecting the children to come rushing out; while she had missed them, she was just too tired and not ready yet to talk about their father.
Dominik seemed to read her thoughts as he helped her out of the car. "The children are all eating dinner right now. Told them your train would arrive late at night while they were asleep. Max and Philomena are waiting for us inside to help sneak you up to your room; we figured you'd want some time by yourself to rest."
Maria hugged him wordlessly in thanks. They got into the house quietly, and could hear the chatter of the children as they ate dinner in the dining room, which they thankfully wouldn't have to pass. At the top of the stairs were the twins, waiting for them. Wordlessly, Max kissed her cheeks and Philomena hugged her tightly. Maria smiled at both of them. "Mind if I sleep for at least twelve hours?" she asked with a tiny smile, barely able to keep her eyes open anymore.
"Of course, dear, sleep as long as you want to," said Philomena. "We'll make sure the little ones don't rush to you in the morning."
Another small smile and then Maria walked away, towards the master bedroom.
After they heard the door close behind her, the twins turned to Dominik. "She didn't sleep on the train? She looks dead on her feet, poor thing," said Philomena.
"Maria has never been able to sleep in a moving vehicle," Dominik replied before chuckling. "Perhaps being born on a train had something to do with it. But the reason she's so tired is she only slept for two or three hours last night." He gave them a suggestive look so that they wouldn't ask what the reason why was.
Thankfully, they understood. Philomena pressed a hand to her heart and looked in the direction of the master bedroom. "Oh, the poor dear…I remember watching Agathe worry all through Georg's voyages…now we'll have to support her."
Max sighed. "The situation is different, though. Agathe was much more prepared for this than Maria, and back then Georg was serving a cause he would gladly give his life for. Now there is so much more at stake, especially if a mistake, or error, is made, and something goes wrong…We have to be prepared for what comes."
The three of them stood in silent contemplation for a moment, until Max finally broke the silence by speaking to Dominik. "When do you leave for Vienna, Dominik?"
"Two days, my train leaves around three."
Max nodded. "I need to talk to you before then, all right?"
Dominik nodded. "I have a feeling I know what about, why don't we do it now?"
"Sure." The two men walked down the stairs and headed for Georg's study, while Philomena stood there for a moment more in thought. She suddenly wished that she could stay beyond the month of March, but her husband would be home and they hated being apart for too long. And, either way, she would see Maria soon after she left, anyway.
Maria's prediction was wrong – she slept more than twelve hours, not waking up until about nine o'clock. She thanked God many times for not giving her any dreams the previous night, at least any she could remember. The distant sounds of the children playing outside made her smile a little as she got out of bed. Since yesterday, the only smiles she could make had been miniscule; she hoped that, with the children, that would change.
After getting out of bed and slipping out of her nightgown, Maria headed for the shower. But, as she reached out to turn the knob, she stopped as a memory flooded back to her…
The first thing that Maria and Georg did after making love for the first time – once the afterglow had faded – was to notice the blood between Maria's legs and on Georg's now relaxed member. It was a bit of a scary sight for them both, so they headed to the bathroom and started a shower. There was enough room for both, and Georg immediately took a washcloth and tenderly washed her. No words were spoken, because none were needed. He knelt before her as the hot water poured over them both, and ever so gently washed all traces of blood away from her thighs. He rested his head on her abdomen, an arm wrapping around her lower back over her scars, the other hand pressed to her thigh after he kissed her there. Maria leant back against the shower wall, her fingers spread through his wet, dark hair, and her warm tears mixing with the hot water pouring down her face. The only way she could describe how she felt was full, full of emotion…
Maria came back to reality almost instantaneously, and slowly withdrew her hand. No, she would take a bath this morning…
After that, she walked back into the bedroom and made the bed. Perhaps it was just her state of mind, but they seemed heavier than usual, even if she only had to make up one side of the bed. When she was finished, she stood by the side of the bed and looked down at it. Before she could stop it, another memory came back into her mind…
After their shower was done, Maria followed Georg back into the bedroom; they weren't touching. Maria suddenly felt…unsure about what to do next. Though her body was a little sore and fatigued, she certainly didn't feel like going to sleep. What about Georg? He would have to be up early in the morning and she didn't want to keep him from getting some necessary sleep. So when Georg sat down on the edge of the bed, Maria stopped before him, not knowing what to do. Also, she was not quite used to being unclothed before anybody, much less Georg. Her husband, seeing her uncertainty and hesitancy in her eyes, took her hands and led her closer to him and guided her to sit sideways across his lap. Though Maria blushed, there was no hesitation. Georg wrapped one arm around her waist and lifted his free hand to stroke her neck, and kept his gaze on hers. "Are you tired?" he asked. "Not really," she replied. "Are you?" Georg shook his head. "Are you all right?" he asked her softly, his hand moving up to her cheek. Maria nodded, and kissed his palm. His eyes became a little overbright, and he closed them as he pressed his forehead to hers. "Thank you, Maria." The words were simple, but they held so much gravity that Maria's heart filled even more. "For what?" she whispered. "For being my wife." Maria's throat tightened as his words, and she knew it wasn't just this night he was thanking her for. She took a shaky breath, and breathed. "I don't want this night to end." Georg slowly pulled his face back but compensated by wrapping both arms around her and lowering her back onto the bed. He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "We can make it last," before beginning to kiss her neck…
A deep breath brought Maria back again, and she sat on the bed with her face in her hands, but she didn't cry. She'd cried out all of her tears that morning with Julietta. Wanting to follow in the example of Georg, she lifted her head, took a deep breath, and thought rationally. She had to accept a few things if she was going to make it through the upcoming days, weeks, and months without Georg.
Memories were going to haunt her of every kind; she could accept that. Sometimes missing him would be almost unbearable; if she knew that, maybe that would make it easier. Take joy in the children rather than being afraid they will see your own fear or that all you will see is the image of their father; she could do that. Take things day by day and, when necessary, minute by minute or even second by second. And take comfort in the fact that you have a family now, and people who will love you and support you through anything.
A new strength and determination in her heart, Maria got up from the bed and prepared to see the children again and face the day.
A/N: The next chapter should be within the next few days. Keep reviewing please!
