Let Double-D's rescue commence! Read, enjoy, and don't forget to review!
Lee and May lead Double-D into their room, which now has a school desk..
"You 2 play nice now!" Lee closes the door as she and May go downstairs. Double-D looks around for Marie. "... Marie?... I'm here to help with your human biology work!"
"I'll be out in a sec!" Marie's voice answers from inside the closet...
... Then she steps out, wearing lipstick and a schoolgirl outfit: a buttoned white shirt partly undone to show her cleavage and bellybutton piercing, a blue skirt, and black sneaker-boots reaching her knees. Her hair is the same, but without her cap.
"Gimme a moment!" Marie locks the door, goes to Double-D, and sits on his lap! "Ready! Heeheeheehee!!"
"Ok, um..." Double-D is extremely nervous, but he tries keeping his cool. "Shall we begin?"
Marie drops her biology book onto the desk and opens it.
The retro van races along a street, turning onto a dirt road and up a ramp to jump over the creek in slow-motion, landing in the trailer park. The van slows to a stop and the '"A-Team" leaps out, posing in formation. Then Paul drinks a carton of milk (ala Baracus).
"Man, this place gives me the creeps." Kevin says.
"How do you think I feel?" Ed asks in reply as they approach the Kanker trailer.
"Ok boys, listen up!" Eddy says, smoking a cigar (ala Hannibal). "Here's the plan!..."
In the Kankers' living room, Lee and May are watching one of May's favorite TV shows, which bores Lee.
"May, this is so stupid." Lee complains. "Gimme the remote."
"No, get away!" May holds the remote away, but Lee knocks May down to reach it. They fight over the remote, with Paul gleefully watching through the window!
"Yes, yes! Amuse me!" Paul says as he watches Lee and May fight. Eddy, Ed and Kevin wait for Paul to get caught.
Lee defeats May by pinning her tongue to the floor with her foot. She takes the remote from May, turns back to the sofa, and sees Paul in the window! "HEY!!" she jumps through the window to chase Paul. "GET BACK HERE, CREEP!!"
"WHOO!! WORK THEM LEGS, GIRL!! WORK EM!!" Paul provokes Lee further as she chases him around the trailer park.
"Dammit." Eddy says. "It only got Lee chasin him. Time to use the backup plan on May, Kev."
"Got it." Kevin says. Inside the trailer, May gets up from her fight with Lee as Kevin holds a dish of tater-tots just outside the Kankers' window, using a fan to blow the tots' scent inside. May smells it...
"Mmmmmmmmm! Tots!" May drools with hunger and floats out through the window, following the tots' scent. Kevin then backs further and further away, luring May away in the process and allowing Ed and Eddy to enter the trailer.
Meanwhile, Double-D helps Marie by testing her.
"W-W-What is the longest and h-heaviest bone in the b-b-b-body?" Double-D asks, stuttering and sweating as Marie is sitting on his lap.
"Um..." Marie thinks... "The femur!"
"Excellent, now um... the final question!" Double-D tests her one more time: "Um, what is the t-total number of bones in t-th-the body?"
"Hmmm... 213? No wait..." Marie thinks... "113... 106... 206! 206 bones!"
"Why, I-I-I'm amazed!" Double-D comments. "I n-never anticipated you w-w-would l-l-learn so q-quickly! Your progress, it's... it's prodigious!"
"All thanks to you, hun!" Marie puts her stuff into her schoolbag, which she then tosses aside along with the desk. She turns around on Double-D's lap to wrap her arms around him. "Before you go, how bout I give ya a thank-you kiss?!"
"Eek!" Double-D sweats profusely and jumps out of the seat. Marie merely giggles, pushes the chair away, and puckers up as she approaches Double-D, who has the oppurtunity to escape. But he stops himself.
"Eddward, this is your chance to tell her." Double-D tells himself mentally: "You could do this, you could-" then he's grabbed by the amorous Marie.
Ed and Eddy carefully head upstairs. On the way up...
"Oh, no!" Ed panics: "What if the Kankers' mom is here?"
"Shit, forgot about her..." Eddy thinks for a moment... "We'll continue up to the girls' room. Once we reach there, you'll stop while I check for any signs of Big Mama. If the coast is clear, I'll go in and distract Marie while you get Double-D."
The 2 continue until they're right at the sisters' door, where they hear Marie's giggling inside. Ed stays and watches for anyone coming upstairs, while Eddy tiptoes to Mama Kanker's door at the end of the hallway. His eyes squeeze under Mama Kanker's door to check around her room: numerous marine animal ornaments hang from the cieling, and there's also a cruise picture, an antiques collection, a treasure chest, a hammock to sleep in, a stuffed shark, and a fishtank containing two catfish named Flotsam and Jetsam.
Marie sits on top of Double-D on her bed, giggling.
"This is it, Eddward. Now's your chance!" Double-D tells himself mentally, then stops Marie from kissing him: "WAIT!!"
"Tryna escape again?" Marie asks.
"Of course not..." Double-D stutters, sweating profusely. "...... I... want... to... t-tell you something."
"I'm all ears, angel!" Marie listens...
"Um, you see..." Double-D begins: "I... um... you... uhhh, well... w-w-we've known each other for 5 years already and... over those years... I... I've c-c-come to see something in you... um, something... uh..."
"You see something in me?!" Marie asks curiously, moving her face closer to Double-D's. "What is it?!"
"Ummmm, it's..... it's....." Double-D is too nervous to talk further.
"Don't get shy, sweetie! Tell me!" Marie says. But then she hears something: Eddy is using one of his hairs as a lockpick to unlock the door. Marie slams the door open, squashing Ed and Eddy against the other side!
"Who's there?..... May, is it you?... Well go suck a weenir cause me and Double-D are busy! Ya hear me?!" Marie calls out, then she hears the front door open...
"HEY, GIRLS!" Lee's voice calls out. "WE GOT A CREEP TO TAKE CARE OF!"
"AGH! LEMME GO, BITCH!" Paul's voice yells out.
Marie looks at Double-D: "I'll be right back." she rushes downstairs to deal with Paul.
"Eddy, Lee got Paul!" Ed worries. "We gotta save him!"
"I know, but Double-D's a priority." Eddy points out as he and Ed enter the Kankers' room.
"Ed? Eddy?... What are you guys doing here?" Double-D asks before Eddy covers his mouth.
"Hush, we're bustin ya outta here before the girls catch us." Eddy answers.
In the kitchen, Paul struggles against Lee and Marie: "THAT ALL YOU GOT, HMM?! THAT THE BEST YOU CAN DO!"
Lee and Marie wrestle Paul into a chair, where May tapes him and ties his hands and feet back. Kevin watches as he hides behind the sofa.
"Ya thought you can peep on us and get away with it, eh?" Marie punches Paul in the face.
"OW... Ow, ehehe! That felt good!" Paul says, suprising the Kankers.
"The hell?" Marie knees Paul in the stomach, but he responds: "Ohhhh YES, GRUNGY BLUE! Now take off yo shirt and hit me again!"
"You..." May rips off Paul's du-rag and pulls his hair!
"YEOW, AHAHAHA!! THAT'S THE STUFF, BUCKWILD!!" Paul shouts with masochistic pleasure, but then May bites his nose and tugs it! "OWWWW!! YYYEEESSS!! Aight, now it's Sweet Tooth's turn!"
Lee tests Paul by slapping his cheek, but he responds with a masochistic grin. "What's up with this guy?"
"HE'S A SICK CREEPY STALKER!! THAT'S WHAT!!" Marie starts beating Paul with a pan.
"I'm likin this!" Paul says before getting whacked. "You're turnin me on!" he gets whacked again and loses a tooth! "Now I'm LOVIN this!!"
Marie and May scream in frustration. But Lee says: "Girls, pummeling him obviously ain't workin. However, I just remembered an alternative that can't possibly fail! May, go call Rachel!"
Hearing Rachel's name, Paul's black skin turns white with horror! "W-W-Wait, who you callin?"
"That's right!" Lee holds up a potato peeler: "Rachel's gonna set you straight, ehehehehe!"
"Oh please, no! Anyone but Ray Ray! ANYTHING but her!!" Paul panics as Ed and Eddy tiptoe downstairs with Double-D in tow, hiding along the banister as May calls Rachel's number. Paul panics more:
"OH GOD!!!" he screams. "I'M SORRY, I'LL NEVER PEEP ON YA'LL AGAIN!!! I SWEAR TO GOD!!!"
"Hi, Rachel!" May greets over the phone: "You-know-who is up to no good again!"
Paul loses it as the Kankers laugh, and he screams "GUYS, HELP ME!!!"
The boys' cover blown, Kevin jumps out to help Paul. "I'M COMIN, MAN!!" he tries rescuing Paul as the Eds tiptoe towards the front door. But the sisters jump Kevin and capture him, too.
"Guys, eh?" Lee asks. "Where's the others?"
"LET THEM GO!!" Ed jumps in to save Kevin and Paul, but May alone is enough to undo him! With 3 guys captured, Eddy doesn't know what to do.
"Ohhh............ WE'LL COME BACK FOR YA, BOYS!!" Eddy runs with Double-D towards the front door, but Marie sees this.
"HEY, YOU!!" Marie angrily charges, grabbing Double-D and trying to tug him back as Eddy turns the doorknob. He opens the door...
... And freezes as a shadow looms over him, Double-D and Marie. The others also freeze as the shadowy, pipe-smoking figure enters the trailer.
Lee smirks...... "Perfect timing, Mom!"
We now get a clear look at Mama Kanker (BACKGROUND THUNDER)!! She's slightly taller than Lee, and her face resembles Lee's but has a pink upper lip. Her hair is also red like Lee's but is styled like Marie's, except it exposes both eyes. A deep scar runs through her right eye and down her cheek, so her injured eye is covered by an eyepatch. Like her daughters, she has red nails. Her clothes have the same color scheme as May's: a gray sweater, a knee-length red skirt, and black stockings, but has red shoes (instead of white flip-flops like May). Furthermore, her sweater is mostly covered up by a buttoned aqua-green jacket with a waistband. She also wears gold fish-hook earrings, a sharkteeth necklace, and a fingerless black glove like Marie (but worn on her right hand instead of left).
May chuckles: "You guys are REALLY dead now!"
"Oh hey, Ms. Kanker!" Eddy greets. "Um... just chillin with your daughters because, y'know, they're real sweet!"
Mama Kanker gives Eddy a cold stare. He cowers, and all the other boys are frozen as Mama Kanker looks around at everyone:
"So, anyone care to explain what the hell's goin on?" she asks, with an accent like Lee and Marie.
"PLEASE SPARE US!!!" Ed begs on his knees. "WE DID NO WRONG!!!"
"Double-D was assigned as Marie's tutor, so he came over to help her." Lee explains. "And then all these bozos showed up!"
"These 3 peeped and harassed us all day!" May points at Eddy, Kevin and Paul who all sweat. Mama Kanker is shocked.
"And they tried takin Double-D away!" Marie adds, holding Double-D in her arms.
"We're so fucked!!" Paul panics.
"Hmm, so the boy Marie always babbles about happens to be her tutor, eh!" Mama Kanker says, proceeding to shake Double-D's hand. "Thank you so much, Eddward! But please excuse my brash little daughter!"
"Eh?..." Marie's eyes widen.
"Oh n-n-no, it's fine!" Double-D stutters. "Marie... she... controlled herself well, and... we finished up!"
"Then I bid adieu and suggest you and Ed leave my trailer!" Mama Kanker says.
"Wait, Mom!" Marie interrupts. "Double-D was gonna-"
"I don't wanna hear it." Mama Kanker scolds Marie: "I can read you like an open book. I know how you girls 'thank' your boyfriends. You just LIED about bein BUSY after school and invited him over so you can RAVAGE him in BED, am I right?!"
"WRONG!!" Marie shouts. "DOUBLE-D WAS RIGHT, WE DID FINISH AND HE JUST WANTED TO TELL ME SOMETHIN!!"
"Yeah, he was gonna tell you to dress properly." Mama Kanker replies: "Ya tryna be a naughty little schoolgirl doin a strip-tease? You don't even look like you wanna learn!"
"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU KNOW?!!" Marie yells in her mom's face, then Mama grabs her neck!!
"I KNOW PLENTY, NOW GET YOUR ASS UPSTAIRS AND CHANGE CLOTHES OR I'LL MAKE YA DO ALL OUR LAUNDRY ALONE FOR A MONTH!" Mama Kanker throws Marie to the stairs.
"Harsh." Kevin comments.
"ARGH, YOU NEVER LET ME DO SHIT!!" Marie screams as she goes upstairs.
"SHUT UP MARIE, DON'T GET BITCHY WITH ME!" Mama Kanker retaliates, then sees Eddy, Kevin and Paul trying to sneak out behind her back: "AND WHERE DO YA THINK YOU'RE GOIN?!"
Mama Kanker shoots hooks from inside her jacket's sleeve to catch the 3 perverts, dragging them back as they try in vain to escape: "You 3 think you can just do what you did and walk away unpunished? HAHAHAHAHAAA!! I'm callin the SCHOOL, then I'm callin your PARENTS to pick ya'll up and THEY'LL handle the rest!"
"WE'RE SORRY!!! WE LEARNED OUR LESSON!!! LET US GO!!!" Eddy, Kevin and Paul scream over each other as Lee and May laugh!
"Sorry Eddy, but you've been a baaaaaad boy!" Lee says while Ed and Double-D back out of the trailer and drive the retro van home.
From her bedroom window, Marie watches the 2 leave. "Oh, Double-D..." she utters, a tear rolling down her cheek.
Double-D is in his room, holding the shady object from before he left to tutor Marie.
"..... I still couldn't tell her..." he berates himself. "..... Why can't I? I'm so... so ..... No..... No, I can!... I know I can!.... I must.... I have to..... sooner or later!...."
He puts the shady object back in his drawer. But just before he closes it, the object is revealed to be a Marie doll!!!
The End!!!
I know the Kankers' mom was described as hating men, but I couldn't fit that into here so I'll focus on it later.
Speaking of Mama Kanker, what are your opinions of her so far? Do you think I depicted her well?
