Here's Chapter 6, which has a football game and I thank Neo H.B.B. Sam for helping me with it! I'm using the Jr. High names "Cobblers" and "Lumpers" because I couldn't think of any better names for the high school teams. Anyways, enjoy and review!


Episode #6: Ed Stroke


"Here we are, the final game of the season!" an announcer says as people cheer from the bleachers at Lemon Brook High's football field, then the screen fades to black. Then we see the Lemon Brook Lumpers and Peach Creek Cobblers staring each other down before the screen fades to black again. Then: "Heads!" we see a coin flipped into the air as the screen fades to black again. Then...

KICKOFF!! The ball soars through the air, is caught by kick returner Jonny, and he gains some yardage before getting tackled by a Lumper. Then the Cobblers' offense huddles up. Their quarterback is a guy named Steve, who has tanned skin and blonde hair: "Good job, Jonny! Ok boys, listen up..."

The Peach Creek cheerleaders consist of Nazz, Jenna (revealed to have a bellybutton piercing), and several other girls, including a pink-haired girl and a sassy fat black girl. They and the Lemon Brook cheerleaders cheer as their respective teams position themselves along the line of scrimmage. The Cobblers' coach, Coach Underwood, watches from the sidelines. He wears blue and has a beard.

"Twenty-two, twenty-two. Hike!" Ed snaps the ball to Steve to begin the play. The Cobblers play offense until they have Eddy punt the ball. The Lumpers quickly score a touchdown (6), then score an extra point (7). Rolf scores a field goal for the Cobblers (3) before the 1st quarter ends.

"Dammit, we're off to a bad start." team captain Kevin says: "We CANNOT let this end in a blowout like last year, boys. So let's use this quarter to turn the tables. Ed, right now we need you as gunner."

"Right!" Ed affirms, then Rolf kicks the ball to the Lumpers to initiate the 2nd quarter. Gunner Ed races down the field and slams into the Lumpers' kick returner! Later, on the third down...

"Looks like the Lumpers are gonna try 'that' pass again." middle linebacker Kevin informs: "Get into positions. Cornerbacks, be ready."

The play commences, and when the Lumpers' quarterback makes the pass...

"INTERCEPTION, FOOL!" cornerback Paul leaps up, intercepts the ball, and runs with it until he's tackled. From there, the Cobblers work their way to the Lumpers end zone until fullback Eddy scores a touchdown (9)! The cheerleaders cheer, then the Cobblers score an extra point (10) and kick the ball to the Lumpers. On the second down, Kevin has defensive end Rolf sack the Lumpers' quarterback, which is successful!

"Ah, Rolf makes a fine defensive end, yes!" Rolf says proudly. Later, Steve makes a 40-yard touchdown pass to wide reciever Jonny (16), and the cheerleaders cheer! The Lumpers' offense gets a 10-yard penalty for holding, then near ear the end of the quarter, Steve himself makes a touchdown plus two more points. As the 2nd quarter ends, the Cobblers are winning 24-7!"

"Time to get serious." the Lumpers' captain says. During the 3rd quarter, they make one of the Cobblers' tight ends fumble the ball, and they take possession. Shortly afterwards, the Lumpers score to raise their points to 15. They kick the ball to the Cobblers, but kick returner Jonny is quickly forced out of bounds. Later, the Cobblers try another punt. Long-snapper Ed snaps the ball to punter Eddy, who unfortunately gets sacked and the Cobblers lose massive yardage. This allows another easy touchdown plus extra for the Lumpers (23). And to top off the quarter, Steve is brutally blitzed by the Lumpers' linebackers, breaking his arm and leg! GASPS!

"STEVE!!" the pink-haired cheerleader (Steve's girlfriend) screams and runs after Steve as he's taken away on a stretcher. The LB cheerleaders perform a taunt routine towards the Cobblers and their cheerleaders, so Jenna flips them off: "UP YOURS, BITCHES!"

"There goes Sanders." Underwood slaps his forehead in frustration at Steve's loss, then looks at Kevin: "Dorn, you know what to do."

"I know." Kevin replaces Steve as quarterback for the final quarter, which starts off poorly for the Cobblers as the Lumpers score again (31). The Cobblers' offense gains significant yardage but is unable to score. Still, it's far enough to keep the Lumpers' offense at bay. The Cobblers eventually score a touchdown (30), but with only seconds left, they must score the 2-point conversion to win.

"Ok Eddy, it all comes down to you, man. I'm gonna hand the ball to you, then you run as FAST as you can towards the end zone." Kevin tells Eddy, who affirms "Got it."

They get into positions. The play commences, Kevin hands the ball to Eddy, and the blocking Cobblers hold off the Lumpers while Eddy runs towards the end zone, shedding off more Lumpers. Just as he's about to score, a slow-motion sequence shows a Lumper tackling him into the air and everyone tenses up, awaiting the final result. As he lands, Eddy holds the ball out so it just barely reaches the end zone, scoring the two points and handing victory to the Cobblers!!!

"WHOOOOOOOO!!!" the cheerleaders cheer happily, and Underwood victoriously throws his arms up! The Cobblers slam chests with each other, and the cheerleaders hug and kiss them!

"Gimme some sugar, boys!" the black cheerleader kisses each player.

"You're awesome!" Jenna joyfully hugs Kevin, then she realizes this and lets go: "I mean, good job!"

The Cobblers take their trophy and pose for a pic with it, then march off doing their victory cheer! The Lumpers angrily return to their locker room.

"Beat us on OUR turf, will they? Prance off with OUR trophy, will they?" a Lumper mumbles angrily.

"Don't worry, boys!" another Lumper takes out his cell phone...


The Cobblers continue their victory aboard their bus back home. Leaving the industrial streets of Lemon Brook, the bus travels across the vast sunflower fields, farms and cow pastures from BPS, and eventually they enter the desert. They pass by a gas station along the way.

"You doin ok, Sanders?" Underwood asks Steve, whose broken arm and leg are bandaged. He answers with an "I'm fine" gesture. Underwood turns to the other boys: "I'm proud of you, boys! Excellent defense, Dorn!" he compliments Kevin. "Superb catch, Ludgate!" he compliments Jonny. "Nice kicking and sacking, Vorlik!" he compliments Rolf. "The team wouldn't be the same without you, Christensen!" he compliments Ed. "McGee, you won it for us!" he compliments Eddy. "Fantastic interception, Stewart!" he compliments Paul.

"Oh, it's nothin!" Paul replies. "I'm just a beastly quarter- I mean, cornerback!... Quarterback, cornerback! They sound so alike, hehe!"

"Man, I'm takin a shower first thing I get home." Ed says, his sweat-enhanced odor causing the boys around him to recoil.

"You do that!" Eddy agrees, holding his nose.

"Rolf can't wait to return to his residence and fill his empty belly!" Rolf says.

"Well deserved, Rolf! You guys made history today!" Nazz says. "This calls for celebration!"

"Yeah, you're right!" Kevin stands up: "PARTY AT MY-"

The bus suddenly jerks and flips sideways upon making a turn, and it barrels off the road. It then rolls down a slope of jagged rocks.

"WHAT'S GOING ON!!?" Jonny shouts.

"FUCK THIS, I AIN'T DYIN!" the bus driver pulls a lever on his seat, ejecting himself away and out of sight with it! Seeing this, the black cheerleader yells "OH HE DID NOT JUST ABANDON US!!"

The bus tumbles down into a dry lakebed, and continues tumbling for a good distance before finally coming to rest.


One by one, everyone gets up and wipe the dust off themselves.

"Is everyone ok?" Underwood asks.

"Define ok." Jenna answers, holding her chest. Nazz asks her "Is my hair messed up?"

While Kevin snaps his spine back into place, Paul holds his crotch in pain:"I don't know if I'm ok, cause my kiwis feel like they sterile from all that crashin!"

"Stop whinin; losin yo balls ain't gonna kill ya." the black cheerleader tells Paul.

"Whoa, why's everything backwards?" Ed asks as he gets up. Then he realizes that his face is pointing backwards due to the bus crash! So he fixes his face so it points forwards again. Eddy pulls himself from under a crushed seat.

"OW, MY LEG!" Steve feigns: "Ha, just kiddin!" This earns him a smack from his pink-haired girlfriend.

While the boys wrench their trophy from under a busted seat, Underwood steps outside to look around. Then the others step out.

"Christ, of all places we had to crash in a DESERT!?" Kevin asks in disbelief.

"And Rolf must dine soon, too." Rolf says, his stomach growling. "Where's civilization?"

Jenna tries calling on the bus radio, but when she grabs it, she and the cheerleaders see that the radio was busted in the crash.

"The radio's busted, coach." she tells Underwood.

"You guys stay here." Underwood says. "I think I saw a gas station on the road a coupla miles back. I'm gonna go see if I can go call for help there. I should be back in about half an hour or so."

Underwood backtracks away into the lonely desert and out of the Cobblers' sight. The Cobblers, seeing how bad the bus's condition is, instead take shade under a large rocky outcrop nearby, which has a stand of cacti and withered trees on top. As they begin their wait for Underwood's return, Rolf's stomach growls more intensely...


It's sunset, but Underwood hasn't returned. Everyone is tired and dry-tongued. By now, messy-haired Rolf is so hungry that he has a deranged look on his face and is giggling psychotically! Ed and Eddy are playing Xs-&-Os in a patch of sand on the rock outcrop, Kevin is laying down with the trophy, Jonny is chatting with Plank, and Paul is rapping some 2Pac & Biggie songs as he relaxes. The other boys are chatting with their cheerleader girlfriends. Jenna listens to reggaeton on her i-pod, while Nazz checks the time on her cell phone:

"... It's been two hours, and Underwood still hasn't returned." Nazz worries.

"What's takin him?" Kevin asks. "I got a bad feeling about this."

"What if something bad happened to him?" Nazz worries.

"Chill, girl. I'm sure Underwood could take care of himself." the black cheerleader reassures Nazz.

"He needs to hurry up cuz we're all starvin over here." Eddy says, pointing to Rolf: "Just look at Stretch over there."

"Ehehehe! Mama, is Rolf's calamari stew done?!" Rolf hallucinates as he lays on his back.

"Country Boy don't look too good. Spitta, go see if he's ok." Paul sends one of the boys, Spitta (a nickname, of course), to go check on Rolf.

"I'll try calling for help." Nazz calls her parents on her cell phone, but they don't answer. So she tries Double-D:

"Hello, Nazz! What is it?" Double-D asks.

"I know this may sound out-of-the-ordinary, but our bus crashed and we're stranded in the desert." Nazz says.

"..... You're kidding, right?" Double-D asks. "I knew you guys haven't arrived yet for some reason, but-"

"No, I'm serious." Nazz says. "Our coach went to get help but he hasn't returned. We're tired, hungry, and it's almost nightfall. So please, could you contact a rescue team or somethin?"

"Ok, then." Double-D answers. "I'll call you back."

"Thanks, dude!" Nazz ends the call. "Double-D's gonna get help, guys!"

"Good! Now we just need a game plan to survive til they come." Jenna declares: "First, we need to-"

"Whoa whoa whoa, who elected you as our leader all of a sudden?" Kevin asks Jenna. "If anyone's gonna lead in this situtation, it should be me!"

"Why?" Jenna asks.

"Come on, you know you admire my leadership skills!" Kevin says. "I'm the football captain, and that's sayin somethin!"

"Football and desert survival are 2 completely different things, Kevin." Jenna argues. Meanwhile, Jonny checks the bus wheels, which have large holes ripped into them. It appears as if they've been blown by road spikes.

"Somethin ain't right here, Plank." Jonny says. "HEY GUYS!..." the others don't hear him because they're watching Kevin and Jenna bicker.

"Oh well, looks like it's just you and me, buddy." Jonny sets out in the same direction Underwood went.

"Well, I don't recall ya ever watchin Survivorman." Kevin bickers with Jenna.

"I don't." Jenna admits. "But unlike you and the other boys, I actually pay attention in Earth Science class. So I know all about how to get through a predicament like this. For example, our water bottles are empty, but we can get water here. Ya know where?"

Kevin looks around... "I don't see water."

"Of course you don't, because it's under our feet." Jenna tells Kevin, climbing the rocky outcrop and pointing out a waterline halfway up: "This is a waterline, see! That means this whole area's a dry lakebed and this outcrop would be an island. Now you and the boys use your big strong arms to dig up some water."

"Hell no, I ain't drinkin dirty shitwater under a lakebed!" Eddy scoffs. "There's gotta be somethin else around here."

"HEY GUYS, LOOK!" Ed calls over everyone (except Rolf and Spitta) to the top of the "island" to show them round, pinkish-orange fruits growing on the cacti.

"Dinnertime!" Eddy takes out a pocket-knife to cut off 2 fruits for him and Ed, and Eddy immediately eats up while Nazz stops Ed from doing the same.

"Guys, you don't know if that's safe to eat or not." Nazz says.

"But Double-D told us that cactuses are excellent in storing water." Ed reasons.

"Yeah!" Eddy adds, finishing his cactus fruit. "Come on guys, take some! The juice tastes funny, but otherwise it hits the spot!"

Suddenly, Eddy freezes and his eyes dilate enormously, his head spins wildly, then he worms around in a zigzag pattern! It becomes clear to the others that Eddy is high from eating the cactus fruit!

"Feels sooo.... sooooo..... goooooood!!!" Eddy relaxes until he "sees" everyone on fire: "HOLY SHIT, YOU GUYS ARE GETTIN ROASTED LIKE CHICKEN!!!"

"Chicken?..." Rolf hallucinates again, and he sees everyone as chicken wings, breasts and drumsticks! And with Spitta right next to him...

"Rolf, why you lookin at me like that?" Spitta asks. Then everyone (except the fruit-affected Eddy) hears Spitta SCREAM! They look, and see Spitta scramble up towards them with Rolf chasing him. Spitta jumps into the safety of his friends: "THE DUDE'S GONE MAD!!"

"SUCCULENT POULTRY, COME TO ROLF!!" Rolf, seeing his friends as chicken, jumps towards them in hunger!

To be Continued...


Trivia: Coach Underwood is named after a director and head storyboard artist on the show, Scott Underwood. Quarterback Steve is named after another storyboard artist, Steve Sandersen. Also, Rolf going canniballistic is a throwback to "Scrambled Ed," where he said he would eat Jonny if they didn't find dry land soon.

I now believe that Kevin's surname is Dorn because I think I saw it on his medical file in "This Won't Hurt an Ed." I also believe Jonny's surname is Ludgate because there's a crewmember on the show named Jonny "2x4" Ludgate (I think he does sound effects). I also believe Rolf's surname is Vorlik because in "Jingle Jingle Jangle," there's a sign on his front door that says "Vorlik." I believe Eddy's surname is McGee because Ed said it in "My Fair Ed" and "Mission Ed-Possible." I just came up with a random surname for Ed, Christensen, because I don't think there were any clues in the series. But remember, these are just MY opinions, so if yours differ, that's ok.