One life to live
"Now open your eyes and look at your pretty face in the mirror." Elena said to Caroline.
So Caroline opened her eyes and took one long and heard look at herself. She had to admit, Elena had outdone herself this time, the make up was flawless and Caroline looked more then lovely but the problem was … All the make up in the world couldn't hide all the nights she spend crying over the last month. All the seconds of the day thinking about Nik, thinking how he hated her. She did exactly what Katherine advised her, she told him that she didn't care about him, to keep him safe, to keep him alive. But by doing that she killed herself. Nothing ever hurt as much as seeing his face when she told him this, she ripped his heart out and it ripped hers as well. But there was no turning back now …
"Caroline, you don't like it?" Elena interrupted her from her thoughts.
"My God Elena, no, it's lovely."
" It's just for the rehearsal dinner. We're going to a professional tomorrow. Caaroline, can you believe it? You're getting married tomorrow. I can believe it, this last month just flew by."
But the thing is, for Caroline it didn't fly by, for her every day dragged on and on. And she felt as she was chocking. Is every day for the rest of her life going to look like that from now on? Sometimes she felt like ending it all, ending her miserable existence but no … This was not Caroline Forbes, only utter and complete cowards would think about things like that. Her cards have been dealt and she would have to learn how to play with them, no matter how much it hurt. Maybe, maybe one day I'll stop loving him, she kept telling to herself, but she was such a bad liar, she didn't even know how to lie to herself. She knew very well she would always love Nik Mikaelson, that night underneath the stars, they way he looked at her, and they way he made her feel, like she could do anything. Like she could be a bird with wings and even fly if she would set her mind to it. If I could, I'd always fly to you, she thought. Always you …
"Can I? Just one more time?" Elena again interrupted her from her thoughts.
" Sure, knock yourself out." Caroline replied and Elena once more opened the door of her wardrobe and admired her wedding dress.
"I'm actually a bit jealous. I mean I know my wedding dress was beautiful as well but this … Oh Caroline … It's the most elegant wedding dress I have ever seen. Look at all this silk and satin and this beads … They were hand made you know? Your mother told me. It cost a fortune, but only the best for the most lavishing wedding of the year, or that Chicago has ever seen."
It was so funny, Elena was more excited then she was. Katherine advised her not to tell Elena anything, the less people knew the better. Elena gladly agreed to be her maid of honour, after Katherine said she couldn't stand to also sign a paper that would make her miserable for the rest of her life. Unfortunately, tomorrow at this time the paper would be signed, she would sign it and become Caroline Lockwood. My God, it sounded so wrong.
"You have nothing to be jealous about Elena. You know that weddings aren't about the dress. They are about love and wanting to share your life with someone. You're lucky you found that in Damon, that you found it in each other."
"Oh Caroline …" Elena sat next to her and held her hand.
" Still feeling a bit melancholic? I know this marriage wasn't what you wanted from the start but Tyler is such a nice guy, I'm sure he'll try really hard to make you happy. Maybe if you put a little effort to it? Please? We can't have a bride that's frowning. How would that look in the pictures? You know I heard the mayor of Chicago is coming? And the Chicago Tribune … You're pretty face is going to be everywhere; you're going to be such a star tomorrow. So smiiile …"
"I'll do my best Elena." was the best that Caroline Forbes could promise.
Her mother entered the room in a hurry.
"Caroline! You're not dressed yet? The rehearsal starts in an hour. We have to get going. Don't want to keep your fiancée waiting. You know all of Chicago will be there."
"Don't worry mother, I'll be right down. I just have to slip the dress on and I'm good to go."
All of Chicago will be there. She wondered … Would he be there? I mean the rehearsal dinner was being held at the club. As she was putting her black dress on( if tomorrow she had to be dressed in white, God damn it today she'd show her real feelings with a tight black dress, that was showing of every curve of her body and every scar on her soul) she couldn't stop thinking about it. She, she hadn't seen him from that horrible day when she told him he meant nothing to her and that she wanted to marry Tyler. First she was sure he would never buy it, but maybe she was a better actress that she thought, or maybe he never cared for her as much as she cared for him. Another lie she was telling herself to make it easier … She saw the hurt in his eyes, you can't fake that … She knew that because it was the same hurt she saw in her eyes every time she looked into the mirror. The colour was still their, the sparkle maybe, but the light … The light has gone out like those stars the night he first and last held her in his arms.
"If only we had more time together … If only we were two nobodies that met each other at the market maybe … I would give all of this away for you. And gladly. Too bad you can never know about it. Too bad you'll never know how much I love you." she said to herself as she took her little purse and head downstairs to meet her mother, Elena and Damon. Thank God for small joys, she thought when she remembered her father had a lot of business to do and told them he'll meet them at the club. She couldn't stand to be around him after that awful night, she avoided him by every cost. And he never said a word to her, but she saw the way he looked at her his eyes telling it all: "Don't mess this up or you know the cost."
"There is the blushing bride to be." Damon was teasing her.
"Caroline, why are you dressed in black? It's not a funeral." her mother was reprimanding her like she was a little child and she had to fight so hard not to say – but it is, it is my funeral.
"Caroline you look beautiful in anything. Like an angel. But can't wait to see you in your wedding dress tomorrow. I'll be the proudest maid of honour in all Chicago." Elena was beaming with joy so Caroline smiled politely and let them escort her to this God forsaking dinner. First of many to come she was sure. And she could have been so much more, now … She'll just be someone's trophy wife.
It was 8 o'clock sharp but the club was already crowded with people. The whole freaking Chicago was invited to this circus, I mean, her wedding and this rehearsal dinner. Thank God her mother and Tyler's mother took over the whole arrangements thing because if she had to do it she'd seriously lose her mind, even more then she had already lost it. This is not how this was supposed to be a painful voice inside of her head was screaming but she was trying to block it and smile politely to everyone although she didn't know half of these people.
"Katherine" she yelled when she saw her best friend arrive.
"I'm so glad you made it, I was a bit worried you wouldn't come."
"Sorry hun, Stefan couldn't find a place to park to save his life. You'd think it was the bloody queen of England getting married with all the fuss. No offense."
"None taken. I don't get it either."
"Oh I get it, the high and mighty have come to see another power couple being forged in front of their very eyes. Another guy getting his pretty little submissive wife and another girl becoming a brainless social doll for their amusement."
Suddenly Katherine stopped and looked at Caroline with guilt in her eyes: "I am so sorry Caroline, I truly am an awful friend. I'm an idiot. I shouldn't have said that."
"No Katherine, don't you dare apologise to me. You're the only one brave enough to call it as it is."
Caroline hugged her and said: " Don't ever change, if it wasn't for you I'd go crazy by now."
" I just wish there was more that I could do." Katherine said with sadness in her voice.
"Just be here for me?"
"Always." Katherine whispered.
"Have you seen, you know … Him?" Caroline asked shyly but at that moment Tyler approached her with more people to meet.
"There you are beautiful. I'd like you to meet Elijah Mikaelson and his lovely wife Tatia."
Caroline froze when she heard that last name. But she managed to extend her hand somehow and politely introduce herself.
" She really is beautiful Tyler." Elijah complimented her.
"Thank you so much for inviting our family to your festivity."
"No, thank you for coming Elijah. Your family is very important, well to anyone. I wasn't sure you'd accept our invitation, since you know …" Tyler went silent.
" And where is my brother this evening if I my be so bold and ask?"
Caroline's heart started to beat so hard it almost ran out of her chest … Nik … Where was her Nik … Except he wasn't hers anymore, she thought and had to bite her lip not to cry.
"I'm not actually sure." Tyler responded to Elijah.
"He might be in his office? Or he went home. Of course I invited him but he just said he's not into this kind of display of rubbish. A bit rude of him if I may say so."
"That sounds like Nik." Tatia said and started laughing, and Caroline hated her instantly. What the hell did she know about Nik? But then again, how much did Caroline really know? She practically only just met him a month ago, but she knew it didn't matter. She did know him, deep down, she had known him better than she had known herself.
" Yes, my brother has always been a bit strange that way … But he's family …" Elijah said and Caroline couldn't help but to notice the sadness in his eyes. And she just wished she knew more about this but, it was really none of her business. Nik was none of her business anymore.
"Honey, I'd just pop to the restroom. Please excuse me." Tatia said and left them alone.
Elijah and Tyler started talking business and Caroline was looking for either Elena or Katherine but none could be found in this horrible crowd.
"Would you excuse me, I think I need to go powder my nose as well." Caroline said and heard Elijah and Tyler commenting on women, how they're all the same.
She did actually head towards the restroom but somehow found herself next to the stairs leading to his office. The last time she was here … The last time she saw him … God she missed him so much, she felt actual physical pain inside her stomach. If only she could see him one more time … She wondered if he was upstairs … No, damn you Caroline, don't even go there, she reprimanded herself right away, and was just about to leave when she heard voices upstairs, talking rather loudly, yelling almost.
"Get it through that pretty little head of yours I don't want to have anything to do with you." She froze at place when she heard his voice. Nik was upstairs. She should have gone but her legs just weren't listening to her head.
" Nik, don't be so mean to me. You know you want it just as much as I do. Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't remember how I used to touch you, how we use to make love for hours and hours? How I knew how to please you?"
Omg, whose voice was that? It sounded so familiar … It sounded like … "That sounds like Nik." It was Tatia's voice. Caroline had to hold onto the rail of the stairs not to fall down. What did this mean? Did Tatia cheat on Elijah with his own brother? With Nik? Nik that took her to the stars and that kissed her like there was never anyone else in the world? I mean she had to admit she had heard a lot of things about him but this … She could not imagine him doing something so vile. She needed some air. She wanted to go outside but Elena grabbed her by the hand.
"I've been looking all over for you. Come. The toast is about to start. Can't start without the beautiful bride, can we now?"
So once again Caroline had no choice but to go on with the show and sit through four toasts telling her how wonderful of a couple Tyler and her were, and how lucky they truly are and bla, bla,bla … She wanted to stick a fork into her eye and end the misery then and there, but she just smiled and nodded and looked adorable as always. Apparently this was the only thing she was good for. She will never be anything more … Never again … After the toasts were over she pulled Katherine's hand and led her to the restroom.
" What's wrong hun?"
" Katherine I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack or something. I … I, oh God … I really don't know if I can go through with this."
" Then don't …"
" What?" Caroline stood silent and stared at Katherine.
" I was wrong, I was an idiot … I was trying to help you, and I told you to say those things to Nik and marry Tyler because I was worried … I don't want anything to happen to you … But whole life is a risk Caroline. Every fucking day, excuse my French, is a freaking risk. And that's way it's worth living. We have just this one life to live. For a reason … Go to Nik, tell him how you feel …"
" But Katherine …"
" No buts Care … Do you want it or not?"
"Yes, God yes. But I don't even know if he wants me anymore."
" Then risk it and go find out."
Caroline jumped at Katherine and said: " Thank you."
" Go, I'll say to everyone you got sick or something and the driver had to drive you home, or I'll think of something. Just go. And remember, there's only one life to live. So don't let anyone live it for you."
Katherine was dead right, and Caroline knew that. She knew that from the moment her father told her she was going to have to marry Tyler. This was her life and she was going to fight for it, she was going to fight for Nik. She stormed into his office but … It was empty. He had already gone … Somewhere … Maybe with that Tatia wench … No, she wouldn't think like that … If she was going to fight for him then she was going to give him the benefit of the doubt. She would have to believe he still had feeling for her, they didn't disappear just like that. Right?
" Victor." she screamed when she saw him pass the office.
"Yes, Miss Forbes?" he looked at her with confusion wondering probably what the hell she was doing in Nik's office.
" Do you know where I could find Mr. Mikaelson?"
" Nik? He left like a half an hour ago. I think he said he was headed home."
Caroline took a deep breath, it was all or nothing. One life to live.
"Could you please give me his home address?" Victor was looking at her like she had fallen from some other planet but he did as she asked. She was the future Mrs. Lockwood after all. But no, no she wasn't … Not if she could help it. She somehow, God knows how (I guess Gods were on her side tonight) managed to sneak out of the club and find a ride without anyone noticing. But all of this wasn't as scary as finding herself at his doorstep. And wanting to knock so badly and wanting to run away so badly. Who knew what she would find behind those door? Maybe he was with Tatia, or some other woman? He had every right to be … But … No … She would knock … And so she did … Those few seconds waiting and anticipating where the longest in her whole life.
Finally he opened the door, he was shirtless and he was gorgeous, but that's not the point now.
He looked at her like she was an apparition or something of that sort.
"Caroline?" he said almost in a whisper.
" Hi." was the only thing she managed to say before she threw herself into his arms, not sure if he was going to catch her.
You guys, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all of your reviews and encouragament to keep this going ... It really meant the world to me,as you can see, since I already wrote another chapter, which I hope you'll like as much as I like it. It really is a Caroline chapter but I liked developing her a bit more, seeing her thoughts and struggle, and the ultimate decision to fight for the one life to live. Well you can see from the title of this chapter it's a crucial one since the whole story is called the same :) ... But what will happen next? Will she tell Nik everything? Does he still want her? Is he even alone in his apartment? So many questions! I'll try to update as soon as possible not to leave you hanging for too long. REVIEW THIS CHAPTER AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK, and hopefully the inspiration will come ... THANK YOU ONCE MORE :)
