Whew, I had to stay up late for the time to write this. *yawns* Well, here's episode 10!
This chapter is long, and has lots of swearing and some serious themes. But I hope you still enjoy and review it!!
Episode #10: My Ed For You
We see a huge waterfall, and at the top stands a gigantic oak tree. The tree has a Plank-like face carved into its trunk, and has lost most of its leaves since it's late November. Jonny and Plank sit on one of the tree's branches, having a spectacular view of the skyline of a city situated around the base of the waterfall.
"Wow, what a view!" Jonny marvels at the skyline. "Your grampa is the best for letting us come up here, Plank!" Jonny then listens to the tree itself: "........... I said you're the best, Grampa Oak!.......... I said YOU'RE THE BEST!!" Jonny then listens to Plank again: "....... Yeah, your grampa really DOES need hearing aids!"
A wind blows by them, across a field behind Grampa Oak, through the overcast sky, and back to Peach Creek.
The wind blows through the trailer park, where we see police cars. Mama Kanker is standing outside her trailer, finishing a talk with several officers and a juvenile counselor.
"I have other clients, so this can't go on." the counselor says.
"Don't worry, I'll take her from here." Mama Kanker replies.
"Ok then, as her mother, we'll leave her in your hands." the police chief says. "Let's roll, boys."
The cops and counselor leave while Mama Kanker goes into her trailer, where Lee joins her side. Marie sits gruffly on the sofa, her hair loose.
"I can't believe this, Marie." Mama Kanker begins. "This is the third time this month I had to bail ya out."
"Yeah, so?" Marie doesn't care.
"Soooo, your vandalizin has to stop." Mama tells Marie. May listens to their conversation from the top of the stairs.
"But I like art, and my counselor said I that's how I should express myself." Marie explains.
"Vandalizin ain't art." Lee says.
"Leah don't, I'll handle this." Mama tells Lee before continuing: "Marie, I know ya wanna express yourself, but vandalizin private property ain't the way to do it. It can and will get ya into deeper trouble than you are now, and I can't waste anymore money bailin ya out of jail or payin for school merchandise you damaged. You need to start doin your part in helpin this family, Marie. Leah already has a job, and May's improvin her grades. Yours are fallin, your attendance is poor, and you're playin around in the streets instead. You gotta improve your grades and get a job. We're strugglin, and if ya don't help, we'll be livin out in the cold."
"Well it's YOUR fault we're strugglin!" Marie snaps. Lee gasps in shock, and Mama's good eye twitches:
"Excuse me?!..." she asks.
"Yeah, you heard me!" Marie stands up: "You keep WASTING money on me to bail me out! WASTING!! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?!! WASTING, ARE YOU JUST WASTING SHIT ON ME?!! THEN THAT PROVES IT, YOU DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT ME!!"
"MARIE!!!" Lee yells, and Mama yells louder: "THAT AIN'T TRUE!! I ALWAYS LOVED YA!!"
"NO YOU DON'T!!" Marie disagrees. May, frightened by the argument, hides in her room.
"BULLSHIT!!" Mama shouts: "I'M THE ONE WHO GOT YA PRESENTS EVERY CHRISTMAS AND BIRTHDAY!! I'M THE ONE WHO GOT YA FOOD AND CLOTHING!! I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK CARE OF YA WHEN YOU WERE SICK!! I'M THE ONE WHO TOOK YA TO THE HOSPITAL WHEN YOU POKED YOUR EYE OUT!! AND I'M THE ONE WHO FOUGHT FOR YOUR CUSTODY TO KEEP YA FROM YOUR ASSHOLE FATHER!!!"
"AND THAT WAS ALL WASTED EFFORT ON ME, WASN'T IT?!!!" Marie asks: "IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR JUDGEMENT THAT WE'RE STRUGGLING LIKE THIS!!!"
"MY JUDGEMENT KEEPS YOU ALIVE, MARIE NICOLE KANKER!!!" Mama retaliates.
"YOUR JUDGEMENT'S SHITTY AS FUCK, URSULA!!!" Marie screams, gathering her stuff in her bags and putting her hoodie on: "I'M DONE HERE!!! I AIN'T LISTENIN TO SOME 39-YEAR-OLD BITCH WHOSE AFFAIRS WITH MEN LED TO OUR LIVIN IN THIS TRAILER IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!" she goes through the front door, and Lee tries stopping her.
"GET OFF ME!!!" Marie pushes Lee away and walks across the creek bridge and through the woods.
"MOM, ARE YA JUST GONNA LET HER GO?!!" Lee asks: "................. Mom?....."
Lee goes to her mother Ursula, who silently turns away...
"... We'll find her later..." Ursula goes upstairs and hears May crying: "It's ok, May..." she talls May before continuing to her room, where she looks at pictures of Butch, Bubba and Rod (her daughters' fathers). Butch (Lee's dad) had curly orange hair and a blue tooth like Lee, and wore a suit and top hat like that of a magician. Bubba (Marie's dad) was a bodybuilder with shoulder-length blue hair and a face similar to Marie's, and wore a red-&-white cap and red briefs. Rod (May's dad) was bald, had a big nose like May, and wore sailor attire.
Ursula looks at their pictures, sheds a tear, and swats them to the floor. Then she naps in her hammock to curb her anger.
In the woods, Marie looks at an "Edd x Marie" she carved into a tree some time ago. Smoking a cigarette, she continues into the neighborhood and towards the property that she vandalized: she spray-painted a huge picture of Double-D and herself embracing. She cheers up:
"He'll help me!" she heads towards the cul-de-sac before hearing Ed's and Eddy's laughter from the junkyard. But as she goes to the junkyard, a shadowy figure watches her from inside a van with a giant squid painted on it, and from inside it we hear distressed children. The shadowy figure uses a picture of Marie (unknown how he got it) to identify her...
In the junkyard, Ed and Eddy search through piles of junk while Double-D watches from a ledge.
"Guys I hate to burst your little bubbles, but there's no possible method to prevent the entire bird population from returning next spring."
"Wanna bet?" Eddy asks. "Birds nest in trees, and they migrate south in the fall. So if we just wipe out all the trees, those annoying little twitters ain't gonna have nowhere to perch or get busy with babies, and they'll have to go somewhere else!"
"See Double-D, Eddy always has a plan!" Ed exclaims.
"And Ed, I thought you loved birds. So why are you assisting Eddy?" Double-D asks.
"Those otherworldly swallows." Ed grimly answers: "They once took my eyebrow to use as nest material, and I couldn't make funny faces for a week til Jonny got it back for me."
Eddy gets their attention by throwing a mattress at them: "Quit blubberin about the swallows and help me find that chainsaw. I remember seein it around here somewhere." Eddy searches through the junk, and Ed joins him. They toss aside numerous relics from past episodes: the remains of the jawbreaker satellite from "Stop, Look, and Ed," the volcano vacuum from "3 Squares and an Ed," the rattle from "An Ed is Born," the dented stop sign from "Boo Haw Haw," and the giant booster shot from "This Won't Hurt an Ed."
"Fellows, this is a waste of time." Double-D says, getting up from under the mattress Eddy threw. "Even if there is a chainsaw here, the fact that it's here in the junkyard almost certainly means that-"
"Double-D!" Marie arrives and approaches Double-D.
"Oh um, h-h-hi Marie!" Double-D falls over and nervously backs up against a pile of junk. "W-W-Wha-What's all the st-stuff in your bag?"
"It's all my stuff cuz I left Mom's trailer." Marie answers. "So can I stay at your place?"
"... WHAT?!!" Double-D asks out loud, drawing Eddy's attention.
"Please, Double-D?!" Marie begs. "You're the only one I could think of. And ya never told me what ya wanted to tell me before."
"Oh that, um... But, th-th-this, all this is so sudden and, and..." Double-D stutters nervously. Eddy sees this, and blows his top:
"THAT'S IT!!" Eddy zips towards Marie. "GET OUTTA HERE!!"
"BACK OFF!!" Marie yells back.
"YOU BACK OFF!!" Eddy yells over her: "I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU ALWAYS CHASIN AND NAGGIN DOUBLE-D LIKE HE'S YOUR FUCKIN BOY TOY!!! HE HATES YA, SO LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! IT'S BEEN FIVE DAMN YEARS ALREADY, AND NONE OF US EDS ARE LOVIN YOU STUPID KANKERS BACK!!!"
"EDDY, STOP!!!" Double-D yells.
"No I got this, Sockhead." Eddy continues: "SO LISTEN, MARIE!! HOW ABOUT YA GO FIND SOME OTHER BOY-"
Marie PUNCHES Eddy, sending him flying into a junkpile! Then she runs off.
"MARIE, WAIT!!" Double-D calls to Marie, but she already vanished. Eddy gets back up with something in his mouth. He spits it out, revealing it as the chainsaw he was looking for. Ed arrives.
"Was that you yelling, Eddy?" he asks.
"Never mind that, I found the chainsaw!" Eddy holds the chainsaw up for dramatic effect. "Yo Double-D, I found the..."
Eddy and Ed see that Double-D is gone.
At Rachel's house, Rachel gives the crying Marie a comforting hug on the sofa. Sean comes in from Rachel's kitchen with coffee for Rachel and Marie, putting it on the coffee table.
"Thank you, Sean." Rachel thanks. "Now go tell Bill and Dean that we're cancelling band practice today."
"Right." Sean leaves, and Rachel continues comforting Marie.
"Here, have some coffee." Rachel gives Marie a coffee mug and takes the other for herself.
"Thanks." Marie sips her coffee. "But what if it's true? What if Double-D really does hate me?"
"He would never say such a thing." Rachel reasons. "Don't believe Eddy."
"No I mean, the way I've acted all these years." Marie remembers: "I've been actin like a total skank-whore. It's just that, everytime I see Double-D, he just brings out my wild side and... and... I couldn't control myself and I kiss-attacked him." Marie cries again: "I just abused him with kisses, and... What the fuck was I doin? I wish I could take it all back and tell him how I really feel. He's a smart, kind gentleman, and I love him. I really do. But I never told him that, not ONCE! And I still can't, cuz once I see those baby cheeks of his, I'll just go crazy and kiss him again. It's so hard to tell him, it hurts me so much. And the only way I could let it out is... vandalizing property with spray-paintings and tree carvings."
Rachel sips her coffee: "It's ok, Marie. People can't control their hormones, so a girl like you lusting for a boy like Double-D is completely natural. But you should take that tip from your mom." she says: "You see, there's another reason Ursula doesn't want you in the streets. It's because she doesn't want you doing the same things she did."
".... What?" Marie asks.
"Lee and I know Ursula's history from the conversations she had with my mom." Rachel explains: "Ursula dropped out of high school for business on the streets, and so she was kicked out by her own mother. She went from place to place until Ballyhoo Butch's Magic Circus came along, and she joined to make something of herself. Butch was so impressed by Ursula's talents that they started making love to each other after each show. And before long, Ursula was pregnant with Lee. But Butch didn't want to 'waste money' on taking care of his child, so Ursula left him and his company because of his selfish greed. Then she met your father, Bobby 'Bubba' Robbins. Bubba traveled to compete in bodybuilding contests across the country, and along the way he took Ursula on 'rides to the moon.' He helped deliver Lee, helped raise her, then he impregnated Ursula with his own child: that's you, Marie. While Ursula was pregnant with you, she and Bubba settled in Orange Harbor and met my mom, Nikki Owens. But only weeks after moving in, Ursula learned that Bubba was cheating on her and having affairs with three other women. So she left him, moved in with my mom, and got a job at a seafood restaurant in the city as her mom taught her how to prepare excellent seafood, as you already know. With her job and my mom's help, Ursula was able to buy an apartment, and shortly afterwards, Rodney came into the restaurant she worked at. He just lost his job as a fisherman and thus couldn't pay for his home, but Ursula was attracted to him so she let him live with her. Rod eventually got another job diving for clams, and later helped deliver you. And while he and Ursula worked, Lee and you were left at my mom's place for babysitting. That's how WE met! Hehe, remember how Lee and I always picked on you when we were toddlers?!"
"Yeah, you bitch!" Marie giggles as she remembers, feeling a little better.
"Now continuing..." Rachel continues: "Ursula and Rod eventually got enough extra money to purchase a yacht. They went on love cruises together, and that's when they made their lovechild: May. Then we were all together!"
Rachel and Marie look at an old picture sitting by Rachel's lamp. It's a picture of the Kankers, Rod, Rachel and her mom Nikki, taken during May's 2nd birthday party at Lake Garcia State Park (from BPS, with Orange Harbor's skyline in the background). Ursula still had both her eyes, her hair was longer, and she wore an aqua-green blouse and black pants. Rod still wore his usual sailor clothes. Nikki resembled Rachel with black hair and purple lipstick, but wore a yellow shirt with a white flower logo, blue jeans, and purple shoes. Young Rachel had her familiar white flower hairclip, but had normal pink lips and both her eyes were exposed. She wore an oversized purple sweater that covered her arms and legs, and black sneakers. Young Lee's eyes were visible, and she wore blue overalls over a white shirt with red polka-dots, and purple shoes. Lee and Rachel were each using an index finger to make bunny ears behind young Marie, who had her original brown hair color. Young Marie's hair was tied back in a short ponytail and covered her left eye even then, and she wore green skirtalls over a black shirt, zebra stockings, and black sneakers. Young May was being held in Ursula's arms. She had shorter hair with an oversized pink bow on it (the same bow she would later wear as a teenager). Her clothes were the same as in the cartoon series, except she had sandals instead of shoes.
"But unfortunately, we were only together for three-and-a-half years." Rachel continues: "Rod turned to alcohol whenever he was stressed, such as when when he lost his fishing job. And after May's birth, he and Ursula could no longer maintain their yacht, so they gave it up. Rod never recovered from losing the yacht, so he drank behind Ursula's back and started taking her for granted. Their relationship was strained, then Rod couldn't take it anymore and he spent their savings on another yacht. He realized his mistake, started drinking again, and..."
Marie gasps: "So THAT'S why they were fighting that night..."
Flashback: The young Kankers hide behind their sofa while Ursula and Rod argue in the kitchen. Lee is covering May's mouth so she doesn't scream or cry.
"HOW THE FUCK CAN YA DO SOMETHIN LIKE THAT, RODNEY?!!!" Ursula yells. "WHAT ARE WE GONNA FALL BACK ON NOW?!!"
"IT WAS A STUPID MISTAKE, I'M SORRY!!!" Rod yells back. "I WON'T MAKE ANY MORE MISTAKES!!!"
"YOU ALWAYS SAY THAT, ROD!! BUT DRINKIN IS A MISTAKE, AND YA KEEP FUCKIN DRINKIN AND DRINKIN AND DRINKIN LIKE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW!!!"
"DON'T START WITH ME, URSULA!!!" Rod drunkenly snaps, but Ursula retaliates: "NO I'M TIRED OF THIS SHIT, ROD!!! I'M FUCKIN TIRED OF YOUR LIES!!!....... What are you doin?..."
Lee peeks into the kitchen, and sees Rod's shadow smash his beer bottle and point it at Ursula's shadow: "Just go away."
"Rod, you're drunk! Please, just drop the bottle!" Ursula says. "I'm sorry for yellin!"
"Go AWAY!!" Rod approaches Ursula... "Drop it, Rod!!" Ursula backs away. "GO AWAY!!!" Rod screams, and Ursula yells "PLEASE, JUST DROP THE-"
"THAT'S IT!!!" Rod lunges at Ursula! Lee freaks out!
"WHAT'S HAPPENING, LEE?!!" Marie asks as Ursula and Rod fight. May starts screaming, muffled by Lee.
"COME ON!!!" Lee takes Marie and May upstairs just as Rod tackles Ursula onto the sofa, and she smashes a lamp on him. Her daughters hide in their room. May cries in terror as she and her older sisters hear the violent fight downstairs. Then...
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!" Ursula's pain-filled scream is heard. "AAAAHHH, AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! GET OUTTA HEEEEEERE!!!! GET OUTTA MY HOUSE, YOU FUCKIN SHIIIIIIT!!!!"
We hear furious SMASHING going outside. Lee looks out the window, and sees Ursula chasing Rod away with a giant anchor she's wielding like a battle-axe. She stops on the street in front of the house, clutching her right eye in pain while Rod runs off.
"YEAH RUN, YA FUCKIN DRUNK!!!! GO HAVE FUN WITH YOUR FLOATIN SLUT!!!!"
Lee watches Ursula curse Rod while Marie comforts May, who repeatedly cries "Daddy..."
End Flashback
"With Rod gone, Ursula struggled to raise you three alone." Rachel says. "My mom couldn't help for long because we moved away to live with my dad. And... I'm sure you know the rest, Marie..."
Marie remembers how Ursula (now wearing her eyepatch due to the scar Rod gave her) had to give up their apartment and settle for a trailer, which they would live in from then on.
"Ursula despised men after all she went through." Rachel says. "And yet, she still kept some of Butch's, Bubba's and Rod's stuff as souvenirs. She may have told you and your sisters that she only kept your dads' stuff as reminders to spite them, but in truth, she still loved them. But she knew they were no good and she lamented that. Butch then wanted Lee, and Bubba wanted you, so Ursula fought them in court to keep you two."
"And Rod?..." Marie asks.
"....... He was claimed by the sea." Rachel grimly answers: "But Ursula never told May because it would only hurt her more, and she kept you and Lee away from your fathers because they would treat you poorly. She realized that none of her hardships would've happened if she never turned to the streets as a teenager. Ursula doesn't want you doing the same because she doesn't want you to end up living the life she lived. She wants you to follow not her examples, but her advice. Do you understand now?"
".......... Yes......" Marie tearfully answers.
"Now regarding Double-D." Rachel continues: "I know you loved him for five years, but never once telling him of your affection is... I don't even know how to describe that. But I'm gonna go get him and bring him here so you can tell him. Whether he loves you back or not, it's time for you to let your true feelings out."
"Ok, Rachel." Marie complies while Rachel puts on her boots and jacket to go find Double-D. But then Marie sees the giant-squid van parked across the street, and sees the shadowy man step out from it...
A few blocks down, Rachel bumps into Double-D: "Double-D!"
"Rachel!" Double-D greets. "I know you're a friend of the Kankers, and Marie isn't at her trailer. So is she at your house?"
"Yes, she is." Rachel answers. "She already told me what happened earlier."
"Oh good, because... I wanted to... tell her something..." Double-D whispers in Rachel's ear: "Because four years ago, she and her sisters saved me, Ed and Eddy from an onslaught." he flashes back to when the Kankers saved the Eds from the kids in BPS: "And even though I never showed it, I was so grateful, and I've secretly loved her ever since."
"So you love her, too?" Rachel asks. "Well, that works out perfectly! Come with me and I'll bring you two together!"
As Rachel and Double-D head back to Rachel's house, we hear Marie struggling inside!
"LEMME GO, ERRR!! RAAAGH!!!" Marie is carried out of Rachel's house by the shadowy man, revealed to be a morbidly obese man in his 40s. His face somewhat resembles Marie's, but with brown hair in a short ponytail and a five-o-clock shadow, and his legs are hidden under his fat folds! He wears a stretched-out, greenish-brown jacket over a white tanktop with his obese stomach bulging out, black-&-white sneakers, and a red-&-white cap.
"HELLO, MARIE!! I FINALLY GOTCHA!!!" the obese man shouts in joy.
"HOW THE HELL DO YA KNOW MY NAME?!!" Marie asks, trying to free herself.
"Cuz you're my daughter!" the man reveals himself as Bubba!!! Marie remembers Bubba's red-&-white cap from the picture of him inside Ursula's bedroom.
"YOU'RE MY DAD?!!!" Marie asks in complete shock: "NO, I LEARNED ALL ABOUT YOU!! YOU CHEATED ON MOM!! LEMME GO, YA DIRTY CHEATER!!!"
"Sorry, but you're livin with me now!" Bubba declares. Marie struggles against him, her hat falling off in the process. Double-D and Rachel see Bubba throw Marie into the back of his van with the screaming children, seen as three silhouettes and one screams "I GOTTA PEE!" Bubba closes it.
"MARIE!!!" Double-D and Rachel scream, and Rachel identifies Bubba by his cap as he squeezes into his van to start it up.
"BUBBA!!" Rachel throws Double-D into her car, starts it up, and speeds after Bubba, who sees her and Double-D in his rearview mirror. He pours axle grease onto the street, making Rachel's car spin out, hit a hydrant and soar through the air, destroying a tree and roof in the process. Rachel and Double-D jump out of her car as it crashes down into the candy store, scattering candy all over the street and children rush over to take it!
"NO NO NO, MARIE!!!" Double-D panics, holding Marie's hat in his hands as he and Rachel watch Bubba drive away, passing a sign that says "WATERMELON FALLS: 8 MILES."
Ed ties the chainsaw to a hockey stick while Eddy starts the retro van: "Wait Eddy, Double-D doesn't like when others drive his van."
"We're his best buds; he won't mind." Eddy replies. "Now come on, there's a giant tree at Watermelon Falls that accomodates a KAZILLION birds! Takin that tree down will be our first major victory in our campaign against those rats with wings!"
Double-D and Rachel hurry to the Kanker trailer, where Lee and May greet them:
"Hey, guys!" May greets, but notices Double-D's and Rachel's frantic faces. "What's wrong?"
"Girls, Bubba kidnapped Marie!!" Rachel answers, and Lee screams "WHAT?!!"
They scramble upstairs, and Lee and May barge into Ursula's room. Ursula is still napping in her hammock.
"MOM, MOM!! WAKE UP, WAKE UP!!!" Lee and May shake Ursula awake, and Ursula grabs their necks:
"You two better have a good reason for disturbin my nap..."
Moments later, Ursula rampages through the trailer park, her teeth sharp and her eye bloodshot with rage!!
"RRRAAAAAAAAAGHHH!!!" she throws and kicks numerous trailers around and rips apart another with her bare hands!! She picks up another trailer, cracks it like an egg, and everything inside it pours out like yolk!!
"BUBBAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Ursula angrily pulls out the Park-n-Flush sign and throws it at several more trailers. Double-D, Lee, May and Rachel watch from behind a wrecked trailer:
"Mom's anger makes me wet myself." May remarks as she watches her rampaging mom.
"EXCXUSE ME, MS. KANKER!!" Double-D gets Ursula's attention: "We need to call the police!!"
"That ain't happenin." Lee says.
"Leah's right." Ursula approaches Lee, May, Rachel and Double-D: "We're goin to Watermelon Falls to rescue Marie, Kanker-style!!"
To Be Continued...
Trivia: You how I gave "Nicole" as Marie's middle name? Well, Nicole was the name of the first girl I ever had a relationship with. But unfortunately, it only lasted for two months because of my paranoia. And remember when Ursula said Marie poked her eye out? If you look closely in "Jingle Jingle Jangle" when the Kankers' cracker explodes, you can see an eyepatch under Marie's hair! She had both her eyes in Season 1, so I think she poked her right one out some time afterwards.
Character Inspirations: As you've already read, I created Grampa Oak as Plank's grandfather. I got this idea from when Plank grew a branch in "Scrambled Ed." Whether he would grow into a tree or if he used to BE one, I'll leave that to your imagination. I based the Kankers' fathers on the trash cans the sisters used in "Honor Thy Ed," and Bubba now being obese is based on how fat Marie was in the deleted scene of "Take This Ed and Shove It." In other words, Marie got her fat genes from Bubba.
Sorry if this chapter didn't have enough lols, but I promise part 2 will have more!! Also, tell me your thoughts/feelings on the Kankers' past.
