Bonded With Flame: Hi peoples. The next chapter is up.
Riku fangirls: You didn't give us a part and allow us to have fun pulling at Riku's hair! DIE!
Drek: and here we witness Bonded with Flame's mad matrix moves. He narrowly dodges a soccer ball thrown by her, then cross-punches her. This ain't happening. Kirana, where are the 5 bucks.
Kirana: Humph.
Axel was lounging in his fiery pit. With lounge chairs. He was about to drift off to sleep when in the corner of his eye…
"What the heck is Sora doing in my room?" Axel was infuriated, but remembered what his anger management coach (Xaldin) had said.
FLASHBACK……
"Alright Axel, it's time for another day of anger management," Xaldin said, walking into the room.
"I DON'T NEED ANGER MANEGMENT! WHICH EVER LOSER SIGNED ME UP FOR THIS WILL DIE A FIERY DEATH!" Axel screamed at Xaldin. Xaldin sighed.
"I signed you up," Xaldin admitted. "You have to control your anger. When we invaded Sylvarant you got really angry at that girl who tripped over your foot. You burned the entire village to the ground!"
"WHO THE #$&# CARES IF I BURNT IT! IT ENDED UP BEING A GOOD THING!" Axel yelled. He summoned his fire disks and readied them. Xaldin waited ten seconds and then spoke again.
"Axel, what's your response when you get angry?" Xaldin asked. Axel was sort of disarmed by that question.
"Burn stuff."
"What would a good goal be?" Xaldin said. Axel thought for a moment.
"Burn nothing but people." Xaldin mentally counted to ten and then got an idea.
"Here's a suggestion Axel. When you are angry, count to ten," Xaldin said calmly. Axel was pretty angry right now so he tried it. When he was done he was amazed. He wasn't angry anymore!
BACK IN THE PRESENT……
Axel counted. All of a sudden the amazing passive powers of counting to ten worked a miracle, and he didn't feel angry.
"Okay Sora. Back in the pit." He stated calmly. "Or would you rather be eaten by rabid beast monkeys, which are also fangirls of you?"
"NOOO! Anything but that!" Sora yowled. Sora had a strange fear of monkeys ever since Rafiki 'accidentally' shot a bolt of thunder at him. The other animals on that-I-hate-so-much list were warthogs, hyenas, and whatever the heck Timon is, as Timon and Pumbaa and turned out to be Heartless, and hyenas for obvious reasons. He also had started to distrust floating chibi people, as Rikku had 'Relieved him of his material goods.'
"So back in the pit?" Axel asked.
"Yes…"
Axel opened a portal and pushed Sora in it.
MEANWHILE IN TWILIGHT TOWN NOBODY CREATION STATION…
"Good… Good… The arms a little off, but good… fine… Ooh! Jackpot! Dusk with 8 arms! That beats Xigbar's record of 7!" Zexion was inspecting Dusks as they came through the Creation line. "Wait a sec…" Zexion stopped the Creation line. "Aren't you three a little bit short for Dusks?"
"Dang it, Rikku!" came a voice from a zipped mouth.
"Quiet!" came another voice.
"Told you we should have used Creepers instead," came a surprisingly calm voice from another.
Zexion unzipped the zippers on the costume. "Holy spam cans, Roxas! It's Rikku, Paine and Yuna!"
"Really?" Roxas asked. He walked over. "So it is. So it is."
"Yuna, what do we say?" Rikku hissed to Yuna.
"Eh… Bahamut!" Yuna yelled. A giant dragon-human thing appeared to defend Yuna.
"This should be good." Roxas pulled up one of those lounge chairs that seem to be everywhere.
"No problem." Zexion pulled out a stick. "EDEN!" Eden then floated down to protect Zexion.
Rinoa randomly appeared. "But I thought I had Eden junctioned!" She whined. She was made chibi too. If you want to know why it was because I felt like it.
"I summoned the Aeon. You have the GF." Zexion pointed out.
"Oh, okay. I get it… I think." Rinoa said oddly. She then realized something. "Quick! His compatibility with Eden is zero! Raid him!" Rinoa yelled.
"Um… Rinoa? Aeons don't have compatibility." Rikku told her.
"Oh… they don't?" She tilted her head.
"Oh, don't worry. His summon time will take another hour or so," Roxas told the four chibi people, "And he tends to mess up and summon a chocobo. Or a shoopuf."
They made off with all of the things in Zexion's pockets. They found a gum wrapper, asparagus, a deck of fast food cards, presumably Luxord's, a certificate that had all the lyrics to Sanctuary, Simple and Clean and Passion, a Kingdom Hearts II Final Mix, and the fire materia. Then Roxas used his Chibi Trapper 3000, made by Vexen, to trap them. It was pretty much a big metal ball with a whole lot of treasure inside.
"Dude, Zexion? You can stop."
"Can't stop unless I screw up."
Roxas kicked Zexion.
"Thank you."
"We're rich!"
"Ughh…" Zexion moaned. He longed to shove them in his bag of holding. "Where is it… hey it's gone!"
"Gee, you think?"
"Ah well." They teleported to Vexen's lab.
AT VEXEN'S LAB…
"What is the order?" Vexen asked.
"We have 4 chibi. They are all Gullwings, and they raided Zexion's pockets." Roxas said.
"Gotcha." Vexen replied. He went to his computer and started typing. "There. It'll be for a minute."
There was that same eerie black flash of light. What they saw in the cage were three Heartless Valkyries, and a female Luna bandit that had six more arms.
The chibi nobodies were beamed down. "Hi!" The one that looked like Yuna said, "I'm Xyanu, but please call me Xy." She said. "They are Xikkru, Xinora and Pinaxe."
Xy seemed like Yuna in pitch black armor. If you've seen Yuna's dark knight armor check it out. That's what she was wearing. Rikku's nobody was wearing a breast plate and short leg armor. Xinora was wearing a dress that parted on the sides, and a top that resembled Yuna's top in FFX, only it had sleeves. And Pinaxe looked like Paine.
"What are with the people in the cage?" Xikkru asked. They were lashing out, trying to break free. They did.
"What!" Vexen was surprised. "Roxas help, and keep them in." Roxas came over and started slashing at them. Xy started to slash with a sword that had a large blade, and a cool hilt that had the Nobody sign in the middle. Xikkru pulled out a sword and started slashing, Xinora pulled out two pistols took aim and shot, and Pinaxe just watched because she wasn't in the active party.
The ATB bars randomly appeared. Xikkru appeared to be agitated. She cast Hastega and the fight continued for ten seconds. The Heartless appeared to be PWNED.
"Haste, haste, haste, haste…" Xikkru chanted. The Almost Gullwings were exchanging hi-fives.
"Okay, Vexen?" Roxas said tapping his shoulder. "The Gullwings work for treasure, which we have plenty of. If we run out, Luxord can always go to some random world."
"Okay." Vexen started to type on his CPU, but when he hit enter, it seemed to be blocked. "Ah, crud. Anyone know light magic?" Roxas raised his hand. Vexen seemed bewildered.
"Dude, that's GIRL magic!" Roxas turned a bright shade of pink.
"Well I do admit in all the Final Fantasy games that all the White Mages are girls, I use light magic, not curative magic." Roxas said embarrassedly.
"Crud." Vexen said looking defeated. "Any of you?"
Xinora raised her hand.
"Why didn't you raise it when I asked if anyone knew light magic?"
Nixora shrugged. "You said light magic, not curative."
"Well, heal the Heartless now."
"Why? They don't seem to be afflicted with a disease. Except for the fact they're Heartless." Vexen gave her the look that said you know exactly what I mean; you're just being a pain. Xinora seemed offended. "I'm not like Pinaxe!" she exclaimed.
"Just !$ heal them!"
"But they aren't afflicted with a disease." Nixora said, confused.
Xikkru poked Xinora. "I think he means heal them from the Heartless state."
Xinora looked agitated. "He could have said that!" She snapped. The almighty power of snap made the Heartless the chibi people they were.
Apparently they were dizzy. They all flew straight in to the chibi trapper again. Maybe it was because they wanted more treasure. Even I, who am controlling this fan fiction, do not know.
"Well, you little thieves, come on." Roxas said. He opened a dark portal. "There is lots of treasure in that portal, and it is all just sitting there, waiting to be put in that bag of holding under Xy's arm."
"Yay!"
MEANWHILE IN THE ORGANIZATION CPU ROOM…
Zexion was trying to teach Lexaeus to use a CPU, with disastrous results. "Okay Lexaeus. It's time for you to learn intellectual skills."
"Lexaeus smash computer."
"Lexaeus… you aren't the Hulk."
"Lexaeus don't care."
"Anyways. Let's start by turning on the CPU."
"Lexaeus smash!"
"No, press that freakin button right the-" There was a lot of smashing, and annihilating with earthy power.
Zexion wrote something in a notebook. "Computer 3,023,032,740,238…" Smash! "Oops, 3,023,032,740,239."
"LEXAEUS SMASH COMPUTERS!" he screamed. "NYAH!"
Zexion conjured rabid beast monkeys.
"Eep! Lexaeus no like rabid beast monkeys."
"Now we continue." Zexion said. "Press that little button, and the computer turns on."
"Lexaeus press button." He did so. "Ooh! Numbers!"
"Alright, now we are at the log-in screen. Press the icon next to your name."
"Why Lexaeus icon pretty butterfly?"
Zexion looked at the computer, it was true, Lexaeus's icon was a butterfly. Zexion looked at Axel, who was supposed to be helping, but was in reality, playing Star Wars Battlefront II. "Ha-ha!" Axel said in triumph. "Hey, Roxas, I killed MadSteVe and 39$!"
Only then Axel realized Zexion was looking at him.
"You think I changed Lexaeus's icon!" Axel said in surprise. "I'm evil, but not that evil!" he went on. "Only Larxene and Exralnex are mean enough to do that."
Zexion contacted Xemnas and gave him the situation.
A loud, booming voice came from the speaker. "Larxene and Exralnex, please report to the CPU room. I repeat, Larxene and Exralnex, please report to the CPU room."
Larxene was there in a flash. "Yeah, Exralnex is dying her hair… some strange color."
Exralnex burst in to the room. She had dyed her hair purple-greenish. "Like the hair?"
Zexion was about to say no, but Axel clapped a hand over his mouth. "It is perfect! It really reflects your personality!"
"Lexaeus like hair." He said, poking a point where it stuck up. Exralnex screamed.
"Later!" she ran away but before she did: "Arlene did it."
"MY $# NAME ISN'T ARLENE! IT IS LARXENE!" She screamed.
Larxene… be calm…
"Aah! Freaky voice!" Larxene yelled.
I'm your freakin' shoulder angel!
Sorry, but I, as the shoulder devil, have control of Nobodies. Suckah!
"More voices!" Larxene shrieked.
"Larxene… is there a reason you're having hallucinations?" Zexion asked after he scribbled a note down.
Tell him he is lame, and he doesn't have a weapon. Then annihilate him.
"You're lame and you don't have a weapon." Larxene said, as she didn't want to infuriate the "almighty" shoulder devil. "Now die!"
"And here we witness the Nobody massacre." Axel said to Roxas.
"Let's see… 'On the death of 1 young nobody who was murthered, 4:24 P.M., on the 23rd of May.'" Roxas said writing it on a piece of paper. "Think Xemnas will make a historical monument?"
"Possible."
Zexion was fighting off Larxene's knives with a stick. "Now this is what it means to fend off people with a stick!"
"Use your weapon, inferior being!"
"This… is my weapon!"
Larxene froze. Zexion took the time to maul her. After the mauling was over, Larxene asked Zexion exactly why he fought with a stick.
"How did you beat me with a stick!" she yelled angrily. "and you were 6 in the organization! And you also recently got promoted!"
"Uhh… Larxene. Behind you."
"MUAhahahahahahahahahas hhahahahahjahahahahahajyskiajehasdakjah." laughed a man behind Larxene. "All your bases are belong to A. Melvin," he said hysterically. He disappeared in a POOF! Zexion then yelled.
"AHHHHHH! IT'S A CLIFFHANGER!"
END OF CHAPTER TWO……
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Here's the list.
Drek: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, The Hulk and Tales of Symphonia.
Kirana: AHHHHHH! It's too short! We must make more random references in our next chapter!
Bonded with Flame: On a side note I do own the character A. Melvin and the rabid beastmonkeys, here on called the Monkeys of DOOM!
