HELLO! So I decided to sit down and get this chapter done. It's not the best but I'm trying to get this one moving a bit. This would have been up earlier today but I've been having a ridiculously shit day so bare with me.
I DON'T OWN SKINS.
ENJOY :)
So last night was perfect in it's own way. Naomi doesn't do 'romantic' dates. She's different. That's one of the things I always liked about her, one of the things I still like about her. Of course we had the stereotypical meal, which was nice but the best part was just being around her without feeling so much animosity that I felt sick. It's still hard, knowing all of the things she's done. Knowing that she is the reason I feel so broken all of the time. She's the reason I ran away from my family and my friends. But I managed to ignore all of those things for one night which was all I needed to know that we could try again.
We finally got to sleep at some point last night, or earlier this morning. Once the giggles had subsided anyway.
Waking up with Naomi snoring like a beached whale in my bed was not the most graceful of visions to wake up to in the morning but it was quite sweet, it was also quite a difference from her peaceful smiling that I had witnessed earlier. She never used to snore though. I did used to hear the occasional grunt when she was either drunk or hungover so I'm blaming the alcohol for her unladylike appearance. She had also managed to drape herself over the majority of my bed, which isn't that big. I'm sure that the bed space was evenly distributed when I went to bed but now I'm practically on the floor. Greedy bitch. I'm grateful though that we haven't woken up on top of each other. I can't handle that just yet. We need to talk things over, clear a couple of things up before we can even try to be a couple again.
I haven't been up for that long but I have now managed to make a successful cup of tea but it did require a lot of concentration. Tea is surprisingly hard to make when you're seriously hungover. I've just settled into my wonderfully comfortable sofa, I never realised how lovely it was when a vision of...well I want to say beauty but honestly, she looks like shit. Her hair is really quite tousled, verging upon sex hair. That must be quite an achievement having sex hair without having sex. I recognize the t-shirt she's in, it's mine, but one of my over sized ones, so it fits her perfectly. Oversized on me, is the correct size for her.
"Mornin'" It's nice hearing her voice in the morning. I've missed this.
"Do you want a cup of tea?"
"Please."
"Okay just give me 10 minutes."
"10 minutes to make tea?"
"It's hard to concentrate." She looks really overly confused. Well I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not the only one that is really hungover. I choose to elaborate. "When you're hungover."
"Oh."
We spent a lot of the morning in my flat, drinking tea and living off of pain killers. I got a load of missed calls from Katie and Naomi got even more from Effy. They knew we were with each other right now and just probably wanted to know what happened last night. Surprisingly enough I'm glad nothing happened cos it just wouldn't be right.
"NAOMI!" I had to shout, we'd both been minding our own business so I have no clue where she was. We need to sort this shit out, like now, cos it really is fucking ridiculous. I've had enough of tip toeing around the subject that is our relationship.
"What?" Her head popped out from my bedroom door, I think she was sleeping. Half asleep Naomi is always good to see. She's so dopey.
"Sorry did I wake you?"
"Oh no...no...well yes" she sends me a cheeky smile, "it doesn't matter. What's up fitch?"
"Can we you know, talk?"
She gets the severity of this conversation. All of sleepy Naomi has disappeared. Her serious face is firmly fixed.
So we talked. We talked about everything. We talked about what last night meant to us. How it made us feel. We talked about when we were actually together during college, about how good that was to have someone who we loved. She told me how she used to be so scared about how she felt. It was strange to see this side of Naomi. When we were together we only had the occasional 'serious' conversation, and Naomi would only cry a handful of times but from what she's told me she's done a lot of crying since I left. She told me how lost she felt without me around her. She told me about how she spent all of her time with Effy and Katie because they were the last thing she had that was connected to me.
"I took everything with me, I didn't want there to be any physical trace of me left." I look down, all I can feel is guilt. I knew that she hurt me, but I didn't think she would have been hit so hard by my departure.
"I'm angry at you all the time Naomi. I can't help it. I'm angry now because I feel so fucking guilty. I didn't think you cared if I left, that's what made it so easy for me. But now knowing all of this all I feel is guilt. You shouldn't be able to make me feel like this." I couldn't hold the tears back. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm heart broken. I'm feeling everything I've felt since I left Bristol all at once. It's hit me so fucking hard.
"You might think you're tricking everyone Em, but you're so far from 'okay' that it is killing me. You're empty Em."
She repeated what she told me at the restaurant. That hurt the most. Hearing the fact that she fucking knew that I was so far from being 'okay'.
I hated how she could see through me then, and I hate it now. I don't want her to be able to still know me better than everyone.
"I'm sorry." Those words again.
"I want to believe you Naoms, I want to know that you mean it."
"I do mean it Em. Don't you understand. Ever since you left I've been so fucking sorry for everything I ever did to you."
"I don't know Naomi. I don't know anything anymore."
"Emily I'm in love with you. I have been since I was 12. I pushed you away from me. I made you think that everything bad that happened was because of you. That it was your fault. I'm such a fucking coward. I was so scared, and it's so pathetic Emily and honestly, I'm still pissing myself about all of this. About us. But I'm not going to run away from you. Not again. I love you Emily."
Not the best chapter.
I feel like a horrible horrible person for leaving that there, but yano. I don't know where to go next. So we will see once I know what I'm doing.
Thank you for reading and reviewing and favoriting and alerting and all.
If you haven't already go and read Summer of 98' as well. :P
All reviews welcome. REVIEW PLEASE.
