No author's note this time, so enjoy Episode 18!!


Episode #18: Stark Raving Ed


Sarah's Diary:

"Dear Diary,

Today was one of the craziest and most significant days of my life! I never thought I'd be able to do something of such magnitude, nor did I ever think that I'd be my own worst enemy. Even my friends couldn't help and all they were able to do was watch, but you know what they say: sometimes, the only one who could help you is yourself.

It all started two nights ago..."


The Peach Creek night is illuminated by street lights and house lights, including the light from Nazz's bedroom. Inside, we hear her giggling along with others. We see the inside of Nazz's room, which has numerous posters (including the Diospyros band mentioned in "Rise of The Gourd") on one side, and pictures of all her friends on the other. Among the portraits is Ian's, which has a fat red X crossed through it (after the events of "Lovey Dovey Lugaboo").

Nazz herself is having a slumber party with Jenna, Sarah and Zoe, all wearing their bedtime attire. Nazz's consists of a white tanktop and pink-&-white shorts with her hair in a ponytail like Jenna's. The four girls are sitting on the floor, spinning a bottle which points at Jenna:

"Ok, Jenn! Who's your favorite actor?" Nazz asks.

"I'll go with... Johnny Depp!" Jenna answers, then she spins the bottle. It points at Zoe.

"Your favorite jawbreaker flavor?!" Jenna asks Zoe.

"Sour apple-lime, hence my green tongue!" Zoe answers, taking her turn to spin the bottle, which points at Sarah.

"Who would you rather marry, Justin Bieber or Apolo Ohno?" Zoe asks Sarah, and Nazz & Jenna go "Oooo!"

"Wow, that's a tough one." Sarah says, thinking of who she'd marry.

"Apolo's my husband! I'm just sayin!" Zoe giggles softly, then Sarah comes up with her answer:

"I'll have to go with Justin! I just love him more, plus he's closer to my age!" Sarah answers. "Now it's my turn to spin!"

Sarah spins the bottle. It points at Nazz, and Sarah asks "What's your zodiac sign?"

"Gemini, baby!" Nazz answers, then spins the bottle.

Eddy, Kevin and Paul are hiding in Nazz's closet, watching the girls through the closet doors' slits. Eddy is holding a camcorder, and Paul is wearing a baby shirt and bonnet. The three whisper to each other:

"Paul, you know you're gonna get annihilated if you go through with this, right?" Kevin asks.

"I read that girls like bein motherly and all that, so that's what I'm testin out with this experiment!" Paul explains. "Is the cam rollin, McMoney"

"Yeah!" Eddy answers, suppressing a chuckle. "We got your tombstone ready, just in case!"

Meanwhile, Nazz asks Zoe: "Favorite game?"

"DDR for the win!" Zoe answers and gets up to dance. Shortly afterward, Paul leaps out of Nazz's closet, revealing that he's also wearing a diaper and is shaking a rattle!

"WWAAAAAHHH!!" Paul cries. "I'm a little baby who shat himself and needs his diaper changed!"

"GAAAAHH!!" Nazz screams while Zoe laughs!

"PAUL, GET OUTTA HERE NOW!!" Sarah yells, and Jenna adds "WE'RE HAVIN GIRL TIME!"

"Hehehehehe!" Eddy gleefully records Paul's baby act, and Kevin whispers "Kick his ass, Jenn!"

"Where's my baby formula, Mommy Nazzalicious?!" Paul asks. "I need my binky, Baby Bonita! I'm a growin boy, Cray-Z! C'mon, Huffy Puff (Sarah's nickname); get with the program!"

"THAT'S IT!!" Sarah kicks Paul through the closet door, smashing it apart and exposing Eddy & Kevin!

"Oh, shit." Kevin utters, and the boys see Sarah turning red and her teeth sharpening!

"RUN!!" Eddy shouts, dashing out through Nazz's door with Kevin and Paul as the girls chase them. Eddy still records the chase!

"I LOVE CHASIN BOYS! LET'S MAKE EM PRETTY!" Zoe shouts, and the heated Sarah jumps ahead to separate Paul from Eddy and Kevin.

"WAIT, HUFFY PUFF!! I'M A BABY!! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME!!" Paul screams, running into Nazz's kitchen in a futile attempt to avoid Sarah's wrath while Nazz and Jenna chase Eddy and Kevin out through the front door. Sarah corners Paul who tries defending himself, but Sarah catches his fist, and her eyes turn yellow...

Outside, Eddy and Kevin hear Paul's pain-filled SCREAMS from Nazz's kitchen.

"I knew him well." Kevin says.

"But hey, at least now he's actually gonna cry like a baby!" Eddy exclaims as Nazz and Jenna go back inside. Once they enter the kitchen, they gasp at the sight that awaits. The entire kitchen has been devastated, with shattered dishware and window pieces everywhere. Zoe comes out from under the sink, where she was hiding while Sarah beat Paul. Paul is drooling on the floor as he is heavily bruised; black-eyed; lost several teeth; has a part of his tongue chomped off; and his baby shirt, diaper and bonnet are all torn and his bruised butt is showing! An arm and leg have also been twisted!! The still-red Sarah stands over him, and she spits out the piece of Paul's tongue she bit off.

"Oh my God! Sarah, what did you do?!" Nazz asks in alarm, rushing to Paul with Jenna. Even Zoe looks worried!

"Paul?... PAUL?!..." Jenna tends to Paul. As she does so, Sarah's red skin, sharp teeth and yellow eyes return to normal, and Sarah gasps upon seeing the brutalized Paul.

"Is that... Paul?!" Sarah asks in shock.

"Who the hell do you think? YOU'RE the one who did this to him!" Jenna reveals to Sarah.

"I'm calling the hospital." Nazz grabs the phone, then Zoe checks out the unconscious Paul. She then turns to Sarah: "Sarah, I know Paul had it comin, but did ya really have to wail on him this hard?"

"Oh, God..." Sarah utters in horror. "I... I..." she stutters, then she runs out of the house.


The next day, we hear Ed shout "YAHOO!" as he barges out through his door. He's wearing pillows over his front and back (held together by rope) as padding, the turtle from "From Here to Ed" and "Run Ed Run" as his helmet, and safety goggles.

"SAY YOUR PRAYERS, EDDY N KEV, FOR CAPTAIN MARKSPUCK SHALL SHOW NO MERCY! AHAHAHA!" Ed brandishes a hockey stick and runs upstairs. Double-D follows him up, telling him "Ed, don't! Be aware of the damage you three will cause!"

Double-D chases Ed outside to stop him, and we see dozens of hockey pucks scattered outside. Meanwhile, Sarah is sitting with Kyle at her kitchen table. Both are wearing tennis outfits.

"So that's why Paul was in a full body cast..." Kyle says gloomily after Sarah told him what happened last night. He looks at Sarah again: "You still got the relaxin ball I gave you on Christmas?"

"Yeah it's in my drawer. I just never thought I'd have to use it at a slumber party." Sarah answers.

"I say it's best you keep the ball on ya at all times." Kyle says. "You never know when you'll need it."

"Right." Sarah agrees, going upstairs to get her relaxation ball, returning downstairs with it and telling Kyle "Now let's get to the lane. Jimmy and Zoe are waitin for us!"


While Sarah and Kyle enter the lane, Ed, Eddy and Kevin are roller-skating around, shooting pucks at each other with hockey sticks! Eddy and Kevin are also wearing pillow-padding like Ed, but they have actual helmets instead of Ed's turtle helmet. Kevin dodges several pucks from Eddy, the pucks going on to hit cars and signs.

"DODGE THIS, EDDY!" Kevin whacks a puck towards Eddy, who slides to dodge it.

"HA, MISSED ME!" Eddy laughs, only to get hit by a puck from Ed, sending him through a mailbox in the second cul-de-sac and scattering letters all around it. Eddy then returns puck-fire to Ed, but Ed isn't even phased by the puck, and he chuckles.

"Tough guy, eh?" Eddy hits a whole bunch of pucks towards Ed at cartoon-speed, but Ed spins like a tornado to catch the pucks and send them flying and ricocheting all around the second cul-de-sac. Eddy and Kevin dodge the pucks, which fly into and damage the houses. One flies through Jenna's open bedroom window and cracks her mirror, alerting her and Nazz, and we see that Jenna has a Kevin plushy next to her pillows! Jenna sees her busted mirror.

"[Son of a bitch.]" she snarls in Spanish and throws the puck outside, yelling "HEY, YOU THREE! DO I HAVE TO GO OUT THERE AND SHOVE THOSE STICKS OF YOURS UP YER ASSES?!"

Meanwhile, Sarah and Jimmy are playing tennis against Zoe and Kyle in the lane. Right after Zoe delivers the ball, it gets hit in mid-air by a rogue puck.

"Was that a-" Jimmy then leaps back when another puck flies through the fence and zips past him and Sarah. Sarah looks through the hole in the fence and through Zoe's yard, and sees Ed, Eddy and Kevin going nuts with the pucks. She angers, but she quickly takes out her relaxation ball and squeezes it to calm herself.

"Whew!" Jimmy and Kyle sigh with relief.

"Good thing ya got her that wicked chilaxin ball, eh Kyle?!" Zoe asks. Now, Ed, Eddy and Kevin are skating out of the second cul-de-sac. Double-D reappears, wearing protective padding all over his body, a hard hat, and safety goggles.

"FELLOWS, PLEASE CEASE WITH THIS ABSURD GAME! YOU'RE DAMAGING PROPERTY!!" Double-D shouts while chasing after Ed, Eddy and Kevin, but the three ignore him.

"Yo Kev, wanna double-team Monobrow?" Eddy asks, and Kevin answers "You read my mind!"

Ed's eyes bug out as Eddy and Kevin hit barrages of pucks at him. He scrambles to avoid some, but he still gets pelted and knocked for a loop. He gets up.

"RETREAT!" Ed retreats from the combined efforts of Eddy and Kevin, but they pursue Ed into the lane. Double-D follows, yelling "LISTEN TO ME, GUYS! I'M NOT TALKING TO MYSELF HERE!"

"EXCUSE ME, PARDON ME!" Ed frantically skates past Sarah, Jimmy, Kyle and Zoe, interrupting their game again. He dodges another puck in the process, and the puck snaps Jimmy's racket and rips a hole through Sarah's, angering her.

"Errrrrrrr-" Sarah turns red, but then she uses her relaxation ball again.

"There ya go, Sarah! I'll go get more rackets!" Kyle says, only to get trampled by Eddy, who collected a bunch of pucks.

"FIRE!!" Eddy whacks the pucks in an attempt to nail Ed, but Jimmy and Sarah get hit instead, and they're both knocked to the ground. Eddy and Kevin skate ahead, shooting pucks at Ed. But then they see that Ed used the empty dumpster to collect all the pucks! Ed jumps atop the dumpster.

"Now it's MY TURN!" Ed turns the tables and starts whacking pucks back at Eddy & Kevin. Eddy screams and jumps over the fence to escape, but Kevin isn't quick enough and he's sent flying back by Ed's puck barrage. Kevin flies just over the tennis net the kids are using, and his hockey stick snags it. Zoe and Kyle grab the net's legs so they don't lose it, but it gets ripped in half by Kevin's hockey stick as he crashes into the ground. By now, Sarah has gotten up and recovered from getting hit by Eddy's puck-shots. After gasping at the destroyed net, she reddens and glares at Kevin.

"Sarah?..." Jimmy utters as Sarah rapidly squeezes her relaxtion ball to calm herself, but instead she squeezes it faster and faster. Her teeth sharpen, and as her eyes turn yellow, she squeezes her ball so hard that it pops!!

"RAAAAAAAHHH!!" Sarah charges at Kevin on all-fours while Jimmy, Zoe and Kyle jump out of the way. While getting up, Kevin turns and sees Sarah rampaging towards him.

"GET BACK!!" Kevin swings his hockey stick, but Sarah chomps through it and tackles Kevin to the ground. Double-D watches in terror as Sarah thrashes Kevin around the lane like a rag doll, rips through his pillow-padding, pulls his helmet apart, and rams him through the fence on one side. Trying to escape, the heavily-bruised and hair-torn Kevin grabs onto an overhanging tree branch, but Sarah still has his leg in her angry jaws. As she pulls him down, Kevin kicks her into letting go. But this causes the tree to spring back up, catapulting Kevin across towards Jenna's house.

"Huh?..." Jenna and Nazz hear Kevin screaming as he flies towards Jenna's house. He flies through Jenna's bedroom wall and SLAMS into Jenna, sending them both flying out through the back of the house, through several trees, and they skid through another yard, house and street before finally hitting their heads hard on a fire hydrant!! Nazz and Double-D call Kevin's and Jenna's names as they hurry over.

"Oh dear!..." Double-D utters upon seeing the hydrant's water sprinkling onto the unconscious Kevin and Jenna!

"KEVIN!! JENNA!!" Nazz yells out as she rushes over to Kevin and Jenna.


Later, we see Sarah with her hands over her face, nodding in disbelief at what she did. She is sitting on Kyle's doorstep, and in her company are Jimmy, Zoe, Nazz and Double-D.

"I couldn't have..." Sarah tells Double-D and Nazz: "I know Mom said I got anger issues, but I know for a fact I could never do what you've shown me."

What Sarah is referring to is two pictures in Double-D's hands. They are revealed to be X-ray shots of Kevin's and Jenna's skeletons. Both their skulls are split at the top, Kevin has a broken jaw, spine and leg, and Jenna has a broken neck and ribcage! Zoe looks at the X-ray pics.

"Ouch." Zoe comments, and Jimmy turns to Double-D: "This is all because of those stupid games you guys play."

"Hey, I don't participate in any of my fellow boys' shenanigans!" Double-D replies defensively.

"True, but Jimmy has a point." Nazz says. "For instance, you wanna know how Paul got bandaged all over? Because he, Kevin and Eddy crashed my slumber party last night."

"That's when Sarah brought the pain to Paul." Zoe continues.

"And then to Kevin, and by extension, Jenna." Jimmy finishes. "That's why Ed and Eddy gotta stop, or they're next on the list."

"But telling them to stop won't solve everything." Double-D replies. "Sarah needs to find an effective means of curbing her anger until her parents find a permanent solution that will enable her to continue life in normal society."

"This should hopefully work!" Kyle comes out with a large, black-brown-red-&-white conch shell for Sarah: "Mom gave me this rare tortoiseshell conch as a kid. Put it in your ear, and the exceptionally attuned sound of the deep blue will soothe even the worst tantrums!"

"And it's pretty, too!" Zoe exclaims.

"GET DOWN!" Nazz and Double-D drop to the ground, then Zoe, Sarah, Kyle and Jimmy. They all ducked to avoid several pucks coming their way, and the pucks hit Kyle's front door & wall and shatter his living room window.

"MISSED ME AGAIN, LUMPY!" Eddy skates away from Ed as the latter tries hitting him with more pucks.

"YOU IDIOTS ARE GONNA GET IT!!" Sarah gets up while turning red and her teeth turn sharp, but before she can chase down Ed and Eddy, Kyle bops the tortoiseshell conch into Sarah's ear. The magical ocean sound soothes Sarah and she grins widely.

"And there we have a first-hand demonstration, folks!" Double-D tells the audience. "Thank you very much, Kyle! That should certainly keep Sarah's rage in check for a while!"

"Gimme that!" Sarah snatches the conch from Kyle so she can listen to it again: "........ Ahhhh!..."

To be Continued...


Trivia: "Captain Markspuck" is a combination of "marksman" and "puck." And the questions the girls asked each other during the spinning bottle game at the start of this episode are actually ones that my sister and her friends asked each other when my sis threw a slumber party not too long ago, except the jawbreaker question which I made up. The tortoiseshell conch isn't a real conch, either; I made that one up too.

I also have a storyboard/comic for "Ed Stroke" up on deviantArt, so go check it out if you want!