Disclaimer: Nothings mine... I'm sad now
A/N: Sooo, first of all a HUUUUGE sorry for the lateness. Believe me when I say that I hate it as much as anyone when he story you like goes without upload for weeks or even months. My beta's (Ktwesterna who did an awesome job as usual) laptop died (please lower your head for a small prayer...) and it took some time before she came around a new one with work and everything
The good news is, that she's now done chapter 6 AND 7 in one rush so the next chapter is all ready for uploading. I will do so on sunday, the latest monday. It depends on how the work for chapter 08 goes during the weekend. But monday you will have it, no matter what! I hope that will console you a bit.
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR KIND WORDS ANS ENCOURAGEMENTS! SOME OF THOSE REVIEW LITERALLY BROUGHT TEARS TO MY EYES!!!
Their Day in Baltimore
Chapter 06
While Gibbs drove back to the motel, trying to sort out all of the confusing and contrary emotions he was experiencing, Tony sat on his coach, biting his lip and staring at the ceiling with only one, very clear and deep-seated thought on his mind:
'I am an idiot.'
When Gibbs had accompanied him into his apartment Tony had feared the worst, but it had actually gone rather well.
Sure, there had been tension and uneasiness between them, but not as much as he would have expected. For a moment, he could almost forget what an ass Gibbs had been the whole day and pretend that the man was maybe, actually, just a little bit glad to see him.
Until he'd asked that one question of course. That stupid, casual, innocent question about the Agent's family.
Tony had always wondered not just about Gibbs, but also about his wife and kid. He still remembered Gibbs expression when the man had told him that he was the father of a little girl. So happy and excited. So goddamn content and hopeful.
A dark, hidden part of him had always been a bit jealous of that little girl and the woman he'd never met. When little Tony had sat alone in his room or watched his classmates go home for the holidays, he'd always imagined life in the Gibbs household.
While pretending that he was somehow part of that life had given him temporary solace, it had always left him feeling even more empty. Sometimes he'd even cursed and practically resented Gibbs' daughter for the life she had.
Or rather, the life he didn't have.
And now that he knew that they were dead, he felt unreasonably guilty. Like his negative thoughts alone, as infrequent, childish and shallow as they had been, were responsible for all that sorrow and grief.
Because the pain in Gibbs eyes had been palpable, and the Italian writhed in the knowledge that he'd been the one to put it there with his thoughtless question.
The idea that he couldn't have known that they were dead and that nobody, least of all Gibbs, expected him to, didn't even cross his mind.
Although he hadn't seen his father in over 10 years, his way of judging his own actions and decisions was still very much tainted by his upbringing and the years he'd spent under that man's watch. While somewhere in the back of his mind he knew that he hadn't done anything wrong, the boy DiNozzo Sr. used to discipline so many times for so many trivial things, was still there, convinced that he'd somehow screwed everything up.
'Maybe I deserve Gibbs distant and cold attitude...'
The idea took root like a disease. It made sense, after all. He always, somehow managed to mess things up. Why should it be different this time? Just because he'd hoped it would be? Just because he'd wanted to believe it would?
'Don't be stupid Anthony. Since when do things happen in your favor?'
Mike and Signora Moretti wouldn't have recognized the slumped man on the couch that pressed himself into the cushions, seeking warmth or security and stared at the floor with uncertain and defeated eyes, but DiNozzo Sr. certainly would have.
It was his creation, after all.
The old phone on the sideboard demanded his attention and Tony pulled himself out of his depression long enough to stand up and half walk, half stumble through the room to pick it up. "DiNozzo."
He was in no mood to chat and hoped that whoever it was had just dialed the wrong number, but the female voice that answered him worked like a ray of light, piercing through the darkness that had clouded his mind.
"Hey, how's my favorite Italian."
Tony hobbled back towards the couch and rolled his eyes. Being her favorite Italian was pretty easy, since he was the only one she knew. "Oh you know, the usual. How's my little Miss Ribbon?"
An amused snort floated through the receiver. "Gosh, Tony. How long are you going to call me that? I haven't worn ribbons since I was, what? 10?"
"And that's what makes it so sad, Mi. I think they would still suit you."
Mia Kent's laughter was still as beautiful as it had been 15 years ago when Tony had met her on the street and tended to her scraped hands, just to witness her kidnapping a few minutes later. But it was also deeper and more mature and constantly reminded Tony of the fact that she wasn't the little girl with the ribbons anymore.
In fact, she'd changed quite drastically over time and when she'd suddenly appeared in front of his apartment five years ago, it had taken him a few precious seconds to recognize her.
Despite Mrs. Kents sincere efforts to maintain the contact between her daughter and Tony, DiNozzo Sr. had done a good job of blocking each and every one of her attempts.
Phone calls were disconnected before they could even begin, visits were met with silence and closed doors, and letters landed in the dustbin without ever being opened. And then he didn't even have to do that anymore, because Tony was sent to Rhode Island, something that neither Mrs. Kent nor her daughter ever got to know.
Tony had sometimes thought about the girl he'd rescued but never attempted to get into contact with her himself. He'd always been convinced that, given the time, she would forget about him.
So when five years ago a full-aged Mia Kent had suddenly knocked on his door, he had been stunned, to say the least.
At first she'd scolded him for never calling her and for making her use all of her savings for a private investigator to find him, since he wasn't listed in any phone book. She had asked him about that, but Tony hadn't really felt like explaining to her that he wasn't listed because he didn't want to save his father the trouble, should the old man decide that he wanted to have a talk with his only son.
"You used your savings to find me?" he had asked her, not really understanding why she would do such a thing.
The young woman had looked at him like he'd just asked her if the earth was round. "Of course I did! I never got the chance to properly thank you. You did save my life after all, you know. So... thank you!"
She didn't leave it at that though. In a voice that allowed no arguments, she'd declared that they would never loose touch with each other again, no matter what.
"I'll chain myself to your skinny butt if that's what it takes!" she'd said, leaving Tony wondering how such a sweet little girl could have turned into such a bossy grown-up.
And so it'd come that the young woman visited him regularly, sometimes to simply talk and sometimes to watch a movie – an offer that Tony never passed up. From time to time she even took him to meet her friends, always introducing him as her savior and guardian angel.
Tony had been well aware of the fact that she'd begun to have a crush on him. He'd never encouraged it, though.
Of course he'd considered it – he wouldn't be Tony if he hadn't – but for some reason it seemed wrong to start an affair with her.
His relationships never went well and they ended even worse, and he didn't want that with Mia. He wanted to keep her friendship, someone from his past that he actually liked to spend time with.
It didn't take long until Mia realized that her feelings weren't returned and instead of reacting with resentment or disappointment, she'd accepted it with a grace and strength that had deeply impressed Tony.
After Mia's feelings weren't a problem anymore, the two of them had grown even closer, something that Tony hadn't thought possible without sex. It had been the first time in his life that he'd considered true friendship as something that existed outside of movies.
But then Mia had met Dennis Baker, an older man and successful zoologist, and fell in love with him. It hadn't been long before they become engaged and not even three months later they'd moved to Paris because of Dennis' job.
It had surprised Tony how much the news about Mia's departure had affected him. He'd wanted to be upset and angry with Dennis for taking her away, but he knew that he was a good man and that Mia was happy with him.
About the time Mia left, Tony had decided to change departments once more and moved to Baltimore.
Since then, the only contact he'd had with Mia were the occasional e-mail and a phone call now and again. They were still good friends but not nearly as close as they'd been back then.
Tony had always wanted siblings when he was younger. Someone he could lean on, someone that could ease the loneliness. Mia had come pretty close to that someone, but now she was in another country and lived her own life.
He wondered if he would ever find someone like that again. Someone he could talk to and that actually listened. A woman that he could love in a way that was pure and unconditionally and that none of his one-night stands could ever dream of. Someone that could tease him without malice and that thought that he was important.
Someone that he could call a sister.
He doubted it.
"Don't be silly, Tony." Mia said. "Ribbons are so 80s." There was a beat of silence before she burst into laughter. "And why the hell do we always talk about ribbons whenever I call? We are so messed up!"
Tony joined the laughter. It was messed up, but she would always be little Miss Ribbon to him, no matter how old they got.
"Enough of that." The woman tried to sound stern, but didn't do a very good job of it. "Tell me something. How's work? Did you rescue a cat again?"
She giggled again, but this time Tony didn't feel like laughing. He didn't have to tell her about Gibbs but if she ever found out... oh no, he didn't even want to imagine what would happen then. Mia was small, but when she got angry, she was scarier than Freddy Krueger.
"No." he drawled. "Just called Agent Gibbs to help me with a case. No big deal."
He removed the phone from his ear, seconds before a high pitched scream resounded through the apartment.
"WHAT?"
He waited a while before he dared to return the receiver to his ear. "Yeah-"
"How is he?" she interrupted him, though thankfully in a much more subdued voice. "Is he okay? What has he been doing all these years? Is it fun working with him? I'm sure he was really surprised to see you!"
The detective winced. 'Surprised' was one way of putting it...
He didn't have the heart to tell her the truth. Although he would have loved to blow off some steam. He knew that Mia admired Gibbs as much as he had (and still did, although he would never admit that, not even to himself) and he didn't want to taint her image of the man.
"Oh yeah. He was totally surprised. And he hasn't changed one bit. Still the badass that he always was." Well. That wasn't exactly a lie, was it?
"I bet." Mia's voice sounded far away and dreamy. "You are so lucky." A derisive snort escaped him, but Mia was already talking again, so she didn't hear it. "He was so great back then. Not as great as that little boy, mind you. But still great."
Tony was glad that she couldn't see him blush. He loved to get approval and compliments, but something about the way she did it always made him feel embarrassed and meek.
"Is the nice doctor there too? You know, the one with the funny name…"
"Ducky." Tony supplied, a smile lightning his face at the memory of Dr. Mallards reaction earlier today. "He's here. I didn't have a lot of time to talk to him though.."
"I'm sure there will be a lot of time for that later. Now that you finally called Gibbs he won't let you out of his sight again."
It was hard to tell whether that prospect scared or pleased him, but Tony didn't think that Gibbs would waste much thought on him anyway. Especially not after tonight.
"I guess."
It wasn't more than a sigh. A sigh that must have revealed more of his feelings than he'd thought, because Mia's voice was suddenly very somber.
"Is everything really alright? Is there something you want to tell me?"
Sometimes he hated the fact that she could read him this easily, even over the phone.
"You know me! A good movie and a beer and I'm just dandy."
He heard her take a breath, and knew that he hadn't fooled her, but just then there was the voice of a man in the background, telling her that they had to hurry.
"Okay, just a minute." she called back. "Sorry Tony, Den and I were invited over for dinner and we're already late. Uhm-" She trailed off and didn't sound very happy anymore, but hesitant and sad.
'Wow, I'm a walking turn off tonight.' Tony thought.
"Ewww. Don't tell me you're going to eat frog legs and snails."
"Ewww." she echoed right back, and there was a hint of a smile in her voice. "God, I hope not. But hey, they are Den's friends, so I won't feel too bad if I feed my frog and snails to their dog."
"The poor animal. Don't you have a heart?"
They snickered together until Dennis's voice was back, sounding frantic now.
"Don't wet your pants, honey. I'm coming." There was more distant grumbling before Mia laughed and turned her attention back to Tony. "I have to go or Den will pop a vein."
On the one hand he wanted to talk with her a little more, but that movie and beer actually sounded pretty good. A little mind numbing action a la 'Die Hard' maybe...
"Have fun and don't kill the dog."
"I'll try." The silence stretched and Tony was about to hang up when soft words halted his movement. "Whatever it is Tony, I'm sure it'll be alright."
It was Mia who hung up then, robbing Tony of the chance to answer. Probably a good thing too, since he really didn't know what to say to that.
He went into the kitchen to fetch a beer and an icepack for his ankle before sauntering over to one of the piles of his DVD's. It took him five minutes before he realized that he wasn't even able to concentrate on the titles in front of him. He decided that the beer would have to do for now and plopped down onto his old couch.
"I'm sure it'll be alright."
Anthony DiNozzo drank his beer and found himself wishing that she was right.
TBC
A/N:
1. Did you get my hint at our favourite Gothic? *snicker*
2. You didn't really think TDBTD was the last time we would see Mia again, did you? Not sure whether she'll appear again, though...
3. Oh I got MSN now, wanna chat? Send me a PM! I love chatting although with the time difference it may be a bit difficult...
4. Coming next: Pissed off Ducky. Enough said.
