Bonded with Flame: Hey. It's been a while. I figured I should put something up before the story rots.

Drek: I dunno, I have to wear a gas mask.

Bonded with Flame: Harde har. Italics are in-game.


IN THE LOUNGE ROOM O' DOOM…


"C'mon Axel! You can do it! Press X faster!" Roxas yelled.

Axel was playing super proud mode on KH II. He found it a lot easier after he figured out the invisible reaction commands. Roxas and Zexion were watching.

"Did I-I-ah-I actually do it?" Axel stuttered, "I beat Xemnas!!! 398 hours, but I did it!"

"Ha ha ha, now I shall destroy your surplus files for strength!!!" Xemnas cackled.

"Not if I can stop you!" Sora yelled.

Beat Xemnas before he destroys your Kingdom Hearts I files!

Zexion snickered. "Watch out, if he gets to your files you'll have to fight another HP bars worth." Zexion looked down for a moment. "And those files will be terminated. Five minutes!"

"You are evil. Install this into some million Star Wars: Battle Front II games with 'Join Organization XIII or be hunted by Pyropwner -Axel-, aquarockya -Demyx-, Ebayamazongod,-you- and Lighterkeys –me-' and we'll have taken over all nerds." Roxas said.

"I… will… kill… you…" Axel snarled, trying to keep control.

"Might not want to, I'm almost done with making Guitar Hero III."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Eruption, Van Halen is a level ten song."

Axel paused the game. "With?"

"Stairway to Heaven, Led Zeppelin, Through The Fire and Flames, Dragonforce, All Along the Watchtower, Hendrix and Rock n' Roll Medley, by Shades of Black." ((Author's note: Please, before flaming me, look these up on YouTube like Roxas did. But not that last one.))

"Super egomaniac…" Axel complained.

"Wow." Roxas said, after looking them up on YouTube. "Those are some insane songs."

"Yeah. Especially that Dragonforce song." Axel called trying to beat Xemnas. "Gotcha!!! Zexion!!!! I beat your game!!!! YAYAYAYAYA!!!!!"

"Beat those few-hundred dusks?"

"Nooo… wait, I have to fight THEM!!!!????"

"G'duh. Made ya fight those behemoth didn't I?"

"Yeah…"

"Zexion, this invisible reaction command killed all of them but one." Axel said puzzled, "How does that make this hard?"

"Watch it mutate."

"$#!!!"

"Easy, easy."

"Sorry."

"Horn! Horn!" Roxas called.

"Trying!" Axel said and than pressed triangle out of instinct. All of a sudden, the Quickening thing in FFXII appeared. "Oh yes…" Axel mashed like a pro. He got a 43 hit combo. "Booya! I win!!!!!"

"Yes you do!" Hi-five man!" Zexion said.

Axel was overjoyed. He set up Guitar Hero but Zexion stopped him.

"III man. III."

"III it is." Axel set it up.

"Let's see… "Dani California…" Axel said. "Red Hot Chili Peppers…" Axel looked at Zexion. "This is amazingly nice of you!"

"I got permission from Red Octane to create this and they would actually use it." He said. "The only thing they said was it actually had to logically get harder."


FLASHBACK!


"Now, we are letting you create this, but you only get 10. Sound good?" Red Octane said.

"15."

"13."

"14."

"14 it is, but make the songs get logically harder."

"!!!!"

"Oh yeah. Your covers. Bassist, good, drummer, frickin' awesome, singer… um, sounds kind of like Jesse McCartney, but good, Electric pianist when he played, he rocked, but your guitarist. Could you redo the guitar?


END FLASHBACK!


"Yeah, I was pretty ticked."

"When'd we record this?"

"Spiked your drinks."

"That's a total Demyx thing to do! Why?"

"We kinda need money. Xemnas blew it all on a beta of the Castlevania for Wii."

"Point."


ONE SECOND LATER…


Axel had found the cheat to unlock all songs. "Dude, it's just pressing the orange button?"

"It was revenge."

"Ah."

Axel selected Rock 'n Roll Medley. It opened with an insane guitar sweep, then followed up with some lighter crashes, and then it went into the last solo of November Rain. It somehow transmitted into some awesomely upper-class rock out mutation of the Smoke on the Water riff. Then it hit some Free Bird. It went on and on. "How much longer!!??"

"You made it 15 minutes." Roxas said. "You kept drummin' and Demyx kept strummin'."

You lose.


MEANWHILE…


"Hey, Superior?" Larxene said. "Can I get a cat?"

"YEAH!!! I collected all the souls in Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow and in Aria!!!! ME SO HAPPY!!!!"

"Thanks."


AT THE SHELTER…


"So, you want a cat?" said the woman behind the desk.

"Black." Larxene said.

"All black?"

"Yep."

"Let me show you Meowzers…" the lady said, pointing to a black cat.

"Mew," said the cat.

"She's so cute!!!!!! I love her!!!!!!! How Much?" Larxene said, hugging Meowzers.

"30 munny," the lady said.

"Here,"

"Thanks,"

"Prrrrr…" Meowzers purred.

"Awww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Larxene squealed.


AT THE CASTLE THAT NEVER WAS…


"Hey Larxene! Who's that?" Roxas asked.

"Meowzers!" Larxene said excitedly.

"Can I hold her?"

"Sure."

Prrrr…

"What's this mark on her paw?" Roxas said.

"Huh?"

Larxene looked under her front right paw. National 1337 Gamer Association.

"Former owner musta had a twisted sense of humor." Roxas said.

"Yeah. I'm gonna show her to Axel."


IN THE LOUNGE ROOM O' DOOM…


"Meowzers, huh?" Axel said while failing Rock n' Roll Medley for the eighteenth time.

"Mew." It was poking Axel's Guitar Hero III controller.

"Pffft. A cat couldn't play Guitar Hero III."

"And this collar came with it." Larxene said. It said "Wanna bet?"

"Yeah." Axel said. He plugged in another controller.


5 MINUTES LATER…


"Holy $$#$#$$ $$ #$&(& crap!" Axel screamed after lighting his controller on fire. "The #()!# cat couldn't use star power but it still beat me!!!!!"

"And look at the tag on the collar!" Larxene said. It said "Play Again? 42 Evil Dude Way room 29."

"Play him again! This time I'll film it and put it on You Tube!" Roxas said.

"Alright, and I'll win!" Axel selected (Don't Fear) the Reaper.


ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES SEVEN SECONDS LATER…


"#$#(&#$$$#$$#$ Crap!!!!!!!!"

"Hey, I know Pi to a thousand places." Roxas randomly said.

"Swell. Tell me." Axel mumbled.

"3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944…"

"Dude, shut up."

"59230781640628620899862803482534211706798214808651328230664709384…"

"NO ONE CARES!!!!"

BING BONG!

"We are having a meeting because uh… we haven't blown up a world in a while, and we came in third in the evil villain poll. I've came to a, umm, conclusion, and it's that we should blow up more worlds, cause at our prime, we're number one." There was a pause. "Frickin' Sephiroth is gonna rub this in my face at the next villain's convention…"

The meeting started.


"Alright, we're casting our votes democratically this time." Xemnas said. "The world with the most votes dies first." They each chose one place to invade.

Xemnas: Castle from Castlevania

Xigbar: Care Bear land

Xaldin: Care Bear land

Vexen: Bill Gates' Mansion

Lexaeaus: Written in bad handwriting. Illegible.

Zexion: 73- 5P4 3 P4R1\01)5

Saix: The sun

Axel: Florias

Demyx: Florias

Luxord: Care Bear Land

Marluxia: Care Bear Land, but I refuse to kill the one with the flower on it.

Larxene: Florias

Roxas: Florias

Exralnex: Care Bear Land

Braxgix: Castle from Castlevania

They turned their slips in. Xemnas sorted them and then made a tally. "Alright, Care Bear Land, then Florias-"

"What's that?" Marluxia asked.

Axel snickered. "A planet filled with pretty flowers."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Marluxia screamed.

"Yeah, then-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

"SHUT THE #$# UP!!!" Axel screamed.

"Yeah, then Dracula's Castle, then Bill Gate's mansion, then-" Xemnas put on glasses. "Sp… Space… Para… Noids… Space Paranoids. Zexion, must you write in 1337 speak?"

"Y34H."

"Don't go there." Xemnas said. "Then we're blowing up-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY FLORIAS!?!?!?!?!"

"Cause we enjoy seeing you scream," was Roxas's simple answer.

"WHY!?!?!?"

"Thenthesun-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

SHUT THE #$#$#$$#$ $$$$ YOU #$#!!!!!!!!!" Axel yelled.

"Thank you." Xemnas said. "Sorry Saix, no sun. Too hot."

"# you."

Xaldin stabbed Saix 36 times, then calmly said, "continue."

"Thanks.#u.Saix, no sun. Too hot."$ $$$$ YOU #$#!!!!!!!!!" Oh, Lexeaus, what did you vote for any way?" Xemnas asked.

"Me vote for Heaven." Lexaeaus grunted.


THE REST OF THIS SEGMENT HAS BEEN CANCELLED. WE'D BE SUED, AND BEING SUED IS JUST NOT OUR CUP OF TEA. WE HAVE MESSED WITH THIS SEGMENT INSTEAD.


"Me vote for destruction."

"That doesn't really help," Demyx said.

"Me STILL vote for Heaven."

"$ LEXAEAUS! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO READ THE CAPITALS! NOW WE'RE GONNA BE !$$# SUED! YOU!!!!!!" Axel yelled.

Ding Dong.

"Oh ." Xemnas said.

"We're lawyer ninjas! We sue you!" said the voice from the door.

"Umm…" his personal light bulb went on. "Here, I'll get you the guy you want." He got Lexaeaus, but told the rest of the Organization to wait. "Here he is. Now!" Lexaeus was about to attack but…

"Law shield!!!!" the law ninjas said. "Lawsuitlawsuitlawsuitlawsuit! Terminated!!!!!!"


AT COURT…


"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, The Pope," she paused, "Do you plead guilty or not guilty?" Roxas leaned over to Axel.

"What does the T. stand for," Roxas said. Axel looked down.

"Xemnas said that if I tell anyone he'll throw me into the pit of one thousand fangirls,"

"Not guilty genius!!!!!" Xemnas yelled. "Who'd be stupid enough to say guilty!???!!!"

"That's enough. So were you saying that you wanted to destroy heaven?"

"No. Lexaeaus said that. Lock him up; the world will be a better place, your honor."

Lexaeaus sued him.

"What!!!! Why!?!?!?!" Xemnas screamed

"Emotional Distress."


LAWSUIT TWO…


"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Lexaeaus D., do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Not guilty. The world would be a better place."

"Yeah, he is right." Roxas called.

"Agreed." The rest of the Organization said.

"Alright, another Lawsuit down, 30 more to go."

"But you barely solved that one!" said a Law Ninja.

"Don't care, write parties settled outside of court or something like that," the Judge said.


LAWSUIT THREE…


"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Law Ninja Jim, do you plead guilty or not guilty for attacking Jim on assault, and emotional distress?"

"Guilty. We did it."

"You admitted it," the Judge said. "Another down." She looked at her watch. "45 minutes til' my shifts up…"

"Dude, why the heck do all of you Judges wear armor?" Axel said.

"Cause it's Final Fantasy XII. Shut up."


28 LAWSUITS LATER…


"On one side, we have the defendant Xemnas T., and on the other, Law Ninja Jim, do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"What the $# is this lawsuit about?"

"Umm…" She checked her notes. "What is it about, Jim?"

"Renegade Personality Conflicts that when left Unchecked could threaten the Balance of Civilization."

"Which means what?" Xemnas inquired.

"You're too secret and I don't like it."

"…….That is the most screwed up reason to sue someone ever," Xemnas said. "Not guilty,"

"Prove it."

"Ummmmm… We only kill people who deserve to die?

"Try again."

"We'll bribe you,"

"Case dismissed," the Judge said. "Pay up.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

Axel sued Meowzers.

"What!!"

"Emotional Distress. I didn't care enough to make up something bigger."


LAWSUIT 31…


"On one side, we have the defendant Meowzers, and on the other, Axel, do you plead guilty or not guilty?"

"Meow."

"I think she's saying guilty," Axel said.

"Case closed," the Judge said.

"The legal system is dying today…" Xaldin said. Xaldin then passed a note to Roxas. Roxas sued the local Chinese restaurant.

"To $$ with all these lawsuits!!!!"

"Why are you suing?"

"Cause my food wasn't delivered by a Chinese man. It's a Chinese restaurant, it should have everything Chinese."


LAWSUIT 32…


"Guilty or not guilty?"

"Guilty. The food wasn't delivered by a Chinese guy."

"Jail for four years." Roxas said.

"But shouldn't the jury decide that?"

"I AM the jury!" Roxas yelled.

"Good enough for me!"


AFTER THE GREAT SUING…


"Dude, from now on, none of us are ever going to mention religion," Xigbar said. Demyx raised his hand.

"How much did we have to pay?" he asked. Xaldin grabbed his notebook.

"Including bribes, assassinations, and throwing a tomato at the Judge; 1,294,485 munny," Xaldin said.

"That's not so bad," Luxord said.

"Until you add that we still haven't paid off the Halloween Party," Xaldin said.

"#&" Luxord said.


Finito.


Bonded with Flame: Too. Many. Lawsuits.

Drek: Agreed.

Bonded with Flame: Hey Liri.

Liri: Hi. (Looks up) You're using tricks to make it seem longer than 1,852 words.

Bonded with Flame: Shut up.


Disclaimer: (Looks up) This'll be long… We don't own: Kingdom Hearts, Final Fantasy, Heaven, Meteos, Star Wars: Battlefront, Guitar Hero, The Red Hot Chili Peppers (But they still own you.), Jimi Hendrix (Duh.), Dragonforce (Insanity!) Led Zeppelin, or Carebears. However, we do own Drek, Liri, but no longer do we own Shades of Black. Frickin' FF: XII.